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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Warfare Boards » Warfare RP Board
The Father and The Mut
Author Message
Dolly Waters Offline
Always.



XWF FanBase:
The IWC

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)


#1
07-12-2021, 02:49 PM

The camera lens opens to the stolid expression of one Dolly Waters, chewing on a piece of gum and compelled into wearing a Disneyland t-shirt. A Grumpy the Dwarf t-shirt to be exact. But besides the giant trailer park mumu stained with red Flavor-aid, and the stolid expression, Dolly seems to be wearing an air of frustration that her promo, her freedom of thought and expression, has been cuckolded by corporate America. Let’s hear what she’s got to say about that…

Comrades.

With a breath and a nod,

Before I do anything, I am contractually obligated to make you aware that this entire promo is a compulsory plug for -

Slight eye twitch,

-Disney… and the Disney Family of theme parks. Disney is the world’s premier entertainment company, home to the most iconic and beloved brands.

Okay, her eyes are cycling like a typewriter, making it obvious that she’s reading from a teleprompter.

Brands such as Buck Rogers In The 25th Century, which shows their commitment to fighting against ageism. They’ve amassed the world’s largest catalog of Baby Boomer classics, now complete with content warnings. They sympathize with those trying to remember the Good-Ol-Days, because Disney is a home for everyone.

Eye twitching intensifies,

So come one, come all!

Feel comfortable forcing your racist nostalgia on your children, and bring them to Disneyland in Anaheim, California to ride the Golden Zephyr! The Buck Rogers theme ride, that is indeed in Anaheim and NOT Orlando. In no time, you’ll remember what it was like when you could use phrases such as: “Merry Christmas” and “Colored People”.


That felt more labor intensive than a Disney sweatshop in China. Dolly pulls her eyes away from the script, and directly into the lens

I'm proud to announce that the XWF and Disney have partnered to shine a light on the Golden Zephyr, and many other subversive theme rides for our Novennial XWF Disney event.

It’s absolutely riveting.

In one week I will be competing in a wrestling match…

in.a.wrestling.ring

...atop the Golden Zephyr’s 70 degree angled metal canopy. A structural impossibility, and safety hazard bringing on the imminent death of myself and Felix Jones? Don’t worry! Buck Rogers is all about seeing the impossible come to life.

When I was a little girl, riding the Superman Tower Of Power at Six Flags in Louisville, a girl a few seats down from me had her feet sliced off when a cable broke. This will be nothing like that… Disney actually cares about people.


A forced nervous chuckle,

Suck it Time Warner!

Anyway.

Yeah.

Wooohooooo! Dis-naaaay!

I can’t wait. Though I’m not fully certain if we’re going to be in Anaheim or Orlando, and frankly I’m not sure if the bookers are aware either, I’m really looking forward to this match! Setting aside my trauma-linked fear of carnival rides, and the reoccurring thought that SBW is trying to have me killed before I win Wargames, I can’t help but have a positive outlook about competing in such an overbooked shit show.

For one, I know Disney won’t let me get killed. They love me. Especially since...

[Image: 0215660cb53963cda4083fd9bc5c6b06.gif]

That interview when Michael Graves and I switched bodies.

[Image: tumblr_ndslwdLMt21sc9c73o2_250.gifv]

Seriously, you should see the endorsement offers. I’ve even been asked to play the role of Disney’s first ever trans-prince, Hansel Van HammerClit in a live action Frozen spinoff. I’m a hero to Disney’s imaginary trans fan base. The actual trans community paid little to no attention, they’ve been putting up with bullshit for so long that they can smell it a mile away.

Anyway I turned down the role, and while the opportunity of making out with Emilia Clarke was not an easy pass, I wouldn’t feel comfortable exploiting the LGBTQ+ movement. Disney does it, but they don't have souls.

Okay. Where was I?

Oh!

The second reason why I’m feeling positive about this match… Look no further than who I’ve been booked against. Felix Jones, the other XWF novennial disaster.

Where else on earth do you get to watch the Hindenburg zephyr crash and burn nine times a year in real time? Sorry to say, but this is going to be a walk in the theme park for Dolly Waters. Don’t get me wrong, I actually like Felix. The guy has a gambling problem and needs help, and what better way to earn a fat paycheck than to get yourself booked against my star power?

Obviously getting Felix some money to go gamble away isn’t the long term solution. We’re really just enabling him at this point. You’d figure the guy would have at least been able to learn a simple high-low counting method for blackjack, but the poor feller isn’t the brightest. So, for some long term help, I’ve devised a plan.

Since we’ll be on the Buck Rogers ride, I’ve decided that I’ll knee Felix in the face so hard that it knocks him into the year 2499. From there he should be able to find some sort of sports almanac. He’ll need to go look up one of my future descendants, and get them to knock him back into the past. But once he’s back, Felix should never lose a bet again. Of course, a simpler solution would be to just take whatever money he has left after selling that cheap suit to a thrift store, and bet it all on Dolly Waters to win next Wednesday.

Let’s be real, Felix. You ain’t winning this thing.

You’re just a precursor to what I’m getting ready to accomplish.

You see, the last seven months have been interesting for me. I've worked really hard to come to terms with some of my personal issues, the most pressing of which: being a self-centered bitch. Oh, and the drug and alcohol addictions.

So anyway, I’ve sat here at Coreytopia, learning how to think about others before myself. I’ve watched friends like Corey, Thad, Dawk and Alias go on to accomplish impressive feats in the XWF, and in all honesty, I’m happy for them. I know firsthand the head-to-toe rush that comes with winning a wrestling match, especially for a championship. That je ne sais quoi moment of forcing the will of your hard work and dedication onto your opponents skull. It’s beautiful.


Dolly fans a hand in front of her face.

I’m getting a little emotional just thinking about it…

Deep inhale through the nostrils,

But anyway, I’ve been as humble I’ve needed to be for long enough.

It’s my turn to feel that rush again.

Go find a talking head alive, or a blowhard podcast host who will tell with a straight face that Dolly Waters isn’t one of the best wrestling talents in the world today. It ain’t gonna’ happen. Even given all of my fuck-ups over the years, and what has been the most confusing several months of my life since MayDay - ask about me, Felix. Though I don’t think you need any convincing. Ask about the loss to Dick Powers at Leap Of Faith. Dick split me open and left me bleeding like a prom night regret.

It is what it is…

Que Sera Sera… that’s getting old by now isn’t it?

But what did a win over Dolly Waters do for Dick Powers? Propel him into being confident enough to sign up for a captain's spot for Wargames? Maybe, maybe not. But the corollary is at least, if nothing else, interesting. It speaks volumes to what I’m capable of… and plus I just love Dick.

While some people are bitching about Dick going limp during the Wargames draft, and failing to split up B.O.B, I actually welcome it, I’m happy for it…

I’m glad that DOLLY WATERS is the reason that Dick Powers entered the captains field only to fuck everything up for these doddering old cocksuckers who have all, collectivley, turned the greatest molehill in XWF history into a fucking mountain with their imgainations.

It’s going to make this moment, post-Felix Jones beatdown of course, all the sweeter when there will be no excuses left for anyone. BOB got their wish, Thad and Corey got theirs, as did Betsy, Charlie and Dick.

So when the final bell rings at Wargames, and Dolly Waters is standing in that ring, my arm raised, tasting that sweet nectar of victory, reminding the world that there is no “Waters Legacy”, there’s just Dolly, I’m going to look at BOB, I’m going to look at Corey and Thad, and Dawk, and Betsy, and Alias, and Jimbo, and Chaos, and ANYONE else who truly believed that they had this whole thing figured out and I’m going to thank each and everyone of you shit-suckers.

Thank you for handing me the opportunity to shit on each and every one of you in what YOU perceive to be your strongest potions. BOB with the Bastards. Thad’s ContinuedCum. Whorey and Gaylias. Betsy and the Bitch. Dick and the Dicks. It’ll be team Charlie fucking Nickles, with Robert Main, with Marf, and of course with Dolly Waters who is winning the whole shebang. As for what happens after that?

Well… I’ve already said it: Dolly Waters will be standing in that ring when it’s all over.

Que Sera Sera?

Nah.

It’ll be whatever in the fuck Dolly Waters decides.

Eat shit Felix Jones.


A disclaimer flashes at the bottom of the screen:

“DISNEY DOES NOT ENDORSE OR CONDONE THIS PROMO”


Hey NostraDOLLus! Why don’t you put your money where Dick’s… dick has been?

Prods Corey Smith from the wrestling ring setup in the Coreytopia gym, leaning over the ropes. Dolly steps away from a greenscreen where she was filming the promo and smirks...

My pleasure.

Moments later, the sounds of pops, pattering, slams, grunts and growls overtake the gymnasium.

Dolly explodes from the ropes, ducking under a clothesline from Corey, and catches a head of steam charging to the next set of ropes. This is what Dolly is known for in the ring, creating a frantic pace that throws her opponents off from their game. Corey turns around in pursuit, trailing Dolly, but she hops on the middle rope and springboards back with a corkscrew European uppercut. Corey slides his feet and shifts out of the way, feeling the wind from Dolly’s punch whizzing by his face.

Dolly lands forearms first on the mat, and thrusts herself back into a crawl. She spots the back of one of Corey’s knees and is ready to neutralize him with a chop block, she lunges forward with a shoulder and a roar, but Corey is swift. He leaps over Dolly and into a roll on the mat. Dolly is already up and charging him, she screams and swings her knee towards Corey’s face, but he grabs her leg and dragonscrews her to the mat.

Corey is to his feet, and watches as Dolly pulls up to her knees, sweat dripping from her forehead as she pants at heightened rate. Corey raises his leg, and swings with his trademark buzzsaw kick. Knowing she’s been beat, Dolly closes her eyes and winces, embracing for the impact.

Ding. Ding. Ding.

Dolly opens one eye and looks up at Corey who is grinning from ear to ear.

You’re confident, which is great. But you’re still a little rusty.

He says with a helping hand, bringing Dolly to her feet.

I’ll be ready come wargames.

You better hope so, because if we meet up there, I won’t hold back.

With a shower out of the way, and her large, military-type backpack stuffed and slung over her shoulder, Dolly salutes a few moist-eyed comrades on her way to the Coreytopia door. Making her way down the long staircase like a young, shining war draftee, saying goodbye to her family before walking out of those doors, for what might be the last time, Dolly locks eyes with Corey as he stands there waiting —-

You know you don't have to do this, Dolly.

If I felt like I had to do it, I probably wouldn’t…

She says reaching the bottom of the steps,

Always the contrarian.

Besides, do you really want Charlie, Robert and Marf here?

Good point

The Wonder Twins share a parting smile. Dolly has taken it upon her own accord to leave her home at Coreytopia for the next few weeks as she was drafted by team Charlie early in the second round of the draft. Would she have liked being drafted by Corey and Alias? Or Thad and Doc? One could assume, but given the nature of the snake-style draft rules, that was never going to be an option.

In a way, Dolly was happy to be conscripted to Charlie’s team. She knew what the outside perceptions were, and knew that they would be considered long shots at best. Dolly has a point to prove, and no better way of proving this point than doing it the way she always has… against all odds.

Corey opens his arms for a hug, but Dolly just smiles, looks down at her open hand and says,

Put er’ there, comrade.

The two exchange a lovingly terse and firm hand shake just before Corey opens the door to see his roommate to her ride, the custom Harley Fatboy. But as the door swings open, a fist knocks on Dolly’s forehead. The man knocking, feeling flesh rather than wood, turns away from gazing at the commune grounds and looks at Dolly. Her face falls flat.

DOLL-BABY!

Got’dammit

It’s her father Muddy Waters, who she hasn’t seen, and has willfully avoided for months. The breathless, red face of Corey Smith speaks for itself, as he tries desperately not to inhale Muddy’s sweaty stench. Muddy smiles at his daughter like a child having discovered his first pubic hair in the bathtub.

What do you want, Muddy?

Look you know I hate botherin, but I’s gots this… problem.

For those not familiar, Muddy’s accent is so southern it transcends stereotypes and is at best partially comprehensible. Dolly huffs through her nose and folds her arms, watching as her father steps out of the way revealing a…

PUPPY?!

A cute little dog with no specific breed. It has brown and gray ears flopped forward and backward with a pit-bullish-like head sitting on a smaller, gray spotted body.

Where did you steal the mut, Muddy?

She condemns, while reaching down and swooning over the pup.

Muddy ain’t stoled nothin! He woke me up licking my face outside of Talladega.

And you brought him to south Florida?

She says turning around, still rubbing on the pooch with an incredulous tone,

Muddy couldn’t take care of his own daughter, let alone a dog. But he ain’t leave me alone. I figured since he likes Muddy so much, that you two orta’ hit it off.

Well I can’t keep him. I’m moving out-

Temporarily!

Corey shouts from the doorframe, as Dolly makes “yeah-yeah” kind of face,

Look, do you need me for any of this? plz say no, plz say no, plz say-

No-

Thank god.

But!

shit…

I can’t quite get Muddy and this dog out of here on my motorcycle.

Corey nods and reaches into the doorframe where the keys to his vast car collection as well as the commune’s plows and tractors are hung. He pops back out and tosses Dolly a particular key ring.

She regards it with a glow,

Niiiiice.

A few moments later, Dolly, Muddy and the Mut are pulling away in a custom, powder blue 1963 Dodge D-100 Pickup, her motorcycle strapped down in the bed of the truck as the commune residents wave the trio away.

-to be continued-

3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
2x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory

my loves:
[spoiler]
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[-] The following 15 users Like Dolly Waters's post:
ALIAS (07-13-2021), Atara Raven (07-12-2021), Bianca McBride (07-12-2021), Cadryn Tiberius (07-13-2021), Charlie Nickles (07-12-2021), Derrick Diamond (07-13-2021), EDWARD THE GREAT (07-12-2021), HeavensToBetsy (07-12-2021), JimCaedus (07-12-2021), Marf (07-12-2021), Robert "The Omega" Main (07-14-2021), Thaddeus Duke (07-12-2021), Theo Pryce (07-21-2021), Thunder Knuckles™ (07-12-2021), Unknown Soldier (07-13-2021)




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