Charlie Nickles and his pal Marf Swaysons are in a row of trees with the quiet night sky behind them. The scene is shot from the chest up, allowing us to only see part of the TV Championship belt slung over Charlie’s shoulder. The Nickleman’s face is heavily battered and bruised, evidenced by the stitches still keeping his forehead closed. Still, Nickles is nothing but smiles under the moonlight. Marf, on the other hand, looks uneasy. He keeps glancing nervously below the camera.

Man, what are you going to do with that?

Charlie looks down with an even bigger smile.

He’s my new pet! Ever since Scruffy died, I’ve been itching for another dog.

Wait, you had a dog that died?

I was 9 or 10 when Scruffy passed away.

Marf rolls his eyes and pulls his phone up towards the bottom of the screen. Marf begins texting someone.

Oh poor Scruffy.

Marf finishes the texting and puts his phone away.

That thing isn’t going to bring Scruffy back!

You never know the power that books have these days.

Marf nods along sarcastically while looking out into the trees around him.

Yeah, right. Books.

Marf chuckles to himself before turning back towards Charlie with a more serious expression.

So how did Scruffy die, anyways?

Charlie takes a deep breath and almost looks as if he is holding back a tear.
Scruffy was a tiny little dog, just a teensy little Chichahooey, no more than five pounds. He liked to jump up at people and bark, but no one ever minded, because he was just a tiny little guy. He wasn’t a threat to anyone, he was just loud and demanded attention. But one day when my Pa was coming home from a hard day’s work in the coal mines of West Virginia, he and little Scruffy got into an altercation.

Nickles sighs deeply again before partially covering his mouth with one of his hands. He shakes his head from side to side before bringing his hand back down.

Sorry, it’s hard to talk about.

We don’t have t-

No no, we must. It’s part of the healing process.

Right…

Nickles sighed again before closing his eyes and recalling the events exactly as they occurred, picture-in-picture.

My Pa just wanted to take a nap after a hard day’s work, but Scruffy kept bothering him! He was yapping, he was jumping on him, and then he even soiled the carpet right in front of my Pa, because he demanded attention!

Sounds like a fuckin’ mutt. I had my wolf trained a helluva lot better than that. She only peed on the carpet when I requested it.

Charlie shakes his head vigorously.

No no, Scruffy was the best dog in the world. But he just wouldn’t leave my Pa alone. So, he had to be punished.

Marf shrugged.

Well, yeah. That’s how you train a dog.

My Pa dragged Scruffy out of the house by the collar and tied him up to the post.

Marf nods along as Charlie continues the story.

Then, my Pa went inside and grabbed his rifle.

Marf suddenly stops nodding.

Pa came back out, and while Scruffy was yapping and trying to play, my Pa lined up the sights and pulled the trigger! He scattered Scruffy’s brains everywhere!

That is NOT how you train dogs!

But it worked. My Scruffy didn’t bark anymore that night, and my Pa got a restful slumber. Then, the next dog my dad got never barked or misbehaved ever.

What did he do to train that dog differently?

Nothing- he just left Scruffy tied to that post. The first day he got a new dog he brought it to the backyard and introduced it to Scruffy. It never acted out after that.

Your family is seriously fucked up.

No we’re not, you’re just Canadian. You don’t know what it’s like to live free.

Ok, but how the fuck is THAT going to be like Scruffy at all?!

Marf points to something below the screen.

He’s just like Scruffy, but bigger! He even has Scruffy’s old collar on! It’s a tight fit, but it works alright enough!

Ok now I know you’re fucking with me because I helped you steal that collar and leash from PetCo an hour ago!

The camera slowly pans out to give the audience a fuller picture. The first notable thing we see is a pink leash extending out from Charlie’s closed fist. We then see that the leash is attached to a pink collar, which is clearly wrapped way too tightly around the neck of the lion at the end of the leash. The literal lion laying down next to Charlie is panting heavily while using its paws to try and cut through the constricting collar.

Wait- Scruffy the Dog….isn’t that the name of the movie I got your son for his birthday?! You told me the very next week that you watched it with him and loved it!

Oh, maybe. Sometimes I mix up real life and TV. It’s happening more often lately…

Charlie looks down at the lion from the three ringed circus match regretfully.

Like tonight, I forgot that I’m not just a TV character. After this lion attacked his tamer, I figured I oughta adopt him. After all, his old owner got eaten by a lion! That would be traumatic for any pet to go through. But when I took this lion under my care, I totally forgot that means I’ll have to take care of it OFF-CAMERA!

Marf stares at Charlie with a ‘r u fkn srs’ look.

How do you forget that you actually exist?

Ever since I became the TV God my life has gotten weird, man. I’m talking to books, I’m fighting mooses inside of lodges, and somehow I even have a pet lion now! Strange things are happening to me all the time, and I can’t tell what’s real and what’s for the cameras anymore. There’s no director saying ‘cut’, there are just the cuts of life, over and over again.

Just treat your whole life like it’s real life, because it is!

I’m the TV God, Marf. I’m not a mortal man anymore. You can never understand what it’s like to be me, the pressures, the stresses of being the biggest star on Television every Saturday night.

I’m a two-time TV champion too, dick!

Charlie stares into Marf’s eyes with complete seriousness.

I am no mere TV champion anymore, Marf. I’ve ascended and become a TV GOD.

Marf just rolls his eyes and takes his phone back out.

Whatever. Jesus, when is this dude going to show up?

This connect doesn’t seem very solid. I knew we couldn’t get the good shit in Canada!

He has the tapes, bro! He swore to me he has the tapes, and he’s never done me wrong before!

Scruffy the Dog is losing his patience!

Scruffy?

Yeah, Scruffy the Dog!

Charlie points down to the lion, which is still trying to get the extremely tight collar off its neck.

You named the lion ‘Scruffy the Dog’?

Of course I did, that’s his name! Besides, it was next up on my list of names for Tee-Kay’s X-treme title. Personally, I think it fits the lion better.

I mean, I guess.

Oh shit- I think that’s him!

Marf looks out into the distance and sees an extremely tall man moving through the trees at a relatively slow pace. He raises his hand and points his finger at him, allowing Charlie to follow his gaze.

I think you’re right. Scruffy, look! It’s the guy who has Cage’s lost tapes from Japan!

Charlie taps on the hiney of his lion before pointing out towards the tall man in the darkness. The lion leaps forward and literally jumps out of its pink collar as it begins sprinting towards the tape dealer. It appears the time spent clawing through its collar has paid off. Marf starts sprinting after the lion while shouting out warnings to the dealer.

LOOK OUT! THERE’S A LION!

SCRUFFY, COME BACK HERE! GOLDI, DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!

Charlie looks extremely annoyed, but finally joins Marf on the chase. By now the lion has closed a lot of distance, and the tape dealer is clearly freaking out. The dealer begins to run backwards as he tries to calm the lion down, but that approach is only working the lion up even more.

Quick, go up one of these trees! Animals can’t climb up trees, that’s what separates us from them!

Marf looks back at Charlie and shakes his head while continually sprinting after the lion.

Right, because I’m always climbing fuckin’ trees!

The tape dealer, finding himself out of options, follows the advice of The Nickleman and begins climbing into the tallest oak tree around. By the time the lion catches up to the dealer, he is already halfway up the tree.

SCRUFFY! DOWN! You should know better! This is the exact type of behavior that got you put down in your last life!

The lion jumps up the tree before losing its footing and falling back to the ground. Charlie approaches the lion while shaking his head dissaprovingly. He reaches out for the lion and tries to grab it by the mane.

Now c’mere, Scruffy, you gotta take a lashing for pulling this shit.

The lion unsurprisingly lashes out at The Nickleman, its claws creating a river of blood along Charlie's thigh. Charlie recoils as Marf backs up and begins climbing a tree of his own.


Fuck it, if it worked for him it should work for me!

AGHHHH SCRUFFY! Why are you tougher than every other lion on Savage?!

Charlie follows behind Marf and starts climbing the same tree, barely avoiding the claws of the lion as it jumps up and tries to drag him down. After a couple of clumsy seconds Marf and Charlie are able to pull themselves into the sharp branches of a pine tree. While being pricked and poked by the needles, the two men try to keep their feet from dangling as the lion continually jumps up and down, trying to just bat them out of the tree.

Why the hell am I even in this situation, Charlie?! What do you even need Cage’s old tapes for? He’s obviously going to lose to you, and that’s only IF Karen Hunt gives him a shot at the belt! She might very well not, I mean, he hasn’t done anything for months!

I need the tapes to expose him for the fraud he is! He says he wrestled in Japan for years, but I haven’t found any proof of that on the internet! I told Tee-Kay to use his twitter to try and find the promotions Cage fought in and the wrestlers Cage fought over in Japan, but he said he couldn’t find anything! He claims a vast legacy, but there’s no proof of it anywhere!

TK probably just told you that so he didn’t have to do it! He knows as well as I do that no one cares about Japanese wrestling anymore! Every good Japanese wrestler ends up in America anyways!

We need to see the tapes, Marf! There’s no way Cage Coleman was winning championship belts in Japan, and I’m going to expose him for all the lies he’s been spewing!

Marf and Charlie continue to dangle and converse in the tree as the lion’s jumps grow increasingly closer to the branch. At one point the lion’s claw even scratches the bark off of the branch directly beneath Charlie.

Why do you even care about Cage Coleman?! You could just beat him up and be done with it!

Because he’s the clearest symptom of the problem, Marf!

What problem?!

Motherfuckers stay steading thinking shit is sweet!

As the two men scream at each other in the tree, the lion’s claw finally strikes it’s target. Marf howls in pain as a claw rips through the pant leg of his jeans. Charlie holds his Goldi close to his chest to prevent the same from happening to her.

AHH SHIT! Damn it Charlie, what the fuck are you talking about?!

I’m the biggest star in the history of the XWF and everyone around here is trying to steal a piece of my spotlight! My name is on every card and my face is on every channel because I’m the greatest champion in pro wrestling today!

Everyone and their MOTHER is trying to step to The Nickleman now! Ring Master came out to the ring to challenge my reign. Raion Kido literally begged the management team for another shot at The Nickleman. Even Alias is lurking around in my shadow, popping out every now and again to steal my shine!

Men like Cage should especially fear the prospect of fighting The Nickleman, they shouldn’t be begging for it! I need to set a new precedent to get all these fleas off my nuts! Cage nipped my balls when he shouldn’t have, and now I need to expose his entire history as fabricated! It’s the only way to get back at him in a way that will really resonate with everyone else in the locker room! I need to make an example out of the motherfucker!

Why can’t you just beat him up really bad?! Wouldn’t that teach a better lesson? Just drain the piggy of his blood! No one wants an inside look at Cage’s history, just show them what his insides look like!

Charlie snaps his fingers.

Just like my Pa did with Scruffy! Shit, that is a better idea!

Damn it Charlie, we’re up here for no good reason!

Well…..we’re bonding!

Fuck you!

Fuck you too, you bastard!

Marf looks a bit confused, then smiles as the lion continues to try and jump up in the tree branch.

Do you really mean that?

Of course I do, you’re the meanest bastard I know!

As Marf and Charlie share a touching moment, the tape dealer decides to make a break for it. He hops out of his tree and begins sprinting for the horizon. Unfortunately for him, he makes quite the sound as he falls, and he immediately draws the lion’s attention. The wild beast begins sprinting after the man, leaving Nickles and Swaysons alone for the moment. Marf wipes the sweat off his forehead, but Charlie leaps out of the tree and begins chasing after the lion.

SCRUFFY! COME BACK!