=======€@£|)Ų$=======
CAEDUS TIMELINE REWIND: Back in September 2019, a lonely Jim found his reverie and regret over
APEX interrupted by the unwelcome arrival of an old flame, ultimately settling for the companionship and added benefits she offered despite a history of infidelity on her end and a lack of feelings for her on his. Two weeks later, the routine was already getting old and it appeared as if it would end before Holly hit Jimmy with a surprise...
---Late September 2019---
Jim exhales and makes his way down to the master bedroom. Stepping inside, he sees the bathroom door closed.
I'm sorry for what I said. But you hafta understand, what you did...I ain't ever gettin' over that. I have no feelings for you anymore Holly. And with what you did...you never had any for me either. No answer. Irritation washes over his expression.
Hello?
Babe... This time Jim is the one refusing to answer.
Babe. He raises his eyebrows and shrugs at the closed door.
Jimmy??
What?
The door opens, Holly steps out clutching some small white device.
Beaming.
........I'm pregnant!
"Then and Now p.4"
Jim...simply stares at Holly in shock. Silent.
No man ever wants to react the way women assume we will at the drop of the baby bomb. No man worth a woman's time anyway.
I always wanted children, a family. Somehow the family never happened. Somewhere out there is an 18 year old son or daughter I never knew and I never will if the mother has her way.
Nothing ever seemed to align for a family. There was always room for daddy, never for father. Maybe it was my fault... Too hypersexual; I'm a lover with women, always ready to smash. Too much with the alpha; I'm a fighter with men, always ready to throw fists. Too loyal. Too forgiving. Too trusting. Maybe it was the type of girls I would end up with and they weren't the kind to settle down or they simply couldn't handle the intensity a guy like me brings..
For whatever reason, marriage and family just never happened. Nearly a decade was spent with Holly...and it never happened. I never felt she could be trusted, she never proved otherwise.
And now...now this.
What am I supposed to think?
That she DIDN'T intend for this to happen?
Is this the snare to keep me under her thumb?
Why the fuck can't shit just go the way I want it to goddammit?
......I always wanted to raise a kid......
-ucking kidding me. All the shit you talk about guys who don't-
What do you wanna do with it?
Well...I want to keep it. Closing the distance between them to wrap her arms around the back of his neck.
Don't you? Jim flinches with an "ew" expression.
Oops- She removes the pregnancy test from direct business end physical contact with his cheek and tosses it over her shoulder...onto the carpet, his eyes tracking it the whole way.
Fuuuuuuuuuck...
Babe...?
Still eyeing the test on the carpet, runs his cheek on her arm.
Hm.
We're having a baaaaabyyyyy. Plants a wet kiss on his lips...kinda mouth rapin' him. His expression definitely reads that way anyway. Finally she pulls back, gazing into his eyes.
A family. Lays her head on his pecs.
Jesus fuckin' Christ... Why the fuck did I walk away from the XWF...
TO BE CONTINUED...
●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●
"The Signing In Central Park"
---July 6, 2021---
Central Park, Manhattan, NY
A table, a chair, a stack of promotional 8x10s and Jim Caedus of
APEX have been set up in front of the geological formation in Central Park affectionately referred to as Shit Rock.
A dry erase board fee schedule displays:
$20 - signature
$40 - photograph/selfie
$50 - Personalized outgoing voicemail message/video
$150 - RP video reveal (I'll shamelessly sell the dumbest shit, I swear)
*Caedus Fuck - Gratis
*deals closed at discretion of XWF talent |
Approximately 150 fans eagerly- I'm sorry, strike that, this is New York -angrily await the start of the signing, the midday summer sun baking anything approaching patience out of every body beneath it.
From the line.
"Oh, 'ey, duhfuck," spits out a sweaty wife beater clad dad bod!?
"How much lawnguh we gotta wait ovuh hea'!?"
Floyd (former Ax3 now
APEX go-fer) checks the time on his smartphone.
Two minutes. An uproar escapes the crowd.
Wipes at the sweat on his brow despite sitting in the shade of a personal canopy and in irritation:
Fuck the time Floyd, let 'em through for Christsake.
Floyd waves on the first in line, some middle age dude carrying a mint condition in box XWF Universal Champ Series Jim Caedus with title, anatomically correct crotch bulge and inflatable head. ...The one on his neck I mean.
Handing Jim a twenty, followed by the figure.
What's up.
'Sup brother. What's your name?
Nah dat's okay man, just your name is good.
Jim complies, handing him the figure.
Nice. 'Ey, good luck in duh Leap uh Fait'.
Huh? That was like a month ago.
Walking away.
Whuddevuh.
The next in line steps up, an older milf. She simply drops a note onto the table before him then leans forward, showin' off them assuredly hubby-bought implants, to kiss him on the lips. Floyd waves her away.
Hey, HEY! COVID!
Smiling, pocketing the note.
Shuddup Floyd. Next?
Up walks a teen wearing a bWo shirt and clutching XWF Magazine The Return of Caedus! one shot collectible issue. He hands Jim two fives and a ten followed by the magazine.
'Sup lil' brother? You a BoB fan huh?
Dude, I identify as female. And yeah, I love the brotherhood. You alright too though, you talk shit good.
From the line, dad bod.
Sid Feduh wuz bettuh.
Ignoring him.
Who should I make this out to lil' sis?
Just your name please.
Again Jim complies. Floyd waves on the next in line (a girl in her late 20s/early 30s) as the teen departs.
I just wanted tuh say it's awful and insensitive how yuh use the woid retahd. Smacks him. Then drops a note with her number.
Uh...thanks girl.
Insulted.
Dude, I identify as a male. Snatches the note back and storms off.
Exasperation.
Anyone else here identify as their gender opposite? About 35 hands raise throughout the line.
Sweet. Next?
Some bespectacled dork-looking rando, his chick and a cooler, older male friend approach.
I want you to do a promo reveal for me. Your name is Chucky Big-Faces and you're going to stomp everybody in the Jump to Conclusions basement match. Levels his smartphone camera at Jim.
Make the TT good like how you used to be before all the meltdowns.
Dad bod laughs from the line. Jim arches an eyebrow. Floyd steps forward.
That's $150 you little dick. Hand out.
Huh? Oh, right. Looks to his chick.
Reacting with a wtf expression.
I ain't yuh girlfriend hun. Yuh said yuh'd buy me dinnah if I came and made yuh look good in public.
Absentmindedly.
Oh yeeeeah. Dude, pay the man. His cooler, older male friend shells out $150 without a word. The dork aims the camera lens at Jim again.
Ok Chucky Big-Faces. Go ahead.
Staring at the dork incredulously for several seconds before looking to the lens.
Surprise, it's-
Do better.
'Suuuuup, Chucky Big-Faces here and I-
Here, just read this. Hands Jim a single page script. Jim snatches it in agitation.
Dry.
Guess who you queer motherfuckers? That's right, it's me, Chucky Fuckin Big-Faces. You're all so stupid, none of you figured it out before you blew your wads. Ha ha. Just like my reveal with Schemos and my utterly 
girlfriend Areola Penison fooling you all as Joker and Harley literally right before this reveal. I am not a hack reject, I am ingenious. I am the greatest mind in the game and I am super popular too. I know I don't ever win anymore but that's going to change in the Jump To Conclusions pay per view basement match where I will win and totally not die. And if I do die, I would not die. Because I'm too fucking stupid to die. But also smart. See you around assholes. Jim flips the script.
Dear diary, I swear to God if I don't get some actual pussy soon I'm going to-
Snatches the script.
Gimmethatitt'sprivate!! ...Heh... Thanks. Have a good one.
The faintest of smiles.
Mhm. You too. Next?
Dad bod walks up, shit-eating grin across his face.
Well well well...if it ain't Jimmy Caedus...da GREATEST uv awl time. Da LEGEND. Holy fuckin' SHIT. What would we do widdoutchuz? I wunduh if Betsy Grangah has da ansuh tuhdat one? Laughter and "ooooooh"s from the line.
Jim's expression darkens.
What was that?
Yuh heard me tough guy. Yuh got no bawls. Yuh let Dem No Good Bastids put hands on Betsy Granguh. Affirmatives from the line, insults shouted.
I didn't let shit happen to Betsy, I was-
You wuz what? Jackin' awf? More laughter from the line.
I was locked in the restroom, cocksucker.
Among snorts and hissing.
Yuh mean da closet don'tcha? Even more laughter erupts.
Jim pulls his smartphone from his pocket, taps away and finally holds the screen to dad bod.
--------------------------------------------------------
The final seconds of Centurion's Anarchy Throwback segment between Bobby Bourbon and Jim Caedus in the bathroom plays, Bourbon taking his leave. The scene ends.
CCTV security footage begins, showing Bourbon exiting the bathroom and calling over a janitor. As Bourbon departs, the janitor locks the bathroom door.
---------------------------------------------------------
Jim returns his phone to his pocket.
Oooh isn't dat convenient... And whuddabout the resta Apex-Legacy? What's dere excuse? Aw wait, why duhfuck am I askin' you? They all hate yuh disloyal ass. Affirmations from the line.
Fuck you talkin' 'bout dickhead?
Yuh ditched Apex twice asshole. Fuck YOU talkin' 'bout?
That's all in the past ya prick.
Ok, let's tawk about da present. We all saw yuh wit' T'addeus Duke at dat funeral for 'is muddah. He s'posed tuh face Robert Main in two weeks yuh fuckin' traituh. Dat's exactly what they wuz tawlkin' about, yuh treat friends like enemies and enemies like friends.
Trying to keep his cool.
The fuck? I'm a traitor for payin' my respects?
Youze a traituh period yuh punk muddafucka!
Jim runs his hands down his face then flips the table. Dad bod backpedals as Jim lunges, grabbing two handfuls of wife beater.
I ain't a fuckin' traitor...d'you hear me you piece 'a fuckin' SHIT!? I would DIE for Robert and Drew! Understand!? I would DIE! Jim shoves dad bod back, he trips and drops to his ass.
Rising to his feet.
Youze a true tough guy yuh fuckin' pussy! I hope Chawlie Nickels kicks da shit oudda yuh!
Jim looks about to lay into dad bod before hesitating, turning and storming off to a hail of insults at his back...
■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■
![[Image: ovLvQFj.jpg]](https://i.imgur.com/ovLvQFj.jpg)
Jesus Christ...you really are doin' this ain't you? You REALLY are defying not only
L
O
G
I
C
and
I
N
T
E
L
L
I
G
E
N
C
E
but the DEFINITIVE clear-cut desire of every. Single. Mother. Fuckin'. Man and woman on this roster. Every fan in the stands. The kids.
What desire?
You know goddamn well what I'm referrin' to: you adhering to the fate you EARNED in the Leap of Faith Charlie.
You died.
We were all happy about it, said as much in my cold start promo. And it ain't trash talk.
It's truth.
Get this through that thick yet empty as your scrote skull and allow it to sink in...no one is laughing. No one is applauding. No one is secretly pullin' for you. You ain't playin' us as a heel, you ain't in on a joke, you ain't a credit to the promotion.
We hate you. Do you understand?
W
E
H
A
T
E
Y
O
U
.
Thrax... Charlie... Whomever the fuck you wanna claim to be in the moment as if your hacky horseshit strategies and "mind games" have proven to be anything more than a source 'a fuel to further find you to be a stubborn layer 'a dogshit in the waffle of our collective boot...
Chris Chaos- Chris. Chaos. -is currently more popular and relevant than you are. Have you any clue how horrendous you have to be to make that happen? You make Baphomet returning potentially palatable.
And you what? Think this is funny? Think this makes you look tough? Think you're savin' face?
You ain't funny, ironically, as the biggest joke around.
You ain't tough. You're a bitch and a pussy. A coward who can't EVER compete like a man and ya know what? Fuck men. Betsy, Atty, Lycana, Dolly, Game Girl, Geri Vayden, Fury, Vita, (not Rel or Solace Tatum though, you three are equally lame)...you can't even compete like the WOMEN on the roster and FUCK YOU for makin' me sound like a sexist. These chicks are INFINITELY more manly and dangerous than you are.
As for face...
Y'have no face dickhead. Y'never will again. You effectively destroyed your own brand and somehow believe you have a RIGHT to maintain your presence which at this point amounts to a malignant tumor. Cancer. People want you removed.
Actually, strike that. You're more like a seed wart. Cancer represents a threat. You ain't a threat to anyone but yourself. And as long as I'm on the subject, we'd ovate if cancer took you out.
Gettin' the point?
Die Charlie.
Die.
The worst part about all this is, after I thoroughly whoop your fatass on Warfare you're gonna continue doin' the same bullshit you have been and you'll STILL expect a different result.
How hard is it to grasp that every move you make has you lookin' worse than the last? You're legitimately 100% for real actually textbook . If even ONE 'a your "surprises" succeeded it'd give you at BEST a modicum 'a vindication to keep goin' with it. But they don't succeed so you can't. Your tricks are old hat as FUCK and lead you to losses.
Period.
Ultimately, you excel at failure, nothin' else, and...Christ almighty...that MUST be what you want. You DEMAND to be the jobber here don't you.
Fuckin' pathetic.
You're an embarrassment.
An ever loser.
You refuse to truly adapt.
You refuse to improve.
You refuse to try harder.
You refuse to man the fuck up, own your limpdickery and make a change.
You couldn't even stop yourself from promising Rel a "surprise" on Warfare. That's right jag-off, place your attention ANYWHERE but on Caedus. Brilliant self-buttfuckery there. What's the surprise Chucky? If it's anything other than puttin' the business end of a double barrel shotgun in your mouth and pullin' the trigger in the ring I guarantee you none of us will be surprised. Hell, REL didn't care, she just walked away from the fed like the pussy SHE is.
TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Goddamn you're pimp as hell bro.
Of course, I don't expect her to stay gone, I expect her to reappear just to "void" my words as displayed every time I backhand the both 'a in context, which, a bit of advice you vapid vixen: no one wants YOU here either. You're every bit as ignorant to the reality 'a this sitch as Charlie is and even LESS effectual unless we're talkin' irritatin' the brass to no end. In that sense, without a doubt you're the Shooting Star here.
Fuck Rel though (which you ain't doin' dipshit), it's you Thrax, Charlie, who needs to hear this...
You've disrespected this promotion and the business in general, shat on everything the rest of us work for, with your insistence on stagnation and jackassery. I'm gonna repeatedly slam your head against Shit Rock in our Central Park brawl until your face is a concave for that.
Dumpin' matches.
Deadlinin' every damn time.
Fuckin' up uploadin' your deadline and blamin' anyone but YOURSELF.
Ruinin' War Games by havin' the audacity to claim you wanna be a captain. Yeah, talk shit on everyone else b-t-w, I saw your Savage promo. You're gonna draft "warriors" are you? You ain't a warrior, wimp, and NO ONE wants to be on your team. I promise every name you pick, as the doubtless LAST to pick, will despise you to no end.
You selfishly destroy the aspirations of others simply by bein' who you are and that'll earn you NOTHIN' but more losses, more hatred, more- dare I say -DEATHS. I can't even call you the next Gilly. Somehow he possesses more redeemable qualities than you ever will.
And STILL that ain't all...
Because of course your impending retcon on exactly how it is you're alive again will inexplicably no doubt diminish your already non existent credibility.
What's it gonna be ya bitchass buffoon? Hell didn't want ya? Ya just gonna pathetically ignore your own death? I saw you essentially "leavin' pieces 'a yourself" on Savage, you gonna retcon your punkass from human to God now and say no matter how many times you die there's another glob 'a gayrod ready to pop up in response ya desperate douchebag?
Hold up...
Yeah...
Yeah I think I got it...
I saw Rel durin' Leap 'a Faith askin' Lycana for a love potion for you. Lemme guess...somehow that love potion will become a combo revival/replicant potion, right? That's so you. Far fuckin' fetched and eyeroll as ever. It's exactly the type 'a "well thought out" b-s you'd expect everyone to accept...like how we're all s'posed to believe you had multiple personalities despite the fact you clearly CHOSE who surfaced and when, disregardin' the science behind the psychological phenomenon...as in YOU. CAN'T. CONTROL. IT.
I gotta admit, now I'm excited to see what garbage you intend to levy my way.
Take this is a lesson loser...
When you insist on deadlining you leave yourself open to further failure and havin' your plans plucked from your hands like anything resembling a successful future in this company.
You're a fuckin' idiot.
Plain and simple.
Good luck with the retcon cocksucker.
Anchorman: Coming up next on XWF News Brief, supreme hack Thrax/Charlie Nickels will drop a surprise revelation as to why he isn't currently renting space in a casket. Looks to just off camera.
I'm sorry, a surprise revelation? There's no such thing with this asshole. I just... I can't. I just can't... Tosses his handful of papers into the air and walks off set.
::CUT::
XXXYXOXUXXXSXUXCXKXXXAXTXXXTXHXIXSXXX
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