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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Fire and Ice 2022 PPV RP Boards
iHeroCon pt. 1
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Ruby Offline
The Super Dear'o



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#1
01-22-2022, 07:34 PM

Heroes tended to live on their own island. Most of them were solitary beings, who worked alone or employed a sidekick at the very most. Nobody knew why, but that was just how things were. For normal level threats there was no need for epic team-ups. But ever so often, even in times of peace, heroes convened. Not to fight crime. But to exchange stories, experiences,… and even a little bit of friendly competition. It was known throughout the entire superhero community as…

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iHeroCon! A convention not ABOUT superheroes, but FOR superheroes. And to the surprise of absolutely no one, she was there, along with her ‘+1’, whose arm she was holding as they approached the steps that led to McCormick Place.

Ruby: “My mans, this is like Christmas but supercharged! Can’t believe they finally organized it in Chicago.”

Centurion didn’t know what to make of the dozens of weirdly dressed people that were going in the same direction as they were, but some of them certainly looked… interesting. For Ruby, it was like being a kid in a candy store, as she started pointing out some of her own personal favorites and heroic acquaintances.

Ruby: “Look! There’s Call Girl!”

She pointed at a woman who was at least in her fifties. She was clad in pink, with shoulder pads made out of old telephone horns. Her chest symbol was a phone dial, and her arms and legs were adorned with curly telephone wire that had clearly seen a lot of usage.

Centurion: “Call Girl? Is she the patron saint of prostitutes, or what does she do?”

Ruby: “No, silly, she has the superpower to tap into all telephone networks. But err… let’s just say she was a lot more powerful in the late nineties and early naughts. She lost a lot of relevancy when the internet started to dominate all forms of communication, you know? She can only do phones, for some reason, not tap into the internet. But she’s still very much a cult hero. I have a mint version of Electronic Dream Phone with her autograph. It is literally priceless.”

Centurion: “So she’s… an old-school hacker?”

Ruby: “Well, is it really hacking if you do it with your *mind*?”

Centurion: “Her… mind?”

Centurion didn’t know if Ruby was messing with him or not, but he had seen enough during his lifetime that the very least he could do was suspend his disbelief for a day. After all, Ruby didn’t complain about the fact he dragged her along to the Velvet Rabbit, along with all the shenanigans that entailed. This was the least he could do.

Ruby: “And there! That’s Pajama Man! *Caught in a jam? Call Pajama Man!* I loved that guy when I was a kid.”

Centurion saw the guy, but all he could see was a guy in his pajamas. He was also aging, and going bald at a rapid rate. The buttons on his pajama vest were under high tension from the beer gut that was clearly forming underneath.

Centurion: “Sooo, what does he do, other than being able to brave this Chicago cold wearing nothing but pajamas?”

Ruby: “He fights crime!”

Centurion: “Figured as much.”

Ruby: “In his pajamas!”

Centurion: “You don’t say!”

Ruby: “And he has impenetrable skin!”

Centurion: “I’m sorry, what?”

Centurion double-taked, but to Ruby it seemed like the most normal thing in the world. She took him by the hand, and up the stairs of McCormick Place. There, she was greeted by the hairiest man he had ever seen. He was easily seven feet tall and he roared as he saw Ruby approach him, who returned his enthusiasm. She leapt up for a high five on an impossibly large hand with filed fingernails that more closely resembled claws.

Ruby: “Human Bear!”

Human Bear: “Ruby! I was hoping I’d see you here!”

Ruby: “Well color me banana-lime surprised my guy, I thought you’d be hibernating right now!?”

Human Bear: “I usually am, but it’s been years since the last iHeroCon, couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this. Anyway, we really should catch up later, Ruby. But I hear they’re serving honey-glazed wings inside.”

Ruby: “Okay my dude, but leave some for the rest of us!”

Human Bear got on all fours and ran inside. Centurion frowned.

Centurion: “He’s… interesting. You guys seem to know each other well.”

Ruby: “Yeah, Human Bear’s pretty cool. He used to live and patrol in Chicago, actually. But the he got bored and left. I think he lives somewhere up in the woods in Northern Michigan right now.”

Centurion: “Why’d he get bored?”

Ruby: “Well, I basically moved in with you. That meant no more work for him. He’s big and strong, but I’m way, way faster. I just really, really hope he doesn’t run into the Human Cheese inside. Those guys really hate each other.”

Centurion: “Would this Human Cheese be from Green Bay by any chance?”

Ruby: “Oh, you know of him, then?”

Centurion: “No no, just a hunch, babe. Juuuust a hunch.”

Ruby: “Cool beans! Let’s go inside.”

At the entrance, Ruby flashed her superhero accreditations and Centurion’s guest pass. The cashier eyed Centurion rather weirdly, as if he didn’t belong. And as he was basically the only person for a mile around that wore street clothing, he did stick out like a sore thumb. Ruby noticed and waved the cashier’s concerns away.

Ruby: “Don’t worry, that’s Supercent! He once beat up an entire gang of Republicans! It was pretty flippin’ glorious.”

The cashier handed Ruby’s tickets back.

Cashier: “Well don’t let MAGAgirl hear you say that, she might take offense.”

As the pair walked on, Centurion raised an eyebrow.

Centurion: “MAGAgirl? Doesn’t sound like a superhero to me.”

Ruby: “Yeahhh, she got the nod of ‘hero’ because she has super strength, can turn orange at will, and she stopped a bunch of riots. You can guess which ones. I wouldn’t have let her in, but I don’t make the guest list. Flip, they didn’t even let Vita in because she’s a vampire, no matter her history as the Pink Mist. Consistency isn’t the Council’s strong suit. But I guess their reasoning was, ‘if we let Obamagirl in, we gotta let MAGAgirl in’.”

Centurion: “Obamagirl’s real?”

Ruby: “Yeah, totally. Good egg. Bidenboy’s trying his best too, but he needs a little bit more experience before he’s ready for the real stuff.”

Ruby grabbed Centurion by the hand again and took him to the center’s ground plan where all of the day’s activities were planned out.

Ruby: “Hmm, let’s see… What’s there to do? Oh, The Workbench is presenting his autobiography, that should be a treat.”

Centurion: “The Workbench?”

Ruby: “Flip yeah. He can turn all of his limbs into power tools, it’s pretty neat. He stopped the Big Roundabout that would’ve caused a Microbunting invasion.”

Centurion: “…what?”

Ruby: “Exactly! He stopped it so barely anybody knows about it. I guess that’s why he wrote the book. But if you’re up for something a bit more visual and flashy, Doctor Watt is holding an electric lightshow in the square in half an hour. Oh, we DEFINITELY have to go to the arena for the fighting tournament. Five-time winner DoorDash has come out of retirement for one last go. I guess he took those rumors about no longer being the fastest man alive personally…”

Centurion: “DoorDash? Like the food ordering company? How did he never get sued?”

Ruby: “Well, he’s had the name longer, first of all, and secondly he’s their CEO.”

Centurion: “So you’re telling me that Tony Xu, billionaire CEO of DoorDash, is actually a superhero in secret and the fastest man alive?”

Ruby: “My mans, hush! We’re not supposed to use any fake names in here! I’m, like, in the one percent of heroes who uses their actual birthname for their superhero persona. And flip yeah, my guy! He once fed half of India in one night, bringing meals to their doors.”

Centurion: “My bad, my bad… Still, it’s all a bit much to take in.”

Centurion still wasn’t sure if this was all just one elaborate cosplay event full of people pretending, but then again the Human Bear had looked *very* real.

Centurion: “How about we get a bit to eat first and then go to the light show?”

Ruby: “Excellent idea! Captain Cook can conjure up the greatest cakes imaginable. She always gets it right, because she can read your mind and then decide what flavor suits you and your personality best.”

Centurion was just going with it at this point. They hooked arms and followed the sign towards the catering.

Centurion: “Mmm-hmm. So tell me… Call Girl, Workbench, DoorDash, Doctor Watt, Captain Cook,… all these people with their… powers. Most of them seem to know you, and yet… You don’t have any real powers. I mean, do you?”

Ruby grinned, and leaned into him.

Ruby: “Welllll, who says you need superhuman abilities to be a hero? I whoop backside, I kill with kindness, lead by example and I laugh in the face of danger! I know, I know, that may seem underwhelming, but it’s totally valid. And if you jump into the fray without any abilities, most of these superpowered dudes and dudettes actually respect you for that. Except for MAGAgirl, she thinks I shouldn’t be allowed in because I’m not ‘pure’, but flip her.”

As they approached the catering, the smell of Captain Cook’s cakes became more and more noticeable.

Ruby: “Ya know, I’m glad we get to do this. It’s been a good week. We beat Arcana and Caedus, had a good time at the Rabbit, but this feels a bit more… relaxed.”

Centurion: “I guess you could call it that.”

Ruby: “Well, with Fire and Ice approaching I need to be tuned in. Atara’s no joke. It’s easy to look at her and see nothing but a stripper who takes dollar bills out of breast pockets using nothing but her teeth, but I’m not gonna shame her for that. Flip, I respect her for knowing who she is, what she wants, and not being ashamed to use *aaalllllll* she’s got to get it. And she has a magnetic personality, you know. People are instantly drawn to her. When she snaps her fingers, people fall in droves. She RT’s a few erotically charged pics from Ancient Greece, and people fracture their thumbs pressing that like button. She wins a few matches, quits, and subsequently gets voted into the XWF’s ‘all-time-best’ lists. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she has some superhuman abilities of her own! Although she *is* Aphrodite Incarnate, or so I’ve heard. It’s really rather impressive, the sway she holds over people. Unfortunately for her, she’s also not very… good. Most of the time, anyway. I guess you could say ‘streaky’ is the word?”

At that point, Centurion was just looking at the overhead menu’s to see what was on offer.

Ruby: “Sorry, I was blabbering.”

Centurion: “Don’t worry. Hey, can you get me some fish cakes? I gotta go take a leak real quick.”

Ruby: “What, but don’t you want your mind read first? It’s really fun, you know.”

Centurion: “I’m good. See you in a bit.”

Ruby: “Suit yourself! Just remember to leave a tip for the toilet lady. Or ‘The Tip’ *will* hunt you down and make you leave one.”

As Ruby waited in the queue behind the Blue Bolt, she suddenly heard a voice make a grand announcement behind her.

She turned around, only to see an old familiar face. WarpZone, an aging hero with the ability to manipulate time and space itself, was walking around with his mobile teletime machine. He was wearing long blue robes and was sporting a long grey beard, looking like a Disney wizard.

WarpZone: “Heroes! Lo and behold, thanks to my inherent abilities, and the technological savvy of King Tinkerer, I present to you… the first of its kind, the teletime machine, able to teleport you to any time, any place, in any reality! Which one of you brave heroes is fearless enough for a demonstration?”

Groups of curious heroes gathered round, some which seemed skeptical, others interested. And a few spoke up.

Froyo: “Yo, that machine don’t seem very chill to me. Last time you did one of your ‘experiments’ you sent my boys Ben and Jerry back to the Stone Age!”

Landmark: “Yeah, and they were never seen or heard from again!”

Hivemind: “Yeah, WarpZone, get outta here with that shi-“

Before Hivemind could finish her sentence, Ruby was propelled forward as if by a supernatural force. She stood right next to her, pointing her index finger up at the hero who could control the minds of others.

Ruby: “Language!”

Hivemind: “Whoa, Ruby! You scared me.”

WarpZone: “’tis a fool indeed, she who dares curse in the vicinity of the Banana-Lime Blur!”

Ruby: “That’s right! Now don’t make me have to tell you again, Hivemind, or I *will* have to give you a proper spanking.”

Landmark: “Yeah, you don’t want that, Hivemind. My Empire State Building still hurts from when she caught me using the c-word.”

Froyo: “I couldn’t even freeze a saucer of cat milk for a week when I dropped an f-bomb.”

Ruby: “You’re all very welcome for changing your vocabulary for the better!”

Froyo: “Stuntin’ more like.”

Ruby: “And unless you want me to stunt on you one more time, Froyo, I suggest you keep up the good behavior.”

WarpZone, meanwhile, had rolled his machine closer to Ruby.

WarpZone: “Well then, perhaps the Super Dear’O, bravest and best of us all, wouldn’t mind giving my device a whirl?”

Landmark: “Yeah, Rubes! Show us how it’s done!”

Blue Bolt: “Let’s go, Ruby, don’t Blue Bolt us!”

Hivemind: “Go for it, Rubes!”

More and more heroes started to chime in, and encouraging Ruby to try out WarpZone’s teletime machine.

LardLad: “RU-BY! RU-BY! RU-BY!”

The Human Cheese: “Just do it, already!”

The Human Bear: “Shut your mouth, Human Cheese, before I melt your face and drip your brains all over Nacho Problem!”

Nacho Problem: “GROSS!”

The Human Cheese: “Pfft, please, Nacho, nobody even knows what you are!”

MicroAggression: “Watch it, Human Cheese! I will not stand for micro aggressions!”

Ruby: “Please, everybody! All calm the flip down! I’ll try WarpZone’s device, what’s the worst flippin’ thing that could happen?”

Everybody fell silent, and started looking up at the ceiling, trying their best to avoid making eye contact.

Ruby: “Okay, fine, so a lot could go wrong. But you know what, I’m facing one tough chick at my next wrestling event, and I think a fun adventure s the best kind of training to properly prepare.”

WarpZone: “Excellent! I salute your courage, Banana-Lime Blur. Now, please step forward.”

Ruby did as instructed, and WarpZone put a metal helmet on top of her head. It felt heavy, but was heavily padded on the inside. WarpZone himself placed his hands on his teletime device, ready to charge his powers into the machine.

WarpZone: “So, Super Dear’O! Where would you like to go?”

Ruby: “Excellent question, my guy. Seeing as my opponent is kind of obsessed with ancient times, send me somewhere a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.”

WarpZone: “So… Star Wars?”

Ruby: “No no, no sci-fi for this one. Something a bit more… dragon-y. Send me to… a land of Ice and Fire.”

WarpZone: “So it shall be.”

WarpZone’s hands started flickering, before they were swirling with energy. The machine started humming, and a strong current was sent directly towards Ruby’s helmet. She felt her vision blur, before her body was pulled upward . She was warped through time and space. Everything was spinning, and she felt nauseous. However, it didn’t take long before she felt her feet land on soft grass, and her vision returned.

The impact sent her tumbling to the ground, and she heard nothing but the twang of a piece of string. As she opened her eyes, she was staring straight at an arrow. And the person holding the bow had a very familiar face: that of her own. Ruby raised an eyebrow.

Ruby: “Who the flip are you??”

The other person relaxed the bow, before putting the arrow back in the quiver on her back. She bent over, and frowned.

Ruby Hood: “I’m Ruby Hood… Who the flip are *you*??”

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