Centurion: Where the hell are we going?

(More than a day into Corey Smith’s “team building” trip for the members of Team Faith Unifies Coreytopia And Korea In A Triumphant Holy Alliance Of Distinction and Centurion is already getting ornery. He was essentially blackmailed – kinda – into joining the team, making him leave The Olympics early and compete in a match that he had no intention of taking part in just mere days ago. Now, after trust falls and camp counseling, Centurion finds himself hiking in the middle of the woods, towards a location he has no knowledge of. Corey Smith is leading the group through a path in the woods, with Centurion and Alias trailing behind him. North Korean War Criminal is currently nowhere to be seen.)

Corey: You know, you worry way too much about the destination. Just relax once and a while.

Centurion: That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have 44 years of high blood pressure constantly weighing you down.

Alias: Are you unable to relax because you have high blood pressure, or do you have high blood pressure because you are unable to relax?

(Alias turns his head and looks as Centurion with a smug look on his face. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of nuts. He tosses a few into his mouth while looking Centurion directly in the eye.)

Alias: Something to think about.

Centurion: Well, thank you for your wisdom, oh sage one. Have any other nuggets of wisdom hidden in that charred brain of yours?

Alias: Yeah...quit being a prick.

(Alias holds his bag of nuts in front of him, toward Centurion.)

Alias: Try my nuts.

(Centurion angrily glares at Alias, but he cannot turn down the offer of delicious, salty nuts. Centurion reaches in and grabs some before popping them into his mouth. Centurion’s angry face begins to fade as a look of enjoyment starts to creep up.)

Centurion: You have nice nuts.

Corey: All it takes to calm you down is nuts? I’ll have to remember that.

Centurion: Yeah, but they have to be done right. Usually a little toasty. Either salted or dipped in honey, though you have to make sure they’re not too sticky. Also, you need to keep them in tact during the roasting process. You don’t want to bust your nuts.

Corey: Alright!

(Corey sighs as Alias laughs. Centurion, meanwhile, looks at them both confused. The three walk in silence for a few steps, before Centurion’s eyes widen.)

Centurion: Oh shit, that sounded wrong...

(Before either Alias or Corey can say anything, the sound of a revving engine is heard from behind them. All three stop and stand to the side of the trail before turning to face what’s coming. Flying by them is North Korean War Criminal on a dirt bike, with the flag of North Korea strapped to the back of the bike, and the colors of North Korea painted alongside. NKWC gets to the front of the pack before skidding to a stop and turning his dirt bike off.)

NKWC: Comrades! I have procured a vehicle!

Centurion: How...what...where in the hell did you get that thing?

NKWC: You continue to question the limitless abilities of Central Command.

Alias: Yeah, Cent. You need to stop doing that. Especially considering you’re in tight with the boys over there now.

Centurion: Oh, fuck off. You know that’s not true.

Corey: That’s not what I heard. I heard you’re closer with Kim Jong Un than Dennis Rodman. You’re going to be courtside watching some weird basketball before the end of the year.

Centurion: All this energy you put into talking trash about me you COULD be using to talk trash about our opponents.

Alias: Yeah, but that’s not nearly as fun. I’ve talked about Dock enough as it is, and Chris Chaos has been talked to death. Corey’s going through his own thing with Thad, and we’re still not sure Andre Dixon is a real person. I’m telling you man, there’s something about the colors...

Centurion: Will you shut up about the colors?!

(Before Centurion can say anything else, something catches his attention from the corner of his eyes. He turns away from the group to look off the trail as Corey and Alias walk up to NKWC and argue about the dirt bike. Centurion takes a few steps off the path before stopping in front of a tree with red liquid coating the base of the tree and the ground below it. Centurion turns back to face the group before calling it.)

Centurion: Guys! Come here!

(The three stop bickering and follow Centurion’s tracks into the woods. All three stop as they reach Centurion and gaze upon the red tree and grass.)

Centurion: I think this is blood.

(Centurion states the obvious as Alias, Corey, and NKWC all walk up and inspect the tree. They walk around to the other side, and Alias emerges with a confident look on his face.)

Alias: Well, I think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here...Cent’s on his period.

Centurion: What?

Corey: Wow, that’s impressive. I didn’t think you could still get periods at your age. Congratulations on beating menopause.

NKWC: I apologize, comrade. I did not bring any feminine hygiene products with me. It is my hope that you took care of that on your own.

Centurion: Alright, you know what? Fuck each and every one of you. I should have let GD take my spot. Then you could have dealt with that maniac on your own.

Corey: Oh, check it out.

(Corey reaches further up the tree and notices a knife that is stabbed into the side, as if it was used as a holder for someone to reclaim it later. Corey pulls it out of the tree and looks at it.)

Centurion: Oh, hey, can I see that for a second?

(Corey gives it one quick look over before handing it to Centurion. Centurion then angrily stomps back towards the walking path, with the other three members of the team following behind him. He walks up to NKWC’s dirt bike and immediately stabs the front tire with the knife, causing a loud pop, followed by the distinct sound of air releasing out of the tire. Corey’s eyes go wide in surprise, but neither Alias nor NKWC move or change their expressions.)

Alias: Yeah, you probably should have seen that coming.

NKWC: He is using a tool that he has in order to lash out against a symbol of oppression and inequality. I am not mad. I am actually delighted that my comrade is finally embracing the tenants of communism.

Corey: I don’t think that’s what he was doing.

(Centurion pulls the knife out and jams it into the back wheel, this time leaving it there. As the air releases, Centurion turns back to the group with a smile.)

Centurion: We ready to go?

(Centurion turns and continues walking up the path. Corey says nothing and jogs back out in front of the group. Alias and NKWC walk up to the dirt bike and stare at the slashed tires before Alias pats NKWC on the back and walks away. The four walk a few more minutes, not saying much to each other, until they reach the end of the walking path. The forest gives way to a large clearing, which sits at the top of a hill. The view is picturesque - overlooking miles upon miles of forest. Corey extends his arm to the view as he turns back to the rest of the group.)

Corey: Eh?

(Corey looks super proud of himself as he shows off the area, which makes Centurion's eyes go wide. He almost goes into a trance as he walks forward, staring out into the woods. Alias and NKWC also step forward, but they don't seem as impressed.)

NKWC: It is a very nice view indeed. It is almost as good as the views in…

Corey: Pyongyang?

(NKWC steps back, looking shocked that not only did Corey interrupt him, but did so by correctly guessing what he was going to say.)

NKWC: How did you know?! Are you reading my mind?

Corey: It's literally all you've been talking about since you got here.

NKWC: The capitalists have tapped into my mind! I was warned this could happen!

(Centurion doesn't even notice the shenanigans taking place behind him as he looks out over the mountain with a huge smile on his face. After a few moments, the other three members walk over to him.)

Centurion: This is... absolutely incredible. It's a beautiful reminder of what is around us. The things that bring us all together. It doesn't matter where we're from, when we were born, or what we believe - we all live on the same planet. We all must care for it, or we're all doomed together. It just puts into perspective how small we are in the grand scheme of things. In the end, what does any of it matter? War Games, Anarchy, the XWF in general - one day, we're all going to die, and the Earth will be here when we're gone. And like, is there more to our existence? Does God have a plan for all of us? Or do we just exist to soak up resources and die?

(The other three members of the team stand next to Centurion as they look where he is staring. Corey pats Centurion on the back of the shoulder and nods.)

Corey: ...wow, you're gay.

Centurion: What?

Alias: What was all that stuff about God? You wanna talk about it? Should we all sit around while you give us some sort of sermon?

NKWC: There is a purpose to life, comrade - to bring honor and power to the working class through the glorious regime of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea!

(Corey, Alias, and NKWC all turn away, leaving Centurion to stand, feeling a level of regret he can not quite put into words.)

------Just Being Nature's Friend------

What does the winner of War Games get?

Seriously, someone tell me, because I have no idea. Is it a briefcase? I doubt that - I would have known that if it was the case. Besides, this isn't Shane 's XWF. They're not giving out briefcases like it's bite sized Snickers on Halloween.

Is it a title shot? That doesn't really do anything for me. I have a title already, and I made a promise never to wrestle for the Universal Title ever again.

There honestly isn't anything to fight for on my end. There is no reward that the XWF can give me that really makes this entire trip worth it. I'm giving up my vacation and putting my body at harms risk for pretty much nothing. So I have no motivation, right?

See, here's the thing about me - the older I get, the more bitter and petty I come. In a lot of cases, such as this one, it has nothing to do with winning, and everything to do with making sure others lose.

I know what this event means to BOB. They're going all out for this. This is a chance to make a statement for them, and they're going to do everything they can to win. They want to stand in the middle of the ring, holding the title...trophy...plaque? as a unit as the confetti and balloons fall from the sky. Miss Fury wants to be hoisted on the shoulders of her teammates, get her picture taken, and hang that picture in every locker room and hallway in every city we travel to. Anything less than that will be considered a complete failure for them.

Dock wants to add another title to his long name. He wants to be known as "King Dock, War Games Survivor". It's the same goal That "Grand Slammy" Duke has - just tack on another accomplishment to their already long resume in hopes Daddy will finally be proud of him.

For someone like Lycana or Betsy or Ned Kate, it's all about the immediate future. Win War Games, earn yourself a shot at the big belt. That may not be the "official" prize, but come on. I've been around long enough to know that being a sole survivor of War Games is enough to get the attention of the Universal Champion. They win, and they're headlining Relentless.

And for someone like Robert Main? It's all about stopping the bleeding. It's bouncing back from some pretty rough months. It's reassurting himself into the main event scene. More importantly, it's stopping any of these young kids from leaving him completely in the dust.

And me? Well, I just hate all of you fuckers, and don't want any of that to happen.

Don't get me wrong - this isn't one of those "I hope you die in a fire" kind of hatreds. I only hold that for...some of you. No, it's a "you've all been talking a lot of shit for way too damn long" kind of hatred.

A lot of you hate me because I'm comfortable walking away from the business knowing I've accomplished a legendary career. I can sit at home and put my feet up at any time, and I just choose not to, and all of you mother fuckers know you're not only not at that point in your life, but you'll probably never be. So you call me old and you call me boring and you call me all sorts of shit because I've received a level of self awareness you can only dream of, and that pisses you off. I also know it would make you lose your fucking minds if you bust your asses and put all your effort into this weekend, and you have to stand there and watch me, who didn't even want to be in the fucking match to begin with, standing victorious in the main event. God, the rage will be absolutely tasty.

Think about that reality for a second, Doc D'Ville. Think about all these people saying how wonderful you are, and how you've been having a historic 2021, and how you're absolutely one of the favorites, only to be bounced in the first round by someone your peers thought died seven years ago. Think about all you've been through this year alone, Thaddeus Duke. The title wins, the adoration, the people chanting your name. And now, think about how you're looking across the ring at Corey Smith, who has officially surpassed you in this company, and how you're just DYING to prove something to him...only to be eliminated by someone over 20 years his senior. Think about the expectations that are placed on BOB, Andre Dixon. Think about that massive party they plan on holding at the end of the night, and how your only goal is to prevent me and my teammates from making it to the main event. And think about having to look your stablemates in the eyes after bringing shame and failure to them. And think about…

...actually, Chaos, don't think about anything at all. I'd hate for you to get a headache.

I hope you're all stocked up on copium. You're going to need it. I don't care what you have to do to put yourself to bed after Sunday - tell yourself you had a bad day, tell yourself I cheated, whatever it takes to get over it.

I'm skipping my vacation for this, assholes, so you know for a fact that this night is going to end with each and every one of you meeting your…

FINAL FANTASY!!!