The quest for new and exciting dancers in the yet unnamed strip club continues. Besides the promise of a real showstopper, more talent is on the way.

Will TK bang a stripper? Can Bobby stop doing blow?

WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS PT 2

Bobby traipses back into the room, now wearing a hoodie.

It's cold

*sniff*

In here, y'know!

*sniff sniff sniff*

Barney, do you need a blanket?

Bobby settles into the seat of his chair and looks stone-faced at the stage.

It’s like fucking seventy-two degrees in here. We have central air. You sure you’re alright, man?

Yeah, man, I'm good.

*Sniff sniff*

*sniff*

So good.

Bobby wipes his nose and takes a big sniff at the same time.

Real good.

Alright, if you say you're good, then you’re good. NEXT!

Name?

Molly Stewart.

Dancer name?

Miss Molly.



Bust size?

32DD.

Birthdate?

November 5, 1991.

Eye color?

Dark brown.

Give me a goddamn break! You’re fucking shitting me, right?

What she didn't just say brown. She has dark brown.

Bobby says tongue-in-cheek to TK with a smile.

Well, we don't have a redhead yet. So…

Bobby gives Barney the thumbs up. Barney choses S&M by Rihanna. Miss Molly seems to like this. Maybe a little too much she doesn’t just strip on the stage. Oh, no. She dances up the the DJ booth and wrangles off Barney’s belt and gives him a good whack on his ass which makes Barney Green smile larger than TK’s smile earlier. Barney gets on the microphone.

You’re hired.

Wait. That’s my line!

Barney looks over at Bobby and smiles. Bobby can’t resist Barney’s boyish charm in this situation. In the ring Barney is a monster, in this element, Barney is king.

Meet with Jimmy backstage and he’ll give you the information when to start.

Well, I think they got it covered, sugar tits. See you on opening fucking night. Barney. Put your belt back on, then let me know when you’re ready.

Miss Molly gathers up her bra and panties. Her giant bare breasts swayed, as she sauntered back. TK looks over at Bobby.

I swear to fucking christ is this bitch has brown eyes…

*Sniff*

It’ll be alright.

*Sniff*

You coming down with a cold, big guy?

Nah, nah, I’m good, man. We should bring out the next girl. Keep this thing moving. Just keep trucking along. Keeping at the grind. Know what I mean?

TK doesn't give it a second thought and yells out.

NEXT!

Out walks a stunning blonde. The only problem is she’s not well endowed.

Name?

Elsa Dream.



Dancer name?

Dream.

Bust size?

32A.

Birthdate?

September 1, 1996.

Eye color?

Blue.

HIRED!

TK.

TK looks at Bobby.

What?

Bobby flexes his pectoral muscles for TK to think about the small breasted, yet beautiful women.

Don’t you want to see if she can dance?

Fucking Hell. Sure.

TK would not be disappointed with this decision. Barney selects Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty” for Dream to dance to. Once the music hits she seductively starts to weave her body around the pole. So far she’s the only girl to use it. She climbed and spun down the pole, like an angel gliding down from the heavens. Before her dance is over she locks eyes with TK, who she knows is already in her pocket. She makes TK feel like she’s solely dancing for him. A quality very few strippers can pull off.

Well, we’ll-

Nope. She’s hired. She’s gold. I’ll tell you what, Miss Dream. If you want, just walk up to my office. I’ll be up shortly.

Dream nods her head in approval very seductively. TK again looks over at Bobby.

How many more dancers do we have to fucking interview?

Bobby grasps the paper sitting in front of him, like the Incredible Hulk does the earth before he rips it from the ground.

Two.

TK is still looking over at Bobby, at this point.

Goddamn Bobby you look like you’re about to rip that paper in half.

I’m good. I need a piss break.

Okay, cool, cool. You do that I’m going to go up to my office. Dream, if you follow me. Hey Barn. Take thirty minutes instead.

TK looks back at Dream, then back at Barney, with a smirk.

Thirty-five minutes.

Bobby takes off to the bathroom and TK escorts Dream up to his office. Barney heads back to the back where Jimmy is with the other two potential employees. Barney is met by Ajaa XXX, Miss Molly, and of course Sophia. All who have been flirting from a distance with the monster Barney Green.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We cut to see an average looking guy. His hair is a little shaggy. He's walking into a convenience store, and notices an average looking girl. He stops, taken aback by the visage he is beholding; this fair creature in front of him must be the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He approaches her.

GUY: Uh, hi.

Both of them are standing in front of a beverage cooler within the convenience store. The lady turns to him.

LADY: Hello. Can I help you?

GUY: Are you thirsty?

LADY: Yep. Kinda why I'm at the beverage cooler within a convenience store.

GUY: I am too.

The guy opens the cooler door. He pulls out two 20 ounce bottles of Dr. Pepper.

GUY: Buy you one?

LADY: No, thank you. You're a stranger, I'm here at a store to just pick up something to drink, not meet potential mates, and after I leave here I have a bunch of other stops to make where I will most likely be offered free penis from even more doofy twits who think that just because I'm alone I'm seeking some kind of companionship. Would you be extending this kindness to a man?

The guy looks a little baffled. She's being kind of a bitch but has a point.

GUY: Absolutely, if he were cute. I swing both ways.

The lady looks somewhat disgusted and baffled. She reaches into the cooler and pulls out two bottles of Dr. Pepper.

LADY: Good luck, dude.

The BOBtube voiceover chimes in.

Some people want other people, some people don't. If you want true love, grab a Dr. Pepper.

The camera cuts to Bobby Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles, who seem to be working the register of the convenience store. TK is enjoying an ice cold Dr. Pepper while Bobby sips a Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar. Both the guy and the lady approach and pay for their drinks separately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the table, we see TK, who looks very relaxed, and Bobby, who looks pleased to be there but anything but.

Damn, maybe you should see a doctor, your bladder has been going crazy. Did you drink like several fucking pots of coffee this morning?

Bobby slowly shakes his head.

Nah.

*sniff*

I appreciate your concern, though. You're a very thoughtful friend, Thunder. Barney, you're also a wonderful person to have as a friend.

*sniff*

I'm lucky to have you both in my life.

TK shrugs. Barney rolls his eyes.

That weird old lady should never have taken you skiing.

What? We're in the middle of Texas, there's no skiing here

A woman has walked on stage. Her hair is light brown, she has large bright blue eyes, and has a distinct hourglass figure. TK's eyes light up.



Back to back! Nice!

Bobby chuckles.

Nah, bud, she's already hired. Hiya Sophie!

Hey Bobby!

She turns and flirtatiously waves at Barney.

Hi Barney!

Seriously, how does he fucking do that?

Sophie walks over to the table and pulls a chair up next to Bobby.

So she's just going to sit with us now?

Yeah.

Sophie pulls a small ziploc about the size of a postage stamp out of her handbag. She opens it and sprinkles cocaine onto her enormous bosom.

Shit, Bobby, is that what I think it is?

Maybe. She's my nurse.

Bobby faceplants into Sophie's cleavage.

That ain't powdered sugar.

Fuck yeah, now that's an audition Bobby!

Bobby raises his head inhaling deeply through his nose, which is covered with white powder. Sophie giggles, scoops up some of the coke with her pinky nail, and snorts it.

Shit, a nurse, are you alright Bobby?

Yep.

*snort*

He's doing better than all of us.

Alright. Next!

A woman walks out.

Name?

Can I choose not to say?

You can,

*snort*

But that's on you.

Well fuck, okay, let’s start with your dancing name then, you prissy bitch.

Stephanie Gregory Clifford.

That’s a fucking mouth full. Bust size?

36D

Birthdate?

March 17, 1979.

Holy fuck!

Eye color?

Blue.

Bobby, wait! I think. Hold on. No way!

You can’t really read the expression on Bobby’s face because of his sunglasses. Straight Poker face. TK pulls out his cell phone and googles a name.

What is it, TK?

Stephanie Gregory Clifford sighs because she knows the jig is up.

This bitch fucked Donlad Trump!

Holy shit! Is it?!

Yes… I’m Stormy Daniels.

So, you rode the presidential meat whistle, did ya?

Yeah, I had sex with Donald Trump.

That’s-

Disgusting.

Them No good Bastard no-look fist bump after finishing each others sentence.

Exactly. You don’t even have to dance, for me to tell you that this is bad goddamn publicity. Plus you’re fucking old and fat now. Who wants to pay to see that shit?

Barney Green starts to play Eminem’s “Ass like that”. Stormy Daniels, who was already told not to dance, only understands when music plays she takes off her clothes. She begins to dance.

WOAH!

Barney somewhere in the recesses of his brain wants to see Stormy Daniels dance. Bobby is openly putting cocaine on the table in front of TK, who is too distracted by what he’s seeing on stage.

We don’t do nostalgia acts.

Barney unwillingly cuts the music and looks disappointed.

Sorry Barn, shit, nostalgia acts are what killed the last owner.

In the background, Rosco is sweeping up. Bobby felt bad for the guy and hired him to be the janitor.

I’m not dead.

TK mutters under his breath barely audible.

Fucking that orange dude to be famous. Goddamn gross. Almost as bad as Centurion grooming his girlfriend.


TK shutters at the mental image he just received.

Yeah…

*sniff*

But bro, think about it. We're the only club in the country offering Presidential Lap Dances.

Bobby says this while actively pouring cocaine on the table, foregoing even leaving the room.


Hold up, were you not going to share or what?

Nope.

The scene fades to black as Bobby is doing cocaine right off the table, face first, without a straw, bill, or what have you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bobby and TK are sitting in their new strip club alone, besides the cameraman.

Whoo boy, TK, they were playing poker with their fucking manager! Man, while we've been building a business from the ground up and training out in the damn Texas heat, and believe you me, the workout those dancers have been giving us has been crazy. Who knew pole dancing was so hard?

Bobby, nobody wanted to see us pole dancing.

I know, that's why we didn't use that footage, didn't air the montage, or any of the clips of us gliding on a vertical pole with the finesse and poise of fucking angels.

Are you high right now?

A little.

Damn. Well, you'll be clean for our match, right?

I guarantee nothing.

*sniff*

Look, man, you do you, but don't become a drugged up fuck-up like you're one of the Dissintegrators!

Nah, they're just goofy rednecks that don't go to NASCAR anymore now that the Confederate Flag has been banned. I know that's about as relevant as Capitol Hill Insurrection jokes, but hey, speak to your audience so they can understand it. I'm pretty sure these guys can hear, because one of them's ears has been washed out by Qanon and their Q-tips-for-living. Brainwashed into believing some stupid conspiracies, especially the one where they have a snowball's chance in hell of beating us for the Tag Team Championships, and now this fool tried to wager a belt he won't even fucking own. Damn. Card puns, TK. Card puns! Why didn't we think of that?

We're not mentally ]

[color=#FF6347]Right.

Bobby glances over at TK.

We're still doing the card stuff when we gotta face EXP, right?

[b]Goddamn right we are!.

Cool.

Let's be fucking fair here though, Bobby. The Steel Dildo isn't getting proper representation from fat-ass Freddy that he should. What kinda fucking manager would allow his team to make a dumb ass decision like put up half of a tag title he hasn't won yet? Don't get 'Ol Thunder Knuckles wrong, I've fucking done it. Trying to sell I belt I haven't even won yet. I'd work out for a talent like, yours truly. It definitely won't work out for these C minus players.

The Steel Dildo? Fuck that, bro. That would imply that they're hard and somehow get near a vagina.

Yeah, but, well, just go with it. Do you want to be called any kind of dildo?

Bobby smirks.

Depends on who's using it.

Freddy Fabulous is using it.

Bobby shudders and is completely repulsed by the mental image.

Ew.

Exactly.

Freddy Fabulous is the creepiest little prick I've ever seen, to be truthful. I've heard of the blind leading the blind, but the sex offender leading the sex offenders is a new one to me. Freddy Fabulous looks like the kind of guy who goes out and his wing man is a bottle of roofies. I've seen roadkill that was more fuckable than Freddy Fabulous, and he's the most fuckable member of the Dissintegrators. I'm pretty sure Johnny Steele gets confused looking at a naked woman because it doesn't have the same parts as his sister's Barbie doll without clothes, and Dave Mustang looks as sweaty and greasy as a trucker's ball sack after a thirteen hour drive. Jesus, I'm not god's gift to women, but y'all look like you take the Vinnie Lane approach to wooing women. And screaming 'woo' all the time, seriously, give it a fucking rest. Ripping off Ric Flair is great and all, but y'all have breath that could make rats run away. Whenever you exhale as much as you do to make that stupid fucking sound, you kill a portion of the rain forest. You're about as threatening as an obese kid stuck in a revolving door.

Speaking of fat-ass mother fuckers. Billy buttfucked Blankenship seems to be the only thing these two fuck wit's manager seems to care about. Well, you'll have plenty of time to fight with them on our undercard because mark my words goddamn Relentless night two's main event has Bastards written all over it. That's then but this is now. Now you can catch us LIVE on Wednesday Night Warfare from the Capital Building! No pins, no submissions, no goddamn escape from Them No Good Bastards! This isn't some normal match, fuck no! They're playing in my fucking world! There's no place the XWF officials can hide those belts that's safe from a guy like me. A FIVE-TIME Midwestern Ohio back-to-back hide-and-go-seek champion. Since they wanna talk about ass whippings though Bobby. How about you give them a fucking taste of what we plan to do to them.

TK gives his signature jerking-off hand motion. The same hand motion Marf despises so much.

A plan of what we're going to do? Dude, how about this. I'm going to grab Steele, you grab Mustang, we whip the dog piss out of them like the fucking stole something, then we go for decontamination after the match to make sure we didn't catch anything from them. I'm going to plant Steele so fucking hard into the mat that he will shit his spleen. His internal fucking organs are going to have the consistency of applesauce. Fuck, it would be safer if he flew off to god-knows-where and just caught a case of Ebola, because his body would be a fuckton healthier from a dose of that shit compared to what we can do to him. Mustang? Dude, if you're named after the horse, you're going to be dog food, and if you're named after the car, you're going to be totaled. Fuck it, after the match, your name might as well be Dangerous Dave Wheelchair-Access, because you'll be blowing, Wooo! Right into the steering controls of your wheelchair after you're fucking paralyzed from the waist down.


Mustang Sally fucking fancies that crap-ass tag team as some junkyard dogs. The reality is they are from a fucking junkyard, sure, but to call them dogs would really be screwing the fucking pooch.

You know, instead of Steel Dildo, I think calling them the Dog Fuckers would actually be way better.

It's too late, but yeah, they're dog fuckers too. Just like Karren Overwieght. Hard to come back from being a dog fucker. I've always said.

Freddy Fabulous chases around dogs with a Steel Dildo? This is getting really Shane era up in here.

TK chuckles at the comment but gets back on track quickly.

These two have as much fight in them as Manny Pacquiao did against Floyd Mayweather. They talk a big game but on Warfare as they're laid out fucking cold via RAINBOW LASER DEATH SEQUENCE. We'll casually stroll through the capital building looking for our titles and we WILL retrieve them. Showing not only are we the best tag team XWF has ever seen were the best tag team this world has to offer. Speaking of which, we're taking our asses on the road collecting as much tag team gold as we can. Who else has done that? Legacy? They've never held the shiniest of gold.

TK pats his half of the tag team championships, as Bobby does the same.

The Steel Dildo is about to find out that the only jokes in the tag team division is them. When they become the fucking punchline to us. Them No Good Bastards.

TK and Bobby no look fist bump. Then TK motions to Bobby to take the ulter of Bastardry.

So, congregation, peoples of the XWF, bear witness! We, Them No Good Bastards, are going to perform the greatest feat of magic in the history of spells, hexes, and curses. You've heard of alchemy, the claims that one can turn lead into gold? Well, at Warfare, we're going to take shit and turn it into a footnote in the history of TNGB. We gotta go face down Mustang and Steele, they jumped us at Leap of Faith, for real! Two pointless assholes with no fan appeal, they're facing us now and you know the deal. Two Bastards go to the ring marching with a purpose, after we heard Freddy, Dave, and Johnny's lip service. Leave a score or more bruises and contusions on their epidermis, gonna dismantle these fools looking to usurp us! Y'all gonna learn a little lesson, go on and take a seat, we're the hottest team in wrestling and you can't take our heat. Gonna track down our title belts keep our title reign complete but on the way, we're gonna take the time to get your asses beat. You brought in Freddy Fabulous looking to make some moves, but the XWF Universe sees all three of you and thoroughly disapproves. A couple of dumb ass cowboys at a stampede gonna get trampled by our hooves, I said it once, you stupid fucks, the beatings will continue until morale improves. Brother Knuckles, take us home!

TK stands up tall and proud. Knowing that Bobby has done, and will do, his share of the work. Despite what people think.

So go ahead and lie to these boys, Freddy. Get them all pumped up and head swollen. The only pump we need is our twelve gage mouths that are gonna blow a hole through their goddamned chests. Straight to their fucking hearts. As we rip away probably your only chance of them holding some gold. We're the thieves in the night your goddamn grandmothers told you about. You remember, don't you? How you have to lock your goddamn doors. Well, I'm here to tell you that no door, with no fucking lock is safe! Locks keep honest people out. We're Bastards. We'll kick open the door and take everything you got. Even your pepperoni in the fucking fridge. Why? Because we goddamn well please. Bobby, fuck these mother fucker, man. Got any final thoughts on this one? These bitch-ass, motorcycle riding, coattail jocking, mother fuckers don't stand a chance.