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Jenny Myst · (04-08-2022)

涙目で星を数える
それらの夏の日を思い出して
でも今夜は一人ぼっち
今夜は私は一人です
今夜は私は一人です

"So, this is the place that all the hype is about?"

The Nissan Sentra seemed a little out of place in the lot among the Audi's, Mercedes' BMW's, Range Rover's and Tesla's. She kind of liked it though. It reminded her of herself. Just a Sentra in a world of high-lines, getting from point A to point B while they ran on premium fuel and steadily lost their value the longer they lasted. And the repairs....oooohhh god, brutal.

"Yes, looks like it."

Ash rolled the car to a stop and put it in park. "Even if it wasn't, this is where we're eating. I am starving."

From the car they could see there was a bit of a line at the door. The place seemed popular, even with the mixed reviews online. Some people just like to complain, it is their nature.

"Hakuna Matata" Jenny said to herself, taking a deep breath. The pair walked to the door, hoping for a chance to get into the illustrious "Sukiyaki".

When they got to the door they immediately saw why it was so busy. The place was beautiful, easily the best format and layout of any of the previous establishments they have visited (though, it was a small sample size since they don't eat Hibachi very often). Two large glass doors greeted them, a barrier to the inside but a good ascetic. The inside was like nowhere they had ever been and was everything they could have ever imagined. They both stood in awe a bit as they looked around.

It was sprawling. A huge room with rows upon rows of large tables with leather seats around them, a giant stainless steel grill in the middle. The décor was top notch, with a photo of an ancient Japanese building looking over each one. There were red lotus flowers all over, and the lights were like skylights with slits, letting the yellow-orange flourescent spread its light across the room without being too bright. The actual lights were dim, and there were tiki candles around every third table or so. The bar was long with a glass middle, filled with ice and fish and other seafood, and a cedar top, the logo of the restaurant every third seat or so.

"Classy."

"Too classy."

They walked over to the hostess, informing her that they were looking for hibachi for two.

"The wait is about an hour" the hostess said with a smile. Not a genuine smile, though. One of those snarky, fuck-you-because-you're-probably-too-poor-to-eat-here-anyway smiles. Jenny thought that the hostess was hoping they'd leave.

Not today, toots.

"I mean, there is an empty table right there" Ash spoke up, pointing. Her black nail polish showing in the light, drawing a scrunch face from host-cunt.

"We have a large table party" she snipped.

"Where?"

"As a matter of fact, they just walked in."

The girls turned around as a large group of what appeared to be self-entitled jackasses came in. Just real douchenozzles.

They were led by an Australian gent who seemed to be the leader of this motley crew. He was the head honcho, and he walked like it. Head high, Kurt Cobain hair slicked back and tied. There were whispers from the patrons about him being some sort of "champion". Apparently, they all were.

Behind him was an enforcer, of sorts. The extreme one of the group. A little skinny to be an enforcer, or extreme, or even healthy, but his mullet was on point! Yee haw!

Behind them was what appeared to be a child with an effeminate body, also super skinny, who had a look of constant constipation on his face. A scraggly, homeless man behind him. A hillbilly and some Asian guy. A douche with a VIP shirt on. These were champions?

Looked more like lax bros.

Jenny rolled her eyes as they walked past. They paid her no mind. People like this never did. She didn't exist to them, to the upper echelon of society. Not a single woman with them either, though some of them could be if they so chose.

"I guess we will sit at the bar then."

It wasn't long in whiskey time before they could be seated. Of course, it was across from this table. Looking at everyone deemed 'better' than her. They ordered their apps while the entire world went on without them. She was a ghost. In their world, she was nothing. Even holding the hand of her best friend under the table, she felt alone.

Her gaze was broken by a voice. She whipped her head around to see the chef standing at the table. His name was Raion, as was stitched on his shirt. He bowed.

Her eyes shot to the big kids table. Their chef was entertaining. There was fire, he was flipping food and making Japanese "aahoooohh" noises. Would Raion do that? She rolled her eyes because she doubted it. He seemed bland. As soon as he started it was clear he was trying to keep up with the big chef. He was trying to do the things the other one did, but he was never quite as thrilling. He didn't have the same flair. Bless his heart, he tried.

At the other table some dude who looked Korean was guzzling Sake. The redneck was cheering him on. The Aussie champ was sitting there looking displeased. The "fun table", made of champions that formed their own little click. Nobody else mattered to them. Not her, not Ash, certainly not Raion. He was half heartedly reaching for the sake when she excused herself.

"I have to use the bathroom" she whispered to Ash.

"Don't leave me alone with this guy!"

"Sorry" she set her napkin down and headed towards the exit.

Everything was a blur. She felt light headed, nauseous. There was a slight drizzle outside now. She could barely walk. She could feel the bile rising in her throat and she hadn't even eaten anything. Just when she felt like she would need to stop she made it to the Nissan, punching the hood as she hurled next to the drivers side tire.

Out of place, just like her.

Breathing in a pant, she looked back at the now blurry sign above the entrance.

SUKIYAKI

She felt another anxiety attack coming. She breathed through it.

For the first time in a long time she truly felt alone.

And she wouldn't have it any other way.

She walked back inside and sat down to finish her meal.

"Sorry."

"You didn't miss much."

"I figured."

I look up while I walk
So the tears won't fall
My heart is filled with sorrow
For tonight I am alone
For tonight I am alone

I look up while I walk
Counting the stars with teary eyes
Remembering those summer days
But tonight I'm all alone

幸せは雲の向こうにある
幸せは空の上にあります
歩きながら見上げる
だから涙は落ちません

"You know, now that I think about it, nobody has really given me a shot at anything. My entire life, I was expected to fail. In school, at various minimum wage jobs, at modeling, at dancing, in the wrestling ring. I have never been given a fair shake. What gives?! I have had to do everything on my own. Prove myself, on my own. You know what it's good for? Survival. Adaptation. Converting pain into pleasure. I didn't have the luxury that you did, coming into this company with a lot of hype and having literally everyone behind me, supporting my inevitable fall.

YOUR inevitable fall isn't far behind, but will you use the crutch you've been handed, sensei?

Hmmm.....

I don't have the newbie advantage. People here know what to expect when I step into the ring, and they know how to combat it. Makes things a lot more difficult! But that is what makes it fun! Every match is a new challenge for me because I don't need to worry just about my opponent, I need to find new and creative ways myself to get the job done! It is like I am challenging myself every night. It keeps me fresh, and on my toes! Do I always succeed? Well, as the Pay Per View showed, no. Sometimes I do not. But is it ever easy? No.

Why does everyone think I am easy?!

I have taken the top talent on this roster to the absolute limit, and even beaten many of them. The difference is, it doesn't matter to me. My end game isn't to be Alias or Peter Vaughn. My end game isn't to be Robert Main or Corey Smith. My end game isn't to leave a legacy paved in gold, but rather one paved in blood. Guys like you, Raion, you have a ceiling. You have a point in time when you've done all there is to be done, and you're satisfied. You chase glory because you believe it defines you. You're a younger, equally as annoying and pompous, version of Centurion. You look down on others who you don't deem on your level, all because you've got some skills in the ring and the blessings of the empty suits that run the corporate office.

To me? I just assume everyone is above me. I assume everyone is better than me. I assume everyone has a solid chance to defeat me every night. It doesn't allow me to settle. It doesn't allow me to be complacent. It makes me more hungry. It makes me want it more. You'd think I'd be discouraged? Much to the contrary, I am more motivated than ever.

This place is my home. I threw my headband into the ring in other places, but they just didn't feel right. Sure, I was coming into those places the same way you did here....I was the hype. I was the one everyone looked up to. I was given that push from the moment the ink was dry. I was the figurehead, the one who everyone thought was going to be the new face of their organization. I had the entire company, both of them, eating out of the palm of my (then) perfectly manicured hand.

To be honest? I hated it.

Loathed it, to be frank.

The pressure is enormous! And to have everyone complimenting me all the time? Yuck. But my record was nearly flawless. I was on the fast track to be a champion and if the company managed their books a bit better, I would still be there and I would be. I would also be miserable. Ash and I have had discussions over greasy pizza and cheap whiskey on numerous rainy nights on the road, and she didn't understand for the life of her why I would want to come back here. Back to a place where I am hated so much. A place where I am the butt of everyone's jokes, where everyone sees me as nothing more than a pretty face with a mediocre resume trying to play pick-up ball with the big boys and failing worse than a Kardasian marriage. To me, the decision was easy.

I only cried like, 6 times. Only like 4 anxiety attacks. 2 minor break downs. Had to use inhaler to calm down my breathing like 9 or 10. A light load. No biggie."

*giggles, curling her hair*

"You can't imagine how I feel. I don't expect you to. How could you? I am in a toxic relationship with this place. Trauma bonding. It's this whole thing. But I have been in your shoes, and let me tell you, I don't envy you. Not only do you look like a Johnny Depp character with Sandra Oh's face photoshopped in, but because you have the entire world looking at you. Hanging on your every move. Waiting, salivating at the mouth, hoping to whatever God it is they pray to, that you disappoint them.

That is truly what people want, Rain man. Disappointment. A hero story? A feel good tale that only the storybooks can tell? No. People thrive on disappointment. It keeps people going knowing that someone else's life is more miserable than their own. Meme's are made. Reddit has a field day. I am pretty sure it is the reason 4chan even exists. People want you to fail more than they want you to succeed. And when you inevitably do, that is when you become endeared to them. Nobody likes a winner.....funny as that sounds. I have been down that road. I have had my ups and downs, my peaks and falls, my titles and my title losses. I've won matches nobody gave me a chance in, and lost matches I should have won with my eyes closed. But one thing I learned, is never let anyone tell you how to live your life.

Buy the red car--people will say you should have got blue. Start a business--people will say you should've just gotten a job. Get married--people will say you chose the wrong partner. Learn a trade--people will say you should have gone to college. Everyone has and opinion on everything, and the majority of them are negative. You'll go crazy trying to please everyone. Don't even try.

Listen, smile, agree, and do whatever the fuck you were going to do anyway.

You will fail, and they will cheer. They'll love you for everything you hate them for. I get it, death before dishonor is a cultural thing that is deep rooted in your people, but Jackie Chan look where it has gotten you......

The fame of a world champion and a waist more bare than a newborns ass, stuck here facing me in the guts of the card, with the entire world anxiously waiting for me to pull a 'miracle' out of my ass so they can clamor to their phones and say 'I guess he wasn't as good as we thought he was.'.

Beating me means nothing to you. Beating--hell facing--me should be insulting to you. I have seen this game before. They stroke your nuts softly while positioning the baseball bat right at the base of your anus.......

*she cringes*

"You don't have to take my advice. Hell, I don't expect you to. But if anything, just reflect. Look into the mirror and analyze what you see....and no, don't worry, I am not going to say some boring Asian joke here. Because, well...you are the boring Asian joke. You are underwhelming personified. If white rice was a person. You ever wonder why the only Asian movies that get popular are the cartoons that single men in their 40's jackoff to in the public restrooms at ComiCon.......

You're just boring.

Just about as interesting as a bowl of oatmeal with eyeliner

Live a little. Take a chance or two.

You want it, sure as shit don't want for them to give it to you, because just like the other flashes in the pan to come though these doors....you're expendable. You want the title, go take it. You want fame and recognition? Phhst....don't let them string you along until they don't need you anymore then try to pacify you with a Hall-of-Fame plaque and some bougie tribute dinner. And no, they don't have one of those cats with the ever waving arms, so don't get your hope up too high! Stick to your ramen noodles and be everything they don't want you to be. How many just like you have came and went? How many have stuck around and get patted on the back and blown to completion only to be shoved aside for younger, fresher competition anyway? How many are mindless drones, talking heads, who are numb to the world and their self-awareness is in the toilet? Do you want to be famous, Raion, or do you want to be great.

In this place, you can't be both.

You're the one in a unique position here because you're the one with something to lose. You're the one with everything resting on what happens next Saturday. You beat me, life goes on and everything is honkey-dorey. You go on with your life and end up facing another mid-carder with the promise of 'one day' getting to the promise land while behind the scenes they do everything they can to keep you out of the title picture but keep telling you how great you are and how much promise you have. I beat you and its breaks the internet worse than the Ellen Degeneres Oscars selfie. For you, this will be more like this years Oscars. Who would you rather be? Chris Rock or Will Smith? Really think about it. No matter how you slice it, nobody wins. Me? I'm neither. I' m not Rock, not Smith. Not Jada or Ellen. I am a face in the shadows, your impending doom, the lose-lose situation that you would inevitably face. I am your worst nightmare and your stickiest wet dream. I am the stepping stone to greatness and to failure. You should be moving up in the ranks, not being reduced to facing me. "Wow, Raion is really on a roll! He should be star of the month!"

He's beaten nobody. His run has been similar to mine."

*coughs* "7-3 in my return" *coughs*

"But he will be made out to be the best of the best, the king of kings, the Senpai of all Senpai's. That's how they getcha.

Me? No matter what happens, broken internet chat forums or not, I will always go back to being that Chris Chaos radiation fallout that nobody takes seriously until they have to face it. I am their Fukushima, without the dead sea turtles. That is A-okay. I have accepted my role in this XWF utopia. They burning question here, Kido, is, can you?

Sukiyaki".

悲しみは星の後ろにあります
悲しみは月の後ろにあります
上に向かって歩きましょう
涙がこぼれないように

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