I just wanted some mooooooorrreeee, Oliver Twist



We immediately begin with a montage of Charlie Nickles set to the tune of English Grime. The first clip is of Charlie and Goldilocks laying in bed next to each other beneath the covers. Charlie is caressing the golden plates on his championship belt.


Think I didn't take risks to get to this 'sitch? Don't take the piss



We cut to a clip of Charlie Nickles laughing maniacally in a nondescript room as a frail man in a black ski mask pushes a TV in on a rolling cart. The TV is playing a censored and blurred version of Betsy Granger’s controversial scene.


I've been scummy, I admit, I did what I did, but I deserve this


A clip of Charlie Nickles harassing Atara and Cashe rolls across the screen. The trio are in the backstage area as Charlie Nickles is showing them a NSFW video on his cellphone. We then quickly cut to a shot of Charlie and Goldilocks walking up the entrance ramp at Bad Medicine as the front row fans scream at, cuss at, and generally harass The Nickleman.


That's why the bottle got popped at six
And I'll holla one thot by the evening
I used to think I'm just dreaming


We see various shots of Charlie and Goldi flying on a private jet, drinking champagne in an upscale restaurant, and cuddling together on a couch as they watch a romantic movie on the Lifetime channel.


Now I'm up and my ex-girl's all in her feelings (fuck off)
It's too late, darlin', 'cause this ship is sailed away from your reaching


We travel back in time to a shot of the referee handing Charlie Nickles the TV championship belt at Bad Medicine. The camera zooms in on the TV belt as it is held high in the air. Then, the camera changes course and zooms in on Betsy’s crumpled body.


Ain't one for preaching
But I've come a long way from all the rules I was breaching
Some lessons, there ain't no teaching

The montage ends with a shot of a shirtless Charlie Nickles and the Television championship sharing each other’s company in a steaming hot tub. Goldilocks lays atop Charlie’s torso and stomach as he caresses her leather straps. We are only given a view of the pair from the waist up.

Charlie kisses the championship softly before reaching to the side of the hot tub and grabbing a golden chalice. He brings the chalice to his lips and greedily guzzles down whatever is inside it. Charlie licks his lips and sighs in satisfaction as he returns the chalice to its position near the top of the hot tub. Scarlet ichor runs down Charlie’s lips and into his beard as he turns to face the conveniently located camera at the far edge of the hot tub.

I just wanted some moooooooooooorrreeeee.

Charlie looks down at the TV championship lovingly.

Some more kisses, more cuddles, and more time with you my precious little baby girl.

Charlie dotes on the belt for a bit before looking back up at the camera.

I did what I had to do and I won’t apologize for one bit of it. The cheating, the controversies, the chaos I caused- I won’t apologize for any of it. I only did that which needed to be done. I only did the dirty deeds that were required to bring Goldilocks back into my loving hands once more.

Anyone that has a problem with the low-down, dirty things I did to get this belt back can go ahead and write their complaints down on a piece of paper. Then, they can go ahead and roll that piece of paper up reaaaallll thin like. Then, they can go ahead and lay on their side and SHOVE THAT COMPLAINT UP THEIR ASS BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE TIME TO HEAR IT!

A champion is always busy. I don’t have time to listen to the salty sayings and deranged ravings being shouted from those at the bottom of my barrel- I’m too busy stomping all those sour grapes into sweet, sweet, whine! HaHa!

Charlie looks at his television championship and continues laughing.

HaHaHa! Get it, Goldi, sour grapes? WHINE?! HAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAA! Did you like that one?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I knew you would.

A satisfied smirk spreads across Charlie’s face as he looks up from the championship belt and back at the camera situated across the tub.

Goldi and I….we just get each other, you know? It’s like we can finish each other’s se-

Charlie looks down at the TV championship with jubilance.

EXACTLY!

We really are just a match made in heaven, you and I, Goldi-dearest. There’s no one on this steadily warming earth that could ever drive us apart! There is no gap between us that is large enough for even the smallest wedge to be formed. Her and I are simply inseparable. We are the most lovingest lovers out of all the lovers who have ever loved in the XWF!

It’s true.

Charlie gestures with his hands towards the camera before reaching over and grabbing that golden chalice once more. This time Charlie appears to down the entirety of the cup’s contents. He smacks his maroon-tinted lips with satisfaction as he chucks the now empty chalice over his shoulder.

Ahhhhhhh the blood of orphans has never tasted sweeter. Never been more expensive, either…..but times are finally looking up for ol’ Saint Nick. That stock portfolio is growing, the bookers are calling, and all my investments are finally starting to pay off.

It’s a damn good day to be alive.

BRRRRRZZZZZZ BRRRRRRZZZZZZZZ BRRRZZZZZZZ

Charlie looks around the dry space near the top of the hot tub as a cell phone buzzes exactly three times. Charlie throws a couple of towels out of the way as he grabs a pink iphone and slides through the text messages.

Oh baby this night just keeps getting better and better!

Terry MOTHERFUCKING Borden?! Oh baby we have this first defense in the bag!

I thought that management would toss me something like a Thebe, but I never predicted they’d toss me a freebie!

Terry Borden isn’t half the man that I am, he’s barely even a half-man in his own right! It’s well past time for this geezer to hang up the boots and call it a career. He’s not Charlie Nickles- he’s not going to get a sudden burst of stardom after 20 years of mediocrity…..Terry’s just going to get another 20 years of mediocrity! I hope Borin’ Borden remembers to take his blood thinners before our match or this shit could get gruesome. Those final 20 years could turn into 20 days if Terry Borden isn’t careful in that ring….

Charlie looks down at the TV championship across his chest with a look of sincerity in his eyes.

Really, baby- he doesn’t have any chance of taking you away from me. I promise.

Charlie leans forward and kisses the golden plate of the championship belt before turning his focus back to the camera at the edge of the hot tub.

I wonder how many loads Terry Borden had to swallow to get booked for this match. We all know his record alone doesn’t recommend the lad to a title shot- so what’s the dealio? I find it hard to believe Terry Borden is one of managements favorite cats- I think the guy has sold a grand total of two shirts, and that’s only because I blooded his first shirt last time we met!

You see folks, Terry Borden just doesn’t have what it takes to be a Television Champion. Not now, not ever. Even when he was just a tiny little sperm in his father’s nutsack he didn’t have the potential to become a television champion. This inability of his isn’t a result of his actions, his choices, his laziness, or anything of the sort. No, not at all.

It’s much simpler than that, truely.

Terry Borden’s mediocrity is just God-given. Nothing can be done bout’ it. It’s sad, for him, but it’s just reality. Just like Muggsy Bogues could never dunk the ball, Terry Borden will never win the TV championship. It’s just unattainable to him, there’s nothing he can do. He can practice, he can train, he can prepare his body all day every day until our match. He can watch all my film, create the greatest game plan of all time, and still he will never be able to beat me. Let alone beat me in fifteen minutes!

But I still want to make this interesting for the audience. The power is in my hands, after all…and when the power is in the hands of the Nickleman, the power is in the hands of the people...and as such, I have no choice but to give the people the most exciting, heart-racing, erection-causing match that I can give them!

So…..I haven’t run this stipulation by Goldilocks yet, but………..

Charlie looks down at the golden belt with a smile.

I think she’ll be ok with it.

Charlie caresses his golden nameplate on the belt before looking back up into the camera.

So Terry Borden, I hope you’re ready for what is going to be simultaneously the BEST and WORST night of your life! When we face off, buddy, we’re doing it big time.

WE ARE FACING OFF IN A HELL IN A CELL, STRIPPER ON A POLE MATCH!

You know what that is, don’t you?

No?

Well then, allow The Nickleman to enlighten you.

Terry Borden and Charlie Nickles will be trapped in a massive steel cell together- but I can’t win by just pinning Terry Borden, or just by getting him to submit to me! No, no, this match is going to be something totally different. I can only defeat Terry Borden by escaping the cell and climbing to the top of it….but that’s not at all I need to do to win! On the top of the cell there will also be a SEXY, SEXY stripper hanging around a pole watching our match from above! Right in front of her there will be a STEEL CHAIR….and to win, I need to get my ass in that chair to receive a lapdance from the stripper!

It’s that easy, or rather, that hard!

LET’S GET ERRRRRRR DONE BOYSSSSSSSSSS!

Charlie Nickles forms devil horns with his right hand and starts violently head banging as ArrDee’s ‘Oliver Twist’ begins to play in the background while the camera slowly moves away from The Nickleman. The song grows loud and louder as the camera moves further and further away.

~Scene~