Them No Good Bastards have finished construction on their all new strip club, which also holds the world's largest hot dog buffet.

Now onward to staffing.

WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS

Inside of the yet unnamed strip club, we are greeted with the sight of Bobby and TK seated at a table watching the stage. A girl stands on the stage. She's dressed in a one piece bathing suit, has a distinct gut, all of two teeth in her mouth, dark circles under her eyes, and skin littered with nasty scabs and other sores. In short, she looks like shit.

Uh, well, thanks for the audition. Miss…

Starla.



Great. Yeah, Starla, if we need you we'll give you a call.

Nah, fuck that. Go home a get your fucking life together. Sitting here looking like Charlie fucking Nickles. With your B-cups.

Who?

Nobody. Well, not lately. Anyhow, we have your contact info, and…

Wanna watch me deepthroat one of them hot dogs?

Starla scratches her face.

No and fuck no.

Bobby looks outraged.

We don't waste food here.

Starla leaves the stage. Bobby looks at TK.

Dude, this idea just went south fast. Who put her on stage? I'm pretty sure she has scabies and was on meth.

Her name should have been Methany. I’d have fucking believed it.

TK’s shouts out.

NEXT!

Out walks Barney Green to center stage. TK looks over at Bobby mortified.

Barney, bud, we love you, but platonically.

Ozzy sent me, I'm here to be your DJ.

Both Bobby and TK look very relieved. TK looks up to the heavens and lips “Thank you”.

Well, buddy, we didn’t have that position filled, and if Ozzy sent you... That means he sent you with some mother fucking cash, didn't he?

Barney nods his head and shows a briefcase you missed when you saw him before. Pay better attention people. Barney opens it, and there are stacks of bills along with a very auspicious looking package.

Yep. He also wanted you to try to push some drugs here.

Oh?

Barney brings the package over to the table and sets it down. TK starts counting the cash as Bobby looks at the package.

Alright, it’s all here, Bobby! My plan is coming the fuck together!

TK looks back over at Bobby.

What else was in there again?

Bobby looks at TK and mumbles.

Nothing.

TK shrugs not giving a fuck because the money is in his hands. Bobby slaps the table.

Welp, be right back, I gotta go use the bathroom. You’re hired, Barn.

Bobby gets up and briskly jaunts off down the hall, clicking his heels as he does.

Alright, Barn, just man the DJ booth. When the bitches come out, looks over at us and Bobby will give a thumbs up if you start the music, and if you hear me tell a bitch to go. Play the fucking “Price is right you lose” sound bite. We have about fifteen minutes before the next set of girls gets here. These are what this briefcase is for.

Who are these girls?

TK’s smile could light up the night sky.

Well, for one, we have the biggest attraction on the mother fucking planet! But we have to hire some other girls first. These girls coming in are those other goddamn girls. Let me tell you, they ain't no fucking slouches.

Are they hot?

They could make movies after these girls.

TK winks into the camera.

So, yeah, they're hot.

TK and Barney continue to talk for a while before Bobby walks back into the room, wearing sunglasses and wiping his nose.

You alright, Bobby?

I'm cool.

*Sniff*

You cool?

*Sniff sniff*

Everything's real fucking cool. Bring on the dancers, yeah!

Bobby claps his hands and just stands at the table. He then awkwardly sits.

Barney! You know, you're fucking cool. Go to the DJ booth, let's get this shit bumping!

The first girl walks out. She looks vaguely familiar. TK squints at her.

Hiya! What's your name?



Casey Anthony.

TK scratches his head.

Why does that name sound familiar?

Oh shit!

TK leans over towards Bobby.

You know her? I mean, she's okay, kind of a MILF vibe going on…

MILF probably isn't the right word.

Look, I would kill to dance here. I heard this will be the best party spot in the south, and Florida was becoming murder.

Uh, can we see you dance?

I need to ask my lawyer.

Barney starts playing some music. Bobby puts his hand to his own neck and swipes across it, shaking his head. Barney cuts the music.

Whatever.

Casey Anthony leaves the stage.

What the fuck was that?

Jimmy will tell you later.

TK shrugs just like Shawn Warstien down to the millisecond, then yells out.

NEXT!

Out walks a stunning Brunette.

Name.

Sofie Reyez



Dancing name?

Sophie

TK mutters.

Original.

TK gets louder.

Bust size?

33B

Birthdate?

May 31, 1997.

Eye color?

Brown.

Bobby looks at TK.

Not bad.

All well and good lady but let’s see you dance. If you can't dance and look fire ass hot. That isn't going to do us any goddamn good, is it?

Bobby gives Barn the thumbs up. Barney isn’t paying attention though because he’s staring at the girl on the stage.

Barney!

Hi, Barney!

Sophie turns and waves at Barney, blowing him a kiss. Barney waves back.

Barn, give the lady some music!

Barney choses Pony by Ginuwine.

Nice!

TK and Bobby no look fist bump like some bosses. Sophie does a really great job, moving her hips, smacking her ass, all the classic stripper moves, and even does that leg cross thing. If you don’t know what I'm talking about then you haven't been to a strip club in a VERY long time.

Well…

You’re hired! Just get with Jimmy in the back and he’ll tell you when to start.

Sophie walks off stage, giving Barney a thumbs up as she does. The next girl walks out without being prompted. She has Black hair.

Determined looking, I like it.

Indeed. Name?

Demi Sutra.



Dancing name?

Ajaa XXX.

Awesome. Bust size?

32B.

Birthdate?

January 10, 1991.

Eye color?

Brown

A lot of Brown eyes so fair, Bobby. I don't know.

Well, let’s see her dance. Maybe she has some moves. Besides, I called someone in.

Fine. I’m just saying we cant have a bunch shit colored eye bitches walking around. We need to spice it up!

Bobby gives a thumbs up to Barney who this time is paying attention. Barney selects “Girls girls girls” by Motley Crue. Unfortunately the music begins playing but Ajaa XXX hasn’t started dancing. She’s looking over at Barney being cute and waving. Barney waves back and makes a hand motions begging her to dance. She does as soon as Vince Neil starts to sing, about thirty four seconds into the song, Ajaa XXX comes alive. She’s leaving an impression on TK, you can see it on his face. Once the song is over and Ajaa XXX is picking up her clothing TK blerts out.

Not fucking bad!

See. She brought a lot to the table with that dance.

I have to ask what took you so long to start dancing?

Well, that guy over there.

She points over to Barney.

I think he’s cute.

Well, you get to look at him as much as you goddamn want while you're working. His names Barney, by the way.

Just talk to Jimmy in the back and he’ll tell you when you can start.

Thanks! Nice to meet you Barney!

Ajaa XXX winks at Barney before exiting the stage. That’s when TK looks over at Bobby puzzled as all hell. Bobby smiles then promptly excuses himself to the bathroom.

TK I gotta piss, man.

Can’t you hold it?

Well, you know, nature calls, don't want to be distracted when we're hiring talent!

Bobby is out of his chair and on his way to the bathroom again as he says this.

I don’t get it. Wouldn't he have an office to go do that in?

You don't piss in your own office!

I meant, like, a bathroom in his office.

Exactly, Barney! You don't do it! That's for show. To be all like, look, I got a bathroom in my office. You take one shit in there and these broads see it. Game fucking over, man. That shit has to look as clean as the day they installed it. You better not shit in one of our office bathrooms Barney.

I won’t but he said take a piss.

Same concept Barney! Jesus! Think about this. You’ve walked into a goddamn bathroom in a strip club right?

Well, yeah.

What’s it smell like?

Piss and cheap cologne.

Just like The Disingenerators! You need to keep the office bathrooms priss-fucking-steen.

TK looks into the camera and winks letting Todd know it’s time to end this part of the promo. The scene fades to black, but only for a moment. Your screen now cuts to the part everyone’s been waiting for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BB: Well, TK, seems like the Dissintegrators are just as stupid as we thought. Not only are they as stupid as they look, but they went and hired someone to help them out that's as useful as a box of tampons to the Vienna Boy's Choir. Shit, one of them assholes, Dangerous Dave, thought they needed help with the politics of the backstage area. What, are they running for treasurer? What politics is there? We never ran for any kind of office, we just showed up, put on our gear, and went to fucking work. The other one, the one who's always yelling and wanted to redux January 6th four months after it passed it's best-if-used-by date for comedic effect, I guess settling for comedic bronze instead of comedic gold, I'm pretty sure that guy can't vote because the ballots aren't color coded and reading words just isn't a part of his skill set. Then there's the goofy little simp of a manager, thinking I won't be at Warfare to whoop his client's asses. Shit, all three of you, thank us. Thank us now, thank the front office for the opportunity you have been given. Not at the tag team titles, no, we’re not finished with those yet. You should count your fucking blessings that one day, when someone is watching the unabridged anthology of Them No Good Bastards, they will see the massacre we do to you in the ring, and they will ask themselves "who the hell where those guys?" Then, for the first time ever, someone will Google the Dissintegrators in the XWF, and you'll finally be relevant to something for a few fleeting seconds before someone realizes they had better things to do besides look up Mustang, Steele, and Freddy. Hey, TK, you know what's more important than researching the Dissintegrators?

TK: Organizing used kitty litter.

BB: Alphabetizing your sock drawer.

TK: Laying on the floor face down waiting to die.

BB: Planning a way to steal Legos from Wal-Mart.

TK: Counting the bristles on your toothbrush.

BB: Seriously, who fucking hired the birthday clowns to come and wrestle in the XWF? I mean, I could see them competing in some county fair, each making their way down to the ring nursing hangovers caused by convenience store wine just to make enough money to pay back their meth dealer. These dingbats, and I don't use the term lightly, they are fucking dingbats, no more, no less, are plenty good at a few things. They're the top of the list when it comes to being deadbeat dads, they're the absolute best at finding spare change to bathe in a car wash, they excel at being the creepy dudes that hit on your elderly aunt when she's at Goodwill, and are poster boys for having stink come off of someone. Seriously, if you ever wondered what "gingivitis" was or looked like when listening to a toothpaste commercial, go look at the Dissintegrators. And their manager, Freddy Fabulous? Well, he's what "irritable bowel syndrome" looks like.

TK and Bobby exchange a no look fistbump.

TK: Fabulous Freddy is suppose to take these guys to the next level? Give me a goddamn break! So, what? They're gonna move up from dog shit to human shit? Thats good for them. Maybe they can face that Blankenship team when they actually show up. You know, and prove their worth. Cause God fucking knows the only reason they're in this situation is because War Games is coming up and we have to defend back to back. We've done squashed all the fucking teams of note in XWF, except for one. EXP. that Landfill team. Yeah what a waste of fucking space they are. If they're not on our goddamn level whats a team that can't even beat The THUGS? Irrelevant, thats what.

BB: Hey, uh, TK, we haven't beaten the THUGS.

TK: I know, because they're smart enough to stay away from the goddamn ring when we're in it.

BB: Facts. So, I guess that brings us to the next part of the equation, Blankenship. In this case, Blankenship is an X factor, and X equals zero. He's a non-entity talking about some team that can come and give us a challenge. I guess he's talking about a leprechaun on a gryphon teamed up with a cyclops, because the idea of any team being on our level is a fucking fairy tale. Much like Steele and Mustang, I'm pretty sure Blankenship has been huffing too much glue, and the motherfucker is doing it right in the home goods section of the store, not even paying for it. Freddy Fabulous? Shit, that guy could take someone to the top of stepping stool to dust a ceiling fan, so as far as I'm concerned, he's huffing paint.

TK: Fucking right!

Bobby and TK clack their tag team championship belts together.

TK: Now, if you'll fucking excuse us, we have more strippers to hire.