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Boris · (01-13-2021)

"Z ktorej krajiny bloku ste?"

Boris has hit jackpot blin!

After all this time, Boris could not find another Gopnik in entire States of United America. Boris felt lost and sad. All I ever want is to be with my own people. Is this land truly a Gopnik free land?

Aye, it is not blin, for not only has Boris found friends, but he has found HUNDREDS of them!

On way to Anchor, Boris has decided to stop in City of Okayhonda, named after the state Okayhonda. Is make things very easy blin. More states should do this. "Where do you live blin"? "Oh, Florida City!" Aye, but who is Boris but a world traveler with ideas...and a dream.

Anyway, Boris has stopped in City of Okayhonda, and there, Boris sees giant see of Gopniks! All in tracksuits, all in facemasks! Is beautiful blin! There is couple difference - instead of ushanka, these Gopniks wear red hat, and they also wear bulletproof vest. Cyka, who needs bulletproof vest? Just shoot before you enemy shoot, no problem.

Boris finds nearest Gopnik and asks him in Slovak where he is from. This man turn to look at Boris with angry eyes. He must be Russian. Boris did not greet him in Russian. They hate that.

"The fuck you say?"

Man responds in English, but is so broken Boris can barely understand. He sound like racecar engine. Boris has heard similar when he was in South of States of United America. Perhaps this man is a Gopnik who lived in South.

"STOP THE STEAL! STAND UP FOR YOUR PRESIDENT!"

Man behind Boris decides to yell, hurting the inside of ear. This no reason to shout, blyat! We are all close, like train station in Moscow. No need to raise voice.

Boris goes to find more Gopniks, but the crowd starts pushing blin. Many of the Gopniks around Boris begin to shout as they push closer and closer to some building. This must be where bar is. If they are serving goulash, then Boris wants to be first inside blin!

As Boris start push toward door, I think of next Anchor, which is this week sometime. Maybe tomorrow? Who knows. But Boris has big match. Match is with Ted Key, the current Heart Champion. Do you know what this means, comrades? If Boris were to win, HE would become Heart Champion! At least, that is what Boris thinks. Maybe he just get shot at belt. I do not know.

Is no big deal, because when Boris wins, it will be talk of entire Federation of Xtreme Wrestlers! "Wow, did you see the Boris! He beat Ted Key! And he look so strong and handsome! Isn't Slovakia great?" And all the ladies will be booking flights to Slovakia, and Boris will be greeted as Slav hero once again. Is just another day in life of the Slav Superstar.

Poor Ted Key. He does not know what he is facing when he fight against Boris. When was last time Ted was in ring with Slav? Has he ever? If Ted never fought Slav before, he is in for long night blin. This is not like fighting other wrestlers. Is like fighting tank - strong, Soviet tank, run on mayonez and vodka! Ted Key may beat many good wrestler, but he never beat great one. Not great one like Boris, anyway! Maybe Boris should have invited Ted to come to this gathering of Gopniks, so he can see what he faces.

The Gopniks are all angry, which is typical for us. They all scream at doors in front of us, yelling "TRUMP! TRUMP!" Do not know what American president has to do with lunch time. Maybe he is joining us? That would be fun! Boris has not met American president since that meeting in White House with Jimmy Carter.

As crowd reaches doors, the doors open, and standing behind are many police. They have tear gas canisters around their waists and AR-15s in they hand. Boris has held plenty of both to know what they are. This is typical Gopnik lunchtime procedure. Must always prepare for crowd of Slavs. Next thing you know, Uncle Igor is stealing the casserole and feeding ham to the cat. And you can not calm down Uncle Igor, not after he have bottle and half of vodka before lunch. Only way to keep him down is rubber bullet. Or flash bang, if one is around.

"ALRIGHT! CLEAR THEM OUT!"

The police grab tear gas and begin throwing them into crowd. This is when it dawn on Boris - this is no gathering of Gopniks. This is protest. And crowd is pushing toward place of government. And worst of all, there is no goulash inside! This has become bad day for Boris.

And day get even worse as Boris takes a shot in the shoulder with rubber bullet. Is no big deal - Boris has been shot before - but the rest of crowd panic as they run in circles, trying to avoid bullet while rubbing tear gas from eyes. This only make eyes worse - if you rub tear gas, all it does is spread in eyes. This is common stuff blin! Americans need to be in more demonstrations. They may learn thing of two.

As more cops show up, Boris leaves, once again sad that he could not find another Gopnik to be friends with. But this can not be on mind for too long - there is Ted Key to take care of blin. And this is what Boris will do. Stay cheeky breeky!

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