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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Shove-It! Boards » Shove-It! RP Board
Soft Deadline Romanian Stereotypes, Pirate Maps and Warming Techniques
Author Message
Mark Flynn Offline
24/7 Briefcase Holders get their name in GOLD
The 24/7 Shot!



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
10-20-2021, 10:26 PM

“Kato, turn left up here…”

The limousine skids past a network of thatched-roof huts, somewhere in Romania. Kato cautiously weaves around horse-and-carriages in the cobblestone road. Terrified peasantry dressed in tattered rags kiss their crucifixes as the limo drives by. NK is in the backseat, holding his XWF Tag Title Belt at his side like a security blanket LIKE A NOBLE HERO’S SHIELD!

”Mark Flynn, this feels stereotypical and regressive.”

Flynn gives the backseat a side-eye.

“Whaddya mean, NK?”

“I mean, is this authentic? It’s 2021. Do Romanians actually still whisper in hushed tones, terrified of outsiders?”

When NK utters the word ‘outsiders’, even with the tinted windows rolled-up to limit exterior visibility, the villagers turn and stare the fascist straight in his eyes. A chill runs up his spine.

“EEEEEhhhh...”

Flynn looks back down at the map Marf and Charlie supplied, which is of course, a fucking piratey looking scroll, all ripped-at-the-corners and smelling like death and scurvy...

“NK, there are many questions rational people might ask… How’d we get the limo to Romania?”

“By sea, obviously. We travelled in a shipping container.”

“Weren’t we just in Louisville infiltrating the KFC Yum! Center to investigate Dolly Waters being in two places at once?”

“The ‘Us’ doing that are in the past. It’s the present now.”

NK turns to the camera.

“That’ll make sense later.”

Flynn waves dismissively.

“My point: it’s the least of our concern that Marf and Charlie wanted us to wrestle in the most stereotypical Universal Monsters setting possible.”

When Flynn says ‘Monsters’, a pale, haggard priest dives onto the limo’s hood! NK and Kato both jump in fright!

“LEAVE NOW, STRANGERS! THIS PLACE WILL BE YOUR END!”

Flynn doesn’t look up from the map, waving the priest away.

“Wow, thanks! What a welcome, I can see why this is such a tourist hotspot...”

The holyman, with sunken eyes… his face contorted in the deepest, most profound fear imaginable, pleads again...

“TURN BACK OR YOUR FATE IS SURELY SEALED!”

Flynn leans left.

“Kato, evasive maneuvers…”

Kato rams the wheel left then right, knocking the priest off the car and onto his ass. They accelerate away.

“As I was saying, I’m more focused on onboarding our partner to our strategy…”

Flynn taps the X on the map.

“Speaking of which...”

Flynn points straight ahead… At a long and winding road, leading to a dilapidated house atop a hill.

When the trio’s eyes meet their destination… Lightning strikes.



“...Fine, yes, NK. This place is really on-the-nose.”

***
The limo pulls up to the ...well, it SEEMED like a house far away… Up close, it’s an abandoned shack. The rotted wood creaks and moans like a desperate, wounded animal… The shadows dance in the wall’s cracks like lost souls making demonic pacts in the deep dark woods…

NK and Kato peer up, held in terrified awe.

Flynn claps once, startling the two North Koreans again.

“Let’s move.”

As Flynn reaches for the car door handle, NK grabs his arm.

“Mark Flynn, perhaps we should do like the old man said? Forfeit... and never return to this offensive caricature of Romania?”

Flynn backhands NK’s hand off. NK recoils, blowing on his knuckles to reduce the pain.

“NK, have you seen my old promos? I’ve bought cadavers from corrupt morticians to dissect them in a storage unit… So I could learn which joints break fastest.”

“I’ve taken so much morphine, my larynx once shut down and I couldn’t move or scream for 72 hours. It was sleep paralysis… but completely conscious.”

“Do you think for a FUCKING SECOND I’m scared of this Scooby-Doo bullshit?!?”


“...Yes?”

Flynn pops the door and turns back to Kato.

“Keep the engine running.”

The car door slams. NK quivers nervously in the backseat, clinging onto his Tag Title for comfort FOR STRENGTH! MASCULINE STRENGTH!

Kato looks at his commander in the rearview.

“Sir, it’s okay to be scared.”

“YOU’RE SCARED, KATO. I’M… CHILLY!”

NK shivers and jitters.

“This is a… CENTRAL COMMAND TECHNIQUE. To stay warm! Move your body in microscopic increments! The Romanian cold is biting, and yet I remain quite temperate!”

“Of course, commander. Feel free to stay here… heating yourself... as long as you need.”

NK quietly sighs in relief.

“Thank you, Kato.”

“While you’re here, perhaps we could discuss our monthly expenses? We’ve allocated $2500 for ‘Dennis Rodman’. I was hoping we could negotiate cutting a few dollars from that into… food?”

When Kato checks over his shoulder, NK’s already slamming his car door and scampering after Flynn…

Kato sighs… His hand darts for the glove compartment, to the crackers Flynn gifted him, before his other hand smacks it down.

“NO! THOSE ARE FOR WINTER!”

***
NK catches up to Flynn, title belt in hand.

“WAIT FOR ME!”

They arrive at the front door. Cobwebbed, ornate. Blood red wood.

“Wow! You decided to face the terrors outside the backseat.”

NK scoffs.

“W-well… Kato begged me to stay with him, but I couldn’t permit his cowardice to prevent me from welcoming our new compatriot.”

“Glad to hear it. Let’s make a good first impression.”

NK steps up to the door, handing Flynn the belt.

“WITNESS ME, MARK FLYNN. Central Command’s keys to a Strong First Impression are 1. GREETINGS BY NAME, 2. ENTHUSIASM FOR COLLABORATION, 3. OFFER TO HELP ACHIEVE HIS PERSONAL GOALS!”

NK confidently knocks thrice!



...

The entry quietly creaks open…

...Just peeking out… creeping behind the doorway… A pair of yellow eyes...

NK shivers… But firmly holds out a hand.

“안녕하십니까 Mister Talbot! I am North Korean War Criminal!”

Flynn coughs.

“...And this is Mark Flynn.”

Flynn waves.

“We’re most excited to work with you in our upcoming match! If there’s any way we can assist, we’re here for you!”

The eyes soften... and come toward the light…



A small, shivering meek man in a torn flannel shirt and slacks…

He appears exhausted and scared.

“Could you two…?”

“Find it in your hearts…”

...

“...to kill me?”
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[-] The following 7 users Like Mark Flynn's post:
Charlie Nickles (10-21-2021), Doctor Louis D'Ville (10-20-2021), HeavensToBetsy (10-27-2021), JimCaedus (10-20-2021), Lycana (10-21-2021), Prof. Bobby Bourbon (10-20-2021), Theo Pryce (10-28-2021)




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