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X-treme Wrestling Federation BOARDS » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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Don't Call It A Comeback (Seriously, Don't)
Author Message
Nefarious Ned Kaye Offline
per cogitabat, per facis

XWF FanBase:

(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)

Post: #1
06-09-2021 11:01 PM

From the personal journal of Dr. Urias Pheelanruff:

It has been a turbulent month to be a psychiatrist!

Not only was Avalanche HQ totally messed up by regular Ned who’s apparently still trapped inside of this Nefarious Ned personality, but the rest of the team has needed some good help from the ol’ doc! Except for Dean. Nobody’s quite sure what he’s doing, but otherwise it’s been busy! Ned got some paint supplies to fix up his trashed room and that got me thinking about his upcoming match that’s like a throwback to the mid 00’s. So, I thought I’d get in the creative fun and see what I could do with some sprite comics! I’ll have to edit them a bit so nobody knows who the characters are based off, but I’m sure nobody will figure it out! Let’s see if you still got that funny bone in you, Urias!

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Urias pulled up one of his comics on an iPad, giggling to himself at the jokes he had written.

This is some pretty great stuff, he thought, I oughta at least show it to Ned!

Running over to Ned’s room, he knocked on the door, waiting only to be called in. As he heard Ned confirm, Urias clumsily barged through the door, his comics at the ready.

“Hey, Ned! I got something cool to show yo-”

Oddly enough, Ned didn’t face him, instead staring at the wall. It didn’t appear to be much, just some white paint covering up a mark left during the “event” the other week. Kaye seemed irritated, but by what eluded Pheelanruff.

“Is everything alright, buddy?”

The normal Ned hadn’t taken losing the Hart very well, so some of this was predictable. Ned’s reply, on the other hand, was not.

“Urias, you’re aware of what my next match is, correct?”

“Uh, yeah! It’s a “Void of the Mind” match! You gotta speedrun a game starring you!

“And none of that seemed off to you?”

“Well, I knew about it based on some things I heard talking to Ethan a while back that Ned had played a game while he was really stressed out. I didn’t think there was anything really odd about it.”

“Doc, Void of the Mind isn’t real. It was a hallucination I designed for Ned when he put Final Fantasy VI into a SNES. How do I speedrun that, let alone challenge someone else to? Do I just look at this wall and imagine what it would hypothetically look like if Ned “played” it quickly?

Ned focused on the wall a bit more.

He shrugged, “I suppose that works, but they went a step further to spite me, doc. They put me against Game Girl! That’s not even a real wrestler!”

“Uh, Ned, I’m pretty sure she is real.”

Kaye hesitated for a moment before laughing.

“Oh, that’s a good one, Urias. Those comics must be paying off.”

“No, I’m serious, bud!”

The doctor pulled up a picture of Game Girl on his iPad, handing it to Ned, who stared blankly at it.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidd-”

“Let’s keep this like your career and make it brief and embarrassing for you.”

“It’s not uncommon for a former champion to be booked against some weaker competition after a big title match, but I thought they might at least give me some sort of challenge. Instead, they threw me you, Game Girl. You, who’s only notable for being one of the few female wrestlers in the sausage fest eras of the XWF, outside of Dolly Waters, Gilmour’s wife, and the Blackwaters. You, who is remembered fondly by the kinds of people who found Ready Player One enjoyable. They booked you against me in a match where we play a game that doesn’t exist. And even better, that hallucination not-game that’s drawing so many eyes that it’s the penultimate match of the night? It’s something I created to fuck around with Ned back in March! You popped up seven years ago and you were so unremarkable that something I did three months ago outshines you completely. You’re a Tiger Handheld Game: irrelevant, ancient, and obsolete in your time while pathetic today. Ned Kaye, that worthless nobody, looking at a blank screen has objectively overshadowed your entire presence in this match and this company. This match needs you like I need the Hart title: Not one fucking bit. It’s all about me and nobody can kid themselves otherwise.”

“I’d insult your recent accomplishments, but I’m pretty sure they only amount to feeding your Neopet and emulating a Pokemon game. I was watching literal paint dry on my fucking wall and it was more enthralling than anything you’ve done in years. I’d call you nothing, but absent space holds more value than your entire body. People can build orphanages in absent space. You’re just taking up room, Girl. But I have to give you some congratulations: You are the first opponent to be outclassed by my goddamn imagination. I didn’t have to lift a finger to look better than you. Ned would go on all these training montages to get stronger to face an opponent he deemed tough, but me on my ass in a chair, thinking of something just blows you out of the water. You are kicked into the dirt by thought! Of course you beat people like Sebastian Duke, there’s not a damn thing going on in that skull. So, enjoy this fun throwback show where you face someone who debuted years after you in a match that revolves all around him and you get to play a bit part in celebrating his accomplishments. Good job, Game Girl. I’m sure that’s what they’d give Steve Jason or The Brand if they showed back up. What a career.”

-Mega Man Sprite Comic for influencing my dumpster fire sense of humor.

"You can't run from yourself."
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Wins | Losses | Draws
33 | 23 | 1

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Indie Darling Eternal
#33 on The XWF Top 50(2021)
2x [Image: CbviDqC.png] (Former)
Star of the Month - March 2021
RP of the Month - March 2021 (Void of the Mind)
Star of the Month - April 2019
Winner - Leap Of Faith Rafter Match 2019
1x 24/7 Briefcase Holder

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All Time Career
Wins | Losses | Draws
33 | 24 | 1
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[-] The following 8 users Like Nefarious Ned Kaye's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (07-06-2021), (Gravy_Xtreme_5000) (06-10-2021),  ALIAS  (06-10-2021), BigD (06-10-2021), Game Girl (06-10-2021), JimCaedus (06-10-2021), Marf (06-10-2021), Thunder Knuckles™ (06-10-2021)
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