T.H.U.G.S. getting of their contractually-obligated pity wins:
Liza "National Treasure" Minelli getting jumped by the giant dude who looks great in a suit, the almost-equally national treasure that is T.K., and the champ who only gets over by leaching off other people's heat, ideas, concepts, catchphrases, moves, and reality:
Oswald somehow surviving the onslaught of Mini Morbid...:
...but then seeing him get his face smashed in by Liza!:
Ned Kaye being so boring that even the lighting crew fell asleep while on the job:
Herself barely able to scrape by her most harrowing and grave challenge EVER to become Smelly Ruby's #1 Contender:
Miss Fury and Atara's sister (she thinks? Honestly, she's really not sure) breaking literally every rule in order to sneak a win over her Beloved:
THIS WEEK ON KEEPING UP WITH THE #COOLKIDS
“...listen...um...this isn’t exactly the most exciting time to be filming?”
Sarah Grey-Lacklan, her bright white hair out of it’s braid and falling down her shoulders, sits upon a dark couch. Next to her, Kenzi-Grey Lacklan lays down, her head on the armrest with micro-braids out and spilling to the floor in a wave, with her heels crossed and resting upon Sarah’s legs. Around them, cameras move in and out, jockeying for the best angle or position, while a woman quietly barks orders. From the couch, Sarah holds up a small tablet.
“Sers legit, I’m just going to be catching up on emails.”
From the other side of the couch, Kenzi holds up her phone, the back of which features the infamous Billion $$$ Smile of Sarah on the case.
“Star Trek: Fleet Command.”
“...gonna try to take me with your dumb Arkady/Carol/M’Benga team again…?”
“...you can’t handle my Realta game, bitch…”
Sarah rolls her eyes as she looks away from her mate and to the order-barking director.
“Yeah...pretty boring stuff today.”
Sarah sighs as the director continues to have her team film them for the #CoolKids reality show and turns back to her emails.
From: Ruby DeBuchy <bananalimeblur@canadastillusesaol.com> Date: February 12th 2021 12:01 AM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: Anarchy 2/25/21 promotional material
Here ya go, Lacker Jack!
Sarah growls as she looks at the time stamp. Not only was her friend Smelly Ruby the first person to turn her material in first...just like last week...she had also been perfectly conforming to the Rules of Anarchy.
The bitch.
From: Angelica Mary Vaughn <NumberOneCatLady@kids.cool> Date: February 12th 2021 3:54 PM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pussy Parade!!!
Sis! Check out these totes adorbz (tadorbs? 🤔) kitty pics from this week’s mag! 😹😼🐱🐈🪝🙀😿😺😻😽😾🐈⬛😸
Sarah sighs at the language used by her sister. She really was going to have to talk to her about the unintended consequences of subscribing to a felinology magazine with such a tongue-in-cheek name, even if she didn’t realize it.. After all, it wouldn't be the first time someone like Centurian misunderstood them talking about “pussy pics” in their DMs!
From: Aveline Lacklan (Merovignian) <le_champion_du_chaos@email.lacklan> Date: February 14th 2021 8:49 PM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: Réunion de famille
….et ai-je mentionné qu'il était médecin?
Sarah sighs even harder this time as she slightly adjusts the laptop on Kenzi’s legs in order to fully shield the screen. She loved her stepmother...really, she did...and her stepmother DID love Kenzi...in her own bigoted way...but that didn’t seem to stop her from “innocently” mentioning a variety of “good, strong Lacklanland men.”
From: Vinnefred Jennifer Lane <iwannaraab@xwf.com> Date: February 16th 2021 7:43 PM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: C’mon dude
Big Sky Bullet?
Sarah giggles. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to “wrestle” the simpletons forever...she would need to actually get in the ring for real again...but she was happy to delay for now. She hoped she would be ready when the time came.
From: Ashley Allen <DoubleA_with_the_DoubleDs@hotgoths.fuckyeah> Date: February 18th 2021 3:17 PM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: Graduation Party!
A quick click of a link sent the date of Ash’s graduation party to her calendar. Despite Kenzi’s teasing about having spent 20 years in college, or whatever number she was making up that time, Ash had survived and finished school. Now she REALLY couldn’t afford to keep her as an assistant!
From: Attention Whore <poopisfunnylol@weretherealxwflol> Date: February 19th 2021 3:45 AM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: PLEASE LOVE ME
Sarah rolls her eyes as she deletes unread. Again.
From: YouTube <no-reply@youtube.com> Date: February 19th 2021 9:17 AM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject: BOBTube: “Sit down Interview With Miss Fury!”
YouTube sends email summaries like these so you can keep up with your channel subscriptions. If you no longer want to receive these updates, you may edit your preferences here or unsubscribe.
Eyeroll number sixteen for Sarah today as she adds the video to her “To Watch Later” list. Both professionally and personally, she was going to have to deal with Miss Fury before too long.
From: Mail Delivery Subsystem <mailer-daemon@googlemail.com> Date: February 20th 2021 12:49 PM To: Sarah Selena Grey-Lacklan <porcelain_princess@kids.cool> Subject:
Address not found
Your message wasn't delivered to dolly_waters@email.lacklan because the address couldn't be found, or is unable to receive mail.
LEARN MORE
Sarah’s mouth turns down as she looks at this email. She had sent several messages to her wayward protege, even contacted her present employer...or whatever Corey Smith was to her...but to no avail. Her hails had found naught but silence, if not outright reje-
“Resistance is futile.”
Sarah’s eyes turn to the notification on her tablet...and then they open wide in shock.
“Shit! Someone attacked my base! All of my turrets are wiped out...let me see who it…”
Sarah’s eyes narrow into slits and turn down and to her right.
“YOU”
Kenzi laughs and kicks her heels on Sarah’s thighs at the angry growl in Sarah’s voice.
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