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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Snow Job 2021 RP Board
The Middle
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Marf Offline
THE Marf



XWF FanBase:
Very random

(heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)


#1
01-28-2021, 09:14 AM

It was not long after arriving at Lycana’s that Marf was putting on his special robe. It was red but not just because that was Marf’s favorite color. Red was also for Satan, obviously. Everyone associated the color red with good ole Beelzebub. Lycana had a pretty sweet ocean blue robe even though Baphomet had insisted they all stick to black robes like him. But Marf could not resist getting a blood red robe instead for their special Satanic Ritual Sundays. And this particular Sunday they had promised to finally introduce Marf to the Devil himself.

Marf was ecstatic but continued to frown and look grumpy so nobody would catch him having positive feelings. Whatever the fuck those were. He followed all of his Left Hand satanist friends into the woods, under the full moon because why wouldn’t it be a full moon. They made it into the middle of the conveniently short forest and Baphomet tipped over a large oak tree to reveal a super secret staircase. Geri Vayden entered first, doing a trippy voodoo type dance on her way down. Tula went to go but then said something about having a blood fart or being a wet queef or some such nonsense and disappeared with absolutely nobody giving a shit.

Lycana slowly entered the weird forest stairs and headed down with Geri while Ash Quinn said something about just wanting an excuse to wear black nail polish and vanished back to whatever undercard she came from. Andrew Logan entered the staircase and Baphomet motioned for Marf to head down next. He follows them all down what seems to be a never ending staircase for at least forty minutes before making it to the end. A dark hallway leads them to a massive door with large, red letter S on the front of it. Baphomet walks up to the door and does a very special knock. This takes an additional twenty minutes before the special knock is complete. There is a loud click like an old lock being turned and the door slowly opens.

As they enter the room inside the door Marf notices there are a shitload of candles in this room and no windows. This would be his worst nightmare if he were a firefighter but luckily he’s just a budding satanist instead. Everyone sits on the floor in the middle of the room. Suddenly a ring of fire appears a few feet in front of the group on the floor. Slowly but surely Satan begins to rise from inside this ring of fire. Marf begins thinking this looks suspiciously stolen from Gangrel’s entrance but keeps his mouth shut about it. Clearly the Devil knows his thoughts because Marf hears an unfamiliar voice in his head saying that Gangrel stole it from him.

The Devil stands about ten feet tall, luckily this hidden forest chamber has high ceilings. To Marf he doesn’t really resemble anything crazy like animals and mythical beasts molded together. If anything he looks like a super tall version of the guy that made Marf’s sub the other day. And with a better trimmed goatee. Come to think of it, that sandwich was kind of dry that day...

Satan: Welcome my children! ‘Tis Sunday already how wonderful. I see a new face amongst us, welcome Marf. Welcome to the future of damnation!

Marf puts his hands together and does a namaste out of confusion while the Devil glares at him. Marf shakes his head and apologizes while Baphomet and Andrew Logan chuckle to themselves. The Devil claps his hands and flames burst out onto all the walls. Everyone stops their hijinx and sit up straight to hear what the Devil is about to throw down.

Satan: Silence! Oh, good you’re already shutting up okay let’s get started my little worshippers! Now you all know the Left Hand is a clever cover for me. Stupid God won’t let me roam freely these days. That’s our lame deal, neither he nor I may roam Earth freely. That’s where all of you come in! I may not to go up there and win myself some sweet ass XWF championships but all of you certainly can! I need each one of you to strive for those belts, that’s all that matters! With my guidance and coaching, I will make you all champions!

Who cares about souls or managing the many layers of Hell or checking up on how things are in purgatory? None of that matters! All that matters is I help you all become shiny champions. Once all of you have won, I win! Pretty simple stuff here guys, I shouldn’t even have to drop any plagues. Am I right Marf? Don’t worry, I already sent XWF one of those emails so you should get a title shot real soon. Vinnie Lane owes me a favor or three...


As this scene continues to somehow make less and less sense by the minute, the group all nod their heads solemnly. The Devil seems satisfied with the message he’s given them and claps his hands once again, causing all the flaming walls to return to normal. Lucifer slowly makes a ring of fire around himself and lowers back into the ground while Marf watches in amazement. Nobody would ever believe him if he told them that he met the Devil but at least he’d always have the experience. Maybe he’d write a book about it after he retired from wrestling, a real tell all. Of course he would give it a cool name with multiple deep meanings, like Ring of Fire or something like that.

The Left Hand begin to rise back to their feet as the Devil is long gone. With their mission given, they head back up the stairs. Lycana mentions to the group she made everyone’s favorite, blood red jello. Baphomet asked which game they should play tonight, cards against humanity or Pictionary. Marf was far more intrigued by the jello, nobody had told him about there being food at this event. And they did this each week? What a time to be alive! As they get to the top of the stairs and exit the tree back into the woods a loud voice booms at them to get their hands in the air. Marf looks around and sees they are completely surrounded by hundreds of armed agents.

Marf looks at the rest of the group and they’re all laughing hysterically. Andrew Logan unholsters the twin pistols Marf only noticed he had on him just now. Baphomet starts tossing throwing stars while Lycana, now brandishing a Viking ax, begins running at the nearest agents and swinging. The forest comes alive as every armed agent opens fire. The bullets that begin ripping and tearing through his flesh feel like bee stings to Marf. He starts laughing about it as he drops to the ground and bleeds to death. He dies but continues to watch the war as his stablemates seem unfazed by the thousands of bullets going through each of them. One of the closer agents comes up to Marf’s body and stomps on his face to crush his skull.


Marf: Fffffffuck!!!

Marf rolls hard to the left, sending himself off the couch and to the floor. Another one of those god damn dreams again, of course. Marf gets off the floor and sits on the couch, looking around. As he remembers he’s actually at Lycana’s place, she comes down the stairs and enters the living room, asking what that noise was and if he was okay. Marf sighs in relief and gets up to explain but Lycana doesn’t really seem to absorb what he says to her. She cocks her head to the side suddenly while staring at him.

Marf: Lycana? Are you okay?

Lycana: My right hand is my left...

Marf: ...Your what?

Lycana reaches her now burnt hand up to her face and begins peeling it off to reveal Alias. Marf stumbles backwards in confusion and falls back onto the couch. Alias is grinning and stepping towards Marf while he’s frozen on the couch at the odd sight. The Alias in Lycana clothing being jumps on top of Marf and starts scream laughing in his face. Marf struggles to shove It off and even reaches up and grabs It by the face but then the Alias face suddenly rips off in Marf’s hands. Marf looks at the face in his hands and then back up at the face of Theo Pryce. The being with Lycana’s clothes, Alias’ burnt hand and now Theo Pryce’s face backs off as Marf gets back to his feet.

Marf: Old man Theo!? What in the unholy fuck is happening!?

Theo/Alias/Lycana: It was all an elaborate scheme you see! And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling satanists!

Marf: What are you talking about? What the fuck!?

As Marf turns around he sees the entire Left Hand behind. They’re all there, Geri, Lycana, Baphomet, Ash, Tula, Andrew and even skinny Cliff. They all laugh and applaud while the police that suddenly showed up just now take old man Theo away. Credits start to roll and apparently we’ve really gone off the rails here. Marf tries shaking the other Left Hand members but they’re all frozen in place now. The last of the credits roll along with a copyright from 1964 and then it all goes black. The Left Hand disappears as Marf begins plunging down into the blackness. He falls for a few moments before shooting up, wide awake in Lycana’s bed.

Marf hops out of the bed and starts checking himself for random wounds of any kind but seems fine. The commotion wakes up Lycana. She sits up in the bed and looks over at Marf with a look of confusion on her own face. Marf is covered in sweat and breathing heavily but finally seems to be figuring out what reality he’s actually in. He sits down on the bed beside Lycana as she lies back and Marf shakes his head while she reaches a hand over and softly rubs his back.


Lycana: What’s the matter, are you okay?

Marf: Yeah...I just...what a mindfuck, I just had the wildest dream or group of dreams or something...

Lycana leans up on her elbow, a crease furrowing her brow as she stares at Marf with concern.

Lycana: You’ve been having more than usual lately.

Marf: I know...this time we were practicing Satanism and met the actual Devil...

Lycana: You mean like everyone else accuses us of?

Her eyebrows arch upwards slightly, the corner of her mouth quirking up ever so gently.

Lycana: ...Did we have fun at least?

Marf closes his eyes for a moment, picturing the forest shootout and chuckles briefly before opening his eyes and looking over to her.

Marf: We did up until what I believe was an army of FBI agents gunned us down. Well...gunned me down. The rest of you were invincible.

The eyebrows go up even more now followed by a light chuckle.

Lycana: I’m not surprised that it wasn’t the CIA given the outstanding representative that has come to the XWF.

She gently rests her hand on his bicep.

Lycana: So what else happened?

Marf: Well after the feds basically killed me I thought I woke up on your couch. But then you kept changing into other people and that was just fucked...whatever, it’s all nonsense and over with now, at least.

Lycana: Dreams always mean something Marf, you just have to figure out what.

Lycana folds her arms behind her head and leans back on the pillows, looking over at him.

Lycana: Given everything going on, I’d imagine that plays a part in it.

Marf: Yeah you’re probably right...I guess it means we’ve been called a cult one too many damn times.

Lycana: Don’t forget how we drink the koolaid. And are machines who are mindlessly led about with no idea where we are going.

Lycana smirks while Marf actually produces a genuine, albeit brief, smile.

Lycana: They are fools. They don’t have the vaguest understanding of what the Left Hand is about...so they poke at whatever their feeble minds can concoct from the outside, missing the bigger picture. In doing so, they underestimate us. We can easily take advantage of that.

Marf: It has been our advantage before and appears like it will continue to be. Snow Job is simply the beginning for us. Obviously not enough people saw what we did to Alias, but at Snow Job there will be many fragile eyes watching while we do what we do best. Maul everyone. It’s not about the wins or losses, it’s about the battering of anyone choosing to step into that ring with us.

Lycana rolls onto her side to face him, her smirk growing into a smile.

Lycana: We have four play things to choose from. Along with a whole bunch of toys in the form of tables, ladders and chairs. The carnage is going to be like none have ever seen before. It’s a shame though, that it can’t be an Xtreme match like we had, I would dearly love to introduce Corey to my chains.

Marf gets back under the covers and lies down again beside her. His drooping eyes already showing he’s fading back to the land of unconsciousness again.

Marf: That’s fine, we can introduce him to a much closer relationship with those steel chairs, with those ladders and especially with those tables. Hilarious that he thinks he kicked your ass before, must be nice to misremember...

Lycana: Let him think that...it brings him comfort. He will be able to recall again soon.

Just as Marf’s eyelids make one last attempt at staying open his eyes begin to roll back just before he closes them...

... remember...

... Remember...

... Remember...discontent...

...I remember being in the back that night, watching Lycana and Ash team up against Edgar and Smith. I remember feeling the discontent growing inside of me. It should have been me teaming with Lycana, we had the stronger bond. Ash just wanted to burn shit and obsess over Jenny Myst. The longer the match went on, the more it showed how disinterested she was. Lycana deserved a much better partner, one that actually had her back. I remember telling the rest of the Left Hand that going forward I would be teaming with Lycana. By the end of the match, they all agreed.

Of course Ash took the loss and I felt nothing but anger for witnessing her being the weakest link. For letting Lycana down and for letting the Left Hand down. Every single one of us had taken the time to train with Ash. To help her grow and expand far past the lame ‘best ass in the XWF’ moniker. Realistically she didn’t even have the best ass in the Left Hand. I remember we all believed that we would push Ash to new heights. To finally be taken seriously but also to finally take herself seriously too.

I remember when Lycana and Ash got to the back with the rest of us. It only took one look into Lycana’s eyes to know how she felt. I wanted nothing more than to cave Ash’s face in, especially when she immediately started talking about how bad she wanted to get Jenny Myst. Once again displaying her head was not in the match she just lost. Showing off her one track mind that we had all worked so hard to correct. I wanted to hate her but she was still part of the family. The annoying little brat sister, the youngest sibling of the supposed family. She was the baby sister we all had to make sure didn’t hurt herself when she got in over her head. The tiny sibling we all had to convince was actually on the same level as us. Constantly hyping up, consistently having to talk off the ledge, little baby sis Ash.

I remember not long after that night Ash would once again turn her back. But this time on the entire Left Hand and for good. Tula would actually do the same shortly after but nobody really cared since she was in the Left Hand for about four days. I remember how much we all seethed in anger as soon as Ash began to run her mouth. Trying desperately to slide into favor with the very people she ranted and cried about day in and day out. Hurling insults and false information about us all, clearly not understanding that we were still here. That we were still listening. I remember trying to stay calm and bide my time until the day came where I could rip out her throat...

...Remember...stay calm...

...Remember...

...remember...


Marf jolts awake again, sitting up straight in the bed. He looks over but Lycana is not beside him this time. He gets up in a panic for a moment but then can hear the shower running and sits back down at the end of the bed. Marf looks around and sees the sunlight trying to leak through the blinds, it was already morning. He sighs in a bit of relief and rubs his hands on his face for a moment in an effort to fully wake up. Marf begins to talk to himself because why not?

Marf: Memories can be dangerous, but they sure can be fun too. Especially when we alter them to fit our narratives and long winded babbling, am I right Corey? Jesus Christ did you seriously spout off that you and Edgar took Lycana to the woodshed? And that Alias and Jenny also took Lycana as well as myself to the woodshed? First of all, I watched you and Edgar take on Ash and Lycana with my eyes glued to the monitor. There’s a bit of a difference between winning a match and taking someone to the woodshed. Calm the fuck down, you pinned Ash Quinn, give yourself a pat on the back. I did that once too, should we form a club? On second thought, no thanks, you’re either highly ignorant or just flat out dumb and I don’t care to figure out which.

You’re honestly going to claim we got our asses kicked by Alias and Jenny Myst? That they too took us to this magical woodshed as well? That’s an awfully strange way to look at it. We may have lost the match but if you actually watched Warfare instead of skimming results online in between browsing whatever twink porn websites you’re vibing you would have seen Lycana and myself standing tall. You would have seen Jenny Myst running away yet again. You would have seen Alias get taken to our woodshed which was followed with him visiting the hospital for a few days. You would have seen the Dissentients walking out on their fucking own, not running scared and not stretchered out. Maybe the not so good doctor has fucked with your head just a little too much Corey.


Marf just smiles and shrugs. It’s a sensible suggestion.

Marf: Speaking of the Doc, nice to see you did indeed come out to play. Even if you’re starting out with an equal amount of bullshit to your partner. I get you’re having your own fun fucking around in Corey’s head and you’re focused on tricking him into rising to whatever occasion you think this is. But come on, do you really think I’m going to turn around and back out of this match just because you claim you can hurt my partner and I more than any other person or match has before? I don’t see that as a threat, I see that as an invitation more than ever to show up! Why exactly don’t we stand a chance in this? Just because you said so? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard that before?

C’mon Doc, I expect better from you. The only fodder I’m seeing here is the generic bullshit spewing forth from your mouth. You’re better than that!


Marf let’s an annoyed sigh escape his lips before continuing.

Marf: I will give you some credit though, Doc. You are right about one thing. Well, partially right but I’m feeling generous. Both Lycana and myself absolutely see this as a chance of a lifetime. Just not the same way you’re looking at it. This is an opportunity for us to turn that ring into a complete war zone. A chance to shave years off the lives of four loud mouthed blowhards. A wonderful opportunity to rip those shiny tag titles from your grasp, not because we actually want them though. Because it’s just such a delight to take precious things from others. But most of all, a chance to send you back to your pretty little lion Thad to explain how you lost his tag title to so-called fodder.

Marf rolls his eyes for a moment before shaking his head slowly from side to side. A bit of a sarcastic laugh creeping out for a second.

Marf: Ooooo weeeee, looks like big Bobby Bourbon is back! And the crowd goes mild. Sorry if I fucked up your name the first go round. Oh wait, no I’m not I actually don’t give a fuck. And if you look at the card closely, neither did the bookers. It’s okay though, people here make a career here out of fucking up my name. Hell I’m surprised you didn’t take the Marf rhymes with barf route...oh wait, your dipshit of a partner already did that for ya. So am I supposed to be afraid of you because you’re bigger than me? The way I see it, there’s more of you to rip apart, more than happy to do that!

Orrr should I fear you because apparently you like hanging out in Hell and beating up decrepit Hitlers and skinny rapists? Please, you really think you’re the first person I’ve dealt with that’s been to Hell? Whoopty doo, Hellboy in a Luchador mask is going to beat me worse than anyone else before. And he’s going to annoy the shit out of me with final fantasy references while doing it. If you really think all of that is going to intimidate me to the point of running away faster than a chocobo than you may actually be dumber than that little prick Zell was. Why don’t you use some of that supposed firaga and get some flaming tables going? Then we can have some real fun big guy.


Marf slowly leans back until he’s lying back on the bed. It’s kind of weird to think about him playing a video game. He most likely went through a lot of controllers...

Marf: And then there’s Thunder Knuckles. Your partner says we put people to sleep but holy shit if your little history lesson isn’t the top cure for insomnia I don’t know what is. I don’t care what fucking year you started, 2019, 1987, 2145, it doesn’t matter about the when, you sucked, suck and will always be sucking. And I’m not just referring to what you do with Bobby boy’s dick. Everyone already knew that, pointless to even bring up. Speaking of pointless, I see you brought up the cultist Satan worshipping bullshit. Again. Like everyone else. Again. Do you really think if we were a Satanic cult we’d allow you and your meat sack of a partner wander around in Hell like the pair of dickheads you are?

You’re stupider than these demented dreams I’ve been having. And believe me, there’s been some doozies! I get it though, that’s all you have. Same old boring hot topic jokes, congratulations Redundant Knuckles. Maybe that’s why I believed you’ve been around longer than you have. It’s just the same fuck filled sentences on a running loop. Use up all the fucks you want but make sure you never say twink. God forbid a child is watching and hears that evil word right? It’s totally fine if we talk about blood queefs and swear more than an HBO series but for the love of humanity not twink!!! That just wouldn’t be...what’s the word again, smart? Honestly, just shut the fuck up. I don’t care about your hypocrite rules, your lame history lessons or your stolen insults. All I care about is making sure after Snow Job you won’t be able to say fuck again without a bad lisp. Enjoy those shit stained teeth while you still got ‘em oh defender of twinks.


Marf sighs once more as a sadistic grin spreads over his face. And we fade out as he passes out-cold thinking about history 101 with TK one last time...

2x Xtreme Champion
2x Television Champion
2x Freestyle Champion
5x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Member of Charlie’s Carnies
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[-] The following 4 users Like Marf's post:
ALIAS (01-28-2021), Corey Smith (01-28-2021), Doctor Louis D'Ville (01-28-2021), Lycana (01-28-2021)




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