“To learn which questions are unanswerable, and not to answer them: this skill is most needful in times of stress and darkness.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Left Hand of Darkness

BOB Headquarters
Undisclosed Location

The shot opened to Miss Gravy sitting at the foot of a long and expensive mahogany table. The camera panned clockwise to Thunder Knuckles, followed by Bobby Bourbon, and Barney Green. At the head of the table, the camera settled on Oswald Autem for a moment. His cold glare seemed unshakable and all business. Next, we saw Jenny Myst, who was sitting alone on the left. Finally, we settled back on Miss Gravy just as she was ready to speak.

Miss Gravy: “While I agree that this isn’t an ideal situation. I am confident that we can turn this into a positive.”

Barny was quick to offer an idea.

Barney Green: “I say we sit at ringside and refuse to help. I can bring some magazines.”

And TK was quicker to interject.

Thunder Knuckles: “Fuck that noise! I say we go out there and kick all of their asses!”

Fired up, the group shows its support for the idea. Oswald’s eyes lock with Gravy’s. The message is clear. Restore order.

Miss Gravy: “No, we play this straight.”

The excited chatter came to an abrupt halt as all eyes turned to Graves.

Thunder Knuckles: “What the fuck are you talking about? Why would we help the Satan babies!?”

Bobby, who is usually pretty quiet in situations like these, startles the room as his booming voice echos out.

Bobby Bourbon: “I don't like it. Nobody does. But, considering we only get one survivor in all this, once we beat the other guys we crush the members of the Hand and show that BOB stands tall.

And as for the other guys? Shit.

Finn Kuhn is as talented as a plate of three-day old spaghetti; pure garbage.

Griffin McAlister and Evan Blane are some of the biggest wastes of fucking time in the universe. When a man jizzes in his pants while getting a lap dance, that cum stain is more useful for society and at least one person was entertained.

Wylde? The little bug? I would say I'm Orkin, come to end the infestation, but I don't need chemicals to make you go splat and leave you flat. The thing about spider webs, kid, is they're flammable, and I will roast you so hot that whatever you want to rest on will burn.

As for Granger...

...hiya! How are you doing bud!"

Bourbon grins knowing there's a friend on the other side of the ring.

"So, uh, sorry the office put you in this situation."

Miss Gravy: “Bobby brings up a very good point, but that is not the only reason we should play by the rules.”

Miss Gravy and placed her hand on TK’s shoulder as she addressed the room.

Miss Gravy: “The opportunity to study one’s enemy should never be taken for granted. We have been presented with a gift.”

Jenny was quick to interject.

Jenny Myst: “We already know everything about The Left Hand that we need too! They suck!”

Gravy grinned as she made her way around the table to Jenny.

Miss Gravy: “If that is the case, my dear, then why are you sitting here stipped of your glory?”

Barney Green: “She means belt.”

Jeeny’s nostrils flare as she cuts Barn a dirty look.

Jenny Myst: “I KNOW WHAT SHE MEANS FATTY!”

Miss Gravy: “Enough of that.”

Gravy leaned in close, and with her mouth nearly touching Jenny’s ear, she whispered.

Miss Gravy: “There will be no infighting, or there will be no you.”

Miss Gravy stood straight, towering over the seated Jenny she glared down, awaiting a confirmation. Nervously Jenny nodded.

Miss Gravy: “Good!”

She moved around the table, settling to the right of Oswald.

Miss Gravy: “Because the boss has not been happy about how things have been going lately.”

Oswald’s seat flew wildly behind him as he jumped to his feet and slammed his massive knuckles to the table.

Oswald Autem: “You’ve all gone soft! Ever since Micheal Graves made that stupid wish, I’ve watched this group slowly fall apart! I. DID. NOT. invest MY money, or MY invaluable time into a group of losers!”

“Thunder Knuckles! You lost your TV title how long ago!? Why in the fuck are you not beating the shit out of Charlie Nickles at every turn until management is forced to give you a rematch!?”

“Bobby, we recruited the Warfare MVP who had just won the Hart championship! Then you dropped the title and fell off the face of the planet!”

“Jenny! How in the fuck are you going to sit there and act so damn confident when you JUST lost B.O.B. ANOTHER championship!?”

“If Barney Green can dig deep enough to contend for the Universal championship in 2020, then none of you have an excuse for the complete and utter FAILURES that you’ve become!”

“DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?!”

The room got pretty tense after that. You could see it in their faces. TK, Jenny, Robbie, none of them were happy with what they had just heard. Bourbon in particular seemed as if he was about to jump across that table and ring Oswald's neck at any moment, but fortunately, Miss Gravy was here to prevent such things.

She placed her hand on Ozzy's shoulder. Guiding him back to his seat.

Miss Gravy: “Our financial benefactor does not possess the same decorum as I. You have my apologies for that, but none can say his words ring untrue.”

Begrudgingly, the room seemed to settle. Oswald had a point and they knew it.

Miss Gravy: “I do not blame any of you. You have lacked leadership, but thanks to Mr. Autem, that will no longer be the case. We will go into this Warfare, and we will raise our right hand to help out our left, and then after…”

The loud crashing of the giant metal double doors leading into the boardroom caught everyone’s attention as they clangged against the walls. It was Ari Silversteen along with his mailcart! Puzzled, Gravy questioned the interruption.”

Miss Gravy: “Ari? Did you bring that all the way from XWF headquarters?”

Ari was covered in sweat and panting like a racehorse as he struggled to get out the words.

Ari Ailversteen: “It…. Was…. Urgent…!”

He outstretched his hand. In it, a manilla envelope stamped Updated Warfare card.

‘Gravy took the envelope from his hand. Anger filled her eyes as she read the news.



Her time wasted and booted from the Main Event. Oswald would not be pleased, and neither was she.

Miss Gravy: “Everyone out…” She said as she crumpled the paper in his fist.