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JimCaedus · (06-23-2021)

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"Final Flip"

" Marf I need you to do something for me, please pull that head out of your ass and listen to what’s going on around you. Get all Lycanas nut butter out of those ears and perk up hoss. The world you reside in has never revolved around you and never will. Therefore, when you vomit at the mouth you sound like a pea-brained dingbat, remember one thing. No one is listening to a single syllable... We are not at the point of no return my friend... There is no going back for you, self destruct all you'd like... We know what your future holds... Besides all the agony, there is only one way this can all end... And that is our way. See you both believe that you have seen all of these horrendous things over your short careers here in the XWF... When in reality you've not seen a damn thing. APEX knows who you both are, your entire careers have revolved around dedication... I'm here to tell you that dedication can only get you so far in this game. A game Jim Caedus and I own. No matter how dedicated you are, in the end, you'll never be able to challange the forces of nature. It isn't either of your drives for success that molds you. No... It's the antipathy of catastrophe."

" Deep down in those feeble bones holds the key to each of your undoing. The brute force you've shown is nothing more than an ineffective illusion just like everything else that you have done over the short time in this federation... You might have been able to pull the wool over Chris Page's eyes, lulling him into a false sense of security... But that won't happen here. We can see right through each of you, we know what drives you, what motivates you... It's the same for every man and woman that graces this federation. You see the limelight, it's ingrained in every fiber of your being... We've watched the two of you cracked out buffoons tossing around shitty insults... While Jimmy and I have been spitting fire and didn't need a match or kerosene to make our shit lit... I threw God's honest truth in your faces several fucking times and all you could do was dance around what I had said... We've burned you two so many times now I'm surprised you're not using solarcaine... Marf has been out there threatening us like he is going to end our careers, that right there is comedy gold..."

"The two of you are going to need a tall ladder to get up to our level... At this point trying to catch up is like a fat guy on a treadmill, huffin and puffin like the big bad wolf..." Robert winks... " You two fools can keep raising your voices while Jimmy and I keep raising the bar... And no we cannot lower it because we know you can't reach that far. APEX makes careers disappear putting wrestlers like the two of you in ditches, getting picked up by dudes in orange jumpsuits and shackles..."

My man Main ain't playin'. We kill. And for all the bluster and either false confidence or COMPLETE delusion, the two 'a you know damn well what's comin'.

Marf, your final fart was nothin' more than a last gasp 'a gas. You can argue about the validity of Main's claims at causin' havoc with ~~BoB~~ all you want. Like how Lycana's win over Alias was absolutely made possible by your interference, Bob-O's mind games absolutely made a difference in each and every match he injected himself into. There is no argument. If he hadn't had his music hit durin' her match with Page her skull woulda been cratered with that chair Page was holdin' over her head. That's a fact and you're only displayin' how desperate you are to grasp at straws.

You talk about my insults bein' as fresh as two month old bread right after you recycle the shit we been sayin' about your clown ass partner and wearin' makeup right back at me. You lack complete credibility, cocksucker, when all you can do is try to mimic me in the course of a diss. Hey bro, if you wanna join my Fan Club all you had to was ask and drop to your knees before me like your partner did in her first promo.

Why am I wasting my time on you? You're as accurate as a cumshot from a cock with a dead man's curve, all you do is cover yourself in goo, and as intimidating as...well...Marf Swaysons, Marf Swaysons.

And as for your mistress...

Lycana, baby, you waste far too much time speakin' on other people in ways that're completely irrelevant in this match. Alias...Chris Page... We cite your fallin' short enough to need an assist to beat both.

Relevance towards your ability/inability to ever take us down or anyone else with weight around here for that matter.

You...you namedrop 'em and wander off on some tangent like an airhead harlot butthurt bitchin' 'bout opponents complimenting AND insultin' you in the course 'a the hype cycle (welcome to professional wrestling you brayin' buffoon), at great length. Explainin' to us all what Alias did wrong, what Page did wrong...braggin' about how well you trapped 'em.

Irrelevant. Wasted words. Wasted time. Wasted energy.

For the record, you ALSO do what you're whinin' about. In fact, you and Marf BOTH entered into this KISSING. MY. ASS. for all intents and purposes (call me a liar, I DARE you) in comparison to how you came at Bob-O and as soon as you both saw how raw APEX slid into you, suddenly Marf is a ball 'a rage fumblin' over facts, insultin' us back as hard as he can- which was adorable b-t-w, l-o-l -while you soured up somewhat, went harder on Main and switched from fawnin' over my skills to suddenly you're disappointed in us both. Prattle on with your "twaddle" twat about us offerin' 10% respect and 90% trash because THIS IS A MATCH and we're in the middle of a hype cycle in which we've been consistently followin' the exact same avenue of attack on you two the entire time. If anyone here is drippin' with hypocrisy and contradiction it's that wolf pussy 'a yours. Fuck were you gonna do sweetheart, phone in the match? Were you gonna let me have my way with you and Marf and only attack Main in the ring? Nah girl, you intend on fightin' to the last breath. You wanna spend each hype cycle attemptin' to flatter TITANS? That's on you. It only makes YOU look like the poisonous piece 'a shit you're tryin' to label us as. You don't skirt the line do you? You've been skirtin' the line the whole time. No wonder you stick with Marf, you're as assbackwards as you can get in this and you're as guilty as he ever was of The Dissentients definin' nothin' around here but enhancement talent. Tell me, how does one bein' a hypocrite affect a match anyway? Seems to me what you're cryin' about would really fit better into the realm of PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE. JUST like what you're doin' with the kind words, you ain't slick sweetie. We all have our ways 'a wagin' war. As far as APEX goes, we win with it. The Dissentients...you LOSE with yours.

You condemn our choice to come at you two about sexuality?

Tavora, you're a chick. Psychological warfare, witch. Wake the fuck up. My willingness to fuck you 'til your nose bleeds don't mean shit other than you get me hard in the 24/7 halls and I'd nail you to the wall outside 'a the ring. It has nothin' to do with the match other than, again, representin' psych warfare and successfully showin' you to be that easily manipulated by opposite gender attention. And it worked. Clearly.

You try to haymaker on us over goin' in on Marf about not gettin' fucked by you?

You're a hetero male and female tag team. Marf always loses. You stay with him. That segues with EVERYONE into "what the HELL is she doin' with him?? Is she really that into friendship (oops, you lose Marf, ya fucktard friendzone zero LMAO) that she'd willingly allow herself to become a LAUGHING STOCK in the tag team division?" Forgive us all for overestimating you and your intelligence babe. Our (meaning EVERYONE) line of logic leads from "why" to the reasoning behind it. That leads to sex and holy SHIT, how RANDOM is that, right? You say that was us leveling our "biggest and baddest black mark on [your] book"? Wrong. That would be the fact Marf eats pins as voraciously as Bourbon swallows neighborhood pets that wander into snatchin' distance, and your refusal to correct that. The cuck shit was the opening salvo intended to get you two riled up. And it worked. Quite well. PSYCHOLOGICAL WARFARE. You have Marf castin' doubt on if Main and I (me, the guy talkin' about havin' a baby in the LoF hype cycle you deaf dumbass) have ever fucked a bitch. Nice comeback ya cuck buttfucker. Keep not fuckin' Tavora until that potential "curve ball" 'a ballin' 'er out in the woods which wouldn't at ALL be inspired by US. Especially considering Tavora claimin' it ain't romantic between you two. Save that paint you just cornered yourselves with for that face Lycana. You're gonna need an awful lotta white to hide your blushing.

Oh and...callin' us creepy for comin' at you in the 24/7 Hall? An attempt to tire you out "darling" and nothin' more, although you seem incapable of graspin' that TEXTBOOK strategy. Y'know...like how we said you would have to split your attention between the match and defending that belt. Whoops. Who's fallin' for traps here. And creepy? Tavora...shame on you. You weren't creeped out by ME like I wasn't creeped out by YOU. Who's the hypocrite now? I told you to avoid the basic bitch boilerplate dissin', remember? Wayta prove the only clap back you got is throwin' out insults over dick sizes, gay jokes and callin' guys creepy for givin' you attention. That shit don't work on us lady. I thought you were better than that.

I stand corrected.

Like how I stand corrected on my initial assumption that at least YOU Lycana would show some semblance of intelligence in this. But what was it you said?

"And here Jimmy came with.... Well...he came with.... Umm... Jack shit. He came along with jack shit. Dammit Jimmy, what a disappointment you turned out to be this time around."

Jack shit. Lol. Jack shit.

Lycana, I twisted the two of you around from suckin' my cock to screamin' insults at me. I LITERALLY control your minds and your words. Are you ready for the Chaos summary?

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And the two 'a you are nothin' more than amateurs tryna play catch up this entire time. You know what the two of you have done towards givin' us a fight?

Jack. Shit.

Jack shit like you callin' me Main's mouthpiece. He's a hack is he? Baby...the greatest achievements Robert Main has accrued in the XWF all happened while I was gone. Who the hell you callin' a hack you hacktastic twit?

You want a hack, look no further than your own reflection.

You bitch about every attack I made and call it all unimaginative. Am I the first to face you? Why bless my soul...no I'm not. Exactly how much do you think there is to say about a goth werewolf witch cunt who slaps on too much Maybelline and teams with a buddy who always loses and she never fucks? There ain't much depth to either 'a you and you sound like a spoiled sport...while you fling the EXACT SAME AMMO everyone else flings at US. Gettin' the picture here? S-t-f-u girl, you bring "jack shit" to this debate.

Like your final assault on moi.

Stop listing the people you've defeated. Marf helped you beat Alias and Main helped you beat Page. You got your ass kicked nonstop when you got here girl, you ain't shit despite a win over our lil sis Betsy and Demos has become one of the biggest punchlines in the promotion. You beat Page?? Holy fuckin' shit. How many times has The Omega done that? In fact, with the exception of a VERY slim few, who hasn't Main defeated? You've beaten bigger and better? I'm sorry, besides Page livin' in the Hall of Legends (and again, Main had beaten him SEVERAL times) and the fact you had to receive an assist to beat him, who exactly is it you've beaten that's bigger and better than either myself or Robert? Have you defeated anyone ranked #1 to #6 on the Top 50? Christ...STOP LIVIN' IN A FANTASY. You have NEVER faced a team like The Riders on the Storm. Apex smashed Bourbon and the Motherfuckers in War Games 2017. The Dissentients can't seem to overcome TNGB. Who looks more so like the ones who have beaten "bigger and better" in this?

We do. You sound and look like an imbecile.

Complainin' more on the way I come at you with my preparin' defenses for perceived attacks...you have a problem with that? If you knew about preparation, proper defense and the correct way to approach a hype cycle offensively, perhaps your team wouldn't lose left and right and you would win more singles matches without help. Perhaps you'd be able to pick up the slack Marf leaves you with every. Fucking. Time.

You fancy yourself Houdini?

Abracadabra bitch, you are. Harry Houdini died because he bought into his own bullshit hype and couldn't take a beating he swore he could.

And guess what?

So will you.

See ya in the ring Harry.

XXXEXNXDXXXGXAXMXEXXXAXSXSXHXOXLXEXSXXX

"Then and Now p.3" has unfortunately been preempted and will continue the next hype cycle so that we may bring you the exciting conclusion to our APEX story in progress...

OMEGA CAEDUSRewind: Attending a mid summer costume party saw our heroes Main and Jim joining in on a backyard Larp battle in which they both got a bit carried away, the gladiators they are. Of course, with APEX nothin' is as easy as all that and our boys ran afoul of an ACTUAL werewolf (what a coinkydink) and as proven killers of monsters in the past, Robert Main and Jim Caedus are more than willing to take it to the beast... and it's remedial mongoloid sidekick...

"Monsta Slayas p.3"

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::ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!::

Stepping out from behind the werewolf...

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...MARF!! MARF-MARF!!

Jim and Main stare down the horrors before them...

Rolling up his sleeves. This is going to be fun.

Rolling up his leather pant legs with some degree of difficulty. Ain't the first time we had to kick monster ass brother...

Ready Jim? Raising his fists.

Standing tall. Ready Bob-O...

(background score)

The werewolf ROARS a second time, saliva flying. The mongoloid giggles, extremely low, like the caveman Gump he is, before both suddenly blast forward at The Riders.

Well, the werewolf does, the mongoloid however for some reason sprints to a particularly thick trunked tree and slams into it face first as if it ain't even there. In fact, he hits it so hard with his

strength he splinters the trunk before he drops backward to his back. The tree totters...luckily the canopy of branches make it extremely heavy to one side, the side now dropping on the Gump. He grins as it falls, a branch about the thickness of Caedus's torso landing with a sickening wet crunch bullseye on his skull. The Gump flails for a moment then lies still.

The werewolf, Main and Jim all stare at the scene, enthralled, before turning back to eachother. APEX shrug in unison. The lycan shakes it's head and snorts...

...before ROARING a third and final time and resuming its charge...

...right at Robert Main. Come on puppy. Goooooood puppy...

The lycan lunges, arms, hands and razor sharp claws extended. Main, timing it, allows himself to fall- rather roll -back onto the ground as the werewolf rockets in, planting the soles of his boots into the creature's chest as it passes overhead and launching it even faster, straight into the brick wall bordering the property's backyard. With a CRASH it smashes a hole through the wall, a stray brick coming loose and dropping with a CLUNK for good measure.

Main, on his belly from the roll, looks to Jim who extends an arm and helps his brother to his feet. Fuckin' NICE, bro!

It isn't over yet Jimmy.

As if on cue, the lycan steps through the hole in the brick wall and growls...at Jim.

Looks like it's your turn man.

Jim cracks his knuckles. No sweat hermano. Levels the universal "bring it" hand signal to the wolf who HOWLS in response and charges on all fours.

Jim steadies himself, raising his fists.

The lycan suddenly shoots forward with a shocking amount of speed- Oh FUCK! -and leaps straight at him, tackling Jim to the ground-

JIM!! JIM!!!!!!

-where it begins showering his face with licks from a long slobbery wolf tongue.

What in the...hell?

Giggling, attempting to stop the love like an owner with an uber affectionate mutt. Hey now, stop that, it tickles! Oh GOD your breath smells like dead kittens stuffed up a transient's asshole!

Jim struggles to rise to his feet, the lycan rising with him, paws on his shoulders, to continue the kiss fest. Finally it drops to all fours and switches to sniffing Jim's crotch. Jim looks to Main, Main laughs, as the werewolf nuzzles his package behind the leather.

I think he likes you Jim.

The lycan seems to hear and understand this, its head snapping to pin Main with enraged red eyes and a baring of teeth. It rolls onto it's back like play dead, exposing an absence of male genitalia.

I'm sorry, SHE likes you Jim.

Petting the wolf's belly. Who's a good girl!? Huh?? Who's a gooooooood giiiiiiiiirl??? She suddenly whips her head up and bites at his hand. HEY! Baaaaaad dooooog!! NO!!

The lycan twists her body back onto all fours and slashes at Jim's belly-

-shredding a portion of his leather coat. HEY!!! Keifer wore this shit in Lost Boys you fuckin' BITCH!! The shit cost me 4 fuckin' grand on Ebay!!

The werewolf rises to her hind legs and slashes again, this time at Jim's face. He ducks and executes a POINT BLANK headbutt right to her muzzle, popping out a few fangs and commanding a flow of blood from both nostrils.

The lycan backpedals with a whimper, shaking her head and vision clear of the stars or moons or tweeting birds or whatever the fuck they see when they get knocked around, then without warning spins to Main and gallops at him, leaping-

-Main steps in between her outstretched arms and catches her around the abdomen in a bear hug into a belly to belly suplex right on her head.

Main quickly rolls out of the way as the lycan rises-

-just in time to spot Jim running full bore at her and an instant before he hits her square in the wolf breast with a WREXUS PLEXUS that sends her flying back to land in a heap.

Again she rises and charges as if insane and expecting a different outcome...but alas, Jim is quicker than the now winded lycan and he catches her on the jump and fly, snatching her at the extended left wrist and swinging her around to Irish whip her at Main-

-who catches her with a kick to the gut and lifts her onto his shoulders for-

-DEAD MAN'S HAND!!

Robert steps back, regarding the fallen werewolf who stirs. She struggles to her knees, peering up...

...into Jim's eyes as he arrives to stand before her.

Hey, asshole!

Main and Jim turn to see Sir Archyle holding a pistol. He tosses it to Jim. Make it count. Idiot. It's loaded with silver bullets.

Jim levels the barrel at the lycan's face. Destructible.

BLAM!!

The werewolf, now without a right eye and a portion of her brain, slowly crumbles to the ground. Lifeless.

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!

Aaaaaaand now she has very little left of her head intact at all.

Just makin' sure...

Drew, where the hell did you get silver bullets?

Your collection of silver dollars dummy.

What!?? Dude!! My dad gave me those!!

Walking over to Main and Jim, raising his faceplate. And they saved your lives. You're both welcome. Can we go now? I'm hungry.

Absolutely. One last thing... Bob-O?

Yeah Jimmy?

Freeze frame?

Freeze frame.

The Riders leap with a high five, Drew rolling his eyes, for a freeze frame.

The credits roll.

Ok there ain't no credits to roll but we do FADE TO BLACK...

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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