“Mark Flynn! Talk to me!”

“What’s going on…?”

“...Mark Flynn?”

“...MARK FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYNN!”

“WHAT, NK?!?”

“Mark Flynn! You’re all right!”

“No thanks to you and YOUR TANK, you MORON!”

“I believe if you reference our mission briefing… our objective was to stop bullying.”

“...AND?!?”

“I felt the stopping power of the D’Ville’s Playground was most appropriate!”

“...Jesus Christ.”

“...Mark Flynn?”

“WHAT, NK?!?”

“Are you angry with me?”

“YES.”

“...Is Captain Corey Smith also angry with me…?”

“WHY DON’T YOU ASK HIM, HE’S SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU!”

“He’s right. And we can hear everything you’re saying.”

Indeed, just as Flynn stated, NK and Flynn are sitting in chairs, talking into their two-way communicator wrist watches… sandwiched on their sides between Corey Smith and Thaddeus Duke. They’re sitting in the Principal’s Office, awaiting some authority figure to dispense punishment for tomfoolery, disobeying teacher orders and bringing a tank onto school grounds without a permission slip.

NK immediately stands at attention, saluting Corey.

“I apologize profusely, Captain Corey Smith! For my insubordination, I not only expect but DEMAND to be FLOGGED upon mission debriefing!”

Corey is clearly still shaken from the trauma of hand-to-tank combat. “W-W-What? What? What happened?”

NK leans down to meet Corey at eye-level…

“I had no choice, Corey Smith! I HAD to stay in character as gym teacher, John Gymnasium…”

Flynn rubs his temples infuriated.

“You NEED better fake names, NK.”

“Which required that I not prevent the bullying you were receiving! Deep down in the depths of my SPINE… I became so agitated watching rampant disrespect aimed at your person, I theorize I had a brief psychotic episode! During which, I used Thad’s confiscated mobile device to call in the Illuminautus State Tank! It was necessary to complete the mission!”

“What part of the mission was running over the Varsity Badminton team with a 60 ton tank?!?”

“It’s actually 67.6 tons, it only looks lighter because my engineers spent so much R&D money into increasing tread speed.”

“Thad, not even KINDA what we’re talking about right now!”

NK leans over Flynn’s head to speak to Thad.

“Thaddeus Duke, If I may say, I was most impressed by the level of control I felt at all times. Usually, such a massive vehicle is unwieldy. The D’Ville’s Playground felt as natural as a walk in one of Pyongyang’s many luxurious natural parks! I also adored the four different driver’s side cup holders.”

Thad smirks.

“Yeah, I tend to like a Slurpee AND a couple backup Slurpees when I’m riding around a battlefield.”

Flynn is furious.

“WHY THE…” Thad points to his mouth, reminding Flynn that they aren’t supposed to swear on school grounds… “EFFFFFFFFF!” Thad delivers a thumbs up.

“ARE YOU FINE WITH NK COMMANDEERING ONE OF YOUR TANKS!?!?”

Thad leans back in his chair, cool and confident.

“Honestly? I don’t usually get to train in unanticipated combat scenarios. Feels good to be in the moment on the battlefield.”

Suddenly, the door to the Principal’s Office slams open. A figure in a tan jacket and a black shirt steps in and SLAMS the door shut.

“ALL RIGHT, KNUCKLEHEADS! WHICH OF YOU IS THE BRAINS OF THIS OPERATION?”

NK looks at Corey.

Corey looks at Thad.

Thad looks, surprised.

“...Sigh.” Flynn leans toward the principal and points his thumb into his chest.

“Right here, Breakfast Club.”

“WHAT?!?”

The Principal leans real close up to Flynn’s face.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME, PUNK?!?”

“Breakfast Club. It’s a movie for people your age, you’ve definitely seen it. That or you showed up to school dressed like the villain from every Miami Vice episode.”

“I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL OF.”

Flynn claps and laughs.

“That’s literally a line from Breakfast Club!”

The Principal gets nose to nose, barking spittle right into Flynn’s face.

“YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW YOU, SON? THE TIRED EYES? THE WRINKLED FACE? THE FULL BUSHY BEARD?”

The Principal scoffs.

“YOU THINK I DON’T RECOGNIZE THE NEW SCHOOL BADBOY? MARK-BRYAN DANIELSON?”

The Principal shakes his head.

“YOU’VE ALREADY GOT A REPUTATION!”

NK stands from his chair.

“A Thousand Apologies, Principal Vernon, but…”

Flynn stomps his feet laughing again.

“OH COME ON! HAHAHAHA! THAT’S THE NAME OF THE PRINCIPAL FROM BREAKFAST CLUB…”

Flynn pounds his chest, giggling… Then he looks around and realizes no one else is.

“Heheh...C’mon, Breakfast Club? The Brat Pack?” Flynn looks around as his fellow ‘troublemakers’... “Emilio Estevez? Judd Nelson? Molly Shannon? No one?”

“And they form a… breakfast club?”

“Was this a black-and-white movie?”

…Flynn deflates a little bit, remembering that, he is, in fact, old as hell.

NK shakes his head and continues.

“I apologize, Supreme Chairman Vernon! These students were attending my class at the time of their malfeasance. They were my responsibility!”

The Principal sticks a finger in NK’s face!

“You’re in hot water too, Mister Gymnasium! I’ve got several student witnesses reporting you DROVE the tank?!? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“...It was a historically accurate tank battle! I had coordinated the entire lesson with Mister History!”

“Well, then Mister History is also in trouble! We can’t afford these LOOSE-CANNON lesson plans…” The Principal moves to sit behind his desk and grabs the phone next to his computer.

“I think this warrants a call to the substitute coordinator! Who hired you?”

NK bites his lip…

“John Humanresources.”

Flynn buries his face into his hands… The Principal looks up the name on his computer.

“Ah yes, here it is…”

The Principal starts punching in the number… It rings…

In NK’s pocket, you see the screen flash… Then dim.

“Hello! This is John Humanresources and NOT a recording…”

“This is Principal Vernon! I’d like to report a couple of your hires!”

“What’s that? You’re calling to nominate a substitute of the year?”

The Principal’s brow furrows…

“No! No! I need to log negative reports in two substitute’s employee history!”

“Absolutely! And would you like to pay $5.99 to double your vote?”

Flynn squeezes the bridge of his nose as NK delivers a surreptitious thumbs-up to Thad and Corey, like this voicemail plan is going great…

The Principal slams the phone to the receiver, then picks it up.

“Sheila! Call the phone company. The reception is wonky.”

He slams the receiver again.

“AND AS FOR YOU THREE…”

The Principal scoops a stack of papers off his desk and tosses them to the floor.

“YOU’VE GOT THREE SECONDS TO TELL ME WHICH OF YOU THREE WAS BEHIND THIS… AND IF NO ONE TALKS, I’M BUSTIN’ SKULLS!”

Flynn mouths to Corey, “That’s also from Breakfast Club.”

Corey mouths back, “What do any of these lines have to do with breakfast?”

The Principal raises a finger.

“ONE!”

Flynn crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“TWO!”

Thad reaches into his pocket and takes a drag of a joint.

“IS THAT MARIJUANA?!?”

“It’s (cough) (KEROUGH) for anxiety…”


“…TWO AND A HALF!”

Corey looks down at the floor.

The Principal gets really close to Corey’s face, thinking he’s found the weak link.

“C’mon, son.”

Corey looks up into Vernon’s steely gaze.

“I just wanna know who’s behind this bullying…”

Corey looks over at Thad, who shakes his head…

At Flynn, who stares blankly at the wall ahead…

And at NK, who is sweating bullets… Even though he’s a teacher, he’s terrified this will go on his permanent record.

Corey looks back at the Principal.

And shrugs.

“Dunno, Vern. I wasn’t paying attention. Too busy listening to Drake at the time.”

Corey gets an approving nod from Thad and a rolled-eye thumbs up from Flynn. NK’s eyes well with pride.

The Principal…

Reaches toward his desk.

And pulls a lever…

The bookcase behind him… splits in half and it’s sides open left and right.

“Congratulations, boys… You kept your mouth shut when the heat was on. You passed the test to join…”

“The Bully Illuminati…”

***

“MISTER DANIELSON!” NK… I mean, Mister Audiovisual calls from the front of the class. “PREPARE TO DELIVER YOUR PRESENTATION!”

Flynn lifts one ear of his AirPods.

“And you had better nail this!” Mister Audiovisual says snapping his kendo teaching stick against the chalkboard. “This presentation is worth 70% of your final grade!”

Flynn sighs. He stands up from the back of the class, walking up to the front.

He reaches into his pocket and retrieved a crumpled up news story… He unfurls it at the corners…

The headline reads “EXILES POISED TO TAKE OVER THE XWF!”

Flynn scoffs and lobs the story at the trash can.

Swish. Two points. No janitor required.

“Hey Pete.”

“Long time, no see.”

“It’s been a while since you last stopped by my office.”

“Let’s review what you’ve done since then…”

“You won the TPW… PWV… and XWF Top Titles. All in like a month.”

Flynn shakes his head.

“And now you’re going around calling yourself a Four-Time!”

“FOUR-TIME!”

NK chimes in, “FOUR-TIME!”

Corey, Flynn, Thad and NK all say at once, “FOUR TIME!!!!!”

“World… Champion…”

Flynn tsk-tsks…

“First off, you should know only ONE of those counts. Sorry, ThunderPro. Sorry, Pro Wrestling Valor. You’re respectively Minor League and Rec League. And XWF raided OCW’s talent fridge and took what measly morsels had a scrap of promise. An OCW World Title Reign and two BarnCoin could buy you a heaping helping of GOOSE EGG, PETE.”

“If you’re going to pretend to belong in the main event, learn what actually counts as an accomplishment, Pete. I’m not a FOUR-time world champion because I won the XWF World Title twice and my 5th grade spelling bee twice.”

Flynn chuckles to himself.

“Nah, Pete. You’re a ONE-TIME World Champion. Only the XWF Uni actually counts as a WORLD TITLE.”

“And, let’s be clear: You won that belt without proving you belong in the TOP TEN of Active XWF Talent.”

“Let’s face it, Pete. Let’s get really honest.”

“That Uni Title around your waist came from asymmetrical psychological warfare that you had NO PART in.”

“Dock, TK, Charlie Nickles and ol’ Gravy bombarded Caedus with so much shit… And he collapsed under the pressure.”

“Jimmy looked down from the top of the mountain, got vertigo from being way higher than he belonged… and fell.”

“You were in the right place. At the right time. Like a vulture picking meat off the bones of a baked-in-the-sun, jerky-fied jackrabbit corpse.”

“You didn’t earn that belt. You found it.”

“Two weeks after I ended your undefeated streak… You stumbled ass backwards Into becoming the Universal Champion. Theo Pryce made you #1 contender after ONE match.”

“Look at your record, Pete. You beat who? Barney Green? Drew Archyle? A Gorilla? Jim Caedus, who spent more time swinging at ghosts than swinging at you in that ring? You had ONE REAL TEST before your big chance at Fire & Ice.”

“A match you LOST against MARK FLYNN.”

“THE.”

“GREATEST.”

“WRESTLER.”

“WHO.”

“EVER.”

“LIVED.”

“Since Day One.”

…

“Now, Vaughnie… if you wanted to substantiate your flimsy claims that you’re here to change the landscape of the wrestling industry.”

“THIS was your chance, Pete.”

“To prove you’re a fighting champion.”

“To earn the respect of the boys in the back by fighting your way through the 80% of the card you skipped over.”

“Your opportunity to lay down a challenge to one of the many, MANY challengers that actually beat Jimbo.”

“You could have gone toe-to-toe with Nickles and shut him up.”

“You could have thrown TK a bone after he beat Omega in the match of his life.”

“You could have danced with Dock and proven you can beat the last guy to take Alias to his absolute limit…”

“…Instead?”

“Your first match as Uni Champion?”

“Was against TOMMY. WISH.”

“Your opportunity to set the tone for your World Title Reign. And you knock over the XWF’s resident punching bag.”

“Not even a punching bag. A punching bag offers resistance. A punching bag is a workout. You beat up one of those inflatable clown dolls children punch.”

Flynn snickers, shaking his head.

“I can’t blame you too much, Pete. I understand.”

“I look at you, so angry. So much fury.”

“It reminds me of me. A younger, dumber me.”

“2013. My US title reign. Back when it was the top belt in the XWF.”

“I had challengers lining up. I had guys itching to take me to the limit.”

“And I decided, like a young fool, to let the booker set-up my opponents.”

“I waded through a sea of pond scum, cruising to dominant victory after dominant victory. Every single Warfare, I bathed another wet-behind-the-ears rookie in a fresh coat of failure.”

“And while I basked in the glory of these easy wins… The actual meaty challengers were battling for supremacy.”

“And by the time Gauntlet City 2013 rolled around… I was the fatted calf. Surrounded by very, very hungry wolves…”

“Watch me now, Peter. The second NK and I got the tag titles, I demanded a match with the Bastards. The #1 Tag Title Contenders. I got Bourbon and Barney Green. Not the best Bastards, but still repping the Best Team in the division.”

“And we destroyed ‘em.”

Flynn draws his thumb across his throat.

“I see the talent in your work, Pete. I see the promise. The opportunity to fight you again fills my VEINS with electricity…”

“But, I’ve been fighting actual opponents the last three months. And you haven’t.”

“You’ve become the fatted calf, Pete.”

“And you’re booked for a slaughter.”

***
Down into the caverns behind the mysterious bookcase…

Past the dangling stalactites and treacherous stalagmites…

Our heroes trekked, led by Principal Vernon into the bowels of the Earth itself…

Hundreds of feet below the surface world…

To the home of the Bully Illuminati…

The walls are adorned with ancient arts…

Hieroglyphs of Egyptian Pharaohs using the same rope-and-pulleys they used to lift the giant bricks of the Pyramids… They also utilized to dispense spine-shattering atomic wedgies to ancient nerds…

Ancient Greek pottery depicting the armies of Sparta inventing the aqueduct and toilets, simply to give the Athenian nerds swirlies… Forcing their heads down the first toilets ever created…

We even see perfectly preserved cave drawings depicting ancient battle… Cavemen of one tribe pummeling another into submission… Stick figures grabbing their opponents’ fists and jabbing them against their own face. You can imagine them in their ancient tongue, mockingly repeating ‘Stop Hitting Yourself! Stop Hitting Yourself!’

“As you can see…” Began Principal Vernon, beckoning towards the majestic artwork present before our heroes, “Every major contribution to modern civilization… Was discovered inadvertently by jocks giving dweebs the business.”

“Our forefathers invented spears so we could poke nerds on the shoulder so they’d turn around and no one would be there.”

“They invented the wheel so that nerds could not escape a pounding by running away…”

Thad raises his hand.

“EVERY invention ever made was created specifically for bullying?”

“Except morse code, that’s nerd shit.”

…Thad raises his hand again.

“And fire. That was invented to get buff dudes laid.”

Thad lowers his hand, satisfied.

Corey raises his hand.

Principal Vernon sighs, “You see, with illuminated caves, female partners care more about physical attractiveness before…”

Corey shakes his head. ”No, like… Why are you showing us this?”

“Our ancient order has inducted into its ranks promising future bullies… We mostly recruit out of high schools, for obvious reasons.”

All five of them knowingly nod, like duh.

“But, more recently, as man has embraced cyberspace, so have those that hold dominion over the Earth… Bullies. Wherever you see harassment, wherever you see cruel comments mocking artists trying their best… We see the future backbone of our sacred institutions.”

Corey takes in all around him, then glances at Flynn.

“Flynn, this is… I mean, you’re the resident conspiracy theorist. There’s no way this is true, right?”

Flynn looks at Corey like he’s hopelessly naive.

“Do I think it’s NOT true that a group of secret elites has been quietly organizing and controlling world events to maintain power and control over the populace? That’s all bullying is, Corey.”

Corey’s forehead wrinkles.

“No…No! Like, I thought ‘Secret Elites’ were the wealthy controlling the poor…”

“Rich bullies picking on the poor kids.”

“No, I mean like… The stuff YOU’RE into, Y’know? The illuminati manipulating elected officials as a puppet government to execute their nefarious bidding…”

“Popular kids convincing the student body to vote against their interests.”

Corey gives up on Flynn and looks at Thad.

“Thad?”

“…Sorry, I’m taking notes for the Illuminautus State. What’s up?”

Corey wrings his hand in disgust.

“NK?”

NK is still taking in the scene… and finding nothing amiss.

“I mean, Corey Smith, have you read about the Korean War? The Philippine-American War? The Mexican-American War? American History is your country bullying other countries. It is the basis of western civilization! YOU’D KNOW THAT IF YOU PAID ATTENTION IN CLASS…”

NK clears his throat. “I apologize, I accidentally fell back into being Mister History…”

Corey… kinda laughs in disbelief.

“...Okay…No. There’s no way this is true. You guys aren’t a secret cabal controlling the world by bullying nerds into doing what you want… You live underground, there’s no way you could recruit anyone.”

Principal Vernon shakes his head.

“… Perhaps you would open your eyes to the truth if you laid your eyes upon our leader…”

Principal Vernon steps to the side… And behind him, our heroes see a throne room… A glorious golden set of stairs leading to a magnificent throne…

And standing before the throne…

Beside an easel…

Holding a palette with various paint splotches…

A rail-thin man… With a spherical brown afro…



“Is that… Bob Ross?”

“That’s Bob Ross.”

“I KNEW IT WOULD BE BOB ROSS!”

NK leans into Corey’s shoulder. “Is that… Jesus?”

Flynn blows past his fellow XWFers, pointing at the throne.

“I KNEW IT! EVERYONE ACTED LIKE YOU WERE KIND! LIKE THE SUN SHONE OUT OF YOUR AAAAAAA…” Flynn turns back to Thad, who is mouthing like don’t curse!

“AAANUS!”

“I KNEW YOU HAD AN ULTERIOR MOTIVE, BOB ROSS!”

Corey, again, is the Doubting Thomas, stepping around Flynn.

“Guys! That’s not Bob Ross! Bob Ross died!”

Corey walks up the staircase to get closer.

Desperate to disprove what he sees.

“A secret bully illuminati? Ridiculous!”

“That’s been running society since the dawn of time? Absurd!”

Corey hits the staircase and starts jogging…

“But the idea that BOB ROSS would run the Bully Illuminati? Prepostor-”

As Corey’s feet hit the top step…

The moment he’s at the same level as the mysterious afro’d figure.

The figure turns… Corey and he make eye contact.

“Hello, Corey…”

…

Corey’s eyes…

Well with tears…

“I’m so glad you decided to join us today…”

***
The brush smacks a little imperfect circle on the canvas. Blue-green.

“I put a happy little bush there. That’ll be our little secret.”

Corey stands beside Bob Ross, literally one of the sweetest souls that’s ever lived. Watching him paint.

Right after discovering Ross is apparently the head of the Bully Illuminati.

“...I just… I don’t understand…”

Ross maintains a relaxed, friendly smile as he whips his brush against the leg of the tripod holding up the canvas.

“A misunderstanding usually comes from not communicating. How about you ask me some questions and I’ll answer them, Corey?”

Corey takes a deep breath.

“Didn’t you die?”

Ross gently eases the brush against the canvas sideways… He carefully shifts his wrist and flicks… A distant bird flying against the wind.

“I was asked to lead this organization. One condition was I had to leave my old life behind. I know many people miss me… And I miss them, too.”

Bob turns to meet Corey’s gaze and smiles.

“But sometimes life gives you odd colors, a bent canvas and uneven-haired brushes…”

Bob steps to the side and reveals a wonderful landscape. A mind-numbingly beautiful sunset peeking over the horizon.

“It doesn’t matter what tools we have. Every opportunity is a chance to make something beautiful…”

Corey’s eyes start to well up.

“I didn’t know you, but I missed you.”

Bob smiles… then picks up the painting he just finished and gently sets it aside. Behind it is a blank canvas.

“How about this next one, we paint together?”

…Corey nods and steps in closer…

…

Back at the bottom of the steps, Flynn, NK and Thad stare up from the bottom at the steps as Corey stands just a few feet from Bob Ross…

NK seems to feel left-out.

“Mark Flynn, what do you think they’re talking about up there?”

Flynn purses his lips.

“Standard villainous monologue, I assume. Blah, blah, Join me. Blah, blah, we’re not so different, blah, blah, standard stuff.”

Principal Vernon cuts in.

“Ridiculous! Bullymaster Ross would never stoop to such simple tactics…”

…As he says that, though, Vernon tucks away an index card with his recruiting speech in his back pocket… It says what Flynn said verbatim.

Flynn rolls his eyes… But as he does, he sees a side hallway. Whatever is at the end of it, glows with a shimmering light that bleeds back to the entrance.

“…What’s that way?”

Vernon turns where Flynn is looking, then clears his throat.

“Oh that? Nothing you promising bullies need to worry about! It’s where we take nerds that learn… too much…”

Flynn side-eyes Vernon… Pursing his lips thoughtfully.

“So… Y’all don’t speak morse code?”

Vernon’s eyes narrow suspiciously.

“What?”

“Morse code was invented by nerds… Y’all don’t speak it?”

Vernon scoffs.

“Yeah, we don’t SPEAK morse code. We also don’t speak Elvish or Intergalactic Common, DWEEB.”

“If you’re referring to the language from Star Wars, it’s called Galactic Basic.”

Vernon’s eyes open wide.

NK slices a hand across his throat like ‘Cut it out’.

Flynn blinks once long, once short. Then, long, short, long.

NK springs to attention.

Flynn winks. NK nods.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!”

“Galactic Basic. It’s ‘Star Wars’ speak for English. ‘Common’ is Dungeons & Dragons for English. ‘Intergalactic Common’ doesn’t mean anything, because Star Wars all takes place in one galaxy. Hence, a Long Time Ago in A GALAXY far, far away.”

Flynn elbows Thad winking.

“Right, Thad?”

Thad takes another drag of his joint.

“Whatever.”

“Well, actually, if you recall in Attack of the Clones, the Banking Clan is said to operate intergalactically.”

Flynn’s eyes wobble, like he’s internally debating which is correct.

“I guess, it’s possible, then in those galaxies, they probably speak a different dialect than Galactic Basic! In the expanded universe…”

NK looks down at the palm of his right hand.

“OH PLEASE!” The totalitarian says, clearly squinting as he reads a sharpie message. “EVERYONE KNOWS DISNEY MADE THE EXPANDED UNIVERSE NON-CANONICAL!”

…

Vernon reaches into his pocket…

And retrieves a machete.

He screams like a body-snatcher and points at the three.

“NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERDS!”

***
“Of course, Pete. I can’t pretend this is a fair fight.”

“You know, like the first one you lost to me.”

“Because now, I’m flanked by a former Universal Champion and 2021’s Most Underrated Superstar. The XWF’s Longest Reigning Title Holder and the only REAL Supercontinental Champion.”

“Did we three not see eye-to-eye at Relentless? Sure.”

“Do we all love winning way too much to not join forces crushing you? YUP.”

“So, again. Stack me, Thad and Corey up and you’ve got, like, five World Title Reigns combined.”

“Now, look at the trash you dragged in on your shoe when you first walked into the XWF.”

“Xavier Lux. And Betsy Granger.”

“Xavier, your OCW friend-rival. While you took a rocket straight to the World Title, Xavier sure sunk to the lower-middle.”

“Just like you, he cruised through some hand-picked losers to build his rep. A way-past-his-prime Tommy Gunn and a never-had-a-prime Calypso.”

“Then, he runs into a rookie! Someone who’s never even stepped foot in the XWF!”

“And Raion Kido looked so good against your pal, he immediately started getting main event matches.”

“Do you understand how bad your defense is in the ring, when you made a green-as-grass GEEK look like World Title material?”

“Xavier Lux may have pushed you in OCW, Pete. But, now, he’s dead-weight hanging around your neck. He’s a liability that you can’t afford.”

“And finally, Betsy Granger.”

…From his desk, Mister Audiovisual NK stands up and walks beside Flynn.

“If it isn’t the ‘misunderstood hero’.”

“More like THE MURDERER.”

“Betsy Granger. You vulture. You small, feeble little COWARD.”

“For those of you missing important context, let’s rewind.”

“Four long months ago, right after NK and I won our first match with the Bastards for the XWF Tag Titles… We faced a team called Impossible Entity.”

“One-half of which was Betsy Granger.”

“And the stips were… unbalanced.”

“In Betsy Granger’s corner, she had Dracula.”

“Yes, THAT Dracula.”

“An eons-old vampire lord with centuries of military experience that probably should have gotten #MeToo’d after his promos that week.”

“And in our corner…” NK sighs. “Lawrence Talbot.”

Flynn kisses his fingertips and points at the sky.

“Rest in power, Larry.”

“We grew to love Lawrence Talbot.”

“Like a kid brother you gotta look out for.”

“He was not to our advantage but we did everything we could to train him…”

“And Betsy Granger saw a weakened man… terrified, bleeding… Stripped of his powers.”

“And she plunged a stake into his heart.”

“Again.”

“And again.”

“And again.”

…Both NK’s and Flyn’s gaze drops to the floor, fully re-digesting the awful experience they went through… Losing a friend. NK sighs, he reaches out and squeezes Flynn’s shoulder… Before walking back and taking a seat behind the desk.

“And I wish. I WISH, Betsy. That I didn’t understand.”

“I’ve done terrible things in my career. Things that keep me awake at night. I’ve been in this industry for nine years, Betsy. I made mistakes. I have regrets. Anyone who stays here too long can’t claim their soul is pure.”

“...AND YET!”

“Here comes Betsy Granger spewing the same old bile.”

“That she’s misunderstood. That she’s being mischaracterized. That she’s being painted in a way she’s not. Really, you guys! We all just don’t get it! She’s still the good guy!”

Flynn flicks his wrist feebly, playing the part of Betsy Granger.

“I mean, sure, everyone around all says the same thing about her: She’s a psychopath who sells her soul bi-weekly. Who stabs her teammates in the back the second they eat a loss.”

“Dolly Waters said it. B.o.B. said it. NK said it. I’m saying it. Right. Now.”

Flynn extends his wrist weakly again…

“Noooooooo… You’re just mischaracterizing meeeeeeeeeee.”

“Really, Betsy? Is that why you ambushed Alias at Bad Medicine?”

“Is that why you keep ambushing dudes with the Exiles?”

“Nooooooooo, that’s not me… I mean, I AM attacking people like a coward when their back is turned… But, like, zoom in on my face… I look, like, really really sawwy! I’m so conflicted!”

Flynn retches and spits on the floor.

“You’re the worst kind of asshole, Betsy. The asshole who thinks they’re deep and complicated.”

“You’re not. You’re a standard-issue, dime-a-dozen ASSHOLE.”

“And I wish… I WISH… Taking my closed fist and jamming in your face again… And again… … Once for every time you stabbed a helpless, decent man… Once for each unsuspecting fool that saw your face right before an attack and thought… ‘Oh hey! Betsy!’, before they took a 4-on-1 beatdown.”

“I wish taking-an-eye-for-an-eye would FORCE you to acknowledge how lost you are.”

….

“But I know you.”

“Deep-down, it’s all wins-and-losses.”

“And the way I can hurt you the most? Your weakest point?”

“Is your ego.”

“My best chance to hurt you?”

“Is defeating you.”

Flynn takes his right hand into his left and cracks his knuckles.

“So, Peter. Here you are. The biggest match of your career, facing three of the best competitors to ever lace boots in the XWF.”

“This is your first real challenge.”

“And who did you bring with you?”

“Xavier Lux and Betsy Granger.”

“A has-been-who-barely-was and a never-was-who-never-will-be.”

“How sad is it when you look at your two tag team partners and your first thought is… ‘Damn, why didn’t Bam Miller pick up the phone?’”

Flynn winks.

“The Exiles are a virus that crawled in with the OCW crumbs that the XWF picked up off the floor.”

“And Genesis? Is the sneeze that’s about to clear out the congestion of bile and plaque.”

“In other words…”

Flynn cackles.

“The Exiles? Are about to be EXCISED.”

….

Flynn looks over NK.

“How’d I do, Prof.?”

NK adjusts his glasses onto his face.

“You spat on the floor and you said ‘Asshole’ three times, which… This is a high school.”

…

“That said, great Betsy Granger impression.”

NK’s pen swizzles on the page.

“B Minus.”

***
Ross gently guides Corey’s wrist as he paints a beautiful purple streak across the blue sky.

“Aw, that’s lovely, Corey. You see how nature surprises us in ways every day?”

Corey nods, trying to understand the lesson as Ross gives it.

“So… You’re saying bullying is human nature? There’s no way around it?”

“The gazelle eats the grass, the lion eats the gazelle. Is one more cruel than the other? Are either cruel? Or is it all the Circle of Life?”

…Corey nods, thoughtfully.

“I never thought about it that way. Who are we to stop bullying?”

Before Corey can digest this thought fully, he sees a number of cloaked figures running, shouting “NERDS! NERDS! APIS SHALL BE FED!”

Corey looks at the gathering crowd headed towards the lit hallway… Then, he realizes that his friends are no longer at the bottom of the staircase.

“Oh! Um… I need to go…”

Ross nods knowingly.

“If you need to go, go. I have a feeling I’ll see you there.”

Smith runs down the stairs as Ross resumes his work on the trees.

***

As Corey emerges into the light… He seems to enter the stands of a colosseum. The seats are full with thousands of cloaked hooded figures shouting, “APIS! APIS! APIS!”

Corey scans the scene. His eyes look into the center of the Colosseum. And he sees standing back-to-back, Flynn and Thad, connected and bound at the wrists in metal chains.

Standing in the Imperial Box, also bound at the wrist, is NK. Beside him is Principal Vernon, holding his chains. Then, walking from the shadows… Bob Ross. How’d he get there so fast…?

“We of the Bully Illuminati do not believe in mistakes!” He bellows down to his people. “Only happy little accidents…”

The cloaked bullies shout enraptured, pumping their fists, demanding blood as they chant ‘APIS! APIS!’...

Corey runs down to the front row and cups his hands around his mouth.

“Thad! Flynn!”

Thad catches his eye and smiles.

“Oh, Great. Corey’s here!”

Thad starts walking towards Corey… Flynn has to walk backwards because of the back-to-back chains.

“Hey Corey, we’re about to fight a big bull guy…” Thad reaches into his pocket and hands over his joint and his phone. “Can you hold my stuff?”

Corey is in disbelief. “What? What happened?”

Flynn turns around to face Corey, which of course, spins Thad until Duke’s back is facing Corey.

“Short version: We saw a big gold door. Figured, that’s probably the source of their power or some crap. They said they only go in there with nerd sacrifices so… Obviously, we faked being nerds.”

“...And, now, you’re about to fight the Bullying God?”

Flynn squints. “I mean, yeah, fine, the plan had flaws. Real easy to point them out with the benefit of HINDSIGHT, Corey.”

“And now!” Bob Ross bellows… As Vernon places him a golden chestplate on his slender body…. “We give our bounty of fresh nerds… to APIS!”

The chanting begins anew.

“APIS! APIS! APIS!”

A gated door at the far end of the colosseum opens…

And ducking out from under the door…

Is a gigantic minotaur… As he enters the arena, he stretches to his full height of 15 feet. A battle axe in his hands. Adorned in golden armor.

“What do I do?”

Flynn smiles. “Record this. I’ve always wanted to fight a giant bull man. Thad, you go for the legs, I’ll take the head?” Flynn tries to turn to Thad, which of course, spins Thad away.

Flynn won’t stop chasing Thad, which keeps pushing him forward in a jog.

…Corey sighs.

“Okay, I’m going to try and get you out of this…”

***

“APIS! FROM WHOM WE DRAW STRENGTH! APIS! WHO ALSO SOMETIMES HAS TROUBLE IN MATH AND GETS ANGRY WHEN HE SEES PEOPLE GET IT FASTER THAN HIM! APIS! WHO ALSO HATES WHEN HE FEELS LIKE AN OUTSIDER SO HE MOCKS THOSE WITH KNOWLEDGE OF POP CULTURE HE HASN’T SEEN YET! APIS! THE GOD OF THE BULLIES! WE MAKE THIS OFFERING TO YOU!”

Corey jogs up to the side of the Imperial Box. He whispers “PSSST! NK!”

NK tilts the wrong way at first, but eventually makes eye contact with Corey.

“Captain Corey Smith!” NK tries to salute with his right hand. Of course, his hands are bound, so he ends up smacking himself in the face with his other hand at the same time.

“NK!” Corey tries to say in a whisper. “Can you break those chains and come here?”

“What?” NK leans in, trying to comprehend Corey’s whisper. Beside him, Principal Vernon holds his chains, laughing and clapping as Flynn and Thad dodge-roll in unison to avoid Apis’ axe.

“THESE NERDS HAVE SPIRIT, M’LORD!”

“Can. YOU.” Corey points at NK. “BREAK.” Corey pretends to snap something imaginary in his hands. “Those. CHAINS.” Corey pushes his wrists together. “And. COME.” Corey wiggles his fingers like a little man walking. “HERE.” Corey points at the ground.

NK sighs, frustrated. He lifts his arms and his slender wrists slip right out of the chains. Principal Vernon is so enraptured in the fight, he doesn’t notice.

NK then strolls calmly over to Corey, who is dumbstruck.

“I apologize, Captain Corey Smith. Charades was my weakest subject at Central Command’s training academy. Repeat yourself?”

“...Never mind. NK, why didn’t you get sacrificed to Apis?”

NK reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a filled-out form.

“Bull allergy. I always carry a medical exemption form to avert any possible sacrifice scenarios.”

Corey can’t decide if he’s impressed...

“...Whatever! Can we do anything to stop the sacrifice?”

NK sighs. “Principal Vernon explained in great detail that once a sacrifice has begun, nothing may interfere. To interrupt the ceremony would sully the traditions of the Bully Illuminauti.”

Corey sighs. “Maaaaaaaaaaaan. That’s kinda sorta what Bob Ross said. About how bullying is part of the circle of life. Like, I don’t want Thad to die… Or Flynn, I guess… But…”

NK squints confused. “Wait, how do you mean?”

Corey tries to get at the poetry Bob Ross shared with him via cooperative painting. “You know… The lion bullies the gazelle, but the gazelle bullies… grass. It’s, like, part of human nature!”

NK smirks incredulously. “Like Apartheid, Human Trafficking and Reality Television. Just because humans created it, doesn’t mean it’s natural. Injustice should be fought in every circumstance! And bullying is injustice.”

Corey rapidly blinks. “...What you’re saying makes sense. Wait… Did Bob Ross hypnotize me?”

“Your ‘Bob Ross’ speaks calmly with a deliberate pace. It’s quite likely he could sneak disagreeable statements behind his wholesome facade.”

Corey nods. “Okay! That settles it! We’re stopping the Bully Illuminati! Though…” Corey chuckles exasperatedly, “I have no idea how we’re going to do that.”

NK nods enthusiastically! “I am pleased to hear it!” He leans it, covering the side of his mouth like he’s sharing a secret. “Between you and I, even if bullying were a necessary evil… These caucasian men all worshipping an Egyptian Bull God?” NK chuckles. “Like, appropriation much, eh, Corey Smith?”

Corey’s eyes spark! “NK! YOU’RE A GENIUS!”

NK chuckles, flexing his chest. “I am aware, Corey Smith!” …He deflates inquisitively, “…In what way?”

Corey smiles mischievously, as he reaches into his pocket… And retrieves Thad’s phone…

***

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THREE!”

Flynn and Thad suddenly twist their bodies away from each other pulling the chains tight, as they slide forward on the sands of the colosseum.

Apis, the Egyptian Bull God, tries to hop over the tandem maneuver, but his thin ankle is clipped! He topples and falls on his face!

Flynn pumps his fist, drawing Thad closer!

“YES! JUST LIKE IN EMPIRE STRIKES BACK!”

The colosseum is screaming for blood as the Bull God quickly finds his way back to his feet. The Bull-headed deity howls, possessed by the strength of all human anger!

“...Damn.”

“Agreed.”

…Suddenly, a chirp comes from the Bull-God’s pocket…

Flynn and Thad stay perfectly still as the Bull-God sets down his battle-axe to retrieve from his pocket…

A 2003 Motorola Razr flip-phone.

The bull snorts a cloud of fury out of his nose as he lifts the Razr to his eyes… Which contort to horror!

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE BULLY ILLUMINATI! IT’S GETTING #CANCELLED!”

Apis throws his phone away and immediately runs to hide back in his shadowy room of the colosseum…

The chanting slowly dies… And is replaced by thousands of phones chirping in a thousand pockets…

“It’s true! #BullyIlluminatiIsOverParty is trending on Twitter!”

“We’re getting called out for our negative past behavior!”

“HOW COULD WE HAVE FORESEEN THIS!?!”

“The school district just said they’re going to review my role as SuperIntendent! I have to do damage control!”

Suddenly, thousands of feet begin stomping out of the colosseum so rapidly, to get so far away from anything Bully Illuminati-related so fast, that the walls of the underground city of the Bully Illuminati quake and begin to collapse.

Principal Vernon runs to the edge of the Imperial box shouting down!

“COME BACK, YOU COWARDS! WE ARE INVINCIBLE IF WE STAY STRONG!”

Suddenly, Vernon’s pocket chirps. He checks his phone.

“Oh... I’m fired.”

Vernon sighs. Then takes one step off the Imperial Skybox. Falling hundreds of feet into the arena seating… his body disappearing in the stampeding crowd.

Flynn and Thad look at each other confused, before they see a distant phone flash light.

Corey is waving Thad’s phone at the pair, with NK waving them over in an eager, panicked state.

Thad jogs forward, meaning Flynn is jogging backwards.

“Great job, Cor… Whatever you did.”

“I just took a couple choice pictures with your phone and tweeted it out to your 6.59 million followers. Social Media is really anti-bullying. Which is why they’re now identifying faces in the screenshots and harassing Bully Illuminati members…”

Thad tilts his head.

“Huh. Is that… also bullying?”

A brick falls from the roof a few feet from Thad.

“We can examine this problematic cultural cycle later! For now, MOOOOOOOOVE!”

NK and Corey grab Thad and Flynn’s chains and pull them over the side of the colosseum…

The boys sprint up the stairs…

As Corey nears the exit door, the last thing he sees…

Back up in the Imperial Box.

Is Bob Ross waving.

“I’m so glad you stopped by today.” He says in a distant whisper…

Before the entire skybox collapses under its own weight.

Before Corey sees Ross’ end, Thad grabs his arm and pulls him forward…

***
Dozens of newscasters are outside the school, which has been evacuated. They yell into their cameras.

“Breaking News Tonight! A secret cult of bullies operating across every highschool across the globe? Shocking but true!”

“They’re calling it #Bullygate! The incredible scandal that apparently has permeated across every school district in America and beyond.”

“The original tweet came from XWF Wrestler Thaddeus Duke’s Twitter account, making it the third most shocking thing he’s tweeted in the last 24 hours…”

Suddenly, as the scene continues to play out, outside the school, the entire building rumbles and collapses…

Everyone takes several steps backwards as a cloud of debris and soot expands outwards… The brick and mortar building begins to collapse…

…

But at the last possible moment, out of a side door…

We see Thad, Flynn, Corey and NK… Quietly escaping, covered in dust and debris…

As they slowly walk away, the last support collapses.

The entire school caves inward and collapses into the Earth.

As the four walk away from the school, two of the jocks that picked on Corey stick out their shoulders as they pass.

“Hey!”

Corey turns.

“What?”

“I heard you three fought a tank and blew up the school?”

“...Yeah, so?”

The jock goes for a fist-bump.

“That’s pretty cool, man.”

Corey scoffs.

“Whatever.” He bumps his shoulder back against the jock. The four resume their walk.

Thad side-hugs Corey.

“That was sick, bud.”

Flynn softly punches Corey in the arm.

“Nice.”

NK, as always, has eyes full of tears, beaming with pride.

“So…” Corey begins, as the four walk side-by-side away from the destroyed school. “Mission accomplished?”

Thad shrugs. “Close enough.”

“Completely.” Flynn insists. “You can’t have bullying at the school if there is no school.” Flynn taps the side of his head like he’s unlocked this Confucian riddle.

Corey squints… Then shrugs. “Yeah, all right…”

Corey squints again… “But… I can’t shake the feeling like we forgot something.”

NK cackles. “Whatever it was, it must be unimportant.”

***

Cut to six teachers bound and gagged, trapped under thousands of pounds of debris.

…

They each have a box of apple juice pressed to their lips.

Which would provide sustenance… if their mouths weren’t still taped closed.

[wordcounter.com_word_count:6900]