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Continued directly from "THE UNTOUCHABLES" in "Like a Dick to Waters" http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=41898

"THE UNTOUCHABLES" part 2/3 --

"The Unmentionables"


OR


"Point On the Dolly Where (S)He Touched You"




---CHICAGO---
Earth-00ρ𞤥



(click for background score)



Ever since I took it on the heel and toe and left the little bim at wikiup, my day had gone from bad to worse. Like Charlie's sad little dingus in winter, I just wanted to retreat inside myself. I guess that could be applied to a turtle just as well but hey, never miss an opportunity to drill ol' Charlie Nickles in the anus, I always say.


Anyway-


The day had been as hot and humid as Charlie's nutsac in summer, free-ballin' in 3 weeks unwashed sweatpants ever-expelling the wafted scent of soured pizza cheese, taint-soil fog and death upon those in proximity with the slightest of movements in his chair...and as I ankled my way through this shitty Windy City unsuccessfully in search 'a my target- an ally -I started to wonder if maybe my counterpart in this universe, and the memory from which I was pulling, had been wrong about seeking out an old friend...or maybe that daisy Gal Capone had cut him down too.


I'd searched high and low. I'd checked the docks, the blocks and hock shops. I'd scoped the scatters, the hatters and rattlers. Questioned every bo, every schmoe, even shared a juju with a smoke but all 'e could tell me was "blow honkey, you gettin' the end all wet!", which, I admit, confused even me but I didn't wanna stick around and ask.


At this point I didn't know where to turn, so I found the nearest blower booth (you heard me) to inquire with the frau.


How's it coming love bug?


Not white, not white at all. This's been a trip for biscuits baby; spurious, a wash, a bum steer. I've been flimflammed into a wild goose chase; I'm a sap, a patsy, a rube-


Babe.


-a mark, a palooka-


BABE.


-a bunny, an all-day sucker-


JIMMY!!


Yes kitten?


STOP with the noir lingo.


Nix on that, buster. I'm bumpin' gums in lathered dickese while I can and ain't nothin' gonna stop me.


::sigh:: So where are you now?


Just dusted outta some hash house, now I'm hoofin' it to the bangtails and if that turns up nothin' I'm gonna get a hooker.


......What.


Raising his voice. I said I'm gonna check out the bangtails and maybe get a hooker.


---DIAL-TONE---


Jim hangs up.


Hm, sum'in musta come up. Ah well, back to the search. ...On second thought, maybe I aughta get that hooker _now_.


Jim crosses the street and enters a seedy establishment.


Picking his way through the dregs of society he approaches the proprietor.


One hooker please, and step on it.


Alrighty, the man replies. He retrieves a glass and pours a drink, setting it before our antihero.


Jim tosses it back and wipes his mouth...slowly setting the glass onto the bar-


::SHATTER::


-ok he missed the bar but he has a very good reason: he's distracted by the man a few stools away, a guy who looks very familiar...


The subject in question raises his own glass and downs the dark contents within.


Full volume. Psst, bartender.


Wandering back over cleaning a glass with his filthy fuckin' bartender rag. Yeah?


The big lug down there-


Glancing to the man then back to Jim. What about him?


How many drinks has he had?


Exactly fifteen. Why.


Poor guy has a problem.


Yeah well, he's Irish, whaddya want.


Furious. Hey! I'M Irish!


Looking Jim dead in the eye, the bartender sets another hooker on the bar in front of him. Jim eyes the drink, the bartender, the drink, the bartender, back to the drink, back to the barte- Jim tosses it back-


Kill yourself.


-before sauntering over to the familiar face.


Long time no see-


Strong Irish accent. Barkeep! Another Ovaltine!


-Drewski.


Turning to Jim. Jellyous Ness, everyone's favorite dick. Not private, just dick. Ha! ...What the hell do you want?


Horror. FUCK! What happened to your eye!? Why you wearin' an eye patch HERE!?


Bartender hands Drew his drink. What do you mean "here"? In the bar? What's wrong with wearing an eye patch in a bar?


No, I meant- Nevermind. How'd you lose the eye Drew?


Don't you know this story? I was the last good cop in this godforsaken city until GAL CAPONE TOOK MY EYE!


Shhhh! Drewey keep it down! The walls have ears! And eyes...










Oh that's just Ghost Tank, he's harmless.


He means Capone has stoolies all over. And you're quite right barkeep, thank you. You've always been a good friend.


Another drink?


Yes please.


What if I told you I wanted to help you get revenge for the eye, Drew?


I'd say you've gone bing. Gal blipped off your older brother for sticking his beezer where it didn't belong. Blew my older brother down too and then he put my eye out with one of those Stiletto heels of his for investigating the murder.


That nancy killed your older brother too!?


Aye, that he did.


Brotherfucker!


Kills his 17th Ovaltine. And now you see why I say you're goofy. There is no beating Capone.


Ah but there IS my friend. We just need a few more good eggs. Too bad the flatfoots are all on Capone's payroll.


Well, if you're worried about getting a rotten egg, don't get it from the carton, get it from the tree.


The egg tree?


Egg tree? What the hell are you talking about?


You said go to the tree, in context presumably for a fresh egg. So, an egg tree- hey, YOU said it Drew.


You get a fresh egg from a bird's nest you lamebrain. It's an expression.


Yeah I know, like avoid a rotten apple in the barrel by plucking one from the tree.


What in God's name is an apple?


There's no apples here??


......you're an idiot, Jim. Come on, let's go get Rob.


K.


Um...someone gonna pay for the nineteen drinks you two humps put away?


Time to take a powder! Drew and Jellyous dash for the door.



<=================================8



---Gal Capone's Suite---


::KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK::


Taken by surprise, stuffing a flyer for a trans hooker escort service- aptly named Ladies? Of The Night -in the desk, hiding it beneath a 1930s dildo (brass doorknob), a white hood and the Confederate flag. Yeah? Who is it? Are you mad at me?


The door opens, none other than Gal's number one assassin go-fer Taddeo Dookie enters.


My Lord, I brought your gunsel as ordered.


Wha? I have plenty of crooks packing heat, I don't need any more.


No m'Lord, the other definition for gunsel.


A baby goose?


The OTHER definition.


Piqued interest. Oooooooooooh... Aw hell yeah, ok, ask him if he's mad at me then send him in. I dine on catamite tonight!


Taddeo does as ordered and-











-gives the boy a good once-over as he enters.


Meeeeeeeow little gaycat. And what's YOUR moniker kid?


Coriolano, but my pals call me Corio for short.


Can you work a cash register?


Frowns in confusion. Uh... Looks to Taddeo, Tad nods. Yes?


Good, then after your tryout Taddeo will show you to my liquor store- Gal's Hooch 'n Sundries -and you can replace the last guy. Just knock him off and stuff him in the dumpster. Anyway, for now- take your pants off. Taddeo, get out.


At once m'Lord. Takes his leave. We follow.


Taking a security position outside the closed door, Taddeo stands silently while the encounter within plays out.


Nice...very nice. Get down on all fours.


::The sound of unbuckling a belt and loose change and keys jangling in pants pockets::


...Help me out here, spread them for me. ......Ooooh yeah, there we go. Ow, fuck.


::SPIT::


That's better. Mmmmm...theeeeeeere we go.


::Smack smack smack smack sma-::


Hey you aren't mad at me are you?


Uh...no?


::Smack smack smack smack sma-::


Did I do something? Did I make you mad?


No, you're good.


::Smack smack smack smack sma-::


Are you mad at me now?


Staaaaaaahp.


::Smack smack smack smack butt-queef::


That's right baby, get loose. You're SURE you're not mad at me?


Well, I mean... ...N-...No. No I'm not.


Ok, as long as you're not mad at me.


::SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK SMACK::


Oh! Oh, here it comes!!













Soooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!


Silence for many moments, until-


Clean yourself up and show Taddeo in. He's due for his weekly check-up. Ask him-


If he's mad at you?


Yeah. And ask him if his uncle Teo hates me.



8=================================>



---XWF CHI-GUY ARENA---



Drew Malone and Jellyous (Jim) Ness wait at gorilla as a match concludes behind the curtains and the fans ovate.


Who are we here for again?


Oh are we rolling?


Dude..


We're here for one mean hombre. We need more muscle so I picked a real goon, a goon who gave Gal a good goog back when he still wore the buzzer. ...From now on I'm writing my own lines Jim.


He's an ex-COP!?


Yeah, so?


All the cops here were bought! That's all we need, one lyin', thievin' pig on the team!


The titan of a man in question happens to part the curtains just as Jellyous is finishing his tirade.


What's that you said?


Pulls a blackjack and wields it menacingly. _I_ said...that you're a no good member of a chickenshit slice of civil servantry.


Pulls a sawed-off shotgun and jams it in Jellyous's mouth, probably chipping a tooth. Fuck you asshole.


Smiles and responds around the barrel in his mouth. Oh I wike 'im! Welkhum foo vuh feam.


Yeah ok.


Don't chin with your yap full, Jelly'. Rob this is Jellyous Ness, brother of the late Eliot and a dick. No private, just dick. Jellyous, this is Rob Stone, he used to be a copper but he quit the flatties when Capone went Monopoly on everything and now he wrestles for the XWF- ALSO owned by Dolly "Gal Capone" Waters- Looks directly into the lens. Huh!? Is that what you people want?? Dolly Waters in charge?? Is it!? IS IT!!??


Laying a hand on his shoulder, frowning into the lens. Iff okhay Voo- Still with the shotgun in his mouth. Vey von't vant vat. The shotgun triggers...his gag reflex I mean. HOOOUH!


Gross. Okay, so, now that we've all met, let's go get Betsy Wallace. She's a tough tomato.


Weff go! HOOOUH!


Take that out of his mouth.


Sorry.



8=================================>



---EXT: The Booby Hatch---


The tough tomato we're peeping is in there?


Why not?


I'm khunfoofd. HOOOUH!!


I told ya to take that street sweeper outta his mouth you knucklehead! Spread out!


Drew clonks Rob and Jellyous's heads together.





KABLAM!!!




............


.............











DUDE. Fedora tatters rain down around Jellyous and Rob. That could've been my conk.


But it WASN'T, and now you're not wearing that stupid hat. .......You're WELCOME. Nyuk nyuk.


Jim stares at Drew silently for a few moments before raising both fists. Pick two.


Clonks Drew and Jim on their crowns with his heavy clenched paws, they both drop. Alright spread out youse mugs. Let's hoof it on in to the Booby Hatch and grab us a goofy Jane.


As he and Jellyous pick themselves up from the sidewalk. Who said anyone inside was crazy?



---INSIDE---







Wowee wow wow wow! Now that's entertainment! Are those...parrots?


Don't tell me that's Betsy...I mean yeah, she's a looker but do we really want a roundheels on the team? She could be a pro skirt. Epiphany. Ahhhhhhhhh, Iiiiiiii geeeeet it, Iiiiiiii geeeeet it. We're gonna take the prostitute angle as an in, just like when we dressed up like hookers and were tryna infiltrate Snoop's house and disappear him from the mob in 2018, remember?


Smacks Jellyous in the back of the head. Yes Jim. And I recall putting my hand in a grocery bag you pooped in during the stakeout. Another smack. And NO we don't know what you're yapping about, Jellyous- Another smack. -and NO, that is NOT Betsy up there on stage. Betsy is in the back.


I was right though? We're doin' the hooker thing again?


Another smack. NO.


Drew leads Rob and Jellyous through the burlesque establishment to a door in the rear wall and grabs the doorknob-


-just as someone on the other side turns the knob and opens the door, nearly clobbering him in the noodle.


Whoa, hey, boys...employees only. Don't make me plug you plugs.


The young businesswoman in a very smart outfit closes the door behind her and regards the men sternly.


Betsy, it's me, Drew Malone.


Drewey?? I haven't put eyes on you in a long time. What do you and your chums want?


We shouldn't talk here. Can we go up on the roof?


Sure thing.



---THE ROOF---



Fingering the sawed off sticking out of his waistband. So back inside, you said plug you plugs... Are you packing?


Suddenly very on guard. Glances at Drew then back to Rob. Yes, I am- Raises her right fist. This is Mary- Raises her left fist. -and this is Sherry. You want a kiss to the kisser now or later?


I like this dame, she's gashouse.


Oh yeah? Well I don't think she's gashouse _enough_. Walking up to Betsy cockily. What makes you think you're tough enough to go to war against Capone with us?


::POW!!::


Nursing a bloody nose. She's in.


Did I hear someone say go to war with Dolly?


The roof access door behind Betsy opens and a skinhead lookin' schlub muscles his way out onto the roof.


No I mean I'm asking sincerely, I have so much semen backed up in my ear canals from all the head-fucking Doll' gives me and I can't hear very well, but I could've SWORN I heard that. Betsy, is it true? Are these palookas here to cause trouble for Capone? Grabs her by the wrist.


Pulls out of his grasp. Marfio, what've I told you about manhandling the skirts? That includes ME. You know your role here and it doesn't include pitching woo. EVER.


Rob, Drew and Jellyous giggle.


Angry look to the men, then he punches her. She drops to her butt. Shaddap you stupid broad! This here is Gal's club and if I say- Rob moves to draw his sawed-off but Marfio is quicker to pull his pea shooter. Not so fast. Grab air, all of you. Locking eyes with Jellyous. Hey you look familiar... Slowly approaching Jellyous. It's Jellyous isn't it? Jellyous...Ness? Yeah it's you. I recognize you from your brother Eliot's funeral. I was there when Capone killed him you know? He died squealing like a pig.


Curiously overcome by the emotion of Jellyous himself, Jim drains of emotion. What was that?


Almost to Jim. I said your brother died squealing like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think of that before I go over and there and rape that little girl in front of you. I mean, I have no penis so it'll have to be my pea shooter but I'm going to fuck her with it all the same.


Like a flash Jim grabs Marfio by the gun wrist and yanks him over the side of the building.


N
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
A
R
F
!


Hollering after him. DID HE SOUND ANYTHING LIKE THAT!?


Marfio hits the ground and splatters like a water balloon. Except blood and viscera and brains everywh- Well, no brains. No genitals either.


Looking over the roof's edge. How do you think he feels? Better? Or worse?


Looking over the roof's edge also. He splattered? This building is a single story.


Yeah he must've either been a suuuuuper pussy, or else he was poisoned.


Pavement poisoning.


Triple hi-five.


Jellyous turns to regard Betsy-


::SMACK!!::


Thanks for nothin' you dumb ox! Now Capone's gonna have me ZOTZED!


Come with us Betsy. Cahoot with us. We can show Gal Capone to the Big Sleep together.


Gosh, you know, I really want to. Capone DID poop my older brother after all.


Hey, Capone rubbed-out MY older brother too!


The fu- Anyone else's older brother get croaked by Capone??


The hundred people or so milling about on the street below paying no attention whatsoever to the big gay splattered corpse of Marfio all answer in unison, "YES!"

Well that settles it, the high pillow has to pay!


"HOORAAAAAAAY!!"


So where do we start? Hey, I know, let's rob one of Gal's businesses and get Gal's attention!


That's not very heroic. I thought we were the heroes Jim.


Jellyous. And we ARE- well, you three are, I'm an antihero -but robbin' one of Gal's businesses IS heroic. It's like Robin Hood, only we're robbin' the bitch to give to the poor.


Makes sense. Are we not doing noir lingo anymore?


I mean, maybe here and there but a little goes a long way and I'm Jim Caedus so a helluva lot went waaaay overboard.


Makes sense. Well, if you want to strike at the heart of Capone-- She points down at-



---GAL'S HOOCH 'n SUNDRIES---



Corio finishes stuffing the stiff of the former cashier into the dumpster and walks back into the store-


-just in time to hear the ::JINGLE:: of the street entrance door open against the entry bell.


Welcome to Gal's Hooch 'n Sundries, my name is Corio, how can I help you?


Leveling his sawed-off at Corio's face. We want ALL the jack!


................You want all the whiskey?


NO, the JACK! The dough, the kale, the geetus!


Slowly regarding the store. Kale is down the third aisle, the dough is at the end of the fourth and I'm not sure what geetus is but we have Jack behind me on the wall. Take whatever you want.


We want the MONEY!! Come on, empty the register!


Doing so. Do you know who's money this is? Do you know who's BUSINESS this is? Handing over the money in a bag with a huge dollar sign on it.



---AN HOUR LATER---


Gal Capone paces, surveying the damage to the store; apparently one or two, perhaps ALL four perps had trashed the establishment and urinated on the floor for good measure before cheesing it.


What did you say happened again?


They came in, they held me up, I handed over the money.


Gal observes the register. And how much did they take?


All of it.


Hey, at least they didn't empty the safe.


They emptied the safe.


Corio...you know, they say when a man like me becomes preeminent he's supposed to have enthusmiasms. Enthusiamses....enthus- _Distracting addictions_. ...What is it that wins my heart? What is it that gets me hard?


Gunsels?


Impatient. I mean BESIDES that! What is it that engorges the Gal? Snatching what looks like an honest to God actual human leg, shellacked and preserved into a stiff club, clad in a garish and sparkly side-rippable/removable- Hey, that's the leg of Shawn Michaels!! WRESTLING. HBK was always one of my favorites. Naturally that's why I killed him and cut off his Sweet Chin Music leg. But I digress. What did Shawn Michaels do? He brought the house down every time, didn't he? Always a spectacle in the ring. But you know what he said? "I'm the greatest, I'm the best there's ever been, but I get NOWHERE...unless the TEAM wins.


Shawn Michaels said that? Wasn't he a selfish prick?


Yeah there was that whole thing with the Intercontinental Championship he refused to hand over and that time he-


Okay, BAD example. Take Stone Cold Steve AUSTIN though-


He was even worse. "Take my ball and go home."


Oh and Warrior, he was a real dick-


Corio, what's meat spelled backwards?


Team.


There it is. Taddeo? Tosses the leg.


Yes m'Lord.


Taddeo proceeds to Super Kick Corio with the HBK leg repeatedly in the head until his skull is nothing more than scattered fragments amongst the gore.


Bending over Corio's corpse to speak to it. Are you mad at me?


Did I really have to be the one to do that, m'Lord? I kinda liked that one.


Close your head and listen, I want to know who robbed my store. Gather all the gunsels and inquire of the people. Door to door if necessary.


Well gee, if you didn't just have me kill Corio we could've asked HIM who they were.


Dangerous tone. Taddeo...


No, I'm not mad at you.


Relief. Oh thank God. How'm I doing? I shit the bed didn't I.


You're- doing...amazing m'Lord.


Good answer. ...Are you sure?


Positive.


Are you mad at me?


::sigh::



To Be Continued...
♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤










"The Truth Hurts Fucks You Up The Ass"












Y'know...it's fascinatin' how acute nostalgia can paint our memory with a thick coat 'a rosy retrospection; cloaking our recollection of past events in a veil 'a positivity that wasn't originally there.


We'll return to our past favorites, play an old video game, pop in an old movie or play an old song (some of us a helluva lot more than others and holy SHIT is the taste in music on-the-nose pop eyeroll feminine and trollable) and grin with anticipation as we prepare for the tour de force we remember and oftentimes...we find ourselves disappointed. Confused.


"Was this shit always this lame?"


Yes.


Yes it was.


You either forgot or never saw it for what it was.


And that's what's happenin' right here right now with my memory 'a facin' Dolly Waters in the Lethal Lottery 4 finals: tryin' my best to understand how the FUCK I coulda EVER given this incompetent trailer trash twat the credit I've been givin' 'er over the years.


I mean, lookatcha... At least back then you had the sassy lil' bitch balls to take me on shot for shot, swing for swing. Now you're cowerin' in the shadows too afraid to upload in a timely fashion 'cause you KNOW I smashed your head out your asshole with my cold start and you desperately need to prevent me from ripping your next attempts to shreds. How very...Charlie Nickles of you. He legit learned every slimy, pathetic, pussy ass strategy he pulls from YOU didn't he...the "Legendary" Dolly Waters. And like him, you're gonna learn the hard way that bullshit don't work on Jim Caedus. I don't need anymore ammo from you, you provide plenty regardless.


Legit Dolly, you're remindin' me just how BAD at this you really are. You ain't changed in the slightest- hell, you only gotten WORSE with age, asshole -with the exception 'a the additions to your in-ring repertoire, which, lemme tell ya dummy, ain't a smart move.


You're gonna add new moves...maneuvers that as NEW additions ain't gonna be like second nature to pull from in the moment like your old reliables are? I ain't some greenhorn you're gonna capitalize on cunt. 'Cause point blank, if you ain't good enough you ain't good enough and a new move won't change that. You're really gonna rely on experimentation against ME? Dolly, you- 🤣 you can't even keep what you "know" _NOW_ straight, how the shit are you stupid enough to add more to your plate?


What?


What do I mean by "you can't even keep what you "know" _NOW_ straight"?


You ain't already assumin' I'm referring to your Dark Country Pulp promo? 'Cause if you were, you'd still only be partially right. I know you weren't though Dolly, you're just like Chaos; too in love with yourself to notice how much you completely


F
U
C
K

U
P


and how often. I mean shit, "check our respective track records" y'say? I did, in my first promo, did you? I'm doin' better than you ya fuckin' idiot. In fact, who's the one here who actually had a match leadin' up to Relentless?


Yeah, stfu y'lazy bitch. Some of us are actually busy and don't need a rest.


Hell, compare our _cold starts_ Dolly, in which I somehow expertly shot down every last claim and comment you made in YOURS before I ever knew y'made it. That's some serious shit right there. You're lucky you have two more shots to save face 'fore I remove it in the ring like pulled pork- followin' a liberal application 'a barbwire -'cause if this shit was a 1-for-1 deal I jus' kicked your Kentucky fried feeble mind and the balloon head it's stuck in right off your shoulders.

Quote:Think long and hard about it, Jim, and honestly ask yer’self who has accomplished more.

Well, Dolly, seein' as you ain't ever held the Uni and you're a lower number on the Top 50 OAT List (to name TWO things, I could go on), it's Jim Caedus who's accomplished more. Without question. Like, seriously I'm tryna fathom how you could say somethin' so obviously faulty for your own argument you cocksucker.


But please, do go on...

Quote:Which of us keeps this business more entertaining, and translates that into actual in-ring results and not forgone booking conclusions?

"Forgone booking conclusions" you say? What would those be? Corey failin' to be a man of any substance? You're legit gonna tryta pin YOUR circle-jerk circle 'a jerks' jackassery on me? Guess what, I'm the one who actually put in work for that match, it ain't my fault your man is a whiny, waspy lil' weakling who always has to have 'is pussy ass self-serving "thoroughbred" way. Stop actin' like the Cor'-cock sprung butthurt hooker here, ho, HE DOESN'T WANT YOU and _I_ wasn't about to let your precious fuccboi Smith wander off with the Xtreme or hand it off to the second pair of ass cheeks he slid into jus' because he's too much of a lame to go on. Fuck all three 'a you for tryna disrespect the title like that.

Quote:Who has an actual presence in the XWF, and who's been just dragging their dick around the hallways treating this business like an online dating site?

Who has more "presence" here? Why, that'd be YOU Dolly, if you mean the number 'a motherfuckers walkin' 'round the fed with HPV. And yeah, you again if you refer to screentime. But that's because you, like Thaddeus, are addicted to attention. You think forcin' yourselves on the public equates to fame and success obviously. Think again. I never acted like that. Anyone askin' who Caedus is? You're pathetic. You honestly think the more up everybody else's ass you are, the better you're doin'?


Who has the X?


That'd be me.


Who has the better off-PPV record?


Me again.


And "treatin' this business like an online dating site"?


You legitimately are , aren't you. Leave it to a kid in the era of social networking to compare two adults meetin' up in person- IN PROMO NO LESS, it ain't a secret -to online dating. And for the record, you fucked Corey and Thaddeus and you whore "yerself" out to anyone willin' to slide you a cameo. Who's treatin' this business moreso like fucky sucky time you twat?


You and your tall thot tales, Pippi Longstocking Donghopping.

Quote:I’m not the one who gets HANDED opportunity after opportunity only to piss them away, while constantly teetering on the edge of total self-destruction and embarrassment. Nope...

You're not? Like that tag title shot in OCW you pissed away? Like Lethal Lottery 4? Like War Games? Like YOUR TRULY lackluster X reign- approximately ten minutes -ya scumbag boy beef beatin' bitch? Correct me if I'm wrong but, regardless 'a the theatrical propaganda you tried to cover it all with (as if any of us give a shit why you run off and quit), how many times have you teetered off the edge 'a total self-destruction and embarrassment Dolly? Word of advice, don't try usin' ammo against me that applies to you just as accurately ya desperate douche. Christ, you're legit throwin' as much horseshit as you can just to see what sticks ya shit-kicker cowpoke pokin' prick-skinnin' numbskull skank.


None of it sticks is the answer b-t-w.

Quote:You had to be conscripted into Betsy and Robert’s little vanity project of a “war” against B.O.B. Used as prop to make the world believe that someone other than Drew Archyle gave a damn about Thunder Knuckles splitting Robert Main’s melon open. Go ahead and keep up yer’ virtue signaling about your APEX Brothers, Jim. It’s all a load of shit, and honestly, Robert and Drew deserve better.

🤦


L-o-L. Actually dumbass, neither Apex nor Legacy had any idea I was gonna do what I did- which was a surprise run-in for the record, it's right there on BoB's premiere PPV you fucking idiot. In fact, there was resistance from Drew in my returning. Jesus girl, do you pay attention to ANYTHING? This shit happened a few months ago for fucksake. And before we start castin' stones at shitty stablemates, let's not forget what used to be Continuum before everyone boned everyone in a flurry 'a bisexual fury and cumshots then melted down with their child-like emotions and the shit imploded. APEX? Still kickin'.


Oops.


Keep goin' though Doll', you're doin' so well. Oh, and, as someone presentin' 'erself as a Face, y'might wanna lay off the apathetic and slightly-leanin' critical approach to one human being (a hero) havin' 'is skull cracked open by another (a villain). It just makes you look even more like the shitty fake fuckstick and actual villain that you are.


Speakin' 'a The Omega...


You tryta criticize me for competin' in War Games because he was one 'a my opponents? Are you outta your mind? Did you lay down for Corey in promo OR the ring? Shut the fuck up you unbeLIEVABLE imbecile. Dawg...I've never seen anyone- not even CHAOS -miss EVERY single shot and in such high numbers, you're like a goddamn stormtrooper it's hilarious. And somehow you THINK you're doin' a good job here.

Quote:When the dust settled over Bethel Woods and I saved Robert Main from JimCaedus-

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EVERYTHING has to revolve around you in your head, what the fuck's the matter with you, SERIOUSLY. You have an actual mental problem, pissant. ...And people call ME crazy.


You're wastin' your time comin' at me over Bob-O. Not to mention... Jim's expression darkens, draining of emotion. ...you act as if you're 'is friend and cast doubt on my own affection for 'im while you drag 'is name through the mud. A man who's accomplished more in this promotion than you ever will. A man currently sufferin' over the loss of family...but you, the "caring good person", everybody's "friend", you gotta treat Main like a means to your shady ends, wormin' your way into 'is head then kickin' my brother while he's at 'is lowest and usin' 'im like a blunt object to swing at me.


I'll kill you for that.


Tryna nail me for Page _dodgin'_ me like TK dodges me and damn near EVERYBODY else I come after dodges me (whuttup OCW's Chris Spade...punk bitch), includin' the almighty Corey, is another swing and a miss, muppet. Motherfuckers refuse, no-show and back out on me; wake up ass-wipe.

Quote:There were actual emotions involved in the clusterfuck that became of Continuum.

Yeah.


I know.


We ALL know about "the emotions involved" in Continuum. Kinda hard not to with the three 'a you ballin' then bawlin' then brawlin' and airin' your cringe barely-legal dirty laundry for the public to see, it's an embarrassment and god-awful immature childish horseshit.


Thank Christ the three of you ain't in your 30s huh? How pathetically hilarious would THAT look, amirite?


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Quote:If there was ANYBODY deserving of a fucking rematch for the XTreme Championship, it was me. But you didn’t see me boo-hooing did ya’? Because again, like a normal human, and not some over-hyped, ill-wired, ticking time bomb, I was concerned about my best friends falling apart.

Hey Dolly? You went and pinned Corey for the X in the 24/7 Halls following War Games screechin' "give it back". So concerned with your friends fallin' apart alright. You're a liar, a hypocrite and once again nothin' you say bears any weight. And yes, you did boo-hoo ("give it back!"), like a child throwin' a tantrum and you're boo-hooin' about it right THERE with your "if anybody was deserving of a rematch" comment.


The more you say, the deeper you bury yourself.


You ask why I went after Corey and not YOU after War Games? Because he had the X and you didn't dipshit. Why the HELL would I go after YOU? Oh lemme guess, because everything about me and what I've accomplished is defined by Dolly Waters, right? That whole second match winnin' the TV Title and remainin' TV Champ while also competin' in the LL Tourney was all you too. That didn't at all build a buzz around me, you're right. Oh but tell me, tell us all, your side 'a this delusion.

Quote:Who was the one that pushed you to yer’ limit? Forcing you to cut more promos than you ever have before, or since?

It was Dolly Waters.

I'd say it was the fact I had to compete against you and Trax at the same time that pushed me so hard you horse's ass. The only reason you get so much credit is because Trax ain't here to receive HIS due credit as well and you're more than willin' to claim it like the thievin' thot you are.


Oh and just so you know, I cut 6 promos against you and Trax (and Cadryn) durin' the Lethal Lottery 4 finals. I just cut 6 collabs against The Dissentients with Bob-O so no, you ain't no definition of amazin' and unique with me. Let's go ahead and flip that though shall we? How many promos did YOU cut during the finals?


8 promos.


8.


Wow, 8 is a bigger number than 6.





8.


Had you done 8 before, have you done it since?


NOPE.


Y'know what that sounds like? Sounds like Jim Caedus pushed you to your limit and forced you to cut more promos than you had before and have since, stupid motherfucker.


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Holy SHIT...Dolly...d'you know what this means????


You're The Legendary Dolly Waters 'cause I MADE you legendary and now that's no longer a misapplication of the word Legendary. I made you in the XWF and it was my pearly alpha splooge that gave you form and fetushood in LIFE in the first place. And you, like Corey, my son, are a disappointment and a solid argument for abortion.


See how that all works? See what you tried to accomplish but instead walked your own dullard way into a minefield? You're a colossal fuck-up Dolly, it's why YOU keep disappearin' 'round here. You slink off and expect time to erase all memory 'a just how incapable you are at this while the fans suffer through another goddamn Waters klan member (who's next when you run off again, with that extensive "almost did it" pack 'a losers) for awhile, then we see you make a return to fuck-up, fizzle out and fade away again. First time I left I walked out on a hype cycle blisterin' my shady ass opponent. Last time I left it was beatin' the piss outta Chaos and literally handin' 'im an illegitimate win. You leave after legitimately gettin' your ass literally handed to you.


P
U
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S
Y


Y'say I'm four years older, slower and more "desperate" to yadda yadda yadda?


Actually, I'm 3 pounds of fat lighter and faster fuck-o. You're four years older, just as stupid as you were four years ago, and less in control of yourself. Desperate y'say? I came back to a higher Top 50 rank than when I left. I'm the Xtreme Champ, child, you're the challenger desperate to reclaim what was "stolen" from you, remember? The desperate challenger throwin' desperate dukes and missin' every single swing while I, the justified champion, counterpunch and strike, makin' contact each time.


You're gettin' bludgeoned.


Oh are you only "a few inches shorter than" me now? Excelsior slut, you're a few inches closer to my Point Blank headbutt easy shot range, happy? The one thing you had goin' for you in the ring was that you were a weasly lil' slimy cunt, you're celebratin' there's more 'a you for me to attack? Are you still a skinny ass bitch? Yeah, so there's just more of you to punish and now you're easier to get ahold of you dimwit. Nice point there.


Like with the rest 'a your redneck rant.


You defend LSM because you teamed with 'er. I kicked 'er ass. Like Flynn and NK defeated the two 'a you. The one thing we had in common? We all called 'er out on the validity of who she claims to be. She's a pocha. Suck my cock ya cum-covered confederate cracker, don't hate me for spoilin' the fun of a troll, hate me for callin' your lame-ass D-reel Freaky Friday fucktardery with Graves what it was- lame-ass D-reel Freaky Friday fucktardery -and for ruinin' your entire XWF career by defeatin' you in LL4. And you can compare that shit with Engy all ya want, Robyn Gonzalez got nailed and I ain't swingin' baseless accusations. If you were hopin' for the fool I was at the time, four years ago like YOU absoLUTELY still are, you're pissin' in the wind. You tryta claim I left after havin' MY ass handed to ME? Well, no, see, if that were true I'd be dead, remember? Chris Chaos made it very clear, with indisputable on-record video footage, that he attacked and murdered that person. Did I take the loss technically on my record? Yep. Am I dead, blown to pieces in a truck run off a bridge however? Nope. My departure- durin' the hype cycle, and yes very much a bitch move meltdown -is also on record. Indisputable.


See how powerful admitting the truth is? I don't need to deny like you. I'm not a coward. Go right ahead and try utilizin' the same tactics I used against you in the Lottery. Just realize I was pullin' from comparisons a few months apart, you'd be comparin' content _years_ removed. I'll own it, then I'll pound on your skull like Kong in the ring and beat a stutter into your speech anyway.


I don't need to lie. And I don't need to fabricate or exaggerate my hype. I just get the job done and earn it. I don't need to hop onto a dozen other people's promos to make myself relevant 'cause I can't get no champ strap. I don't need to interrupt every fuckin' show with another slice 'a chicken-head self-aggrandizing bland tripe.


I don't need to be given a show to run to shut me the FUCK up and I damn sure don't act like I'm SINCERELY the end-all be-all of ANYONE'S success here.


That's the lame, self-absorbed hack shit YOU pull youngster. And you spoke at great length to make that readily apparent for all to hear. Vindicating my words that you always tryta make this shit the DWF.


You're so amazing. So accomplished. So successful. Everything happened because you were involved. The lore of Jim Caedus is all thanks to you.

ATTENTION. XWFERS, BRASS, LANE, PRYCE: You. Ain't. Shit. But. Bit. Players. In. Dolly's. World.

Y'know how y'know someone ain't done shit, Dolly? When they gotta attach themselves to everything and everyone else like some sorta catalyst for greatness otherwise nonexistent without 'em. You're nothin' but a leech. But try tellin' _you_ that, as you list all the ways you're stupendous and legendary.









Dolly...the XWF and those in it don't revolve around you. I know you legitimately believe otherwise but you ain't shit. You ain't DONE shit and you AIN'T shit. Understand?


Y
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U


A
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I'm sorry, that's not entirely accurate...


















You ARE shit but little else.


And the only reason I'm facin' you now is because you wanted the match. Interactin' with you in a war 'a words again simply reminds me just how outta my league you are. You never have anything 'a substance to say, you don't research, you don't pay attention to compensate for said lack 'a research, you lie, you retcon, you cheat, you use others for your own gain non-stop (me, I do shit like run Apex Productions and make others entrance videos gratis), you campaign like a filthy politician and play people into thinkin' you give a shit about 'em then piss all over 'em if they ever bring about a LOSS for you...you're a despicable waste of a life and if you had any class whatsoever you'd retire or kill yourself. I don't want anything to do with you. Instead, I gotta make my second X defense against you. D'you realize just how severely of an ass-whippin' I'm gonna hand you for everything you've said? In promo alone I'm completely wipin' the floor with you ya dumb fuckin' Frankfurt femme fatality. And guess what? Callin' me incoherent in a sad attempt to discredit your thorough nailin' changes nothin'. Never has. Never will. It works for no one. Try uppin' your own game if you hate mine so much as opposed to the weakest 'a critiques.


Weak like claimin' cashin' in on some asshat no one wants to remember, for the Uni, is my most significant accomplishment.


Top 50.


#6.


That's my most significant accomplishment here. The highest honor I've ever received. You weren't shit but one 'a the people that lost in the match _I_ won for my FIRST of TWO 24/7 briefcases. Another accolade consistently slippin' through your fingers.


I achieve what you can't Dolly. I achieve what people don't WANT me to achieve while they stack the deck against me to tryta ENSURE I fail and I piss all over 'em anyway. I'm a fighter. A winner.


In every way, shape and form I'm better than you are and you hate me for it. You always have ever since I came here and "stole" everything you thought you had comin' to you.


All you had comin' was what you received.


In full.


It's very similar to what you got comin' _now_ Dolly, exactly what you deserve: Jim Caedus showin' the entire XWF Universe once again why Dolly Waters ain't ever been Uni Champ, why she lost Lethal Lottery 4, why her tally will never be comparable to someone like me, why her rank on the Top 50 is beneath my own, why she shouldn't be feared, why she needs to desperately shoehorn her borin' character into other people's promos, why she needs to lie and retcon just to survive a hype cycle, why she can NEVER. BE. GOOD. ENOUGH. or stick around long enough to BE good enough.


You're Dolly Waters. Waters. Waters are synonymous with quitter and you were the FIRST among your inbred bloodline to set that standard. A standard the rest 'a your family was more than happy to make concrete. If you wanna hate someone, blame someone, blame yourself. Hate yourself. You're legitimately insane, stoopin' to the same stupid shit you did back then and expectin' different results.


Loser.


Retire, Dolly.


No one wants your fake, backstabbin' bitchass here.


You don't have what it takes to stick it out. You didn't then, you don't now and the older you get the more set in your ways you become. You don't grow. You don't adapt. You don't improve.


You.


Don't.


Learn.


I'ma learn ya anyway.


And when I'm garrotin' you with barbwire, I swear I'll do my best to stifle the urge to saw through your fuckin' neck and shower in the arterial spray before removin' your dome and tossin' it to JB so he can finally say he got some snowbunny head.



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~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!! <3
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~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
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~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Rob Main & Drew Archyle as APEX!!
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~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions & Tigers & Caedus, Oh Shit"
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