The last time we saw XWF Anarchy's monster, the undefeated, undisputed, unstoppable, seven-foot-three force of nature named Thias Watts he was smacking "Big" Money Oswald around like a little boy. Which is exactly what Thias said he was going to do.

It was the first-ever body-slam contest on Anarchy, and Thias had Oswald scooped up, ready to dump the man-bun wearing pretend tough guy on his head. Then some non-thug, JB/Tommy Wish type-shit happened. Some sissy named Dock shot a fireball in Thias' face as a way of retaliating on Thias' homeboy, Ned Kaye.

See, Nefarious Ned Kaye is a straight gangsta' like Thias, and he said some stuff that hurt Dock's feelings, even though Dock was supposed to be some feral, heartless animal. So rather than be a man, rather than be a THUG, Dock opted for the sneak attack and took his tiny-dick energy out on Thias. He climbed his scrawny little frame up Thias' body, which took him like 20 minutes and did some stupid Chris Angel-looking crap that messed the XWF's only TRUE thug's face up, real bad. But Thias still won the match, which was essentially a handicap match, because he ain't no hoe.

Thias was hospitalized only long enough for the doctors to realize he was too much of a trill-motherfucker to be tended by their puny accommodations. Since then Thias has been recovering at his big ass house in New Orleans. His face covered, all but for his eyes, by white bandages, Thias has been spending most of his days relaxing in his Super King Size bed that lies in an enormous platinum bed frame, watching various war documentaries and being fed fluids through an IV. It doesn't matter if Thias doesn't exercise, he never exercises and is still in peak physical condition. He knows he has a match coming up, and would rather watch Milli Vanilli perform and pretend to be musicians than listen to a couple of soft-ass marks pretend to be thugs. Make no mistake about it...

Thias is going to CRUSH the Thugs.

Thias, the flyest, don't try-us, cause he's got a touch like Midas! How we doing my number one killer?

In walks Ned Kaye, as he's done almost every day since Dock's pussified attack to check on his best friend/bodyguard.

Ready to be the fuck out of this bed.

Well you know what today is, dude! Time to get those bandages off and reintroduce you into the wild like an injured fawn.

...

Thias' silence roars in his lack of appreciation for the joke, and Ned picks up on it,

Grizzely bear! I mean injured grizzely bear!

You can hear Thias sucking his teeth under his bandages,

Man, I can't tell you enough how much it means to me that you took Dock's cowardly bullet for me...

I done told you, Ned. I'd take a tank round for you, this little shit? It ain't nothin' like what I'm going to do to that skin-head lookin-ass freak!

Well, to show my appreciation, to celebrate your big coming-out party, I got you a little something...

Ned sticks his head out the door and hollers down the hallway,

OH GIRLS!

In walks two grade-A looking sexworkers. Both with BIG breasts just like Thias likes, and both double fisting a 40z of malt liquor, which Thias likes even more.

Two on one? Shit, Ned. At's rookie numbers, just like them rookie-fucks the thugs. I'll have these hoes tapping out quicker than Reggie Estrada with a Freddy Kruger hand in his mouth.

Yeah... sorry about that. Turns out you have a bit of reputation with the agencies around here. A lot of them turn out to be useless once you're done with them.

Just like every sucka-ass doughboy and bitch I've faced in the ring.

Well go on! take those bandages off! Let's see your new forever face.

Thias stands from his bed and unravels the bandages...



















The sexworkers scream, dropping the bottles of booze, smashing them to the floor.




























What's wrong with these scary-bitches, Ned?

Well, buddy. I really don't know how to tell you this... but you look like someone took a cheese-grater to your face.

Thias turns and looks in his big ass mirror. He growls at his reflection.

I'mma kill that DOCK-sucka!

---

THUGS? You mean the XWF's default whipping boys? Y’all is weak sauce! The fact that y’all even agreed to trying to jump me in a handicap match proves that. Couple of crusty lookin’ ass soup kitchen rejects. Tommy Wish and and John Black have tried reinventing themselves so many times they need a Paton on being pussy-ass hoes. Y’all cant throw with Thias Watts, motherfuckers, cuz I actually am a certified-G. I actually am a THUG. Y’all claim your thugs but ain’t got shit to show for it, my threads and my digs speak for they-selves, you ‘eard me?

I’ve smashed everyone I’ve faced, and called my shots erry’time. The only reason I’m not winning that Anarchy title this week is cuz I got jumped by another weak ass punk who changes styles up every time he loses... and I still won the match!

It wouldn’t matter if this was twelve on one. If y’all thought I was mean before, just wait and see what I do to you two chumps.

Fuck around, find out!