On BOBTube, we offer the finest in exciting entertainment.

Including thrilling mid-day soap operas.

HERE COMES THE DRAMA

We open to see the latest drama series on BOBTube, already in progress.

ORDER!

Judge Big P, played by Bobby Bourbon, bangs the gavel in his court. At the prosecution's table, we see District Attorney "Downtown" Morty Brown. At the defense's bench we see Tadd, played by Thunder Knuckles, the defense lawyer and doctor, along with his client, Poop-Eye Sallinger.

The state will state it's case.

Your honor, Mr. Sallinger is charged with murder. He willingly broke into Booze Liquors and killed Stan Booze by strangling him.

Okay, please tell us more.

On the morning of Tuesday, February the 11th, Poop-Eye Sallinger entered the premises and with his bare hands grabbed Mr. Booze around the neck until he was dead, choking the life out of him.

I see. And how does Mr. Sallinger plea?

Poop-Eye pleads not fucking guilty!

Big P bangs the gavel.

Order! I said Order!

The people assembled at the court all murmur at the dramatic proceedings.

Your honor, if I may?

You may proceed.

Your honor, my client is a good man, although a bit of a tough minded one. He works hard and there isn't a person alive who could deny that he does what he can to provide for his mother. His poor, sick mother.

Tadd turns to Poop-Eye.

Mr. Sallinger, about your mother, and this is as the doctor, and not the lawyer. She's, well, dying.

No!

Poop-Eye gasps sharply. The assembly in the courtroom, mostly people there to show that parking tickets have been paid or to have some other minor dealings and are at the very best, mildly inconvenienced, are struck by the drama unfolding in front of them.

I'm sorry, Poop-Eye, there is a chance, if we can find a donor that has the right blood type! But, the donor wouldn't be able to live with the tissue needed to save your mother!

Your honor!

I will allow it, "Downtown" Council Brown, minus three points to you.

The district attorney looks somewhat saddened he lost a field goal and is no longer beating the spread.

Tadd, please, continue.

May we have a brief recess, your honor?

I will allow a fifteen minute recess.

Big P immediately gets up and goes to his chambers. Tadd and Poop-Eye step out of the courtroom and run into Poop-Eye's mom, Phoebe.

Poop-Eye, don't worry about me. I've lived a long and full life.

Ma, I swear, we'll find you a donor in time!

Poop-Eye, I will do everything I can to keep you out of jail and cure your mother's several disgusting diseases.

We go to the chambers of Judge Big P, he's seated. An elderly man in sunglasses is walked into the room by a younger woman.

My eyes may fail, but I see!

Oh, blind seer, what do you see?

I have the dirt on Tadd!

Dirt!

I'm going to blackmail him! If you don't pay me fifty dollars, I'll tell everyone about Tadd's secret!

Well, I don't know Tadd's secret, it's his secret, why do you want me to pay you?

I want to buy lunch for my granddaughter.

Well, that still doesn't make any sense.

Look, just pay up or Tadd's court record will go down the tubes! I know how you both are working to stop the Yakuza Ninja Cyborgs that are infiltrating and corrupting the police!

Big P rubs his chin in contemplation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We flashback to see a park. Tadd is seated at a bench, watching some rubbish on his phone. Suddenly, a ninja approaches him from behind! Big P steps out with a net and throws it on the ninja, catching him! Big P punches the ninja in the head, and it's face flies off, showing that it's a cyborg underneath!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're right, seer. It looks like lunch is on me today.

The seer throws his head back.

Hahahahaha, I foresee many lunches, Big P! And Uber rides! And maybe some gardening equipment!

You won't get away with this, you hear?

I already have!

The young woman leads her grandfather out of the room as they head to grab lunch at the expense of Big P. Watches them leave and sits in his chair. He picks up a rotary phone he has there for some ungodly reason, and dials.

Hello? Get me Detective Hatepants. Grabbus Hatepants.

Big P waits on his phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in the courtroom, we see Dr. Tadd, Esquire, talking with his client. Poop-Eye looks weary. Big P returns and takes his place in court.

Mr. Tadd...

Please, Doctor Tadd, I didn't spend a decade in medical law school for nothing.

Dr. Tadd, please approach the bench.

Dr. Tadd approaches. Big P leans in to him.

The blind seer knows your secret!

Tadd looks somewhere past the camera, agog. His secret is on the brink of coming out!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We see Big P in his luxurious living room, seated in a leather chair beside a roaring fire. The flickering light of a few logs turning to ash gives a glow throughout the room as the ambient light is set low within the room. Big P is seen holding a picture frame.

I wish you were here, my brother, you'd be there to give me the guidance I need right now. Tadd is a good man but got mixed up with that dirty business years ago. He confided in me and I need to keep it under wraps.

Big P sets the picture frame on a table beside him. The camera zooms in to show two children.

Detective Hatepants will find you, blind seer, and he'll make you pay, but we need to find out, who else knows Tadd's secret, and how did you come to know it?

There's a knock at the door. Big P gets up and approaches his door and opens it. A man in a sports jacket, shirt, tie, no pants, tighty whities, black socks, and loafers is standing in the doorframe.

Judge.

Detective Hatepants. Do come in.

Detective Hatepants enters Big P's home, what drama will unfold?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We catch up with Bobby and TK, stars of the hit mid-day drama you just watched.

[quote=Thunder Knuckles™]


You know what my bromosexual life mate?


Thunder Knuckles refers to Bobby Bourbon who looks over at Thunder Knuckles. Bobby raises his head like, “what’s up?” Bobby’s intimidating frame never moved and he looks back at the camera with a snarl.


Everyone thinks Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is going to spit those words like hot fucking lava. That’s just not the case. Nope. I’m going to stick with the facts. The facts are Them No Good Bastards aren't just BOB’s premier tag team, fuck no! WE are XWF’s premiere tag team! Tell me another fucking tag team that does what we do? I’ll wait.


Thunder Knuckles looks down at his imaginary watch. He quickly gets sick of the thought of XWF fans around the world, wouldn't know the answer to that question, and says it anyway. Bobby is still staying quiet, looking increasingly more intimidating as the time passes.


I’ll save you cock sucking fuckers the time. Not one team in this fucking company does what we do! Them No Good Bastards are the ONLY tag team that fights together week in and week out! Those tag team championships mean more to us than anything in the fucking world. WE ARE the only team who deserves to hold them, not Cuntinuum. Those bitches, Corey and Thad, are too busy working in singles competition worrying about what they can do apart. You don't fucking see Thunder Knuckles without Bobby Bourbon! You don’t see Bobby Bourbon without Ol’ Thunder Knuckles. Anyone who says fucking otherwise has their fingers so far off the goddamn pulse of XWF’s landscape they don’t deserve to be where WE are!


Thunder Knuckles high fives Bobby Bourbon without looking. Bobby only moves his arm to connect with Thunder Knuckles's hand, because they know where each other is at all times.


It’s not like they can say we didn’t earn the shot at them either. Not after we dispensed those fucking pretenders to our spot as number one contenders to those fucking beautiful gold-plated leather straps. Hell, We called them out on February 13th, 2021, and the challenge was accepted too! Well, after Corey opened his larger than self fucking mouth weeks later, not knowing what the fuck he was talking about, but in true Corey fashion, still talked any goddamn way. Because hey, in this business, you can't look like a complete fucking fool can we? I mean, fuck! Looks like Ol’ Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon, Them No Good Bastards, are making our mark in fucking XWF history as the only real tag team! While Thad plays with his D and squashes spiders, while fucking Corey barely escapes a fucking rookie. Yo, by the way, shout out to Dixion.


Thunder Knuckles knows from his time with Jimmy, that he’s wasting time, and quickly focuses. Bobby Bourbon cracks his neck and knuckles.


I’ll be fucking damned if I let this union of singles competitors, Cuntinuum, walk out of March Madness the goddamn tag team champions! Sure Corey doesn’t deserve to be a tag champion.


Thunder Knuckles give his unique, incomparable, and truly gifted jerking-off hand gesture. Bobby’s intimation factor is astronomical in measurement at this point.


The mother fucking, little bitch of a man, has defended them more times than Thad and Doc. I hope mother fuckers in the back are taking notes because if you think that Corey is the weakest link, you’d be fucking dead wrong, and made to look a goddamn fool. Corey will do what Corey always does, I'm sure of it. The same fucking song and dance trying to cut people off. He'll complain and fucking speculate in advance about what his opponents, Them No Good Bastards, will or in this case, won't say. Well, There's more than one way to skin a goddamn cat, isn't there? But no, the honor of weakest fucking link goes to the guy who defeated Ol’ Thunder Knuckles, for the only singles belt worth a squat and piss, the Television Championship. Which I’m sure Thaddeus will be more than happy to point out. You can’t hide behind your wall of heroes, mother fucker. Them No Good Bastards are fucking here to knock those walls down and expose you both for what you are. The heroes of your own fucking stories, and the villains to everyone else’s. It’s all a matter of fucking perspective, isn’t it? You can give our mother fucking grandmothers those fucking titles, I don't give a fuck. Them No Good Bastards will still go out there and kick their fucking teeth out. That’s just what the fuck we do! Bobby, give these pretentious but at the same time ignorant, mother fucking hoes, a piece of your goddamn mind!


Thunder Knuckles gives the floor, once again to Bobby Bourbon. However, this time, Thunder Knuckles is asking Bourbon to eat the current tag team champions. Bobby Bourbon, who has been standing there patiently, yet ominously, to get something off his burly chest.


I do. I do have something to get off my chest.

And I'ma do it next promo.