Charlie Nickles stared at the mirror in front of him while clutching a buzzing razor in his right hand. The dusty sink was covered in brown hair fresh from Charlie’s scalp. Streaks of gray ran through the man’s bushy beard as he stroked it with his left hand. The flesh of the man’s right cheek was drooping and hanging loosely off his face. The Nickleman’s nose had reduced from a firm point to a floppy blob more closely resembling a hanging spittle.

Charlie leaned into the mirror as he brought his left hand against the wall for support. Charlie Nickles closely inspected his drooping flesh while gazing at his reflection.

Drip.

A small blob of flesh dropped from Charlie’s cheek and landed in the sink. The soft skin had turned to thick sludge and was slowly crawling down the drain by the time a piece of Charlie’s nose fell from his face.

Drip.

Charlie looked down at his retreating remnants with a worried crease buried inside the wrinkles on his forehead. Charlie spit a mouthful of blood into the hairy sink before taking his left hand off the wall to wipe his mouth clean. As Charlie withdrew his hand a slab of sludgy skin came with it. Charlie dropped his electric razor onto the soiled bathroom tiles as he stepped away from the quickly clogging sink.

Come to me, Charlie....

Charlie looked back up at the mirror as a familiar voice rang out through the motel bathroom.

Come to the crossroads....

A pale woman with bright blue hair stared back at Charlie as he gazed into the glistening glass mirror.

Time is running out….

The devilish woman in the mirror locked eyes with Charlie Nickles. She saw nothing but his brown eyes, and he saw nothing but her blue eyes. Then her gray eyes….then her violet eyes? A look of confusion washed across the bearded man’s face before he was gripped by sheer horror.

The woman’s pale flesh began to drip down her face and pool at the bottom of the mirror. The pale flesh slowly morphed into a yellow sludge at the bottom of the glass that was beginning to seep out from the sides of the attached cabinet. Beneath the flesh was neither bone nor blood, but fur. After a few moments of dripping flesh the woman began to assist the soft skin with it’s exodus from her body. The woman ripped off her flesh and threw it against the bottom of the mirror where it continued to seep out as a yellow sludge.

Where a beautiful gothic queen once stood, there was now nothing but a bipedal wolf in its place. The Black fur stood in stark contrast to the pale flesh at the bottom of the mirror. The wolfish woman smiled softly from behind the mirror, her pearly white canines glistening in the light. The woman’s violet eyes locked onto Charlie Nickles once more. The sweating man found himself unable to move, speak, or even think as he watched the transformation in awe. All he could do was blink.

But when he opened his eyes, the woman was gone. The yellow sludge, likewise, was nowhere to be seen. Charlie let loose a soft sigh of relief before his gaze settled on his drooping jaw. The man’s face seemed to be sagging off of his bones, as if his flesh were fleeing. The guzzling of a mostly clogged drain permeated throughout the background as the Nickleman’s blood and hair became caught in the sink’s plumbing.

Charlie ran out of the bathroom and into the living area of the motel room. Charlie went straight to the large wooden desk tucked in the corner of the room and began rifling through the drawers. Charlie pulled out a tightly rolled but mostly smoked marijuana cigarillo as he reached into his pocket for a lighter. The man brought the cigar up to his mouth and tucked it between his lips. Charlie tried to hold the cigarillo tightly between his lips as he brought the lighter up, but the man’s melting tissue made the task impossible. The cigar fell to the floor, accompanied by a good deal of human sludge. Charlie slammed his fists against the table in frustration as he pushed himself away.

As Charlie faced the other direction, he couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of the XWF reruns playing on the room’s television. Charlie’s eyes rolled right over the fully laid out black and red body suit laying across the bed as the shimmering skull of a particularly unattractive bald man caught his attention.

Quote: "The latest induction into the jobber hall of fame"

Jim Jimson is shown in his hospital bed, in a suit & tie, with a shaking yet sexy male nurse standing beside him. Jimson is seen screaming at the male nurse, who is just trying to give Jimson a questionably consensual spongebath.

Jim Jimson: I was apart of a team with Charlie Nickles, NOT Demos. Me & Nickles gained number 1 contendership, me & Demos walked into a championship match, "DDS" was doomed to fail from the beginning. Demos & Charlie may have been in the same body, but they were not the same person, not by a longshot.

If it wasn't clear for the people watching that Charlie & Demos were not the same just look at their win records. Demos is on an 8 match losing streak, with performances like that it was a no-brainer to accept him into the jobber hall of fame, it's hard to imagine that Charlie was at some point undefeated, looking at what Demos is doing.

Charlie shook his head from side to side as he turned away from the rarely aired video footage of his longtime ally. As Charlie began stepping towards the door he noticed himself growing considerably shorter with each and every step. As the bearded man looked over his shoulder he was struck with grave concern. Charlie was leaving behind a trail of substantial sludge every time he lifted his foot.

With a newfound determination, Charlie struck forward towards the door. Charlie’s slippery mitts were barely able to turn the doorknob and the shriveling man was barely able to step out of his motel room when, all of a sudden…..

Charlie Nickles found himself jumping off of the toilet with immense force. The needle fell out of Charlie’s arm as the force of his movement undid the cloth that was loosely tied above the man’s elbow.

Charlie backed up until he felt his back make contact with the unwashed walls of the bathroom. Charlie placed a fully formed hand on his chest as his shallow breathing began to return to normal. The man with the unkempt beard turned to his left as he glanced at his reflection. Charlie raised his hand up to his face, running his calloused fingers across the scattered pustules littering the man’s leather skin. Charlie shook his head from side to side as he glanced down at the pushed-in needle resting on the slightly sticky bathroom floor.

No, no, I’m not using. I haven’t used since….since……

Charlie’s eyes rolled up to the top of his skull as he raised his eyebrows in contemplation. A few speechless moments went by before a look of confusion washed away Charlie’s thoughtful expression.

What the hell…

Charlie shook his head from side to side before stepping away from the greasy bathroom wall and looking back at the rugged reflection of the man in the mirror. The man behind the glass had long and knotted brown locks falling well below his shoulders. The man’s beard was patchy and a bumpy red rash was visible just beneath the hair on his chin. Charlie shook his head from side to side before turning away from the mirror and pushing his way through the only door in the room.

As Charlie opens the door he’s greeted by an extremely long and narrow hallway with glass panels taking the place of walls on the left side of the hall. Charlie steps into the hallway hesitantly and lets the door to the bathroom slam shut behind him. Charlie takes a few paces forward before turning back around to look behind him. As Charlie turns his head atop his neck, he sees nothing but more hallway behind him. A soft gulp emanates from the man’s throat as he slowly continues to move his fettered feet forward.

A bright blue light shines from behind the glass panels. Charlie leans forward and looks out from behind the glass. The man raises his palms to the glass as he looks down at a wrestling ring far beneath him emblazoned with yellow lettering that is illegible from such a distance. Charlie continues to walk forward slowly as his eyes and palm stay drawn to the illuminated room on the other side of the glass.

Charlie watches in wonder as competitors make their way to the ring. The second man, much burlier albeit noticeably shorter than the other, wasted no time getting started as he sprinted into the ring. Within seconds the second man had slid beneath the bottom rope! The blue lights quickly faded into normal lighting as the armored man hit his unsuspecting foe with a combination of jabs, forcing the opponent against the ropes.The man in the pauldrons grabbed his foe and locked him into a mai thai clinch against the ropes...but it didn’t last for more than a second! The mai thai clinch was nothing more than a ruse to deliver a brutal knee to his opponent’s face that left his foe crumpled against the mat.

Charlie shook his head from side to side as he glanced at the seemingly endless hallway in front of him. As Charlie shook his head he could feel several strands of his hair falling off his scalp. As Charlie looked back at his hand placed against the glass he saw the same sagging skin as before. Charlie began to walk faster, quickly moving down the hallway, glancing back through the glass panels every now and then.

The taller albeit slimmer man with shorter hair had his now pauldron-less opponent backed up against the post! The one time victim chopped away at his foe’s chest before delivering a firm uppercut to the chin that knocked the fat man down to the mat.

As Charlie looked back at the space ahead of him he was struck with jubilation. A door far off in the distance was suddenly visible. Charlie began jogging towards the door, the friction from the air knocking more loose strands of hair off the Nickleman’s head. Charlie cast a quick side glance at the action back in the ring as he continued barreling down the hallway.

The shorter and heavier man was lifted to his feet by his slimmer opponent when, all of a sudden,

THE WOBBLING MAN DELIVERS A LOW BLOW OUT OF NOWHERE! IT’S FOLLOWED UP WITH AN IMMEDIATE IMPACT DDT!

The slender man’s head slams against the wooden floorboards of the ring with wicked impact before he’s rolled over.

Charlie looked back at the shrinking hallway in front of him. The door was growing ever closer. Charlie looked back at his hands and breathed a sweet sigh of relief as he set his sights on his fully formed mitts. Charlie looked down through the glass panes once more as he approached the door at the end of the hall.

The two men were fighting each other from a perched position on top of the top rope. Then, suddenly, the two men flew high in the air as they lapt off the top rope, one suplexing the other. Their bodies crashed down to the floor. Blood began pooling in the space beneath and between their bodies as Charlie Nickles shook his head from side to side and pushed open the door in front of him.

As Charlie walks through the door he finds himself in what seems to be a routine convenience store. As Charlie turns around to look back through the door he sees the greasy bathroom, but no long hallway. Charlie shakes his head from side to side as he lets the bathroom door close. Charlie walks towards the refrigerator at the end of the path, paying only minimal attention to the snacks lining the rack on his left.

No oreos. Hmph.

Charlie shakes his head in polite disagreement with the store’s selection before coming to a standstill in front of the glass doors of the refrigerator. Charlie leans forward as he looks at the bodega’s selection of beverages. Coca Cola, Mountain Dew, Budweiser, Swayson Screwdrivers. Charlie opens the refrigerator door and grabs a bottled screwdriver out of the fridge before letting the heavy door slam shut.

As the heavy door sealed a frosty indentation appeared on the inside of the glass. Charlie unscrewed the top of the bottle as he watched the frost slowly congeal before cracking and breaking off in very certain places. Charlie took a calming sip of the Swayson screwdriver as frost congealed on the inside of the glass door once more. As Charlie brought the beverage back to his waist the frost shattered once more, leaving nothing but a very ornate icey incantation on the other side.

ksssshhhhkk


Charlie turned to his left and was just about to raise his heel when the frost inside the door cracked louder and more violently than ever. When Charlie looked back to his right he made incidental eye contact with the frosty face now stuck behind the glass.

What the…

The icy eyes of the man inside the fridge stared at Charlie with a friendly grin and a raised brow. Nickles rubbed his eyes with his free hand, closing them and blinking them a few times. When Charlie looked back at the refrigerator door, the frost on the inside of the glass still appeared in the form of a face. An all too familiar face, in fact. Charlie leaned forward as he stared into the eyes behind the glass.

How’s it going, partner?

A disembodied voice rang through Charlie’s ears as the mouth of the frosty face moved up and down. Charlie took an instinctive step back as he cocked an eyebrow. As Charlie retreated the iced-out face grew a frosty body on the inside of the glass door.

Or I guess I should say EX-partner. And maybe, just maybe…..future partner.

Charlie turned his head from side to side as he looked around the bodega, only to find himself absolutely alone.

Nice comeback. But now that you’re back, it’s time to get busy.

Well, maybe not alone. Charlie looked down at the bottle of Swayson screwdriver in his hand and then back to the full figured frost man on the other side of the glass door. The man trapped behind the door was now adorning what seemed to be a large championship belt over his right shoulder.

We never did get a true rubber match. Oh well, I think we came close enough. I got something pretty damn nifty from someone who was something like you. I’m man enough to call it all even.

The frost figure grinned as it raised it’s right shoulder and looked down at it’s frosty championship belt with pride.

Ice never lasts long…..

The championship belt behind the mirror begins to melt into water droplets. The frosty face redirects it’s gaze back to Charlie as it lowers its shoulder, letting the water droplets run down the refrigerated glass.

But it lasted long enough for me to put the past behind us. What do you say...partner?

Charlie drops the bottle of liquor as a frosty hand extends out from behind the sealed glass door. The frost hand reaches out a few feet as the icey man eyes Charlie with anticipation. Charlie waits hesitantly just outside the man’s grasp. Ice turns to water as the man’s hand begins to melt.

Charlie, what’s the matter? Don’t you remember?

Remember?


Remember?


REMEMBER?!?!!!!??!!!

The icy hand morphs into a claw as frosty fingers shatter into sharp nails! The face behind the glass door elongates as it’s body cracks into a thinner form with more feminine curvatures. Charlie’s eyes go wide as he jumps back against a rack of overpriced chips.

REMEMBER OUR DEAL, YOU BASTARD! HE KILLED ME! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM! I WON’T TAKE YOUR PLACE IN HELL, CHARLIE!

REMEMBER OUR DEAL!

The whole hand collapsed to the ground as it shifted to water. The frost behind the glass cracked once more before a mixture of water droplet and ice shard crashed to the bottom of the refrigerator. Charlie pushed himself off of the snack rack as walked up to the refrigerator and stared at the bottom of it through the glass door. Charlie was closely inspecting the water at the bottom of the fridge. He reached out for the door, grabbing the handle with his left hand when, all of a sudden…..

OH COME ON WHO CLOGGED THE TOILET? OH MY GOD THERE’S SHIT EVERYWHERE!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S SHIT EVERYWHERE, HAROLD?

Charlie let go of the door handle as he turned back to face the bathroom. An elderly white couple was standing in front of the open bathroom door. The woman was holding her nose shut with her fingers while the man was holding the door wide open and angrily stomping his foot into the somewhat poopy tile.

YOU BASTARDS NEED TO CLEAN THIS UP! I’M A PAYING CUSTOMER!

Charlie ducked into the space between the snack rack and the fridge as he quickly walked away from the bathroom. The man raised his head and looked around the store, quickly locating an exit on the far wall. Charlie ducked through a few more rows of stale cheetos and motor oil. Charlie nodded politely at the stereotypically indian store clerk before opening the door and walking out of the bizzaro bodega.

We cut to a shot of Charlie Nickles sitting inside of an otherwise empty amphitheatre. The man sits alone as he gazes downwards, clutching the microphone stand with one hand as he holds the microphone up to his plump lips with the other.

Memory is a funny kind of thing.

Some people have it, some people don’t. Some people who have it don’t want it, and some people who don’t have it would never be able to recover if they did have it.

Some of us try to fight the memories, try to repress them, try to quell their living spirits.

Some of us cling to our memories, try to relive them, try to stay in the past as much as possible.

I understand both sides of that coin. Life is hard for some folks. Life brutalizes some, leaving unmistakable scars on their bodies and psyches. If every memory you have hits you like a closed fist, why wouldn’t you try to run?

But on the flip side, life is easy for some folks. Life is nothing short of a rose garden for some, a beautiful trip full of luxury and delight. If you once knew grandeur, why wouldn’t you long for it the minute you feel it’s absence?

I’ve lived the high life and I’ve lived the low life. I’ve flown first class and I’ve hitch hiked along the lonely road. My pockets have been thick and my pockets have been thin, but throughout it all, I never lost track of myself.

But you all lost track of me.

Charlie lifted his gaze up as he stared directly into the camera.

You ALL lost track of me.

All this time, where did you think I was?

Truly it’s obvious...if you paid attention.

Charlie narrowed his eyebrows as he scowled at the camera.

But I know you didn’t. None of you did. Caedus certainly lacked the requisite attention span.

Your bloated memories would never allow you to retrace my trail, to recall the path I traced. Your minds are too engorged with your own ego to ever keep track of such subtle steps between the planes. You should never be expected to look past your own nose while you’re looking down it, sneering at me.

Charlie sneers into the camera responsively.

What the hell was my ‘surprise’, Caedus? It was rather obvious all along, wasn’t it?

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=40555
On April 20th, 2021, Charlie Nickles descends into hell after his very being is expunged from it’s own body by….*sigh*Demos*sigh*......

A few short months later, a competitor standing at almost his exact dimensions shows up claiming to have spawned straight from the gates of hell. Throughout the return he talks about his warped virtues, his unique ethics, his professional and familial struggles. He tells you he had legendary title reigns in the XWF, main event showcases, that he’s a nine time holder of XWF gold. It’s the classic Charlie Nickles content...trapped within a smoldering lake, submerged beneath a mask of red.

The last thing I needed was for Ramesses to sick his body-snatching dog on me before I had a chance to get the jump on him. So I waited patiently, in just a clever enough guise to keep the short bus children in the dark while letting the rest of you know just who was back in town.

Imagine my surprise when the only man who figured out the so-called mystery immediately pulled back his claim as soon as I didn’t immediately reveal my hidden ace. I never knew such a simple, one-dimensional bluff could catch the Apex pariah so off guard…

You’re an easy one to trick aren’t you, Caedus? Then, once you’ve finally uncovered the trickery, you’re pretty easy to trick again! Heh. What a guy.

Charlie smirked as he looked out across the empty rows of seats.

I’m sure a man of Caedus’s intellectual fortitude is going to be one hell of a challenge at the tactical level, right folks?

Charlie chuckled softly to himself as he rolled his eyes. After Charlie finished scanning the empty amphitheater he returned his gaze to the camera.

But Jim, in all seriousness, I think you’ve finally fallen off your rocker. I watched that last youtube clip of yours and some of what you said truly troubled me. I think a lot of your dribble left a lot of folks in this world scratching their heads. Tiktok videos? One hundred and fifty dollar bills?

Jim, what are you talking about?

Charlie lowers the microphone down to the empty space between his legs as he lets the microphone stand drop to the ground. Charlie Nickles leans forward and places his elbows on his knees. He clasps the handle of the microphone with both hands as he stares expectantly into the camera.

After some time passes a confused expression washes over Charlies’ face as he brings the microphone back up to his mouth.

Jim, what are you talking about?

Charlie places his free hand around his ear, as if trying to hear a hushed response better. Charlie waits for a few moments before shaking his head from side to side and bringing his free hand back down to his waist.

You have really turned into an obviously obnoxious cunt, Jimmy Caedus.

Charlie brings the microphone down as he pauses for a few moments. After a few seconds tick off the clock he brings the microphone back up to his mouth.

Let me say it in a way you’ll understand better, Caedus. I know you have a certain way of doing things and I’d hate for my message to you to get lost in a sea of uncertainty.

Jim Caedus, you are


Obviously


Obnoxious,


Cunt.


Jim Caedus is a hypocrite who’s weak moral fiber knows no bounds. I mean, leave it to the man who just chastised Corey Smith for being a bully to advocate for another person to commit suicide. ‘Fuck it’, Jim must’ve thought, ‘If you can’t beat em, join em!’. A cunt and a hypocrite, and Jim wonders why nobody cares that he’s back?

But golly, I probably shouldn’t rag on the old boy too badly, should I? I can be pretty damned cunty myself. Just ask Johnny Legend- I’m sure you’ll be sharing a room with him soon.

Charlie smirks as he rolls his tongue around inside his mouth. Charlie looks at something off camera briefly before returning his gaze to the camera.

The memories of the good times are something Jim Caedus holds so close to his chest. But can we blame him? He must carry a reminder of the good times with him or else the memories may well seep out of his senile mind.

He carries that long, long, loooong list of achievements with him everywhere, doesn’t he? But hey folks, don’t bust his balls too hard. If he didn’t constantly remind people that he was the 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner, who would possibly remember? It’s a shame Caedus mistakes reminders for remembrance.

Caedus’s long list of achievements sure are daunting to the untrained eye. No wonder the bloke carries around that resume with him at all times. I swear, it feels like everytime Caedus runs his mouth he slams a print-out of his Linkedin profile on the table.

I think we have a copy of it here with us tonight, actually…

Charlie stands up and turns around, facing the wall expectantly.

Quote:Jim's Linked In Profile
~XWF ALL TIME TOP 50 - #6!!!!
~XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION - 1x
~XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPION w/Chaos then Engy, w/APEX - 2x
~XWF 24/7 Briefcase - 2x
~XWF Trio Tag Champion w/Ax3 - 1x
~XWF Television Champion - 1x (undefeated)
~XWF Federweight Champion - 2x
~XWF Triple Title Holder - 1x (TV, Federweight & 24/7 case)
~XWF Double Title Holder - 3x (TV/Feder, Uni/Trio & Tag/24/7 case)
~XWF 2017 Lethal Lottery IV Tournament winner!!
~XWF 2017 Leap of Faith Rafter Match winner!!
~XWF 2017 2nd Annual Doc D'Ville Hosted Shove-It Rumble Co-Winner w/Chaos!!
~XWF 2017 War Games Co-Winner with Robert Main and Drew Archyle as APEX!!
~XWF Feb. 2017 J. Federweight Scramble Winner!!
~XWF January 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Like a Moth to the Flame"
~XWF February 2017 Star of the Month!!
~XWF March 2017 3-Way Star of the Month!!
~XWF September 2017 RP of the Month!! - "Lions and Tigers and Caedus, Oh Shit"
~Proud final opponent of XWF Legend Barney Green for one of his retirements

As the long list of supposed accomplishments flashes along the back wall Charlie Nickles turns back around to face the empty crowd. The bearded man brings the microphone up to his lips as he directs the audience's attention towards the data with his right hand.





This is what happens when a somewhat accomplished wrestler is insufficient between the bedsheets. This is the type of bullshit you get when an otherwise above average talent is gifted with a well below average endowment. You have a handful of noteworthy feats to hang your hat on….but a handful just hasn’t been enough for you, has it? Have the women been complaining? They want something a bit....more? This is the trouble you get into when 5 feet 9 inches are, unfortunately, not two separate measurements.

Charlie lowers the microphone briefly as he looks around the empty auditorium.

Not even the crickets dug that one, huh? No worries, we’ll get into the real meat and potatoes soon enough.

Charlie looks over his shoulder and takes a gander at the long list of bucket list items being projected against the wall. Charlie brings the microphone back up to his mouth as he turns back to the possibly invisible crowd.

3-way star of the month, eh? Nice to see Jimmy’s using his gay porn awards to fluff up the list. I think the award is just from a little competition he holds with his family, but still it’s always impressive to be a star. But seriously, how much do you all want to bet Caedus had to bottom for the other two ‘stars’? About a hundred fifty bucks and a few reach arounds?

Charlie looks back over his shoulder before quickly turning back to the camera.

One of Barney Green’s retirement matches? What a…..humble brag, to say the absolute least. If we want to talk about Barney Green’s retirements, let’s at least talk about his one FUNCTIONAL retirement. Let’s talk about the time that Barney Green walked into a match at 100% and walked out a forever damaged man. Let’s talk about the last bonafide big match Barney Green had.

But no one wants to talk about the time Charlie Nickles spilled a gallon of Barney’s blood using nothing but glass shards. No one wants to talk about the sheer agony Barney Green felt, laying on the mat helpless, waiting for his compatriots to rush him to the ER. That was the last time Barney Green came out to the ring and left it all on the line. After that night, Barney Green didn’t have an ‘all’ any more...he had simply lost far too much of himself inside of that glass cage.

Whatever phoney baloney retirement that Caedus jabroni thinks he put Barney through, it’s nothing compared to Nickles vs. Green, the massive TV championship draw that was the last genuine pay per view match of Barney’s entire career.

But either way, what kind of bitch brags about having a match with Barney Green? I hate to spoil the fan’s seemingly collective fantasy, but, Barney Green sucks. That’s the kind of guy I’d get booked against Jim Jimson if I wanted to give my best buddy a singles push.

So what other notches do you have on your fake gucci belt, Caedus?

Charlie tilts his body to the side so that he’s able to see both the projected list and the empty seats.

He claims the mantle of a triple title holder…..despite only ever being in possession of two championship belts at a time. I’m not sure it needs to be said, but a briefcase is not a championship belt. And just to cover all of our bases here with Caedus, remember that lead paint chips are not a suitable post workout snack. I don’t care that you grew up eating them, some habits need to die!

You want to know what a genuine triple title holder looks like, Caeudus?

Charlie cocks his head to the side as he allows the question to linger in the air for a few moments. After no response is given, Charlie simply gestures towards himself.

They look like this! They’re fat, out of shape, they got a couple bad knees and a few sore memories. But shit, at least they actually held three championship belts at one time!

Charlie Nickles holds up three fingers with his free hand.

Television Title, Federweight Title, Heavymetalweight Title. Book it, bitch. You fell one short of completing a hat trick that I don’t even claim. But you’re the favorite in this match, huh? Well, we’ll see about that.

Charlie lowers his fingers as he looks back towards the list of achievements digitally displayed against the wall.

Well, I guess the bastard is a former universal champion…..but that doesn’t make him any different from Bobby Bourbon, Peter Gilmour, Azrael Erebus, or Sebastian Duke...and I’ve wiped the floor with each and every one of them. Let’s be real….a championship victory over Gabe Reno doesn’t get you very far in today’s XWF.

Well I suppose you didn’t beat Reno per se, but cashing in the briefcase is close enough to a victory, right? Hmmmmm….

Charlie raises a skeptical eyebrow.

Cheap shotting Gabe The Cuckold Reno with a briefcase doesn’t get you very far in today’s XWF. Scoring a lucky pinfall victory over a man who spends every Christmas alone with his regrets is barely something to boast about on it’s own merits alone. Gabe Reno isn’t one of the legends, one of the stars, one of the all time great universal champions. You just cheap shotted some guy out of a belt he barely held for a few weeks! The Reno-Caedus era of the XWF was a dark age of forgettable names and insignificant achievement.

If you don’t believe me, just look at the goddamned dessert tray, because the proof is always in the pudding. Vinnie Lane called former universal champion Jim Caedus back not to compete for the top belt. Not to compete for the second to top belt. Not to be showcased in a high level feud. Nope. Jim Caedus got called back up to the big leagues out of desperation after Vinnie was scrambling to find entrants for Leap of Faith. It’s facts, folks. Caedus got brought back to lose to Corey, plain and simple.

And now, where is he? After he lost alongside esteemed stars Rel Dixon and Demos at the pay per view? Is he competing for that universal belt he once held? Fat chance. How about the Hart? Nope. The TV? Not even that. You’re fucking fighing me!

There’s no push in store for Jim Caedus, there’s no big payoff at the end of all this hard work for Jimmy. I could say he’s just rowing along in his boat, but he’s probably just paddling in circles, because he doesn’t really seem to be going anywhere!

The only people that really consider Caedus a universal champion are the people who have never been close enough to the gold to taste it. I’ve smelled the big gold. I’ve had it in my hands. I’ve nearly had it around my waist. I got a damn good look at that top shelf gold twice...just in the time that Caedus has been away playing buttfuck with his sister! And guess what? When I got those good looks at the gold....I didn’t see anything resembling Jim Caedus or his self-professed legacy.

So what’s next?

Charlie looks back up at the list before immediately rolling his eyes and turning his head back towards the seats that are usually occupied by an audience.

A lot of recorded promos of the month up there, huh? Ehhh well not quite a lot. A few. A couple, to be exact. Two in the span of five years.

Two.

In the span of five years. There are twelve months in every year. You do the math.

Ok, someone help Jim Caedus do the math.

Ok ok, the guy got pushed out of the federation for a couple of years and he didn’t get signed until the end of 2016, so five years isn’t really fair. But either way…...I thought recorded promos of the month weren’t anything worth bragging about? I thought Jim said they were only worth something like a high-five and a gold star? Hmmph. Maybe Jim’s finally realizing that’s the only kind of gold he’s going to get in today’s XWF.

I mean PUH-LEES. He claims to be an undefeated television champion? Bitch, I don’t see no gold around his waist! Jim Caedus and Charlie Nickles lost the television championship to the same goddamned motherfucking piece of shit bastard:

Father Time. But I held it longer.

So fuck you, Cuntboy Caedus.

All those reminders of the past, all those memories you carry with you in your heart and your soul: they are nothing but specks of dust from a long dead era of the XWF.

Charlie extends a middle finger into the air as the shot fades to black.