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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
Thumbprint Collections, Secret Phones and BOBAnon
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NorthKoreanWarCriminal Offline
Active in XWF



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
10-18-2021, 11:40 AM

The Story So Far...



And now… The story continues!


***

Louisville, KY
KFC Yum! Center


The limo sneaks carefully around the side of the arena to the loading area in the back… Flynn’s eyes dart along the side of the building, carefully combing the side…

“Keep your eyes peeled… We’re looking for an opening…”

A snore.

Flynn spins to the backseat.

NK, after insisting he’d see better from the backseat… Immediately started napping, his boots comfortably resting on Flynn’s armrest.

Flynn backhands NK’s feet off his chair. NK jumps awake, but his eyes are still sleepy.

“WE’RE UNDER ATTACK! The South Koreans! They’ve just struck my feet!”

Flynn leans further back and claps in NK’s face until his eyes stay open on their own. NK’s eyes peer irritatedly at Flynn.

“Stay alert.”

NK leans back in his chair and scoffs.

“Please, Mark Flynn. I have been personally trained by masters in alertness. Virtuosos of vigilance! The utmost authorities on attentiveness! I guarantee, I had more situational awareness whilst taking my power-nap than an American like you has fully awake. Furthermore! I assure you that if there IS a clear point of egress, I would be the FIRST t-”

“Commander!”

“What, Kato?!?”

“We’ve stopped.”

“...Why?”

Kato points to the left out his window.

Flynn and NK turn to see… embedded, shrouded, almost hidden… a door.

One with the XWF Logo inscribed on its center stile.

Flynn and NK are both silent. Flynn yanks his door handle and presses the door open.

“Good eyes, Kato.”

“Yes! And his eyes are an extension of my own! So any compliment to his attentiveness should be extended to me as well.”

“Commander.”

“Yes, Kato, did WE notice something else? Mark Flynn, prepare to mark the score as 2 to nil!”

“Coach Flynn has already left the vehicle, sir.”

NK turns to the passenger seat, which is now empty.

“...Ah.”

NK slides to the door and pulls it open…

Flynn has walked around the curb. NK sprints around the side with total little-brother energy, trying not to get left behind. Flynn spins 180 back to the limo. He points at Kato.

“Circle the building until we’re out. Try not to draw attention to yourself.”

“Yes, of course... I’ll just... blend in with all the other stretch limousines covered in North Korean flags and diplomatic plates.”

“Now that’s a North Korean can-do attitude.” NK gives a thumbs up and makes straight for the door.

Flynn turns as well, and then snaps his fingers.

“Oh, I almost forgot.”

Flynn sprints back to the driver’s window where Kato is shifting gears back to drive.

“Kato! Check the glove compartment, I left something there for ya.”

Kato’s eyes narrow with suspicion, but his slim, deft fingers slip to the latch of the glove compartment… It pops open effortlessly.

And a cavalcade. A fucking avalanche of over one hundred cheese-and-cracker snack packs from the Coreytopia medical tents drops into the passenger seat.

“Haha. I knew you said you wanted a couple. I hope they get refills regularly at Coreytopia or the next couple dozen kids that have their tonsils taken are gonna end up peckish.”

Kato’s face is disciplined, any emotional response restrained. His eyes dart to Flynn suspiciously.

“I see. And what would you have me do? What service shall I provide you that these delicious cracker snacks are payment for?”

“Oh. No, no. We’re good. I appreciate you driving us to Coreytopia and… then Chicago… Then right to Louisville. And you didn’t kill and cannibalize me earlier so… Just… You wanted crackers, I snagged you some crackers.”

Kato’s face is somber.

...

But, two tears run down his cheeks, betraying his stoic visage.

“Coach Flynn. I do not take this kindness lightly. For your generosity, I swear to you a North Korean life debt.”

Flynn squints.

“Is that like a wookiee life debt? Like, you pledge to protect me with your life as long as I draw breath?”

“Do not sully the traditions of my culture with your science-fiction analogies!”



“That said... Yes, it’s quite similar.”

Flynn looks Kato up and down. All 130 lean, emaciated pounds of Kato.

“Cool, man. I appreciate it. Enjoy your crackers.”

Flynn pats the hood of the limo twice then walks away.

Kato stares down at the bountiful harvest that lay before him.

“...First, we must save half for the coming winter months…”

***

Louisville, KY
KFC Yum! Center
The XWF Entrance(?)


When Flynn approaches NK, he is peering at the door. Examining it like an ancient tome, attempting to comprehend its secrets.

“How might we open this portal to the truth, Mark Flynn?”

“...Have you tried the handle, NK?”

NK’s eyes go wide.

“Hmm.”

His hand reaches and he jiggles the knob.

“Aha! Mark Flynn! You fool! It is locked.”

Suddenly, a panel to the side of the door spins. A small biometric reader flips with an oval-shaped reader and a digital display.

- PLEASE SCAN YOUR THUMB PRINT -


“Hmm. Okay, this could be tricky.”

NK scoffs again. He presses Flynn’s shoulder to move him out of the way.

“Please, Mark Flynn. If a simple thumbprint reader is an obstacle for you, perhaps this game of infiltration is simply not your forte…”

NK leans down to examine the scanner. His eyes light up.

“Ha, we’re in luck. This is an older model. My victory is assured.”

NK’s right hand reaches into his pocket to retrieve his notebook.

Flynn snickers.

“Are you checking the RULES of a thumbprint scanner?”

NK mock-laughs to deride Flynn’s derision.

“Very clever joke, Mark Flynn… Now, Witness me as I silence your feeble mockery!”

NK flips all the way to the back of the notebook… On the last few pages… There is no text written. Only small slips of tape.

“...The hell are those?”

NK smiles.

“My collection. I’ve taken a thumbprint from every person that left me the opportunity to do so.”

NK flips a couple pages. Through the A’s, B’s and C’s… And stops at D.

His fingertips gently wrap around a piece of tape labelled ‘Dolly Waters’. He pinches the strip tight, careful not to ruin the sample…

“I assume since Dolly Waters gave us this tip, she would have access to this facility…”

Flynn’s eyebrows raise.

“Dolly GAVE you her thumbprint?”

NK cheek’s turn a light red.

“I’m sure Dolly Waters WOULD have if I’d asked… Which is why I felt comfortable obtaining it from the broom closet door handle… just before I entered to witness your interrogation.”

Flynn’s face alternates between disturbed and impressed.

“...You don’t have MY thumbprint, do you?”

NK grins deviously, then snaps the notebook shut.

“As long as we’re working together, I can’t imagine why I’d need yours, Mark Flynn.”

NK holds up the thumbprint tape.

“May I?”

Flynn slides out of his way and extends his hand, gesturing for NK to proceed.

NK takes the tape onto his thumb and slides it onto the scanner.

The display shifts.

- THUMBPRINT DETECTED: USER DOLLY WATERS -


NK grins and takes a bow towards Flynn. Flynn politely golf-claps.

Suddenly, at approximately 5 and a half feet off the ground, a panel beside the door flips and… a camera pops out of the wall.

The display changes again.

- PLEASE SUPPLY OCULAR SCAN -




Flynn turns to NK.

“I can’t imagine that your notebook has loose eyeballs in it, too?”

NK purses his lips.

“No, Mark Flynn.”

“Hmm, well, let’s think this one out…” Flynn looks up at the arena and strokes his chin.

Suddenly, the display changes again…

- ALARM IN 60 -
- 59 -
- 58 -
- 57 -


NK’s eyes widen.

“Um… Mark Flynn?”

“What?”

“We… uh… time. Not. Don’t have… Um.”

“Use your words, NK.”

Flynn turns back to his partner… And sees the display updating in real time.

- 51 -
- 50 -
- 49 -


“Ah, I see.”

Flynn strokes his chin calmly…

NK is suddenly covered in flop sweat. His hands begin shaking…

“What do we do?”

Flynn holds up one finger. And begins to tap his nose.

- 45 -
- 44 -
- 43 -


“MARK FLYNN!”



“Okay.”

Flynn’s hand suddenly darts into NK’s pocket. NK attempts to step backwards, but Flynn’s hands already down his pants.

“MARK FLYNN! THAT’S MY PERSONAL SPACE!”

Flynn’s hand slips out, holding onto NK’s 2003 Motorola Razr.

“Mark Flynn! What are you doing?”

“Maybe if I can find a close-up photo of Dolly, we can trick the camera...”

NK lights up with hope.

“Fantastic idea!”

- 34 -
- 33 -
- 32 -


Flynn sighs, defeated, dropping the phone to his side.

“What? What’s the problem? Do the thing you said! I command it!”

“The Razr’s resolution is too low. You’ve got fuckin’ four pixels on this screen.”

Immediately, NK crouches to the ground and hits a button on the toe of his shoe. A secret side compartment in his boot slides open. NK reaches inside and hoists up to Flynn’s face a shiny new Apple product.

“There! The new iPhone 13! SAVE US!”

Flynn looks at the new phone, bewildered. “You’ve had the new iPhone 13 in your shoe this whole time? What was all that shit about the Razr being the official phone of North Korea?”

“...Please don’t tell Kato. I promised I wouldn’t buy it and that we were saving money for groceries.”

- 22 -
- 21 -
- 20 -


Flynn rolls his eyes and snatches the phone, tossing the Razr into NK’s grip...

He pulls up the XWF website...

- 17 -
- 16 -
- 15 -


Flynn navigates to the XWF’s superstar profiles… And clicks Dolly Waters’ page.

- 13 -
- 12 -
- 11 -


Flynn presses his index on Dolly’s face, which opens up a smiling headshot… He pinches the screen as tight as it’ll go…

“HURRY, MARK FLYNN!”

“GEE THANKS, NK, I DIDN’T THINK OF HURRYING!”

- 6 -
- 5 -
- 4 -


The screen is now just Dolly’s left eye.

- 3 -
- 2 -


Flynn presses the phone against the camera.





- SCAN RECOGNIZED. WELCOME USER DOLLY WATERS. -


The lock releases and the door jiggles open.

NK breathes a heavy sigh of relief. He claps Flynn once on the shoulder.

“You’re welcome, Mark Flynn.”

Flynn shimmies his shoulder so NK’s hand falls off.

“Stay alert.”

NK tsks-tsks, wagging his finger in the air.

“Mark Flynn, I’d think you’d remember I am a master of awareness. Nothing escapes my pur-”

NK turns and Flynn has already disappeared into the doorway.

“Dammit, stop doing that!”

NK rushes into the door behind Flynn.

***

XWF Headquarters


In a completely empty meeting room of XWF headquarters, sitting on a conference table… An office phone rests. Set to speaker mode.

The door gently opens. Therese, the blonde frizzy-haired intern of Phone #1 enters the room with a laptop cradled in her grip.

“Sir.”

“Yes, Therese.”

“I thought I should bring to your attention... ‘Dolly Waters’ checked into our… facility in Louisville.”

“And…?”

Therese coughs, clearing her throat.

“Dolly Waters is still in a Coreytopia medical tent recuperating after her Relentless match with Jim Caedus.”

“Hmm. I see. So, it seems Flynn ignored our… advice to stay away.”

...There’s a moment of silence. Therese is left standing, holding the laptop, awkwardly unsure of what to do or say…

“This is all... expected.”

...

“Therese.”

“...Yes, sir?”

“Call the Bob-Anon.”

A shiver crawls up Therese’s spine.

****

The Front-Seat of a Pick-Up Truck
Beattyville, KY
Two Hours from Louisville


Two hands gently trying to set a Handy-Cam down on the dashboard of a Chevy Silverado.

We see center-frame, a man in his truck. Sporting a goatee, a wifebeater shirt, and a tallboy in his hand.

“All right, Fellow Patriots… It’s ya boi, BOBANON_45_IS_COMING! Let’s get to it.”

He pops open the tallboy, which hisses satisfyingly... He takes a sip.

“Today, we’re talking about the signs we’ve seen and what they mean! If you’ve been looking… You know what I’m talking about. You see it in the news. You see it in the papers. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, you see it every week watching XWF. Bob is communicating with us, people! He’s on the inside of the government AND the XWF… And he’s trying to tell us to BE READY!”

“We all know the Great Awakening is coming! If we look at the signs, we see everything pointing to 45! 45 candidates committed to the truth running in 2022! Two freedom-loving citizens were charged for 45 days for storming the capitol! And Randy Bachman from the Bachman-Turner Overdrive had his legendary Gretsch guitar stolen… and the internet helped him find it… 45 years later! And look at XWF Co-Owner Theo Pryce’s name. How many letters? FOUR AND FIVE. How can it not be clear to you? We have all the evidence we need that 45 will return to lead our Great Awakening, right? Damn right!”

“And, of course, that means we should expect the return of President Donald Trump, right?”


Suddenly, a fist smashes against the dashboard! The camera wiggles out of position. Quickly, the driver's hands dart forward to straighten the camera... After it's secure, he yells!

“NO! Because the people who have been saying Donald Trump is the 45th President are deep-state crisis actors that have been installed by our satan-worshipping overlords to DILUTE THE TRUTH!”

“Because the Real 45th president of the United States is…?”


The driver suddenly reaches into his backseat and retrieves a series of posterboards… He flips to the first one.

[Image: RaidenWinXIII.png]

“ROBBIE BOURBON! That’s right! From September 15th, 2016 to September 29th, 2016! Robert Alva Bourbon was America’s 45th President! AND THE LIZARDMEN WANT YOU TO FORGET THAT. When XWF went to Washington, DC, they explicitly named Donald Trump as the 45th president… Because the lizards in charge want you to forget about Robbie Bourbon! And Bob, our hero on the inside, had to plant secret messages TO COUNTERACT THE GLOBALIST DEVILS!”

“And when the Supreme Court meets and throws out the 2020 Election Results for being faked and rigged by SHILLARY HUSSEIN CLINTON!... Automatically, the position will default to the last viable, non-lizard president… Robbie Bourbon!”


He flips to the next one, showing Donald Trump with reptilian features.

[Image: images_200_orig.jpg]

“That’s right! Donald Trump is a lizard person designed in a globalist U.N. facility after World War 2… designed to fool God-Fearing patriots like us… so the DEEP STATE can CONTROL both the rebellion and the establishment. The swamp can never be drained if the swamp-denizens are in charge of the cleaning crew, so they keep making money and profiting off their human trafficking rings and their anti-Christmas Starbucks cups!”

The hands somewhat clumsily flip backwards to the picture of a masked Robbie Bourbon again.

“The last true leader willing to lead us in leading the world by leadership was… Robbie Bourbon! Now that it’s 2021 and Robbie is 36 years old, old enough to be president again, The Senate Sub-Committee that suddenly ended his presidency has been INVALIDATED and thus, we’ll finally have a real mammalian American in the White House to make this country great again!”

The man burps, shakes his head, clearly a little inebriated. His fingers rifle through his stack of posterboards, before retrieving one near the middle… a picture of an UNMASKED Bobby Bourbon.

[Image: 63fHygO.jpg]

“So, we’re all excited that this man will be our new president, right?”

“NOOOOOOOO!”
The hands holding the posterboard and its sides attempt to tear it in half… Instead, it only bends and crinkles in the middle… After a few seconds, it gets tossed to the passenger seat.

“The current BOBBY Bourbon REPLACED Robbie Bourbon because the deep state discovered the plans of those trying to save this great nation and countered it by subjecting the original Robbie Bourbon to mind control, a la PROJECT MKULTRA!”

The poster images quickly flip through a number of other alleged body double conspiracies like John McCartney, Avril Lavigne and finally… Robbie Bourbon.

[Image: paul-is-dead-coparison-1.jpg]

[Image: 5C6Wuka.jpg]

[Image: 9xN0FHg.png]

“THIS Bobby Bourbon…”, He says pointing to the unmasked one... “is a secret deep-state lizardman crisis-actor LIB-ER-AL…” He says the last word like it’s the worst of them all, “Body double we know is actually named ‘Danny Sex’... He’s a delinquent and a fiend and he’s taken the place of our lord and saviour Robbie Bourbon to SHAKE our FAITH in the TRUTH!”

“WE KNEW! WE KNEEEEEEEW! That the moment Robbie Bourbon unmasked in the ring, that would be the moment that kicked off the Great Awakening! The moment all truths would be revealed just like the REAL Robbie Bourbon’s beautiful, triple-chinned face would be revealed! But the Deep State got wind of the plan and bastardized it, STAGING a FAKE defeat of ‘Bobby Bourbon’ by Betsy Granger so we would lose our faith!”

“Everyone knows THIS IS ROBBIE BOURBON’S TRUE FACE!”


[Image: wysPmQa.png]

"Just like our Lord & Saviour, Jesus Christ! ... Except, uh, y'know... Robbie'll have a couple extra chins... Just more of his face to shine down on us, Patriots!"

The driver, very carefully, sets the picture of Robbie Jesus in the passenger seat... He spins back on the camera.

“But the truth is coming! Joe Biden is wearing an ankle monitor and awaiting sentencing in a private trial where he and HUNTER the ANTI-CHRIST will be tried and convicted for FOUNDING THE ILLEGITIMATE COUNTRY OF UKRAINE! And at the same time, the false Universal champion ALIAS, ALSO CURRENTLY WEARING AN ANKLE MONITOR, will be DEFEATED AT THE NEXT SATURDAY NIGHT SAVAGE AND CONTROL OF THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP WILL BE RETURNED TO THE TRUE PRESIDENT AND CHAMPION, ROBBIE BOURBON! AND THEN ROBBIE WILL FACE OFF AGAINST BOBBY AND DEFEAT HIM AND THRUST HIM INTO THE FIRES OF HELL...”

*burp*

“AND WHEN THE REAL ROBBIE BOURBON REVEALS HIMSELF AND CASTS DOWN THIS PRETENDER, THIS FUCKING SINGLE-CHINNED USURPER, BOBBY…. THE CRIMINALS THAT HAVE IMPRISONED US WILL BE TAKEN TO PRISON THEMSELVES! AND GOD WILL COME DOWN FROM HEAVEN AND RAPTURE US BACK TO EDEN! AND THE JEWISH SPACE LASERS WILL BE DISABLED! AND CALIFORNIA WILL BE TURNED INTO A PILLAR OF SALT! AN-”


A ringtone that’s just the Pledge of Allegiance starts out of the driver’s hip.

“Oh! Just a sec, Patriots...”

He retrieves from his pocket a Samsung Galaxy. He’s carved the word ‘Uncle’ above the Sam on the back of the phone. Yes, that has completely cracked the screen.

He waits until after ‘Under God’ to answer his phone...

“Where We Go One, We Go All! And Where Robbie Bourbon goes, we follow! Hello!”



“Uh huh.”

“Yup. All right!”




“Sounds like a plan! For America!”

*click*

The driver opens the back of the phone, pulls the sim card out and swallows it. He snaps the phone in half.

The driver looks back at the camera.

“Patriots, I’ve just been given a very special mission to protect America from Deep State globalist operatives that want to compromise our freedom and subject us to totalitarian tyranny!”

He claps once.

“So, that’s gonna do it for today’s video! Remember… the best way you can save this country... is to like, comment, subscribe, follow me on Telegram and support my Patreon! Keep fighting, Patriots!”

The driver reaches out and presses the stop button. He puts the truck into gear and puts into his Waze app... the KFC Yum! Center…

His engine revvs.

The driver immediately goes from 0 to 40 miles an hour… Before he’s gotten out of the school zone his truck was parked in. A crossing guard has to grab two first-graders and rush them out of the crosswalk as the Silverado bumper-cars against the curb and makes for the highway…

“It’s time to #SaveTheChildren!”

To Be Continued…

[Image: oZtyqya.jpg]
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[-] The following 10 users Like NorthKoreanWarCriminal's post:
ALIAS (10-18-2021), Corey Smith (10-20-2021), Dolly Waters (10-18-2021), JimCaedus (10-18-2021), Marf (10-18-2021), MrBig (10-18-2021), Prof. Bobby Bourbon (10-18-2021), Schism (10-19-2021), Theo Pryce (10-20-2021), Vita Frickin Valenteen (10-18-2021)




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