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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » March Madness 2021 PPV Board
The Nostalgia Trip Continues: RP #2
Author Message
Diesel Offline
WWF Champion in Perpetuity



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
03-27-2021, 09:50 PM

We rejoin our heroes as they exit Titan Towers. Diesel looks toward the crushed Lincoln belonging to Vince McMahon only to realize the other Diesel is no longer on the car and is roaming somewhere loose.

”Oh no,” Diesel says as he looks at the Lincoln.

”What?” TK asks and Diesel points to the car with no dead Diesel atop. ”Where’d that dickhead go!?”

Diesel and Thunder Knuckles scan the parking lot quickly, looking for any sign of other Diesel. Off in the distance, beneath a street lamp, other Diesel is spotted standing on top of our Diesel’s Western Star big rig dumping a barrel full of unused Milton Bradley’s Karate Fighters into the hopper.

”Catch me if you can, bitches!”

Other Diesel shouts as he climbs down off the top of the rig and into the cab. Our Diesel and TK begin to run toward him, but they’re just too far away. Other Diesel fires up the 18 wheeler and begins rolling forward. He steers the massive machine around the parking lot and right toward our Diesel and Thunder Knuckles. The two are forced to leap out of the way in opposite directions as other Diesel plows through the back end of McMahon’s crushed Lincoln as the horn intensifies.

Our Diesel and TK get back to their feet and watch as other Diesel races the big rig out of the parking lot and onto the highway.

”Hey Vince!” Diesel calls up toward the busted out window in McMahon’s office. Moments later, Vince appears at the edge. ”We have a problem.”

”There can be no problems, Diesel!” he calls out.

”Other Diesel wasn’t dead and he stole my truck!”

”Yeah dickhead! What you gonna do about that!?”

McMahon stands in the void of the window and ponders a moment.

”You’ll have to take SEX then!” he calls down from his office. Diesel and TK look at each other.

”With you!?” TK calls up to the window.

”What!?”

”What!?”

”Like fucking hell I will,” TK says to Diesel.

”No… No I don’t think we will!” Diesel agrees with TK.

”I’m not having sex with men Vince!” TK yells up.

”SEX is an acronym. Sunny Ends Xtreme!” Vince calls out from the window. ”Also its a car!” McMahon calls out, pointing toward the corner of the lot. TK and Diesel look out to where he’s pointing.

[Image: ByVwe8d.png]


”Fuck yeah,” TK mutters under his breath as he and Diesel hightail it across the lot toward the car. Knuckles hops into the drivers seat and Diesel tries and fails to tear the passenger seat out of the car. ”What the hell are you doing? Just get in!”

”I can’t fit!”

TK watches on as Diesel continues to fail at ripping the seat out.

”There’s no time, dickhead!”

”Yeah, you’re right,” he agrees and climbs into the car, sitting down with his ass on the headrest and his body extended out of the t-tops. Thunder Knuckles fires the engine.

”Welcome, Thunder Knuckles,” says the car and TK’s eyes grow wide.

”Holy shit it’s Mr. Feeney,” he says in disbelief.

”I have adaptive intelligence, Mr. Knuckles,” Mr. Feeney informs him. ”I’m programmed to know precisely who you are as soon as you sit down.”

”TK if you don’t mind setting your teenage nostalgia aside and hit the damn gas pedal,” Diesel reminds him.

”Right, fucker,” TK says as he throws the car in first gear and smashes the gas pedal. The car spins tire before lurching forward. They slow to a stop outside Vince’s office window.

”Hey Vince!”

”What!?”

”Bye!”

”Don’t! Press! The Pink! Button!”

”What the fuck did he say?”

”I ‘unno.”

TK smashes the gas pedal and proceeds toward the exit of the parking lot. Nearing the road, Diesel smashes his head off the clearance bar and topples out of the car to the pavement.

”Ouch!”

”Ahhhhhh,” TK says as he stops and put the car in reverse. ”Fucking shit.” TK stops the car and Diesel climbs back in the car.

”Onward, Mr. Feeney!”

”At once, Mr. Diesel,” Mr. Feeney says and the car lurches forward at breakneck speed. Our antiheroes are just along for the ride.




Three Days Later… Somewhere near Kingman, Arizona… 2021


”How the fuck did we lose him?” TK asks of Diesel, his face entirely chapped from three days of 90 mile per hour winds hitting him in the face and covered in Vaseline as a result.

”Son of a bitch is using all my time fuel with all his time jumping! He doesn’t even do it all cool like with the horn like I do!”

TK pulls the prototype Trans Am off the side of the road and slams his fists against the steering wheel.

”That hurt, Mr. Knuckles,” Feeney says.

”Sorry Mr. Feeney,” TK replies before realizing he just apologized to a computer.

”Did you hear that?” Diesel asks of TK.

”Hear what?”

”Listen...”

...and the thunder rolls. A few hundred feet behind them, Other Diesel splits the time continuum and re-enters 2021.

”Fuck yeah!” TK shouts with increased excitement as he fires the engine. Other Diesel races by them and TK pulls onto the highway. ”Mr. Feeney, engage hyperdrive!”

”Hyperdrive engaged, Mr. Knuckles,” Feeney replies



At speeds too great to fathom, the black Trans Am races to catch up to Other Diesel. Hot on his tail, Diesel steps over the windshield and onto the hood.

”Don’t dent my hood fat ass!”

Almost bumper to bumper, Diesel leaps from the hood of the car to the loading ramp of the trailer… but just stays there for a few minutes.

”What the fuck are you doing dumbass!?”

”I don’t really know, I didn’t think that far ahead!” Diesel calls out.

”Get back in the fucking car!”

Diesel jumps off the trailer and back onto the car before stepping over the windshield and sitting on the headrest again. Up ahead, a police car has a Lincoln pulled over.

”Hey I think those two fCENSOREDs you hate are pulled over,” Diesel says as they continue screaming forward.

”Really?” TK looks to his right at Thad and Corey pulled over on the side of the highway. ”Enjoying the show, fuckers!?” TK shouts out of the car as they pass by.

”I don’t think they heard you.”

”Fuck ‘em, who cares?”

”TK… ummmm.”

”What the fuck is it dumbass?”

”That cop is after us now.”



”FUCK!”

Our antiheroes cross the state line into Nevada. With the highway splitting into multiple lanes, TK drives the Trans Am alongside the passenger side of Diesel’s big rig.

”Now jump in there and get your truck back asshole!”

”What about the cop?”

Diesel starts to climb out of the car again but hits the pink button. TK’s seat is reclined backward by force and the dashboard is raised. WWF Diva Sunny steps out of the dashboard as TK almost loses control of the car. Sunny kneels on the floor and starts undoing TK’s pants.

”Hi Sunny,” Diesel says with a friendly wave from the hood of the car.

”Hey Big Daddy,” Sunny says with a friendly wave of her own.

”TK what’s she doing?”

”Who the fuck cares dumbass, just let her do it!”

Diesel one hops it from the car to the truck and swings the door open, climbing inside. Other Diesel nearly loses control of the Western Star big rig as they struggle for the controls. Meanwhile, inside the Trans Am, Sunny is hard at work and TK is now sporting a black 70’s mustache and wearing a cowboy hat.

This narrator learned to not to ask questions.

One of the Diesel’s, we assume our Diesel, climbs out of the passenger side of the truck toward the roof.

”What the hell are you doing?”

”I have a plan!”

”That sounds like a terrible idea!”

Diesel hops from the truck to the trailer and hurries down toward the loading ramp.

”Get behind the truck!”

With Sunny now done doing her business… it was quick but she’s really good at her job… she now sits in the passenger seat as TK slows up to fall behind the speeding truck. On top of the trailer, Diesel unlocks the loading ramp and it falls to the pavement, shooting sparks as it drags along the highway.



Nooowwww this narrator gets it.

Diesel hightails it toward the front of the truck and climbs down the driver side. He throws a stiff elbow.

”Elbow strike!”

The elbow knocks Other Diesel unconscious. Diesel swings the door open as the truck sways back and forth violently. He shoves Other Diesel inside the truck and climbs into the drivers seat. With the police hot on Thunder Knuckles backside, Diesel corrects the course of the truck and TK drives the car right up into the trailer.

After hopping from the car, Thunder Knuckles scales the trailer and makes his way to the front of the truck before climbing into the passenger side.

”Now what dumbass?”

”First of all, tie up that Other Diesel.”

”Why not kill him?”

”He might come in handy in some other promo.”

”This is great and all, but those fuckin pigs are still after us.”

”Not to worry, TK. Big Daddy got this!”

With a roll of thunder and a horn intensifies, Diesel’s Western Star enters the time continuum. The gaggle of police chasing after them. All three of them, come to a stop in the middle of the highway where Diesel’s truck was last seen. Seconds later, another roll of thunder and another horn intensifies and Diesel and Thunder Knuckles with that sweet ass prototype Trans Am and 1995 Sunny AND Other Diesel re-enter 2021 behind the police.

”WHAT THE FUCK!?”

”It’s B.o.B. Bowling Night TK, and I’m bowling 300!” he replies as he barrels through the sitting police cars.

”Ha HAAAAAAAA!” TK in his mustache and cowboy hat emits a Burt Reynolds laugh, shocking even himself. ”What the FUCK!?”

Our Diesel and the all the rest head into Las Vegas.



Should we talk about how fucking stupid and uninteresting Centurion is? Or should I just play that stupid fucking promo of his that proves he knows nothing of what he’s talking about? I’d choose the second option but the fact of the matter is real fucking simple: I choose entertainment over putting everyone to sleep. I choose good over evil and believe me when I tell you, Centurions dullness is evil torture in its purest fucking form.

Pull up a chair Centurion. Pull it up real close like so you can see the storm that’s coming for you tomorrow night at March Madness.

Soma’s.

Yep, I like ‘em.

Nope, I don’t do them anymore.

Hotels.

No concierge in Sin City is gonna find where Diesel’s staying you stupid fucking dwarf because Diesel has a sleeper in his BIG FUCKING WESTERN STAR or did you somehow miss that in the other promos I’ve done for the XWF?

That’s right.

THE EX DOUBLE-U EFF!

Or did you miss the fact that I’m fully aware of where I am, who I am, what I am, and what year it is? Covered it, but you’d have to pay at least a little attention.

Quads.

Here’s another lesson in not thinking you got this all sewn up, a lesson in not being a complete jackass. I now have bionic quads and they’re no longer are susceptible to tearing. Covered that in a previous promo for this Xtremely Weak Federation. You’d know that if you weren’t so… what’s the word?


Overconfident.

And we’re just touching the tip of your absolutely asinine game plan.

Not only did you try and rip of the Big Daddy Cool nostalgia trip, but you couldn’t even do that right. Not only am I more interesting and entertaining than you are Centurion, but my non playable character friends are more entertaining and interesting than your non playable friends. My co-star is more entertaining and interesting than your co-star. My drama is is more dramatic than yours. My humor is funnier than yours.

Hell, even my nostalgia is far more interesting and entertaining than yours.

You seriously sat in a bar wondering if B.o.B. will interfere on my behalf and who might do it? Does it matter? See, Centurion let me let you on a little secret. Grab a ladder and climb up so you can hear better.

Vanilla Midget.

I don’t care whether I win or lose here in the XWF. But imagine how bad it gets for you, if I decide to win. Think about what it might be like if Diesel decides… to give a shit. I want you to contemplate your course of action in these proceedings. I want you to take the next eighteen hours or so and really… really… think about what’s about to happen to you. Centurion, I’m coming to March Madness to embarrass you more than you already have all by yourself.

Elbow.

Elbow.

Elbow.

Knee.

Hairflip.

Big boot.

Side slam.

Jackknife.

1.

2.

3.

Diesel wins over an XWF legend.

Diesel wins over a legitimate XWF Hall of Legends member.

And Centurion realizes he bit off way more than he could possibly chew.

Step one in taking down the Xtreme Wrestling Federation for Vincent Kennedy McMahon? Making a mockery of one of their legends.

[Image: D3sH9QK.png]RUNS ON
[Image: F86sS8z.png]
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Andre Dixon (03-28-2021), Theo Pryce (03-28-2021), Thunder Knuckles™ (03-27-2021)




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