The show begins in Captian Jean-Luc Picard's personal quarters.


"Well what do you think, will it do for the Ambassadors party?"


Jean-Luc Picard said while doing a little twirl, speaking to Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon, his co-first officers.


"I fucking think it's you, Captain, it brings out your eyes, for fucking sure."


Thunder Knuckles could barely contain himself at the sight of his Captain dressed in, of all things, feathers!


"Alright Commander Knuckles, less of the laughs."


The Captain counseled.


"Report!"


Thunder Knuckles quickly responds to the captain's order.


"Well Sir, the only goddamn outstanding problem today is the material replicators they are still offline, but La Forge fucking assures me that they will be ready by end of watch."


"Good. So repairs will be complete by the time I get back?"


Picard asks. Unable to resist it any longer Bobby Bourbon says,


"Excuse me, Sir, but will you be beaming down or going to take matters into your own hands?"


Gesturing to the wings, before Jean-Luc could reply, they were out of the Captain's cabin door and straight into the path of the dark-eyed beauty that is Counselor Troi.


"Hi, guys!"


She says in that sing-song voice of hers.


"Has the Captain changed into his costume for the party yet?"

"Oh, he's fucking changed alright."


Thunder Knuckles guffawed, subconsciously thanking Jesus that the door they just exited was soundproof.


"Now, now Commander Knuckles,"


Troi cautioned.


"You know very well yourself what it's like at these first contact functions."


Troi says recalling her past experiences.


"And when I first arrived on Betazed I attended a wedding wearing nothing but a smile...remember?"

"If you are accompanying the Captain to the surface where's your goddamn costume?"


Thunder Knuckles enquired with that shit-eating grin of his.


"Commander Knuckles! I'm shocked that you would say such a thing!"


She begins portraying resentment but laughing all the while with her eyes.


"For your information Commander, females do not have to dress for these occasions."


Bobby Bourbon finally begins to speak and was about to come back with a witty retort. When the familiar chirrup of his Comm badge interrupted him.


"Picard to Commanders Knuckles and Bourbon "


At the same time, they both respond.


"Here sir."


"Come to my Cabin please"


They both begin to speak again but Thunder Knuckles notices it and lets Bobby who's speaking roles in this episode have been minimum.


"We're both right outside now, sir."

"Excellent, ahem, anyone with you?"


What an odd thing to say Bobby thought but pressed on.


"Counselor Troi is with us, sir"


Bobby answered.


"Well, just don't stand there both of you, come in!"

"Aye AyeSir"


They begin to enter the Captain's cabin.


"Ah, yes good, come in all of you."


Turning to Thunder Knuckles, the captain said, looking a little uncomfortable. If that was at all possible.


"We have a small dilemma."


The Captain says matter of factly.


"And what would that be Captain?"


Bobby said, still not having any idea what was going on.


"Damn and blast it Bobby! Can't you see?"


Bobby becoming more confused by the second, enquired.


"See what, Sir?"

"Oh, sorry, I'll turn around."


With that, both Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon could see what the problem was alright. You could say they had got to the bottom of it, but neither would dare say so out loud. The Captain explained that while practicing the official greeting, he had slipped and caught the costume on the Mayan idol that was on his table, fortunately, the idol was fine but the costume was not so lucky.


"Any suggestions gentlemen?"


The Captain asked earnestly. It took all his years of Starfleet experience for Bobby Bourbon to keep a straight face.


"Well Sir, it will be at least four fucking hours until the material replicators are back online, and you do have to be planetside within the hour."


Thunder Knuckles said with the best poker face he has ever mustered.


"Thank you, Commander, now any Practical suggestions?"


Picard turns to Thunder Knuckles.


"Commander Knuckles, any thoughts?"


"Well Sir, it's pretty fucking funny you should mention it, but I was in a session with Lt. Commander Data this morning and we talked about what sort of hobbies he had outside of work, and believe it or not, he has an old Earth sewing machine, circa the late twentieth century, I'm sure if we ask him."


Thunder Knuckles pauses and looks into the camera and winks.


"He will repair your costume."

"Excellent Commander, contact him at once if, but discreetly."


As he turned to leave Thunder Knuckles says to the Captain.


"abso-fucking-lutely, Sir, but don't you think you should change first?"


"Yes, yes of course."


He said, turning to Bobby.


"Commander, contact Mr. La Forge, I'm sure we will need some sort of alternate power source... Electricity I believe."

"Right away, Sir."


Turning away from the Captain so, as he wouldn't see Thunder Knuckles's ever-widening grin, tapping his Comm badge.


"Knuckles to La Forge."

"La Forge here, what can I do for you, Commander."

"Report to the Captain's Cabin will you Geordie and bring your box of goddamn tricks, you're going to need them."

"Right away Sir, any idea what it is all about?"

"You'll see when you fucking get here, Knuckles out."


Turning around, Thunder Knuckles saw that the Captain had changed into some coveralls.


"All organized Commander?"


The Captain asked.


"Yes Sir, Counselor Troi is contacting Lt. Commander Data as we speak, you still have fifty-three minutes, Sir."


Bobby informs him.


That's just it Bobby, I only have twenty-three minutes. I have to be Planetside thirty minutes before the ceremony for yet another briefing."


Explained Picard.


"Understood Sir."


With that, Councillor Troi came bustling followed closely behind by Lt. Commander Data, who seemed to be struggling with some cumbersome piece of machinery. Ever the Gentleman Bobby offered to help.


"May I?"

"Thank you, Sir, that would be a help."


Data nods to the table behind Thunder Knuckles.


"Over on the table, please Sir."


He said. Lt. Commander Data turned to his Captain and inquired.


"If you don't mind, Sir, may I see the offending article?"

"Yes of course Data, be my guest."


The Captain handed over the said item of clothing and asked.


"How long will this take Data?"


Data inspecting the garment and finding the offending tear said.


"Well, Sir, you were lucky, it looks like it tore at the seam, shouldn't take any longer than five minutes."

"Excellent Data, carry on."


The Captain enthused. Just at that moment, La Forge entered the room.


"Captain you asked for me?"

"Yes, Mr. La Forge, can you get this machine running so that Lt. Commander Data here can repair my costume?"

[color=#FFD700]"How long have I have, Sir?"

"You have ten minutes. MAKE IT SEW, Mr. La Forge, MAKE IT SEW!


The chirp of Picard's Comm badge goes off.


"Bridge to Captain."

"Go ahead Bridge."

"We have a decloaked Klingon B-10 battleship incoming. It doesn't seem to have any life forms aboard."


The Captain looks over at his first officers, first at Thunder Knuckles.


"Commander Knuckles,"


Picard looks over at Bobby Bourbon.


"Commander Bourbon, This first contact mission has to be my priority. The both of you need to get to the Bridge and take care of this Klingon battleship nonsense. Put together a boarding party."


Commander Knuckles and Commander Bourbon look at each other and nod.


"We'll go."


Bobby Bourbon says to the Captain and the two walk out of the captain's room again. They both grab two redshirts apiece on their way to the teleporter room.


"Get us on the Klingon B-10 battleship"

"Yes, sir!"


Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon high-five as soon as they do they are transported with the four redshirts onto the Klingon battleship.


"Alright, mother fuckers. Set phaser to fu-"


Bobby Bourbon cuts Thunder Knuckles off knowing that he's going to say, "fuck them up."


Stun. Set phasers to stun.


The red shirts do as Commander Bourbon says as Thunder Knuckles smirks and says.


"That's what I was going to say."

"Uh-huh."

The landing party begins looking around the seemingly empty vessel. They find their way to the Klingon bridge.

"Well, fuck me."

"I know, Commander Knuckles, we haven't seen a soul."


As soon as Bobby says that they hear rattling shoot thru the ways quickly.


"The fuck was that?"


Thunder Knuckles says bewildered as to what he just heard.


"It was probably nothing."


Bobby says to reassure Thunder Knuckles.


"Commander Bourbon to Enterprise."


The chirp of the Comm badge is heard again.


"We haven't found any life aboard the Klingon battleship."

Commander Bourbon this is the Bridge, where was the ship heading?

"Can you tell where the battleship is heading?"


Bobby walks over to the navigational panel. Puzzled he looks at the redshirts.


"Any of you guys know how to read Klingon?"


One of the red shirts raises their hand.


"Good! I'm glad I picked you!"


Bobby says with a grin.


"I need to know where this battleship was headed to."


The redshirt walks over and toys with the navigational equipment.


"It seems to be head to G-435."

"Where the fuck is that?"

"The Klingons label things differently than we do Thunder Knuckles. If my Starfleet training serves me correct, I believe that is what we call Achilles 2.4."


Thunder Knuckles still looks lost. Probably because he didn't pay attention at the Starfleet Academy and cruised along because, Lt. Commander Data, did all his work.


"Enterprise this is Commander Bourbon it seems to be traveling to Achilles 2.4 with no life forms aboard."


Before the bridge could get back ahold of Commander Bourbon the wall begins to melt to reveal...





































Holy mother fucking shit! It's a fucking XENOMORPH!

Set phasers-

TO FUCK THEM UP!

EXACTLY!


The xenomorph enters the room hot and heavy and rips apart one of the redshirts with its right hand, another with its extended tongue mouth, the third was stabbed in the heart with the xenomorph's tail. In a panic, the redshirt standing next to the navigational equipment accidentally sends the Klingon battleship into warp-drive straight for Achilles 2.4, better known as Xenomorph Prime.

**PREACH**

Thunder Knuckles is seen on the set of Star Trek: the bastard generation. He's walking when he noticed the XWF camera crew. He rolls his eyes knowing why they're here.


First off, Smoking Bob is a fat fuck! I come back to fucking shit show that is Warfare, and look at what he does, books me and Bobby Bourbon against who? Salt and Pepper? What the fuck have they done except losing the one time they've ever been seen on XWF programming? What you don't think Jimmy wouldn't inform Ol' Thunder Knuckles that they lost to fucking Chris Page and that fucking walnut-brained fucking idiot? Couldn't book us against Mastermind and Fucking Morbid Angel? The fucking pretenders? That's what I fucking call them. Fucking MasterMind shows up out of fucking nowhere and is like "I'm a big dumbass and I got a partner. We should get a shot at the tag straps."


Thunder Knuckles puts his palm over his face.


[b][color=#FF0000]No, mother fucker, I say you earn it. How about the next fucking Warfare you two fucking losers step into the ring with Them No Good Bastards and whoever wins. Faces fucking Cuntinuum, or however the fuck you say it, at March Madness. Until then get the fuck out of here.


Thunder Knuckles brushes away the cameraman with his right hand, then turns to walk away, but he knows the camera is still rolling.

[b][color=#FF0000]
No, seriously, get the fuck out of here. I've done my fucking job, not like our goddamned opponents.


With his back still turned you can all but make out that Thunder Knuckles is giving his one-of-a-kind, often imitated but never perfected, jerking off motion.


Fuck off, Cameraman! Oh yeah, and Todd, give the fans something to look at, will ya!