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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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When the joke writes itself
Author Message
Ruby Offline
The Super Dear'o



XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#1
05-11-2022, 02:01 PM

From Ruby’s GoPro

Even heroes have to do grocery shopping. Unless those heroes are filthy rich à la Batman, and have a butler to do it for them.And whilst Ruby’s boyfriend definitely fit the filthy rich category, they had no butler. At least not that Ruby knew of. She grabbed her dictarubyphone.

Ruby: “Note to self: investigate possibility regarding robo-butlers.”

She continued on her merry way down the aisles. Snapping her fingers and remembering to buy some cereal, the Banana-Lime Blur made her way past the Cornflakes, Frosties and Golden Grahams before arriving at her very own Ruby-Ohs. Unfortunately, her way was blocked by a mother and child. The kid was crying and holding a box of Ruby-Ohs, while his mother was shaking her head.

Mom: “I don’t think so, Alex! That stuff is very expensive, you know! I know it’s got a cool picture of that superhero on the box, but the other cereal are just as good!”

Ruby wanted to point out a few things, as that statement hurt her to her very core, but she let the scene play out. The mom bent over and grabbed something from the bottom shelf before showing it to the kid. It was a plain white box.

Mom: “Here we go: Generic-oh’s! It’s not quite as healthy and doesn’t have the flashy box, but it’s just about as good and much cheaper! Mom’s on a budget, you know! Your father is late with alimony again!”

Ruby: “Flip! Now I can’t even try and change their minds… How can I convince a struggling single mom to spend more money on flippin’ cereal?”

As the pair walked off, Ruby felt a bit disturbed. But as always, there was a lesson to be learned here. Ruby snatched the GoPro off her shoulder strap and pointed it at her.

Ruby: “Hiya, my flips of all nations far and wide! Ish ya girl da Ruuuubes! I’m sure y’all saw what transpired here right before this very lens. The battle of branded vs. generic is alive and well, and kicking too! And especially this week, it seems rather poignant. I mean, the jokes write themselves don’t they? The Generic Heel, teaming up with the Generic Face. Har-dee-har! Thing is, my motherflippers, ya girl’s anything but generic. I’ve proven that over the years I think. After all, who participated in the very first XWF House of Fun match? Furthermore, who BEAT Dolly Waters in that very same match on Retro Anarchy? Uh huh, it’s-a me, Ruby-Oh! Did I just bring that up to point out the fact I’ve beaten Dolly before and can do it again on this week’s Anarchy? Oh snap, you got me!”

Ruby walked on, and without looking loaded five boxes of Ruby-Ohs into her cart, and a box of plain cornflakes, for balance and good measure.

Ruby: “Now, I’m not dismissing my tag partner for the week. He’s a bit obnoxious and absurd, but if I were to dismiss everybody who fit those parameters, it’d be a full-time job here in the XWF. And yes, yes, I beat him in the Plump Pigeon Tournament as well, but that’s not what this is about.

See, after what I just witnessed, it became clear to me that generic may not be elite, it may not be the cream of the crop, it may not be the cat’s pajamas, it may not be the cherry on top… and often times it’s a cheap, tasteless spinoff of the real deal. But you know what? It still gets the job done. For plenty of people, generic is the way to go. There’s a huge market for it, and even our big Generic Heel boy has an audience. And also an undefeated streak that has lasted for several decades, if he is to be believed. So all that to say: yes, I’m feeling confident this temporary partnership can be successful in the short term. After all, stranger things have happened.” Like in the last Marvel movie, for example, but… I’m not gonna spoil that for you guys. I am not a savage, and we live in a society!! **GOOOOoooOOO spoilerfree conversations out of respect for your peers who haven’t had time to go to the movies yet!** Ahem. Wow, that yell was way longer than I intended. Good thing I’m not a cheerleader, but the person who does the actual hitting!”


Ruby went over to the register, politely queueing up until it was her turn.

Ruby: “SO, Dolly, even though you come with a ringing endorsement from the Snackest of Lackest, I’m afraid ya girl’s gonna have to do what she does best: stomp a dirthole in that backside and dust it off! As for your partner Cashe, he’s been a pretty decent B-player for a while now. And fair is fair: you’ve racked up three plumpies in a row, my mans chief among them. Only my gal VeeVee can say the same! SO while I’m technically supposed to be defending the honor of my ‘block’, I do think I’m going to go the extra mile and send you packing with a sweet, sweet L. The L stands for Listerine, because it’ll wash the taste of that sour defeat out of all our mouths. GO DENTAL HYGIENE! GO FRESH BREATH!”

Not realizing the other people in the queue were looking at her funny, Ruby started to unload her groceries which the cashier expertly packed in a couple of brown paper bags, which Ruby checked for the ‘recycled’ label. Gotta take care of that carbon footprint, you know?

As she stepped outside and loaded her bags into the RuMoByle, a car suddenly drove past, with screeching wheels that were leaving clouds of rubber dust on the asphalt. It was quickly followed by a pair of police cars. Ruby sighed, rummaged through her bag and snapped her mask in place.

Ruby: “Aw flip. Here we go again.”

[Image: dY7KZz4.png]
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[-] The following 3 users Like Ruby's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (05-12-2022), Jason Cashe (05-11-2022), Raion Kido (05-11-2022)




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