OOC: Formatting later tonight.

The busy skies above the airport were filled with noise as Steven Cooper stepped out of the terminal, glancing overhead to take in just a small bit of it all. As he drank in the dazzling bits of man-made light from above, he allowed a wave of relief to come over him. So much pressure had been put on him to pick up a win for Avalanche after the constant questioning by others, but it finally felt like they were starting to coalesce as a group and Steven was shrugged off the ring rust after decades away from this level of competition, reminding some of these kids of why he was respected in the first place. The sun had just begun to set, providing an amber backdrop to the lights of the nearby city that rested on the horizon, one that had thankfully given Steve ample opportunity to absorb his thoughts about his recent diagnosis. Sure, he had won against Vita despite cancer, but there was no telling whether or not it could interfere with his next match, one far more important to him than simply teaching some rookie a few lessons: The World Tag Team Championships accompanied by his protege Eobard Stone. The two had reawakened a passion for sports in the other that had long faded to a husk of former glory. But there was something different for Cooper about wrestling with Stone, even prior to the knowledge of his cancer. Stone represented the kind of future Steve once did. Bright and unwavering in its excellence. Something- no, someone worth being remembered for. During an uncomfortable and angered spat, Ned had tried to get under his skin, calling Eobard his “replacement son,” but it didn’t affect Cooper as much as Kaye might have hoped. As much as the comparison was not lost on him, Eobard would never be Steven’s son, hell he had enough trouble with sons, but he could perhaps be his legacy. That left an uncomfortable thought floating in Steven’s mind as he stared at the sunset, basking him in a cider glow.

How was Steven going to tell his tag team partner that he didn’t have much time left?

He pondered the answers briefly, wondering perhaps if it was better to just ignore the oncoming ailments and power through. Cement their legacy and… face whatever came next. Treatment was bound to weaken Steven in ways he couldn’t possibly comprehend. It would squander everything he had worked so hard to procure for them and Stone would risk waking up 20 years later with just an apartment to his name and a face unrecognizable by even hardcore wrestling fans. That couldn’t be allowed to happen, Steve was sure of that. He shook off the thought, trying to remind himself what tonight was really about. Eobard had invited Steven and a few others to a Clue game tonight, just in time for Steven’s arrival. Sure, Cooper didn’t much care for the kinds of games Stone typically threw at him, but Clue was something else entirely. It wasn’t some virgin game for dweebs who didn’t let him play his cards, rather it was a classic in the spirit of Monopoly, where selfish play was punished not with a judge call or in-game penalty, but a few game pieces being shoved down your throat! Steve still recalled coughing up the little cannon when he was younger. However, before he could ruminate on the memory, he looked up, seeing a large sign for “STEVE” in front of a limo. Coop’s face lit up as he grabbed his bags, waving at the driver. Sure, he expected his stable to be excited for his big victory at the capitol, but a limo was a whole different kind of welcome! Within about half a minute, Steve’s bags were in the vehicle and Steve was on his way to solving some mysteries. He cracked his knuckles, finally relaxing a bit as his day wound down. Now was time for a beer and some rowdy banner. Now was time for-

---

“Oh, hi! Look Blue, it’s our friend!” said Josh into the camera, making sure to do his best job to be an exuberant host for the kids watching at home. He gave a bright smile and waved before looking back to the animated blue puppy dog behind him. Blue gave a wave with her ears, making one of her distinctive “burburbrr” noises. Josh turned back to the camera giving a look as if he was trying to remember something very important.

“Blue, I think we have something special planned for today, but I just don’t know what it was! Maybe you know what it is?” The small dog snickered and nodded as Josh desperately tried to figure out what exactly was supposed to happen today. “Is it someone’s birthday?”

Blue shook her head “no.”

“Then maybe a holiday?”

Again, the small puppy responded with a dismissive head shake. Josh snapped his fingers together, realizing the special occasion.

“I know what’s happening today! We’re having someone special visit us!”

Blue gave an excited head nod as she ran around in a circle briefly before lunging off to the left of the screen, towards the back door of the house.

“Do you know who’s coming to visit us today?” Josh waited for a moment before a piped in response chimed back.

“Steeeeve!”

“That’s right! Steve is coming to visit us! And I think he’s almost here!”

Josh followed Blue’s path across the screen and ended up in front of the back door of the house, excited to see Blue’s old owner arrive! The door opened dramatically to reveal Steve!...n Cooper. He stood awkwardly in the house, clearly confused by exactly what was going on as he stepped forward. He held his luggage tightly, put off guard by all of the strangers around him.

“Steve!” Shouted Josh, put off himself, but trying not to miss a beat, “You look… a lot different than I remember.

Cooper looked back at him with a bit of indignation, feeling at his stomach somewhat.

“Now that’s a little rude. Uh… I thought we’d be playing some Clue when I got here if you could lead me in the right direction…”

Josh’s face lit up. “Steve, if you want top play Blue’s Clues, you already know you’re in the right place!”

“Blue’s Clues?”

“Yeah, Blue! Your old puppy, Steve? Don’t tell me you forgot about her!”

Josh pointed at where Blue was prompting Cooper to look at the same spot, seeing seemingly nothing. Concerned about this potentially mentally ill man, Coop decided to play along. But before that, he figured he’d test the waters before committing to indulge whatever odd psychosis this man had.

“Are y’all just *bleep*ing with me?”

Josh reacted with horror, motioning to Steve to cut it out.

“Steve! Please, Blue doesn’t like that kind of language!”

Blue shook her head definitively, not approving of Steven’s profanity, not that he would know given her animated nature. Steve shrugged and figured when in Rome before agreeing to this strange game. Besides, that’s what he had planned to do tonight anyway.

“Alright, what do you need me to do to play... Blue’s Clues?”

“Don’t tell me you forgot, Steve! We have to find Blue’s three paw prints and figure out what she wants to do?”

“This sounds… strangely sinister. “Blue” isn’t about to commit any crimes now, is “she”?”

“Why would she do that? She just wants to have some fun!”

“Uh-huh.” Steve stared at the strange man, unsure of how long left he had to live.

Blue scurried off-screen to hide her paw-prints on objects while the two men stood in the kitchen of the house, somewhat uncomfortable with the other’s presence.

“Hey, I know some people who could help us find Blue’s clues! Our old friends Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper!”

“You have… seasoning friends?”

“But of course! We can’t forget their daughter Paprika either!”

“Buddy… spices don’t procreate. What the *bleep* is that even supposed to mean? Is that how sporks came along? A fork *bleep*ed a spoon?”

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk to Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper if you’re going to talk that way around their daughter, Steve! Instead we could go see our friends Shovel and Pail!”

Steve’s face nearly turned white as he thought about the implications of a shovel being this madman’s friend.

“What exactly do you use Shovel and Pail for, friend?”

“Why to dig and bury things, of course! They’re a lot of fun at birthday parties, too!”

Steve quickly noticed a prop with a blue paw-print on it and sensed an opportunity to distract this strange individual.

“Look, I found one of them clues you’re talkin’ bout!”

Josh turned around with a smile, happy to have things a little back on track after their guest went so off script.

“Look, it’s a painting with Blue’s paw-print on it!”

“A painting?” Steven scoffed, “That’s the Mona Lisa, son, put some respect on it.”

“Well… it’s very nice! What do you think she’s smiling about, Steve?”

“The prospect of salt and pepper making any baby that isn’t a *bleep* good steak?”

Josh rolled his eyes somewhat, “Well we need to write in down it our…”

Josh pulled out two notebooks with the big red chair on them, waiting for Steve to say the iconic name of them. Unfortunately for Josh, Cooper was about as well-versed in the naming conventions of the show as he was in Josh’s mental state.

“Handy Dandy Notebooks!” He shouted out with some frustration.

“Handy dandy?” Steven cocked his head, absolutely befuddled.

“Yes!”

“There’s nothing dandy about a book! You’re barber is dandy. This right here is a trusty dusty notebook! And not a very trusty one at that, given it’s so large and square!”

“Forget about the name for a sec, Steve. We still have to draw the clue!”

“You want me to draw the Mona Lisa?”

“That’s what we have to do!”

“With this big *bleep* crayon?”

Josh nodded.

“Can’t you hand me a pen? I’m a grown man for God’s sake!”

“Sorry, Steve, but we always use the crayons!”

“Fine, I’ll do my best, kid.”


“Wow, that is-uh,” Josh struggled for words to match the sheer artistic ineptitude of Steven’s drawing.

“Yeah, I know. It would have been better with a pen, I swear!”

Josh gulped, not knowing quite how to proceed until hearing a distinctive yelp in the living ring. Josh popped up with glee, rushing to the right, leaving Cooper to have to run after him.

As soon as he made it to the living room, Josh began to sing, prompting a sheer uncertainty in Steven’s face. Blue pounced along happily to the classic song.

~“Heeeeeere’s the mail it never fails, it makes me want to wag my tail, when it comes I wanna wail MAAAAAIIIIL!!!!”~

Josh sat down in the thinking chair and looked through some of the new letter they had delivered, all the while Steven looked on in silent awe.

“You alright, buddy?”

“Of course! It’s just mail time!”

“I’m tellin’ ya, nobody else gets that excited by the postal service. ‘Cept maybe Democrats.”

“Oh, come on Steve! Don’t tell me you forgot how fun mail time was!”

“Yeah, that happened around the time I started getting bills. So, your mortgage payment in there or just some other goofy *bleep*?”

“Even better! A postcard from France! And it’s got a paw-print on it! It’s a clue! We better write it dow-”

“Wait, wait. It’s already on something we can carry in our pockets. Do we REALLY need to draw it?”

“You know what, Steve, if you think you can solve Blue’s Clues now, go ahead!”

“Alright, but I want in the chair.”

Josh, seemed unhappy about it, but he obliged fairly quickly. Sitting down, Cooper silently thought to himself about the information before reaching a conclusion.

“My guess is that “Blue” wants to go to France.”

Blue leaped up in approval as Josh’s face turned to a bright, excited shock!

“You did it, Steve! You solved Blue’s Clues!”

Music began to begin again, taking Cooper totally off guard.

~“We gotta find ourselves a paw-print! That’s the first clue! Who’s clues?”~

Josh stopped for Steve to say something, but the music cut off after a second or two of total silence from Coop.

“They’re my clues. A dog can’t own things, people!”

“But Steve, that’s not how the song goes!”

“Well, it’s better to tell the truth, speaking of, I noticed you got cameras here while you were havin’ your little episode! Is that all some No Good *bleep*-stard plot to embarrass The Trooper?”

“Steve, I assure I have no clue what you’re talking about!”

“Yeah, despite everything, I’m feeling pretty clueless myself! And I have a couple of things I want to say to two gentlemen, if you can call them that, so I haven’t totally wasted my time here!”

“Steve, if you have something to say, go ahead and say it, but please don’t use any… adult language!”

“Fine! If that’s the game you want to play! Give me one moment!”

“I wanted to play Blue’s Clues...”

Steve walked out of frame before returning back with an explosive amount of energy!

“SAYOOOOR- wait a tic.”

He paused, turning to the young man.

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Josh!”

“Alright, Josh, just give me a moment.” Steve stepped off again before immediately returning.

“JOOOOOSHHHHH!”

“Yes, Steve?” Josh jumped back a bit, the loudness of Cooper’s voice shocking even without the surprise appearance.

“I’ve got a few words I gotta lob at two particular champions who happen to hold two belts they have no right holdin’! That’s right, I’m talkin’ about two corporate whos!”

“Whos?”

Steve nodded.

“Who’re you talking about?”

“Exactly! Two corporate who’res to be exact! Ol’ Willy Whisky and his buddy Ebeneezer! Who could even attempt to find a worse pair of wrestlers and an even more useless pair of human beings! We’re talking about people who go off and try and host seminars like they’re a knock-off Simpsons bit! These two men are just dog yippin’ and yappin’ and making a big point of doing nothing. Heck, if I wanted to hear an essay read to me by someone who pours over every syllable everyone else says, I’d listen to a Jim Caedus promo. But you know somebody like Whisky’s gonna do what he always does and downplay EXP. Heck, they did it as soon as we arrived! Everything they could to avoid callin’ us a threat! Anything at all to try and make us seem lesser! Ebeneezer needed a Jacob Marley in the form of the Good Lord just to stop screwing over everyone stupid enough to trust him and THAT is your greatest ally Willy? Please! You could find a better partner in the personal ads! And even that one wouldn’t *bleep* you as hard! And you’re doing all of this for BOB? Not even for yourselves, you play second fiddle to the lamest 90s revival I’ve seen since…”

Steven looks around, stuck for an example as Josh gets tense.

“Well, I’ll find a comparison later, but my point stands! Y’all aren’t doing anything that 8000 different wrestlers ain’t done before you and ain’t done better! Beyond that, I’ve probably faced 6500 of them and could tell ya personally! You’re the same old kinds of bad apples on a new day and all you’ve succeeded at is making me and Eobard laugh. Good job, kids. You’re a laughingstock. And what’s even a bigger shame is that y’all should be the next best thing, but ol Willy won’t show up unless his partner is there to massage him in the right places and Ebeneezer can’t be bothered to think of anything else than selling himself out constantly. Heck, any wrestler beat by the change in my pocket ain’t a champion, he’s a damn hand of penny poker! Well get ready for that payday to start coming EXP’s way boys, because the next level is here and it ain’t reserved for two deadly sin wannabes!”

Steven turned to Josh, grabbing his shoulder.

“You’re a good listener, kid! Maybe I should swing by again!”

Nervously, Josh signs off! “Bye! See you next time on Blue’s Clues!”