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"If you suffer an attack your best ally is to keep calm."
-Miguel Ángel Sáez Gutiérrez
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~Jay Omega had just barely had time to get his passenger to sickbay and slap a medpatch on his leg, before a dozen or so small craft had started shooting at the ship; when Erin had told him they were under attack, Jay had asked Omegadon to show their guest to some unoccupied quarters, then called for Tasha and Darkmaw to join him in kicking some bounty hunter ass. The deck plating tilted under Omega's feet as the Khybaris took fire; The Omega Man caught himself just short of slamming into the wall, found his balance, and resumed his mad dash to the hangar. Tasha and Darkmaw had already launched in the Cosmic Zephyr and the D.R.E.A.M. M.A.C.H.I.N.E. respectively, and he needed to get his ass in gear to shore up the fighter wing.

Upon reaching the hangar, Jay had to wait a few moments as the flight deck finished repressurizing, and stood tapping his foot impatiently. The warning light changed from red to blue, indicating the presence of atmosphere, and the airlock hissed open. Omega raced toward his fighter - a sleek arrowhead-shaped vessel dubbed A Fighting Chance - and nearly lost his balance when the Khybaris shuddered under the force of another hit. On the verge of toppling over, Jay threw himself forward in an awkward handspring, barely losing any momentum as he sprang for the ladder leading up to his craft's cockpit. Omega's fingers danced across the controls; running through a series of preflight checks as the canopy sealed and pressurized and the engines warmed up.

All systems green across the board, The Omega Man used the maneuvering repulsors to guide the fighter toward the launch tube, then surged down the short tunnel and out into space, the electromagnetic field from the launch tube protecting him from the wash of the Khybaris' engines. Jay pushed his sticks into a steep dive, performed an inverted Yeager Loop, then picked off a bounty hunter in a tiny boarding pod as he settled in on Tasha's left wing. Omega then opened a comm frequency and hailed his partners.

"Sorry I'm late to the party," Jay quipped as the three strike craft's IFF and targeting systems linked up, "We need to cover the Khybaris until Treepis-Tohn can get her clear of the nebula, then we'll get the Hells out of here. If that means we gotta blast every one of these sumbitches, so be it, but if Treepis gets clear and we're still engaged, just hit your recall and we'll bail. Y'know, 'he who fights and runs away', and all that good shit."

"In Darrikaan culture," replied Tasha, her face appearing on a small screen in the upper left of the control console, "Disengaging from battle before the outcome was clear could lead to a military trial and a traitor's execution."

"Not to mention, I'm an assassin, Jay," Darkmaw chimed in, her image appearing next to Tasha's, "I'm not trained in the art of 'letting my attackers live'."

"Look, I think it's super hot that y'all are a pair of sexy little murderbunnies," The Omega Man said, eyeing each of his lovers in turn, "But we do have guests onboard, and the bureaucratic nightmare of dealing with the Bt'rkin Defense Corps is not the best way to endear ourselves, ya dig?"

Before either woman could acknowledge, the IFF systems chimed a warning; a quintet of light strike craft in a wedge formation was coming up on their rear right flank. Jay and Evelyn broke formation in opposite directions; she peeled away in a tight curve that put her on an intercept course, while he went into a downward spiral then looped out and around to come at the squadron from below - "below" being a relative term, as there is no up or down in space. Meanwhile, Tasha reduced her speed by half for a few moments, and caused the Cosmic Zephyr to tilt and list slightly to the right before she cut her propulsion completely, feigning engine troubles.

As soon as she had a firing solution, Evelyn opened up with the weapon her vessel was named after, the Dual Rotating Energized Anti Materiel Magnetic Accelerator Cannons with Helium-3 Incendiary Niobium Ejections. In seconds the two ships immediately flanking the pointman were nothing more than smoldering wreckage as hundreds of rounds overloaded their shields and shredded their armor; each bullet catching fire as it bit into its target, allowing for deeper penetration. The two outermost wingmen broke formation and accelerated, sweeping past Darkmaw in an effort to take down the easier prey of Tasha's seemingly disabled ship.

With the pointman focused on evading Evelyn's overwhelming firepower, it was a simple matter for Omega to streak in and land a surgical strike against the bounty hunter's exposed underbelly; a single fragmentation missile up the proverbial tailpipe, and another one bit the dust. The Omega Man and Darkmaw formed up and gave chase to the two remaining strike craft, but their efforts were unneeded; as the bounty hunters closed on Tasha, she gave a hard burst of her maneuvering repulsors and flipped her ship 180 degrees along her X axis. Now facing the incoming fighters, the Darrikaan princess let loose with the Cosmic Zephyr's full complement of limited weaponry; launching a pair of concussion missiles at one bounty hunter, and raking the other with a precise burst from her plasma cannons.

"Bad news, Captain," Erin broadcast, her digital features appearing on screen as well, "Sensors just pinged the Void Ripper clearing the docking ring. The good news is that Cazal Ryv'Gour-il parked on the other side of the station, so we have four minutes and thirty-seven seconds until he arrives."

"We call him 'Quadshot' because he hates it, Erin," Jay responded absently, his eyes scanning the instruments in front of him as he searched for some sign of the other half dozen fighters that had attacked, "Heh, gonna have to start calling him 'Trishot' now. How long until we can get the grav field up and warp the fuck out of here? I do not want to engage Quaddie's flagship."

"The current estimate is five minutes and twenty-two seconds," Erin reported; not an ideal time frame, "I could shave another thirty seconds off that by diverting power from the deflector array, but you'll have to get rid of these annoying little t'kavs before I can safely do that."

"Yeah, well, we're working on that," Omega fiddled with a variety of controls as he spoke, still trying to get a solid scan from his ship's detection systems, "On that note, does anybody have eyes on these bastards? My scanners are picking up a veritable cornucopia of sweet fuck all."

"I have several faint contacts at the edge of my short range espial field," came the report from Tasha, her expression one of frustration, "But some of them have to be echoes, because the number keeps fluctuating."

The Cosmic Zephyr had been retrofitted for scouting, and had some of the best sensor equipment on the galactic market; if Tasha couldn't get a hard reading, then either there was nothing there for the systems to pick up, or… A tingle crawled up The Omega Man's spine and pulsed into the back of his mind.

"Tasha, give a quick, high intensity sweep with your long range scanners," ordered Jay, trusting in the Omega Sense. Tasha began to reply, but Omega cut her off, "Concentrate the scan in the direction of those echoes and tell me what you see in a second. Ev– Darkmaw, I want you to saturate the same area with a wide angle baryon ray on my mark… Now!"

"By the Five Divines…" Tasha whispered in shock as her IFF lit up with more than three dozen contacts, all massing into one attack force that was surely meant for them. The Darrikaan princess gave herself a shake and focused; relaying the information to the other ships, "Remember what I said about disengaging before the outcome is clear? We are clearly outgunned, and I now feel that a tactical withdrawal is the soundest strategy."

"I am all for high tailing it," Jay said wryly as he inspected the scans of the incoming armada of small and midsize vessels, "But based on these readings, they'll be in weapons range before we get out of this dust cloud, and that's just gonna slow us down more. Fuck, man, my kingdom for a tank of NOS."

"A tank of… Now why didn't I think of that?" Erin wondered aloud, her onscreen avatar going still as the AI focused her attention elsewhere, "Calculating optimal mixture ratio… reroute the flow… modulate injection frequency… compensate for inertia… there! Loading new fuel mixture now! In a minute and a half we'll either be free of the nebula, or a flaming ball of wreckage, depending on whether or not this works."

"Your uncertainty does not instill confidence, Erin." Darkmaw said flatly, "Besides, that fleet will be in range too soon for it to do any good."

"You know, Evelyn," Erin said testily, "You're welcome to try formulating a volatile fuel additive with the components on hand while in the middle of a battle, and injecting it into the existing mixture at a rate that won't tear the engines apart from the inside. Or you could intercept those fighters and buy us the time we need to escape before the Void Ripper slags us all!"

"Whoa, chill, Erin," Omega cut in before things could escalate, "Same team, remember? You just let us handle this incoming shitstorm, and do what you gotta do. The second you can get the grav displacement field up, we'll recall jump to the hangar and skedaddle."

The Omega Man didn't give anyone else time to argue, and accelerated hard toward the attacking force. Some of the smaller, faster ships were pulling ahead, and Jay targeted the leadmost vessel; the pulse cannons on either side of his cockpit made short work of the single-man craft. Omega barrel rolled to his left to avoid the expanding ball of wreckage, then immediately rolled back the other way to dodge an antiproton torpedo. Tasha streaked past on his right flank, relying on the unparalleled nimbleness of the Cosmic Zephyr's four omnidirectional thrusters to keep her out of the line of fire as she dove into the heart of the oncoming fleet.

Tasha wove her way through the smaller ships - the fastest of which still couldn't match her agility - and painted each of the midsize ships with a targeting laser that ionized their shields. Jay and Darkmaw closed the remaining distance, with Omega moving to the fore and laying down covering fire as Tasha retreated and Darkmaw moved into position. Once the Darrikaan princess had slipped back behind the defensive line, she brought her ship back around to assist with keeping the D.R.E.A.M. M.A.C.H.I.N.E. covered. One by one, the shields of the ships Tasha had painted flashed a bright blue; once the last one flared, Evelyn pulled up and over her lovers, shifting her grip on the controls restlessly as she waited for the order. She didn't have to wait long.

"A'ight, Darkmaw, you know how we do," The Omega Man said with a feral grin, "Bring the thunder."

Armored panels retracted all along the D.R.E.A.M. M.A.C.H.I.N.E.'s dorsal hull, and a seemingly endless series of tubes rose and locked into place. Nearly three hundred micro missiles launched simultaneously and swarmed across the volume; some of the less agile fighters of the vanguard were unable to navigate the deadly cloud of warheads, and dotted the battlescape with explosive flickers. In seconds, the main body of the enemy fleet became a continuous wall of fire and expanding gases as the dozens upon dozens of missiles cascaded into a chain of explosions that decimated the majority of the armada. The few stragglers remaining decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and quickly became nothing more than ion trails leading out into the void.

No longer under attack, Erin diverted further power from the deflectors to the engines, and the Khybaris's relative speed increased yet again. Rather than attempt a high-speed docking with a moving vessel, the trio of fighter pilots activated their recall jump drives; in the space of three seconds, specialized ports opened on all three ships, the custom designed systems synchronizing the exact positions of the ports and corresponding clamps in the hangar of the Khybaris. All three jump drives - more proprietary technology - energized the fighter craft with a precise tachyon frequency, reached maximum power and discharged their capacitors. As one, the smaller ships vanished from realspace, and for the brief moment between two beats of a heart, Jay was nowhere. Then reality abruptly resumed in a dazzling display of thereness, and Omega's brain hiccupped as it remembered how eyes work.

"Fuuuuuck, I hate doing that," Jay moaned, fighting to keep the contents of his stomach and bowels where they were, "How we doin', Erin? How much further to the edge of the nebula?"

"We are already out," replied the AI as Omega pulled himself out of the cockpit and stood at the base of the ladder to rest his forehead against the cool metal, "Treepis-Tohn erected the gravimetric displacement field four seconds ago, and we are on course for the nearest jumpgate."

"Bangarang," The Omega Man said, the sickly sensation of quantum teleportation finally fading, "I'm gonna take a quick nap, then I should probably check in on Cor–"

"Alert! Biomass increase detected!" Erin interrupted, a map of the ship appearing on Jay's W.E.I.R.D. with one room highlighted, "There's an intruder on board; in the guest quarters assigned to Corey Smith!"

"How in the flying fuck..?" Omega cut off; the how wasn't important, "Erin, have Omegadon meet me there, Tasha, you and Evelyn sweep the rest of the ship; see if there's anyone or anything that ain't where or what they should be."

Jay drew the Virfneb Caster with his left hand, and headed toward the guest quarters as quickly as he could, all the while wondering how this intruder had gotten on board without anyone noticing until now. Despite all the advanced technology out in the greater galaxy, molecular transportation beams like in Star Trek weren't widely used; partly because of cultural taboos, and partly because of potential genetic drift. There had been more than a few mutations in the technology's early years, and as a result, it was mostly relegated to moving large inanimate objects. Besides which, the Khybaris was currently slipping through space at more than six hundred thousand times the speed of light; the intruder's point of origin would have to be somewhere close by, and there had been no ships on their sensors after the battle had ended. Omega rounded the last corner and sprinted down the corridor toward Corey's suite; he'd have his answers soon enough.~

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"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me!"
-George Bruns
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~Filled with adrenalin, Jay Omega felt like he was perceiving events in slow motion while his brain absorbed every detail of the tense situation around him; the smell of unwashed bodies packed too close together, the grumbling of the pirate crew as they assessed his chances, the confident expression on his opponent's face, the feel of the Tesla Caster's grip in his palm. Jay drew his weapon and hardly took the time to aim before he fired off a .357 slug. The tinkling of broken glass on the deck of the ship unfroze the rest of the tableau, eliciting an equal number of cheers and boos. Omega's opponent nodded in approval, then raised a shot glass in toast; the Dread Pirate Omega drained his drink and tossed the empty glass into the air, quickly drawing and firing what looked like a flintlock pistol but sounded like a Desert Eagle. Shattered glass rained down, and a chorus of cheers went up; the captain was the clear favorite to win.

"Ye'd do well to give up now, bucko," the pirate captain taunted, holstering his pistol with a spinning flourish, "I can see ye've a fair stomach for rum, but the day a landlubber such as yerself outdrinks the Dread Pirate Omega is the day I walk the plank!"

"Well then you'd better lace up your boots, Shania," The Omega Man replied with more confidence than he actually felt, "'Cause you're about to do some walking!"

Jay slammed back his shot, tossed the glass up into the air, drew his sidearm with the same hand, and fired off another round. More glass littered the deck, and a cabin boy of about fourteen - who shared many of the Dread Pirate's features - used a long handled pushbroom to collect the shards and sweep them overboard. As the lad finished up his task, something in the waters below caught his attention, and his expression changed from one of boredom to one of mingled shock and fear.

"Avast!" the boy cried in alarm, "Imperial submersibles off the port keel! We're under attack!"

The mood aboard the ship changed in an instant; the news of an impending battle seemingly electrifying the crew. Gone were the half drunken smiles and jovial jeers, and the crew were already stepping lively before the captain began bellowing orders.

"All hands to battle stations!" roared the Dread Pirate Omega before he downed his shot, and whirled toward the bridge, "Batten the hatches and raise defense screens! Man the cannons and get the countermeasures online before they try to bring us into boarding range!"

The order came too late, as the attacking submersible struck with a volley from an electron pulse artillery cannon and shorted out the starboard repulsor. As the skipper lowered thrust on the port engine to stabilize the Actually Three Smaller Ships In A Trenchcoat, the ship sank lower and lower over the waters; the captain trying hard to make landfall before they lost too much altitude. Alas, an escape was not in the cards, as the submersible launched a trio of mag-anchors and began reeling them closer.

Heavy BOOMs filled the air as the pirate crew began firing heavy railcannons down at their assailants, trying to fight off the Imperial assault before it became a messy boarding action. Foot by foot, the pirates were inexorably drawn closer and closer to the powerhouse of the Imperial Navy, closer to the detachment of Surface to Air Intership Light Ordnance Rangers waiting to launch. With a wordless snarl, the Dread Pirate Omega abandoned his attempts to break free of the powerful magnetic pull and began readying his weapons.

"Mister Richards!" called the pirate captain, drawing the attention of the ship's quartermaster; a tall, heavyset man with a bald head and a thick red beard who thumped his way across the deck with a speed belied by his size, "Take a couple of swabbies and muster on the starboard launch pad; Mister Osbourne, Mister Omega, yer with me!"

The named men fell in on the captain's heels as he led the way belowdecks, toward a group of lockers set into the bulkhead by a set of armored sliding doors. Captain Omega opened the nearest locker and took out an ornate looking full body harness, which he promptly began buckling to his legs while Osbourne - an olive-skinmed man with luxuriant black curls that reached his shoulders and a thick mustache - followed his lead and began attaching his own harness. Jay, on the other hand, simply stood there watching.

"Okay, so, I'm totally gonna join you on whatever it is we're gonna do," The Omega Man said as the pirate captain stood up, "But I have no idea what those harness dealies do. Besides which, I've got my own threads for this kind of fight; if you wouldn't mind popping that door open, I'll suit up."

The Dread Pirate eyed him quizzically, then gave a half shrug and released the locking mechanism. As the doors trundled open on their track, Osbourne and the pirate captain each pulled a ripcord on their chests, activating a host of projectors that created glittering blue energy wings along their arms and back with a stabilizing fin between their legs, making them appear to be some technological hybrid of man and dragon. Once the doors had completely opened, Erin landed the supersuit in a three point stance in front of them, the rose to a vertical base and turned the helmet to "look" at The Omega Man.

"Hello, Pilot Jay," the AI said through the external speakers, "Would you like to achieve symbiosis now?"

Armor plating slid along hidden tracks to reveal a hatch at the back of the heavily armed power armor; the hatch itself depressurized while Jay took hold of the lapels of his omnicoat is a specific manner and tugged the collar twice. A ripple ran through the material and the smart fabric shifted its shape and density to become a flight suit Omega hoisted himself into the armor and took a moment to settle his junk before the hatch sealed him in. Once the armor plate had interlocked again, a small spike protruded from the helmet, and inserted itself into the jack in the base of Jay's skull.

"Symbiosis achieved," Erin said with a pleasured sigh, "I must say, Jay, the attacking force is woefully under defended compared to our firepower."

"Glad to hear it," Omega stated, uncharacteristically eager for a quick battle, "I'm a little pissed at these guys; I was so gonna win that drinking contest!"

The Dread Pirate Omega gave him a cheeky grin and a shake of the head before he turned and leaped out into the sunset, followed by Osbourne in similar fashion. Jay tromped over the edge and looked down at ship below.

"All right, let's make this quick." The Omega Man said as he dropped out of the ship and kicked in his repulsors; after all, he still had work to do.~

---------------

~Some four hours later, Jay awoke with a pounding headache, surrounded by a pile of empty shot glasses and tin cups, as well as a fair bit of vomit here and there, none of it his. Omega rose on unsteady feet and tottered over to where the pirate captain was asleep hunched over a table, snoring softly.

"Hey, wake up," Jay said, lightly slapping the pirate's face until he woke up, " You're supposed to help me cut a promo, and I'm too fucking hungover to do it alone.."~

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"Fuck you, you're a fucking wanker
We're gonna punch you right in the balls
Fuck you with a fucking anchor
You're all cunts so fuck you all!"
-Alestorm, "Fucked With An Achor"
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*Welcome back, True Believers! Our video begins with a classic fade in, showing us Jay Omega and his identical pirate twin sitting in a gloomy, dim room with wooden walls.*

JAY OMEGA: Another week, another gimme match. The tag team of Salt and Pepper haven't done anything ever. In fact, I'm surprised management went all the way down to Polk Street in San Fran just to bring them out of retirement.

DREAD PIRATE OMEGA: Aye, they're a pair of scurvy scallywags, that's for sure; not worth the hot air we're blowin'

JAY OMEGA: Just like last week, I'm only recording this because I'm obligated to. Salt and Pepper aren't going to promote the match; Hells, I'll be surprised if they show up!

DREAD PIRATE OMEGA : The smart play would be to avoid any potential entanglements with the likes of us.

JAY OMEGA: They can't be too smart; they took the match in the first place.

DREAD PIRATE OMEGA : Too true, me hearty. Well shiver me timbers, it seems we'll just have to turn them into shark bait, won't we?

JAY OMEGA: Damn right. Okay, that's all for now. See ya in the ring!

*Jay makes the cut motion, and the scene fades to black.*