The savage wastes of humanity take their bloody toll on every man. Regardless of lineage, creed, or birthright all men are thrown into the fiery lake of life and told to swim. Most succumb to the crashing waves and drown in the flames, their legacy turned to ash. Those who cling to vengeance and hatred can never muster the will to swim for long. But some men, a select few, are able to keep their heads above the boiling water. These men cling to life not through fantasies of revenge nor through divine miracles, but through their love for others. The men that conquer the inferno are the men that can hold their loved ones up with them. Only men who lift up those they cherish are able to withstand the burning agony of life in this world.

Or at least that’s what The Nickleman believes….

A burning candle.

A championship belt.

A loving man.

White wax rolls down the candlestick as the flames burn down the wick.

The belt’s golden plate illuminates as the candlelight shines upon it.

A scarred reflection appears in the golden plate as the man stares longingly at his championship.



You will never walk alone my precious little sunshine, for every step I take on this earth I take with and because of you. Without you by my side life would be nothing but an empty void of despair….I owe you EVERYTHING, Goldi…..and I WILL give it all to you. That’s what I promised you, isn’t it?

Charlie reaches out from the darkness to touch the championship belt’s shining gold. The hot wax dripping off the candle begins pooling around the stick.

I know you may not always like my methods, but I promise that everything I am doing is for us. I would do anything to protect you, Goldi, and some of those things just happen to be grisly- but still I must do them FOR you. I even cracked that little Kiddo’s head open for you, just to make sure that he keeps his eyes off of you and locked onto me. I hate when other men look at you with their lustful eyes, when they degrade you with their sick and twisted fantasies. I won’t let them do that to you, baby. They’re going to have to go through ME before they can even start thinking of you!

Charlie brings his hand down to the belt’s nameplate.

I know you love wearing my name, baby. I know you love to be MINE. You don’t ever want to go back to those days of being passed around like a cheap toy by ingrates, and I don’t want that for you either, baby. We are a perfect fit, you and I, because you never want to leave me and I never want to leave you. I never knew what true love was until I met you. My bitch of an ex-wife didn’t love me the way you do. And likewise, I never cared for her as deeply as I care for you.

Charlie withdrew his hand from the belt as the flame from the candlestick slowly began to fade. By now most of the white wax was collected in a melted pool on the ground.

I care so, SO deeply for you, Goldi. I can’t stand to watch you suffer. I am committed to bringing your soul to flesh. I will warm your soul, Goldi. You will be with me soon, in blood and bone, as it was always meant to be.

But sometimes, Goldi, we have to do scary things to help the ones we love. And I want to help you, I want to help you more than anything. But there’s only one way….

Charlie reaches into his waistband and pulls out Morbid Angel’s book of undeath. There is a skeletal face on the cover of the ancient tome that also serves as the book’s locking mechanism. The eyes on the cover of the book peer around the room as Charlie removes it from his clothing. The Nickleman sets the tome on the ground as he turns his focus back on his babygirl.


I know you don’t want to talk about this, but we need to. I know you don’t like my new friend because you think he is creepy, but Goldi, can’t you see he’s the only one who can help us now?

Yessssss…….tellll herrrrr…..you FREED me….

The skeletal lips on the cover of the tome do not move yet Charlie can still hear it’s whispers with perfect clarity.

I stole this from Morbs at Fire & Ice. That Jesus-loving fool was doing nothing but wasting our time! But his book? Goldi, I believe this book contains the answers we have been searching for. The dark secrets we need to transmute cold metal into warm flesh.

I……….DO………

Morbid didn’t know how to use this book properly, Goldi, because he didn’t listen to it! He was too busy listening to his God to hear the truth! But me, Goldi? You know I’m a great listener.

So, whaddya’ say Goldi? Can we give this way a try?

Charlie looked at his lifeless championship belt with giddy anticipation. He tucked his fingers into his mangy beard as he bounced around on the floor, anxiously awaiting Goldi’s response. Every romantic relationship Charlie ever had before Goldi ended in failure: Charlie was making sure not to repeat the same mistakes this time, with the ‘true love’ of his life. After years of lying to, sleeping around on, and stealing from his ex-wife Charlie has come to understand that women prefer relationships where their partner is open and honest with them, relationships where big decisions are made collaboratively. Charlie was determined to keep Goldi happy, even if that meant giving her more power than he’d like to.

When Goldi finally ‘responded’ Charlie cried out with joy.

Oh thank you! I know we won’t regret this! I know this will work! We will finally be able to make love like everyone else does! We just have to listen to the book!

Charlie grabs the championship belt off the floor and holds it against his face as a few tears leak out of his eye sockets. Even the skeletal face on the ancient tome can’t help but roll its eyes at Charlie’s doting theatrics.

Oh Goldi this is going to be so splendid! Oh I love how courageous you are, baby!

Charlie plants a big wet kiss on the championship belt before he sets it down in his lap. Charlie wipes a few cheerful tears off his cheek before he looks down at the book he stole from Morbid Angel.

So…..what do we have to do? What’s the first step?

JOIN…………BOB…..

Charlie’s jaw drops.

Bring BOB…..back to….LIFE…..and Goldi…..will follow….


Wh-what? Join the Brotherhood of B-

BASTARDS!

After everything they’ve done to me? Fuck man, I can barely work with Tee-Kay and Bobby as is! I can’t join up with Graves and Oswald, too! GRAVES IS THE MOTHERFUCKER WHO KILLED GOLDI! Oswald has always plotted against me! No, no- maybe Goldi was right, maybe you are evil!

I am…….not…..EVIL….I am…..LOVE….love is…..NEVER EVOL!

I can’t join them! I’m halfway through convincing the bastards to leave all of BOB behind! I hate those bitches, I’ve ALWAYS hated those bitches!

....JOIN……BOB…..HELP BOB……LIVE AGAIN!

Why? Why would I do that?!

..FOR…..HER! TO MAKE HER…..WARM! BLOOD! Choose……LOVE…..not…….VENGEANCE…..Love is……STRONGER!

Charlie looked down at the belt laying lifeless in his lap. He had been working tirelessly to transfer Goldi to flesh….but at what cost? How far could Charlie go for love? Charlie was in open war with BOB during its entire existence….how could he stomach being a part of it’s revitalization? These are the questions Charlie asked himself as he stared down at his golden soulmate.

How….how could they help us?

Hiiiiiiisssss name is DARKNESS….he is LORD…….he has the power….I have….THE SPELL….HELP ME…..help…..YOU! BOB……MUST…..LIVE…..THE FATE OF BOB….IS THE FATE OF GOLDI!

Charlie stares nervously at the book before shifting his gaze to Goldi. He clears his throat as he asks his lover a quiet question in the darkness.

So what do you think, baby? Should I…..

Before Charlie can finish the question the flame from the candle suddenly roars back to life much larger than before. In a flash an image appears inside the fire. Charlie sees himself standing in the middle of a crowded line-up alongside TK, Oswald, Bobby Bourbon, Barney Green, Doc D’Ville, and an unknown warrior with a painted face. The infernal Nickleman steps forward with the TV championship belt strung over his shoulder. As the fiery image of Charlie steps forward the belt around his shoulder transforms into a beautiful woman clinging to his arm.

This can all be yours…

Charlie Nickles stared into the infernal image with overwhelming desire in his heart. He saw in the flames everything he had ever wanted. He saw in the flames a life of love with Goldi.


I'll join the Brotherhood.







We cut to a shot of Charlie Nickles sitting in a large throne seemingly in the middle of a random cornfield in Ohio. The television championship is not around his waist, but instead it is sitting peacefully on his lap. Charlie holds his barbed-wire bat at his side facing down, as if it were a bastard greatsword. The Nickelman rests the end cap of the bat against the frozen ground as he leans all the way back in his throne.

I told you once already, Raion...but truthfully, I’m so glad you didn’t listen. It’s more fun when my victims ignore all the obvious red flags and warning signs.

On February 13th I told you I'm smokin' Raion all the time, I told you that I got the dead opps on my mind, I told you that when I see you, heh…..blow your candles out, dead bitch.

The very next day you told me to step forward if I wished to die…..

So on the very next XWF program, I did exactly that. I stepped forward.

And what happened? Shit, we all know the answer to that one, Kiddo, so I won’t belabor the point…

A sly smirk spreads across Charlie’s face as he begins to lean forward in his throne.


But I gotta ask little man, why did your roar grow so quiet when we came face-to-face? Where was the lion’s mane, where were his teeth and his claws? After I hit a home-run on your skull you just laid there like a tired little boy going down for a nap. From what I saw of you in action it seems you don’t so much have the spirit of a lion, but rather your mommy bought you a lion costume from the halloween store that you like to prance around in!

The Nickleman chuckles to himself as he begins stroking his beard.

I have made it clear that your words become hollow when they fall upon my ears. My words, however, pack a real barbed-wire punch. You don’t know what you are getting yourself into, Kiddo.

I told you once before, Raion...by now you should know exactly what’s going to happen when I see you again.

But I remember how it was to be young. I remember the childhood obsessions, the teenage delusions, the reckless abandon. The reckless abandon was always my favorite part of youth. Some say that my reckless abandon never left.…but Raion, I can afford to be reckless, and that’s precisely why it’s no longer reckless. But you, little Kiddo? You can’t afford to take those risks I take day in and day out.

You’re just not man enough to handle it.

Charlie tightens his grip on his baseball bat as he stares into the camera like a madman.

What kind of crazy bastard picks a fight with Jim Caedus, Drew Archeyle, and the Brothers Lame all in one go? What kind of demented madman savagely brutalizes the Dark Vixen of Violence every few months just for the fun of it? What kind of reckless ruffian taunts The Impossible Traveler about her trauma just days before he’s trapped in the ring with her?

If you were that reckless do you know what would happen to you, Kiddo? Heh. Let’s run through the list in reverse, and to be sure that you really understand what I’m saying I’ll keep it relatable to your childish obsessions. First, Betsy Granger would act a fool like Caesar’s Senate all up in your precious Rome. Then, the pagans would drag you out of your domus and perform a ritual sacrifice in the middle of the Colosseum. And lastly, not to mention leastly, the APEX short-carriage would roll up to the scene and they’d ask you to join their little boys club! You know how those guys are with their dead horses, eh?


Charlie winks at the camera before leaning back in his cornfield throne and loosening his grip on the baseball bat.

But you know what I did with that very same set of circumstances, Kiddo? I struck pure fucking gold.But I didn’t just walk into that set of circumstances and twist them to my advantage- nope, nu uh. I created the perfect conditions for my rise with my own two hands. I set up the dominoes and I watched them fall, one by one by one. I waited in the wings with my trusty barbed-wire bat and stood firm until the smoke cleared. When the dust settled I swept the ashes of my fallen foes into the waste bin of history until only the weakest link was left in the top brass. Shit, the way I cleaned out the main event scene folks should really start calling ME the janitor!

Charlie points his thumb at himself as he once again leans all the way forward in his throne.

That’s why it’s not reckless for me to strut up to the biggest dog in the yard and snap in his face- because all I’m doing is begging for a hasty response. When I see that impulsive reaction, well, that’s when I go in for the kill. I’m a mad dog Kiddo, and I’ve always been off the leash! But you? My god boy, you’re practically a pup! A little shiba inu has no business sniffing around my anus! That’s just reckless!

Charlie sighs then chuckles to himself as he runs his free hand through his uncombed mane.

I told you once already, Raion...so it must have been your teenage delusion that forced your slip up last Wednesday night. It was foolish and frankly, disrespectful to let me see you after the very public and advanced notice I gave you. But you thought you were a big man, dincha’? Six foot and four inches might make you massive in Japan, especially when it’s two separate measurements, but that type of size just can’t compare to The Nickleman! We saw that in action just a few nights ago!

You should have heeded my warning and stayed the fuck out of my neighborhood, but since you didn’t, you had to find out the hard way that I’m not Mr. Rogers and this isn’t the land of make-believe! Your comic book friends can’t protect you from real life bastards! I went up against a real bonafide superhero last month, and guess what? She ended up strung up by her ankles and strung out on hope. What made you think you’d fare any better than she did? Nothing but the immature delusions of a man who’s never been tested in the way that I test people. When you play with The Nickleman, buddy, you’re not playing with fire: the fire is playing with you.

I test people, Raion. I push buttons people didn’t even know they had! I break people. I put people through trauma and horror so unimaginable that they walk away from our match a completely different person. I bring the rage out in people, I bring out the hatred and the anger. I can twist even the sweetest flower into a disgusting weed. Just ask Betsy Granger about the games I play....

You’re probably too new to know this, Raion, but you’re not supposed to want to go up against Charlie Nickles for the television championship. That’s why you have never once in your short life, Raion, ever seen anyone clamoring for a shot at the gold on Saturday nights. Back in the old days before I held the belt cats would fill up those booking meetings and there’d be a line out the door of people begging for a piece of the champ. But nowadays? Pfft, no one dares to say so much as a harsh word about me in those booking meetings lest that bitch Karen Hunt place them across from me on the card.

But some of life’s lessons have to be learned the hard way, don’t they, Kiddo? If this foreign exchange student would have just done his homework then he would have known that Charlie Nickles is 14-0 when his name’s on the card and the television championship, or even just a shot at it, is on the line. Yep, go do the math buster. If you can’t figure out how I got to that magic number ‘14’ then you’d best hit the film room and start watching more tape.

I might be crazy, Raion, but you’re downright delusional if you think you’re walking away from Savage with my pride and joy! It’s a proven fact that I am absolutely unbeatable and unstoppable when my precious is on the line. Everyone that’s been here more than three weeks knows that challenging me for the gold is nothing but a fool’s errand.

But come on up, Raion, step to the plate and give me your best fucking shot. We will see just how much blood this little lion has in him before our barbed wire deathmatch is through.

Charlie sneers at the camera before leaning back in his throne and dismissively waving his audience away.