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Marf · (11-05-2021)

Halloween night, before Spooky Savage.

Marf stands in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. His beard has been shaven done to stubble aside from keeping a short mustache. His hair is slicked down and back with hair gel. He wears a dark, striped, three button suit. Marf is Gomez Addams. He cocks an eyebrow at himself, still in disbelief Reika got him to dress up like this. The reaches over to the bathroom light but stares at himself for a moment longer. Finally Marf flicks the switch and heads down the hall to Reika’s room.

Her door is closed so he lightly taps a knuckle to it a few times. Marf hears the soft thumping of little feet racing towards the door. Reika flings it open and reveals herself. She is the spitting image of Wednesday Addams. She raises her arms out and stares at Marf awaiting judgement of her costume. Marf gives her a careful look before smirking and nodding. He applauds and bows while Reika hops up and down excitedly, happy to impress.

Wow! You look just like her!

Thanks Marfy! And you look just like Gomez! Thanks for shaving your gross beard!

Hey my beard isn’t gross! Whatever, do you have your pillowcase?

On cue, Reika holds up a long pillowcase from behind her back. It’s almost three feet long. Marf squints and cocks his head to the side while Reika stifles a laugh.

You know what, if you can carry that thing when it’s full I’ll let you go through with this.

Yay! You’re the bestest, Marfy!

I try…just don’t tell Lycana!

Marf turns to head downstairs but Reika stays in her doorway. She hesitates until he turns back around and looks at her.

Marfy…how come Lycana isn’t coming out with us? She’s supposed to be Morticia…

Marf walks back over to her and drops to a knee to be closer to her. Her innocence never ceased to amaze him and make whatever heart he had left, ache. He sighs and speaks softly to her.

Well kiddo, Lycana, just like me, has to sign different contracts whenever we go to work. One of her recent contracts unfortunately was a cruise event and it overlapped Halloween…she wanted real bad to be here with us, I know it. But we need to make money to be able to have our nice home right, so she had to do it. I’m sorry.

Reika nods in a sad understanding and then grabs hold of Marf for a hug.

It’s okay Marfy. We can still get lots of candy. Wait…where is Damien? He’s supposed to be Pugsley!

Marf sighs and begins going downstairs with Reika following him.

Damien is…you know what, I have no idea where he is. But he’s gonna get a good…smack…when I see him next.

…Please don’t hurt him again.

Marf stops for a moment and looks back at her.

How did you know I hurt Damien? Did he tell you that?

No. I just know.

Okay, well, sometimes it happens. Guy friends fight a little too hard, I’m sorry you had to find that out.

Marf hopes he doesn’t sound too much like some TGIF sitcom dad and actually cringes ever so slightly at himself. Reika seems to accept it and rushes by to go down and put her shoes on. He should be wondering about how she just knew about him hurting Damien. His mind can’t seem to look past anything at the moment though…

The morning after Spooky Savage.

The front door slowly unlocks and opens. Very cautiously the door begins to swing open and Damien steps into the house as silently as he can. He’s still dressed up in his costume from the night before but it isn’t Pugsley Addams. It’s some bizarre looking sexy buzz light year nonsense. Damien carefully closes the door behind him and quietly locks it. Very slowly he takes off his neon boots and places them on the doormat with a hush. He creeps his way into the kitchen to wash his hands when he hears someone move behind him. Damien spins to see Marf sitting at the kitchen table glaring at him.

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How long have you been sitting there!?

What…in the bluest of blue fucks…are you dressed as?

Damien looks himself over and goes red in shame. He scrambles to deflect things.

It was from the tinder party…who are you to judge? Nice friggin mustache, by the way.

Marf slowly rises from his chair and takes a step towards Damien. He instinctively puts a hand to his neck while keeping his eyes on Marf.

Do you know why I have this ridiculous mustache? A sweet little girl asked me to be part of her Addams Family costume for Halloween…that I guess you fucking forgot about because of your precious Tinder bullshit!

Realization strikes Damien’s eyes and he lowers his head for a moment. Marf shakes his head while staring a hole through him.

Oh shit, okay I can make this up to her! And hold up, did you call her a little girl? Because she is…

Shut the fuck up! We are family here and you fucked up big time pal! I don’t need to be covering for your gross buzz light year ass. And speaking of which, where the hell did you even find that costume? You look like you carry roofies in your back pocket to take the girls to infinity and beyond a back alley…

Damien takes a step towards Marf, getting fairly defensive.

Im sorry I’m trying to live my life…and who the hell are you to judge me? Lycana gets a little busy for a month and suddenly you have some real emotions? Give me a break man…

Marf and Damien are now standing nose to nose practically. Blows look to be unstoppable at any second.

You got a deathwish or something?

Reika suddenly comes bounding into the kitchen as Damien sees her and takes a step back from Marf.

Damien!? Why are you wearing that?

Before Damien can respond Marf turns and grins at Reika.

Isn’t it great? Damien felt so bad about missing last night that he’s going to take you out this morning around the block to make up for it! Right, Damien?

Damien can only nod while staring at Marf with a silent fury. Reika jumps up and down excitedly as we fade out.

So I'm all surrounded,
By the things I thought I'd put away.
So I'm all surrounded,
By the things I thought I'd put away.
And if I'm a slob,
Well I never looked at it that way.
Irresponsible,
Well you're not the first to say.

But I told her I'm sorry,
I never wanted it this way.
Yeah, I still need her,
But the mess won't go away.

And I walk out the door.
Get blown wide open,
By the things I'd put away.
And I'm out on the porch.
Just blown wide open,
Now the mess is where I lay.

Sometime later that day, or maybe it was another day who knows?

Well it might not be as beaming, but that familiar face of Marf enters the frame and we’re ready to go. He gives the camera a wink for absolutely no reason anyone could understand.

Welp, I guess that didn’t really go as planned, did it friends? Your ole pal Marf drops the god damn Television title to the time travelling pain in my ass. Betsy Granger using just pure athleticism to roll off of a pile of debris before I could. She really pulled it off. Well, taking the title from me at least. All that shit she talked about destroying me and leaving me behind didn’t really pan out. Nor did shutting me up, I’m still fucking here! I’m not even banged up all that much either. Betsy was supposed to put me down like a dog.

Marf spreads his arms almost as wide as the shit eating grin upon his face.

But here I am! Back once again and ready to begin tearing my way through whatever list of names I have to until I get my hands on Betsy once more. There will be a Marf versus Betsy Granger round three. We will meet again you thieving little bitch and I’ll get my Television title back. I will break your hands to get it. Maybe I’ll just break your fragile hands regardless just for shits. One thing is for sure, whether it is through this tournament or another way, I will dance with you in the ring again Bets. And mark my words, I will put you down. After that, the only travelling you will be doing is to the fucking hospital.

Marf shrugs as if that was an obvious fact everyone should already know.

Now that I got that out of the way, on to this lovely Television title tournament. A stupendous opportunity to fast track my “maul Betsy” plans. But of course this opportunity comes with some outrageously fucked up stipulations. First round is an abominable snowman destruction match. Second round is the classic polar plunge. And the finals will be decided in a X-Kimo lumberjack match. I mean seriously, who came up with this shit? How fucking high was the booking committee? It isn’t punishment enough to hold a live event in shitty Anchorage we gotta go through a bunch of fucking nonsense…

Marf stops himself while seething in anger. He shakes his head before going on.

Whatever, it doesn’t matter right now. What matters is round one.
Match one. What poor soul has the unenviable task of standing across the ring from yours truly? Who has to find a way to possess the testicular fortitude to enter that ring with me? An angry son of a bitch coming off a close loss looking for nothing but blood to spill and flesh to shred! Who the hell gets the daunting assignment of meeting Marf head on in the first round? Can they possibly be even slightly prepared for the fury of aggressive I have ready to burst out?

Now watch out, in comes the mighty and magnificent…Schism? The fuck is a Schism? Is this guy gonna show up and get all preachy on me or some such bullshit? The only faith I need is in myself and my body, especially in my fists knocking your yellow teeth out. This of course is assuming you actually bother to show up. Haven’t really seen you accomplish anything other than fucking up signing up to this tournament. Bravo on that one, ya fucking idiot.

You look like the type of dipshit that would take one hit off a joint and start having hallucinations. Stumbling out here talking about the stars are crying and that we are in bat country. No wonder you couldn’t figure out how to properly read simple instructions. How the hell are you going to be able to destroy my snowman? You’ll probably take one look at it and piss yourself before dropping into the fetal position. Honestly, don’t bother showing up fucko…

Marf’s smart ass smile has faded away faster than friends from high school. He looks into the camera with that intimidating grimace and stone cold gaze.

But if you do actually show up, Schism, let me tell you what you’re walking into. I’m not going to give you some spirited introduction match. I’m going to whip your dirty thread wearing ass all over Alaska. The snow in Anchorage will run red with your fucking blood. I’m going to destroy every motherfucker in my damn way and it all starts with you. The mysterious fuckhead saddled into the bracket next to me. You’re the first step to redemption and you better fucking believe I’m about to walk all over you.

Come at me with your stupid ass black jeans and whatever lame ass injury you’re wearing on your face this time. Maybe a scratch across the nose from your fuckin’ cat? Fuck off and fight me Schism! Show up so I can take out some frustrations! Betsy may think she cancelled the Marf show but we’re still going fucking strong baby! Schism is the next god damn contestant, come the fuck down to the Marf show and get dropped on your fuckin’ head. After all, the show must go on!

Marf opens his arms wide again and bursts into hideous laughter as we fade out.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The gun’s still smokin’, the bloods still flowin’
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