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**"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane** · (01-03-2021)

LIVE!!!

FROM TIMES SQUARE IN NEW YORK CITY!

Boris
- vs -
Addyson Rae
- vs -
Holy Roman War Horse

Tommy Wish
- vs -
"Notorious" Ned Kaye

D.D.S.
(Charlie Nickles & Jim Jimson)
- vs -
B.O.B.
("Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves & Barney Green)
Baby New Year Match!

It's just a tag match, but everyone is dressed like Baby New Year.

Big Money Oswald
- vs -
Ruby
Ball Dropping Match!

On the roof of One Times Square, these two will face off until one of them is stuck inside the iconic NYE ball and dropped to the ground below!

ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

"The Face of Anarchy" Kenzi Grey
- vs -
Tula Keali'i
Steel Cage Match!

Winner can ONLY be determined by escaping the cage!

Cameras swirl around Times Square - we got drones for Christmas! The Cambots are back, baby!

Sparse crowds of masked revelers are everywhere, and we can even see Anderson Cooper throwing up into a trash can. Finally, the scene settles on “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane inside of a heated tent, watching the show on a monitor a few feet away from the makeshift ring in the middle of the blockaded street.

Vinnie Lane: “FOLKS! It’s the last night of 2020! I’m within spitting distance of Doja Cat, and I am HYPED. I don’t want to waste any time, I have to refresh this YouTube channel every few minutes to see the new Gabe Reno deepfakes, so-”

Vinnie is cut off as the live feed switches to something sinister!

Vinnie Lane: “What the crap... man, the security on this AV team is lacking for sure. Reno's DEFINITELY gonna transpose my head onto an ugly baby or something now!"

Boris
- vs -
Addyson Rae
- vs -
Holy Roman War Horse

Beautiful Dangerous by Fergie featuring Slash starts up as blue and silver pyro pops and Addy walks onto the dark stage. Then the spotlight searching the arena finds her and she poses as lights that look like flashbulbs pop. Smiling she makes her way down the ramp to a decent pop from the fans. She bends between the ropes slowly entering the ring. Stepping to the center she raises her hands as more pyro shoots off.

Verdi requiem dies irae karajan starts playing and out next comes Holy Roman Warhorse to a mostly confused reaction. Roman dances to his music on his way to the ring, twirling along to a amusement to a few fans but mostly confused looks. He does a hop, a skip and then jumps up onto the apron. He waves out to mostly no reaction and then enters the ring where Addy Rae leans on the ropes watching him.

Slav King by DJ Blyatman hits and here comes Boris. He stumbles his way to the ring and people try to cheer him but just can’t lower themselves to that. Boris bumbles up the steps and into the ring. He looks over to Rae and then at Roman while neither of them seem all that interested in Boris. He doesn’t seem fazed and even gives a completely unnecessary thrust at the referee who just looks confused now.

Vinnie Lane: "Well here we go, triple threat action to get us rolling here! Three odd individuals here, should be interesting my dudes!"

The bell rings and Boris starts off by rumbling towards Addy Rae. Roman runs across the ring and drills Boris in the side of the head with a forearm. Boris drops to the mat while Roman taunts him right off the bat. He turns around to Rae and eats a spinning round house to the gut. Boris gets back to his hands and knees but Rae steps onto the back of Boris and hops up then catches Roman with a jump swinging DDT. Rae hooks a leg for the cover.

1!

Boris breaks it up with a double axe handle across the back of Rae. He pulls her up by the hair and then lifts her up for a suplex. He holds her in the air, stalling for a bit while the crowd buzzes at how long the hang time is. Boris shows off by attempting some squats while still holding her up and Roman comes from behind and rolls him up, sending Rae crashing to the mat finally. Roman tries holding Boris’ tights for leverage.

1!

2!!

Kick out by Boris.

Vinnie Lane: "Whoa close call right away!"

Rae gets up by the ropes while Roman is up a bit quicker than Boris. Roman sizes him up and snaps a quick kick that hits Boris in the thigh with a loud slap. Boris growls and lunges, shoving Roman back hard. Roman turns right into Rae who takes him down with a snapmare takedown. She races and bounces off the ropes and comes back and connects with the front drop kick. She goes for the cover.

1!

Boris kicks Rae in the head to break the count. She gets up a little stunned and Boris does the Gangnam Style dance in front of her before going for a terribly timed haymaker. Rae uses the momentum and takes Boris down with an arm drag. She catches Boris with another arm drag. As she gets up Roman comes flying over Boris and levels Rae with a spinning heel kick, taking her to the mat. Roman with the cover.

1!

2!!

Kick out by Rae!

Vinnie Lane: "Dang, Addy showing her toughness there! Great action to open the night!"

Roman gets up and turns right into a clothesline from Boris. He starts stomping on Roman while he’s down. Rae gets back up and as Boris turns around she catches him by surprise with a shoulder jawbreaker out of nowhere. Roman tried to get back up but Rae scoops him up and walks to the middle of the ring while the fans cheer her on. She plants Roman with a slam and hooks the leg.

1!

2!!

Kick out by Roman!

Vinnie Lane: "Whooooaaa, Addy just going off now! The dudes and dudettes here really getting behind Rae!"

Addy gets to her feet but is caught from behind by Boris. He hauls her up and then brings her to the mat with a big belly to back slam. Boris gets back up to his feet and picks Rae back up as well. He hoists her up for a body slam but Roman hits a drop kick that sends Boris falling backwards to the mat. Rae lands right on top with a cover.

1!

Kick out by Boris. Rae gets up at the same time as Boris while Roman runs over and hits a kick to the gut of the big Slav. Roman nods to Rae and they go for the double team suplex. They both hook Boris and slowly start to hoist him up for the suplex. As they get Boris up in the air Rae suddenly let’s go and Boris falls on top of Roman. They both go down awkwardly. Rae pulls Roman up and hits a nice sidewalk slam. She hooks a leg.

1!

2!!

Boris breaks it up with a kick to the back of Rae’s head this time. He pulls her up to her feet and then power bombs her on top of Roman. Boris yells out and celebrates as most of the audience are baffled by his performance. Boris now pulls Roman up and looks to power bomb him on top of Rae this time but Addy rolls out of the way. Boris slams him down and then still goes and pins Roman right in front of Rae.

1!

Rae breaks it up with a front drop kick.

Vinnie Lane: "What the heck Boris? That is one stunned dude!"

Rae is back up while Boris is slower to his feet. She runs and bounces off the ropes and then connects with a running knee lift to Boris. It stuns him but he stays up. Rae again runs and bounces off the ropes but this time Boris swings a big clothesline that nearly takes her head off. She actually spins inside out in the air before dropping to the mat. Boris salutes absolutely nobody before jumping and splashing onto Rae and making a cover.

1!

2!!

Roman dives over and breaks up the cover. Roman gets up and waits for Boris to turn around. Roman goes for a standing drop kick but Boris slaps him down to the mat instead. He then hits an elbow drop across Roman’s back not once, not twice but thrice. As Boris is getting up Rae rushes him only to be caught and dropped with a flattening belly to belly slam. Boris stays on his knees and beats his chest wildly while the crowd cheers, mostly out of confusion.

Vinnie Lane: "Somebody grab the rally caps, Boris is coming back strong now!"

Boris gets back up and turns his attention to Roman, who is struggling to pull himself with the ropes. Boris charges him and Roman pushes off the ropes to catch him with a back elbow. Boris is stopped but he then swings a haymaker that Roman ducks with a drop toe hold. Boris drops forward and gets hung up on the second rope. Roman turns to run the ropes but Rae is right there and hits a snap shuffle side kick to knock Roman flat.

Rae now runs forward, looking to hit a 619 on Boris but he blocks it and then shoves her hard, sending her through the ropes and out to the floor. He turns back to Roman who has gotten back up to his feet. Roman grabs hold of Boris, looking for Hector’s Hand, a mandible claw. Boris is fighting it off as best he can but Roman keeps trying to get it locked. Rae climbs up to the top rope while the two men continue to struggle.

Rae dives off the top with a shooting star press and lands on top of both men, taking all three of them down to the mat. Roman took the worst of it so Rae is up first, trying to roll him over for a pinfall. Suddenly Boris grabs her from behind and slaps on the Cheeki Breeki cross face chicken wing. Boris drags Rae to the mat while Roman is still down. Finally Rae has no choice but to tap out.

Vinnie Lane: "She tapped! Boris wins! Boris pulled it off! What a win!"

Winner via submission - Boris

Boris has his hand held high, probably smiling under his mask.

The scene opens up at the Times Square, where the crowd see the image of Ned Kaye on the big LED Screens. Then it shifts into a deep fake him signing a Mariah Carey's Christmas song, then it slowly shifts to a deep fake of him signing a Billie Eilish song. Then the screen goes dark, and they see the Heartless Symbol all over the screen, with the words “IS NED GOD?” in a golden font.

Then the camera cuts to Tommy walking through the crowd in his gear, where some of them fainted over the site of him and others threw garage at him. Then he is at the ring that is in the middle of the street, he then gets a pair of dirty pantyhose from one of the female fan in the crowd. She blows him a kiss and he blows one back to her, then he slides into the ring with a mic in his hand to speak.

Tommy: TIMES SQUARE HOW YOU FEELIN TONIGHT? ARE YOU ALL READY FOR THE BALL TO DROP TO RING IN THE NEW YEAR!

All of them start to cheer over that question, as Tommy smiles at them.

Tommy: I’m ready to get this year over with also, with all the covid issues, shitty presidents, and the likes of others that has made this year so shitty for us all. I mean, just look at you all, wearing masks and all that shit; I know it’s a rule but im within the exception, how can I wrestle with a mask on my face?

Then all of them start to pulls their mask down, and cheer some more.

Tommy: Hey hey now, keep em on… don’t want to be liable for spreading this shit to anyone else. I know we all lost a lot of people to this thing, so I want to dedicate this night to all those who lost their lives during these troubled times.

Then Tommy paces around the ring with his head down, as the whole crowd also bowed their heads. Then puts his head up again, and speaks.

Tommy: Okay folks, this night is crazy to say the least. If you seen the card, it’s jammed packed with crazy match stips from our boss Vinnie. I won’t go down card, just know it’s all over the place and fucking crazy in this cold ass weather. But I want to give a shout out to Tula on her match tonight, for her to tell me that I am not wanted in the XWF is such a honest statement. I even don’t want to be wanted in this place, but hey… fuck her opinion and fuck her reign if manages to get one over Sarah’s no booty having dyke girl Kenzi tonight.

Then the crowd start chanting “Fuck Tula” out loud and proud as camera cuts to them saying it, then it cuts back to Tommy who also mouths it off.

Tommy: That’s right, fuck her and those who fuck with her, but she isn’t in my cards tonight. I’m taking on a man who shall be the greatest man of all time in XWF, and his name is Ned Kaye he sorta resembles that Gabe Reno guy who couldn’t hack it in this place. But he wasn’t shit, so fuck him. But the reason why I am here talking about Ned, is that he think he’s a god. If he is a god in the ring, why not in the music videos like he’s in? He’s a pussy, and won’t smell that humble pie. Well tonight, I know that you all are going to remember the baby new year DDS and BOB match, and that human ball drop match.

And that’s okay, since I will make Ned Kaye humble in that ring. I might do some of that flippy dippy shit he does, maybe i’ll do a 630 Plancha to him on the outside floor… nah, im gonna beat the living daylight out of him, that he won’t remember that it is even Friday the 1st of the month of the new year. Ned, if you are hearing this, you aren’t shit champ and you gonna feel that Heartless energy that will radiate in your body in this cold weather. I will beat you down until I can’t see those LED lights with how much rage I have built inside, waiting to let loose on you. So Ned, see you in the ring.

Then Tommy’s theme plays off as he leaves the ring, and he goes back out through the crowd who then start throwing garbage at him, and the camera cuts back to the ring.

Tommy Wish
- vs -
"Notorious" Ned Kaye

The entire stadium goes black as the song begins. Slowly, the X-Tron begins to show scarce, glowing embers, the light of each one illuminating smoke growing at the entrance of the ramp. As the song continues, more embers are seen until a large fire is displayed on the screen. The ramp then glows Ned's famous blue, revealing a silhouette in the smoke. Slowly stepping from the fog is none other then Notorious Ned Kaye. He stops for a moment, calming himself in front of the clamoring crowd. He lifts an arm, eyeing the stands to watch the many audience members who follow suit. With a single smile, he drops his arm and rushes towards the ring, slipping in from under the bottom rope, picking himself up immediately.

Vinnie Lane: "Looks like "Notorious" Ned Kaye is ready for battle against Tommy Wish. Beat Bobby Bourbon at High Stakes to win the Hart Title."

Tommy stands in the entrance way, looking around at the crowd. Then he walks down to the ramp, and he fist bumps some of the fans. Then he walks down to the apron, and he rolls into it. Then he gets on his feet, and he leans on the corner as his theme cuts off.

Vinnie Lane: "We are gonna see one hell of a match here. Can Tommy Wish accomplish an upset tonight?"

The referee calls for the bell and we see Kaye go to shake hands with Wish only for Wish to slap it away. They lock up and we see Kaye slowly gain the upper hand and traps Wish in a hammerlock. Wish makes it the ropes and Kaye lets go. Wish starts arguing with the ref.

Vinnie Lane: "A hammerlock? The Notorious One going old school."

Wish turns into a dropkick which sends him down to the mat and he gets back up. They both lock up and this time Wish nails Kaye with an eye poke. Kaye grabs his face as Wish goes in for running discus lariat! Kaye goes down and then we see Wish grab him and goes to lock on the Boston Crab only for Kaye to counter and send Wish flying out the ring. Kaye gets back to his feet and hits Wish with a diving crossbody to the outside. They both land on the floor next to the announce booth and now we see them start brawling back and forth as the referee starts counting.

Vinnie Lane: "Watch out for my popcorn dude! Get back into the ring."

Wish gets the upper hand and slams Kaye's head into the post and then throws him back into the ring. Wish climbs back in and locks up with Kaye and hits him with a belly to belly suplex and then starts taunting the crowd. Wish locks in The Disjointed Arms! Kaye starts fighting out of it and makes it to the ropes. Wish lets go and starts arguing with the referee. Kaye is back to his feet. Notorious Knee to Wish! Kaye goes for the cover.

1!

2!!

Kickout!

Vinnie Lane: "That was a close one. Wish isn't done just yet."

Kaye climbs off of Wish and picks him back up. Sitout Shiranai to Wish! Wish goes back down. Kaye quickly gets to his feet and jumps to the top rope. Wish gets back to his feet and quickly gets the ropes and hits Kaye with a quick punch to the chestnuts! Kaye is dazed!

Vinnie Lane: "Never take your eyes off of Wish."

Wish gets to the top rope. HideYaFace off the top rope to the middle of the ring! Wish quickly goes for the cover.

1!

2!!

Ned Kaye just barely kicks out!

Vinnie Lane: "And Kaye just barely makes it!"

Wish pounds the mat as he gets up and we see Kaye getting up as well. They both lock up and Kaye gets the upper hand and hits Wish with a legsweep. Kaye starts stomping away at Wish while Wish is on the ground and Wish grabs his leg and sends him to the mat.

Vinnie Lane: "Back and forth action!"

Wish gets back to his feet and so does Kaye. Them both just staring each other down.

They lock up,exhausted, and Wish pulls Ned in for a short-arm clothesline… NOTORIOUS KNEE! Ned with the V-Trigger counter, and Wish just got his world rocked.

Ned Kaye wastes no time running to a corner and clambering up top… hurricanrana! Wish is flip-flopped, and Ned holds onto the headscissor… he’s got Wish locked in the Ego Crusher!!!

Tommy taps!

Winner by Submission - “Notorious” Ned Kaye

Vinnie Lane: "Hard fought win for Ned Kaye over a GAME Tommy Wish! This one really could have gone either way!”

D.D.S.
(Charlie Nickles & Jim Jimson)
- vs -
B.O.B.
("Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves & Barney Green)
Baby New Year Match!

It's just a tag match, but everyone is dressed like Baby New Year.

"Like A Prayer" By Madonna starts to play as the fans start cheering. Out walks Barney Green, Dressed in his garbage man uniform and armed with a trash can. He slowly walks down to the ring and high fives a few fans and then places his garbage can in the corner and climbs into the ring. He waits in the corner as the music fades.

The lights go dark as Graves music hits! Micheal Graves walks out on to the stage as the crowd boos the magically sex changed ultraviolent superstar. Micheal walks about halfway down the ramp before taking off in a sprint and sliding into the ring. Graves jumps to her feet and paces the ring waiting for the match to start, looking REALLY comfortable in her custom diaper. And B.O.B. themed bikini top.

Jimson and Graves stare each other down from across the ring. Jim cracks his knuckles as Graves mouths off from the opposite corner. Jim and Graves both take a step forward before they’re tapped on the back by their partners. Charlie and Barney step through the ropes at the same time. Jimson and Graves simply shrug before hopping out of the ring.

Charlie points at Barney before flipping him off and running a finger across his neck. The Daddy of Violence holds his arms out wide as he steps forward and hollers at Charlie to come get some.

Vinnie Lane: "There’s some bad blood between these two! They’ve been itching for this fight for a long time!”

Charlie bullrushes Barney. Green sees this coming and simply steps out of the way, giving Charlie a pat on the back as he runs face first into the turnbuckle! Graves sneaks in a cheap shot before being chided by the referee. Barney punches Charlie in the face, forcing him to fall back into the turnbuckle. Charlie holds on to the top rope on either side of the corner to stabilize himself as Barney unleashes a fury of kicks to Charlie’s midsection. Eventually it’s too much as Charlie drops to his butt in BoB’s corner of the ring.

Jim hollers at the crowd, clapping his hands together rhythmically as he tries to get the audience to cheer Charlie on and fire him up. The crowd ignores Jim as they cheer on the daddy of violence. An empty beer bottle is tossed at Jim from the crowd. Jimson ducks just in time and the glass bottle takes Jim’s hat off before it crashes and shatters against the ringpost in DDS’s corner.

Vinnie Lane: "That’s NOT cool, man!”

Barney continues delivering boots to the face until Charlie falls over onto his side. Barney drags Charlie away from the turnbuckle before covering him for a pin. The referee drops to their belly as they begin to count.

1!

Charlie kicks out, pushing Barney off of him and sending the smaller man flying! Barney lands on his belly a few feet away Charlie. Charlie and Barney both rush to their feets. Both men get vertical at the same time as the audience cheers on the carnage.

Vinnie Lane: "It’s gonna take a whole lot more than that to put the television champion away, dude!”

Barney goes on the attack, charging at Nickles! Charlie counters the aggression by hooking Barney into a scoop powerslam! Charlie sends the smaller man crashing to the mat. Charlie hops off of Barney and the two men scramble right back up to their feet immediately, but within moments Charlie has hooked Barney into yet another scoop powerslam! The two men scitter to their feet once more, this time Barney a step slower than Charlie. That one second advantage is all Charlie needs to lock Barney into yet another scoop powerslam! Charlie pushes off of Barney, who is laying on his back in the middle of the mat.

Charlie starts circling the ring, talking shit to the audience as Jim claps with excitement in the corner. Eventually Charlie gets around to going for the pin, placing his left boot on Barney’s chest. Before the referee can even get to the ground to count, Barney grabs Charlie’s ankle and twists it! Charlie trips to the ground as Barney jumps up to his feet from his back, keeping firm hold of Charlie’s ankle the entire time.

Vinnie Lane: "The Daddy of Violence has that ankle lock in tight! This could be over soon!”

Charlie cries out in pain as Barney twists his ankle to the side. Jim reaches his arm out as he calls for the tag. Charlie starts crawling towards his corner, but he doesn’t get far before Barney drags him back to the center of the ring!

Vinnie Lane: "He’s got him right where he wants him!”

The referee is asking Charlie if he wants to quit, but Charlie just screams in the referees face! Charlie pushes himself up with his hands, almost as if doing a push up, as Barney twists Charlie’s ankle even further! Charlie waits a few moments before he does a summersault, sending Barney flying into the DDS corner! Barney loses his grip on Charlie’s ankle as he goes running towards the turnbuckle. A quick thinker, Barney reaches out with his hands and grabs the top rope on either side of the turnbuckle, stabilizing himself before he runs into the corner.

Jim pokes him in the eye as the referee is still trying to get up to his feet. Barney reflexively brings his hands up to his face, giving Charlie the opportunity to put his arms around Green’s waist and send him flying backwards with a belly to back suplex! Barney’s upper back and neck smack off of the mat. Charlie laughs as he tags Jimson in. Barney rolls into his corner as Graves reaches down for the tag.

Vinnie Lane: "That was a gnarly suplex, dude!”

Jimson and Graves step between the ropes and immediately charge at each other! As the two meet in the center of the ring Graves sends Jimson to the ground with a dropkick! Graves is on top of Jim without a moment’s notice, hitting him with shots to the head! After a half dozen punches to the face Graves locks Jimson in a headlock. Jim starts finding it hard to breath. Graves is locking the hold in tighter and tighter!

Jim Jimson brings his hands behind his head and claws Graves in the eyes, forcing her to let go off the hold and step back a few paces. The referee yells at Jim for scratching the eyes, warning him not to do it again. Jim doesn’t apologize, but instead climbs to his feet and begins arguing with the referee. Jimson makes the case that he is well within his legal rights to scratch people in the eyes when they’re trying to choke him. As the referee tries to explain the rules of the match, Graves runs at Jim and hits him with a bulldog! Jim and Graves go flying through the air before Jim’s head hits the mat with a heavy thud. Graves rolls him over and hooks the leg, going for a pin!

1!

2!!

Jimson kicks out just in the knick of time! His shoulder flies up, but he’s still firmly underneath Graves. Graves starts hitting Jim in the face! After a few repeated shots to the temple Jim is busted open! Blood starts squirting out of Jim’s face and spraying all over the two wrestlers. Their baby new year’s costumes soon are coated in red. Graves pushes Jim’s shoulders back against the mat and goes for the pin.

1!

Charlie hops through the ropes!

2!!

Charlie jumps onto Graves, breaking up the pin! The referee yells at Charlie, telling him that he and Jim are on their second strike and that he needs to get out of the ring immediately! Charlie tells the referee to fuck off before he charges at Barney! Charlie spears the unsuspecting Barney through the ropes! Charlie and Barney go flying to the floor outside of the ring!

Back in the ring, Graves is climbing to their feet. They walk over to Jim and try to pick him up, but Jim headbutts Graves’ knee! Graves drops down to one knee before Jim quickly hits them with a headbutt! Graves falls to the ground as Jim stands tall. Jim delivers a boot to the face of Graves before walking over to the nearest turnbuckle.

Meanwhile outside the ring Charlie and Barney have both worked their way back up to their feet. The two hardcore icons are exchanging right hands, standing firm and eating headshot after headshot.

Back in the ring the bloodied bald man in the scarlet and white baby new year’s outfit has climbed up to the top rope. He jumps off of the top rope and does a 450 splash onto Graves! Jimson hooks the leg as the ref begins to count the pin!

1!

2!!

Graves gets the shoulder up! Back outside the ropes, Charlie has started to gain the upper hand. He continues delivering right hands as Barney stands in front of him. Barney has stopped fighting back, and is struggling to stand. Charlie throws one more right hand before Barney falls to the ground! Charlie grins as he reaches into his baby new year diaper. Jim steps off of Graves and walks over to the ropes, watching Charlie and Barney fight on the outside. Charlie pulls a black sack out of his diaper as Jim calls for Charlie to come back and tag in. Charlie ignores Jim’s call, instead opting to open up the sack and show the camera the thumbtacks he has in the bag! Graves slowly picks themselves up, getting to their feet as the referee continues to check on them.

Graves leaps through the air as only a perfectly genetic female body can - not a single testicle ruining her aerodynamics. Her hand slaps Barney’s just as Barney hops up to the apron..., and The Daddy of Violence adjusts his diaper and then heads into the ring, chagrin into Jimson like a bull in a china shop! Jimson almost loses his Huggies as he’s sent careening backward, and as he lands in his corner he shouts again for Charlie to get over there.

Barney thunders over, but Nickles DOES finally make the tag… and now it’s back to that TV Title bad blood! It’s all sashes and diapers as Charlie and Barney throw hands… and then Nickles slams that bag of tacks right into Green’s face!

Vinnie Lane: "Barney’s eyes are full of thumb tacks! He can’t see a thing, he might suffer permanent damage to his retinas!”

Green screams in pain and falls to the mat. Charlie leaps onto him and makes a cover!

1!

2!!

3!!!

Winners by Pinfall - D.D.S.

Vinnie Lane: "Barney didn’t even attempt to kick out, his concern is his eyesight right now! Get some help out here for the man!”

The camera fades to a test pattern as EMTs rush out to tend to Barney Green.

Big Money Oswald
- vs -
Ruby
Ball Dropping Match!

On the roof of One Times Square, these two will face off until one of them is stuck inside the iconic NYE ball and dropped to the ground below!

Vinnie Lane: “I’ve really been looking forward to this next one… I spared no expense! So please, let’s take it away to the emcee for this on-site match up… the exhumed corpse of Dick Clark!”

The feed shifts, and we see Dick Clark in a frozen grin that will most likely not biodegrade for a million years due to all the plastic surgery and botox.

A crew member walks up to the corpse and presses a button on a tape recorder hanging around its neck.

DEAD BODY OF DICK CLARK: “Welcome to New Year’s ROCKIN’ XWF Eve, everyone! I am definitely the undead voice of Dick Clark and NOT a paid actor that sounds a little bit but really not a whole lot like him!”

Luckily there’s basically no crowd due to COVID restrictions. Mayor Bill De Blasio is circling Times Square in a helicopter with a pair of binoculars, ready to call the NYPD on anyone who gathers in too large of a group, unless they are orthodox jews, which he fears more than anyone.

So yeah, there’s a lot of hasidic folks down there, but that’s about it.

DEAD BODY OF DICK CLARK: “We’re about to drop the ball on another year here atop One Times Square, and we are putting 2020 into the ground in classic XWF fashion… with a Ghost Tank match!”

A large brick facade shatters into dust and Oswald walks through like the Kool-Aid man. He takes a stack of thousand dollar bills and eats them. He walks out with an ornate cane, with images of skulls in gold and silver, as money falls from the rafters. The money having faces of himself. He walks forward with his cane, not even really needing it, simply using it as a prop just to show his "status" to the world. His hair tied into a tight bun laid against the back of his skull. He flips his cane in his hand, holding the base and swinging the topper from left to right as the crowd chants "MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! " The topper of the cane is shown to reveal a platinum skull with horns literally made of onyx attached to the forehead of it. As he walks to the steps he smirks and says to the crowd "[b]"You've got it! SING IT LOUD! SING IT PROUD!" They continue to chant MAY-HEM, B. O. B. He gets to his section of rooftop and then he takes off all of the top portion of his suit, from jacket to dress shirt leaving only his pants, including his tie before placing full attention onto his opponent.

DEAD BODY OF DICK CLARK: “Look at this madman! He’s big! He’s rich! He’s bigger and richer than Big & Rich! And folks, before my death I LOVED ‘Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy!’”

The familiar tune pumps through the air just as a pair of banana lime spotlights point upward, meeting in the night sky where a large glider is flying over. The glider is dragging behind it a long banner which reads… LOOK DOWN!

The cameras then pan to the ground near the base of One Times Square, where a massive banana lime cannon has been wheeled up… and we see Ruby in a helmet giving a double thumbs up in the barrel of the cannon! She tucks herself into the cannon just as someone lights the fuse… and then the barrel is pointed skyward!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

Ruby is shot upward, and she tucks her body into dozens and dozens of somersaults as she flies straight up and over, landing safely on the roof of the Times Square landmark, just feet… or meters… away from the massive NYE ball itself. She then waves a bunch of Canadian Loonies and Toonies around just to have a bit of a laugh at Oswald’s expense.

DEAD BODY OF DICK CLARK: “And here’s the former Anarchy Champion, the Super Dear-O herself, RUBY! What a year this little ball of amazing has had… winning the championship twice, meeting Centurion, and now finishing up her 2020 in the most spectacular way possible… RIGHT NEXT TO THE TIMES SQUARE BALL! … CLICK!”

Looks like that was the end of side one from that audio tape.

The feed goes back to showing Vinnie Lane in the makeshift tent down at ground level with his feet up and eating popcorn, watching the action on a TINY ANARCHOTRON on his desk!

Vinnie Lane: “So cool. Where did we get the cannon? I was busy watching YouTube videos from dudes obsessed with me.”

Back up on the rooftop, referee John Bihl puts his phone away (he was busy exposing M2F catfishers) and calls for the bell! Which is hanging from Dick Clark’s dead back! We forgot to put a timekeeper up there so Bihl walks over and rings it himself.

Ruby stands poised in the center of the roof, holding out a gloved hand for an amicable shake. Big Money has no time for that kind of trifling, though, he’s got to get home in time to watch his favorite Twitch channels.

Oswald runs over Ruby like a freight train!

Oswald then grabs Ruby and starts swinging her body up against the frame of the big ball, like someone trying to get the dust out of a rug. Ruby’s is flailing early, but once Ozzy lets her go, she lands on her feet! That cagey Canadian! Is it a new year for Canada too, or do they have their own calendar like the Chinese?

Whatever.

Anyway, Oswald moves in to grab Ruby again but gets a boot to the chin for his trouble as Ruby runs up his chest and back-flippys off of him. She then summons her Chi and peppers Oswald’s torso with the ancient discipline made famous by E. Honda in the Capcom magnum opus, Street Fighter II, The World Warrior, back in 1991. The Hundred Hand Slap!

The maneuver pays dividends, with Big Money stunned by the blitzkrieg of offense. His skin darkens like Zwarte Piet from all the bruising, which is honestly probably a sign of low iron. You don’t get much nutritional value from eating money, folks. Not even high dollar amounts. Though, there is a rumor that the two dollar bill is vitamin-infused.

Ruby with a spinning wheel kick! And Oswald is staggered up against the ball. An attendant opens the door to inside the structure, but quickly closes it again when Oswald waves Ruby back, then flattens her with a running shoulder tackle that would make Kevin Greene proud. Rest in Peace, Mean Joe.

Not him?

My bad.

Anyway, Mongo was way cooler, but I digress. Ruby is in trouble here, guys. Oswald lifts Ruby over his head, and looks to be heading toward the edge of the rooftop… is he going to chuck her off the building?

Ruby kicks and fights her way free, dropping behind the big frame of Oswald and leaping into a big drop kick from behind that nearly sends Ozzy tumbling over! He grabs onto Dick Clark’s Corpse for support… and Clark goes over the edge!

The feed cuts to Vinnie in his tent, now eating an eclair. Just outside the entrance flap, Dick Clark’s dead meat slaps to the street, flattening like a pancake.

Vinnie Lane: “Oh man, I’m gonna lose my deposit…”

Back on the roof, Ozzy kept himself from going over, but he can’t match Ruby’s quickness. She hits him from all directions with kicks and chops, though most have little effect. One shot, though, lands right on Money’s eardrum, and he howls in agony, grabbing at the side of his head.

With his eardrum obviously damaged, and his equilibrium shaken, Oswald continues to try to fend Ruby off as if he were atop the Empire State Building swatting at biplanes… which is insane, since the Empire State is BLOCKS away, and Ruby’s boyfriend is probably old enough to have flown a biplane.

Oswald stumbles, and Ruby runs across the rim of the roof, circling until she is right in front of Big Money as he staggers in front of the open ball…

TOPE CON HERO!!!!

Ruby takes flight with the huge dive, and Oswald is sent falling into the NYE ball! Ruby closes the door just in time for the final seconds of 202 to be counted away by the crowd below!

10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!

Ruby sees the tape recorder formerly attached to Dead Dick Clark, and she flips the tape over and presses play.

PRERECORDED VOICE FOR THE NOW DOUBLE DEAD DICK: “HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

The attendant pulls a switch, and the ball drops at breakneck speed, crashing into the ground below and shattering into pieces. Big Money is left in a pile of rubble, unconscious.

Vinnie Lane: “YIKES! It was supposed to drop slowly!”

Winner by Big Ball - Ruby

Ambulances arrive as everyone sings Auld Lang Syne.

ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH

"The Face of Anarchy" Kenzi Grey
- vs -
Tula Keali'i
Steel Cage Match!

Winner can ONLY be determined by escaping the cage!

Vinnie Lane: “Here we go ladies and germs… tonight’s big main event! We’re starting 2021 off the only way we can do best… with an Anarchy Championship cage match! Let’s go to Tig O’Bitties for the introductions!”

The camera finds the ring, where the voluptuous Tig O’Bitties stands with a smile and a microphone. As she speaks, the cage starts to lower around her.

Tig: “The following contest is the Main Event of the evening and is a Steel Cage Match for the XWF Anarchy Championship! Introducing first!”

Tig: “From Waikiki, Hawaii… Tula Keali’i!!!”

Tula makes her way to ringside and enters the cage.

Tig: “And her opponent… From West Hollywood, California!! The XWF ANARCHY CHAMPION…. Kenzi Grey!!

“Gimme Your Applause” by Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera begins to play as bulbs flash all through the arena. Kenzi Grey walks out with a confident smile for the fans as an explosion of pyro erupts and she strikes a pose for the cameras. She pauses to adjust the heavy black brace on her right knee, then heads down the aisle slapping the outstretched hands of the fans. At ringside, she climbs onto the ring apron and pauses again for the flash of the cameras, kneeling there with a smirk. She climbs the turn post and gives the fans one more photo opportunity as she sits atop the turnbuckle, still blowing kisses and posing for the fans. She hops down, finally entering the ring as she readies herself for her opponent.

Vinnie Lane: “This is gonna be rad, dudes. Kenzi is going to be looking for some redemption this week after getting pinned by the Hart Champion, Ned Kaye, last week. Tula better be bringing it if she wants to walk out of here the new champion!”

The bell rings and the two begin by circling the ring as the crowd gets behind both of them with claps and applause.

Vinnie Lane: “These two have one hell of a history and they’re sizing one another up! Kenzi won the title off of Tula at High Stakes and these two have been butting heads non-stop ever since!”

Tula rushes in and pushes the champion into the corner. She follows up with several knee strikes to the stomach then Irish whips her across the ring to the opposite turnbuckle. Tula runs and leaps in the air striking a knee to Kenzi’s face!

Vinnie Lane: “Not the face, dude!”

Kenzi crawls away and Tula slowly stalks her. The champ reaches the middle of the ring and attempts to reach her feet, but is kicked in the back! Tula grabs Kenzi’s leg and drops an elbow down on the knee! She jumps up and lands another. Then another! She wastes no time and pulls Kenzi to her feet and throws her across the ring by the hair! Tula attacks again and attempts the Aloha! Dragon Sleeper, but Kenzi reaches back and rakes the eyes of her challenger!

Vinnie Lane: “Tula almost had Kenzi locked in, but the champ was quick to escape!”

Tula backs away allowing Kenzi to recuperate and reach her feet. The two have another stand-off before Tula rushes in again, but is tripped up when Kenzi sweeps her legs out from under her. Kenzi rushes to the corner and waits for Tula to reach her feet and runs across the ring looking to hit the “loaded” running knee but Tula dodges by rolling out of the way!

Vinnie Lane: “These two are looking to land the most punishment early on, but they know each other too well!”

Tula pushes Kenzi into the corner again and lands several kicks into the midsection before hitting a snapmare bringing her into the center of the ring. Tula kicks Kenzi in the back then brings her to her feet and throws her against the cage! The champ slams face first off of it and stumbles back. Tula bounces off the ropes and hits Kenzi with a crossbody!

The Anarchy Champion gets flattened and Tula springs up!

Vinnie Lane: “Tula’s on fiya!”

Tula jumps in the air and lands a big elbow on Kenzi’s chest! She heads for the corner and stars climbing!

Vinnie Lane: “Only way to win the championship tonight is to get out of this cage, dudes!”

Kenzi gets to her feet just as Tula begins climbing the cage and chases her down. The champ steps up the turnbuckle, grabs Tula, and body-to-back suplexes her off the top! Tula slams down on her back and rolls backwards landing face down. Kenzi takes a long fall as well and rolls away towards the other side of the ring.

Vinnie Lane: “WHAT A MOVE BY THE ANARCHY CHAMPION!!”

The two competitors stir and get to their feet together each with the aid of a different set of ring ropes. Kenzi rushes this time and clotheslines Tula back down to the mat. Tula bounces up and Kenzi kicks her in the face! She runs towards the ropes and bounces off the middle one and hits a moonsault as Tula faces her! Kenzi runs over to the cage and begins to climb. Tula gets to her feet and follows behind the champ. She catches up to Kenzi about half-way up and applies Ahola!, the dragon sleeper, as they’re still clung to the cage! Kenzi loses her grip and Tula lets go and they land on the mat together!

Vinnie Lane: “Wow! That was like an inverted DDT off the cage! Kenz has to be out!”

Tula takes a moment to pull herself back together from the fall backwards, too, but manages to get up fairly quickly. She grabs the champ by the hair and leads her to her feet only to guide her to the ropes and throw her through them. Tula starts landing kicks against the same leg she focused on before as it sits against the cage. Over and over Tula kicks the knee until she grabs Kenzi by the foot of that leg and drags her back out towards the center of the ring. Tula spins around the leg and locks in a figure-four leg lock! Kenzi flops around in pain and tries to escape. She rolls over once, only for Tula to follow through and keep the move intact. Kenzi rolls again and gets tangled in the ropes, but there’s no referee or rule to break the hold! Kenzi uses the ropes to try and pull herself out, but Tula holds on tightly! The Kenzi screams aloud and cannot escape! Finally, Tula breaks the hold herself and walks off. Kenzi holds her knee and rolls between the ropes and cage. Tula circles around and goes after Kenzi who manages to make it to her feet with help from the ropes. She charges and gets a shoulder in the gut! Kenzi grabs her and pulls her close, she sunset flips over and runs to the opposite ropes! Kenzi springs off and nails a viciously loaded running knee….. With the bad knee!!

Vinnie Lane: “Tula is SEEING STARS, BAY-BAY!!”

Tula lies motionless on the mat and Kenzi grabs the knee in agony. She rolls around and pulls herself up. Tula slowly follows behind as she notices Kenzi once again going for the cage. Kenzi begins her climb and Tula joins her shortly after.

Vinnie Lane: “Dude! It's a race to the top! But hold up… here come Bobbi and Max! Did these two not learn a THING from the lessons I taught them??”

The two big ladies from Mad Rhymes march to the ring in matching Kenzi Grey tee shirts. Bobb has hers cut off REALLY high, so we see copious underboob from the Aussie.

Tula has just taken a step up on the cage but then has to jump down as Bobbi hops onto the apron and rams a shoulder into the chain link. The two jaw at each other from either side of the cage wall, and Kenzi looks frustrated, mouthing questions down at Maxine who stands ready to help catch Kenzi if she dives off from the top.

But Kenzi never makes it there! Tula flies across the ting and leaps, grabbing Kenz by the back of her braids and dragging her down hard, slamming the occipital region of her skull into the canvas. Maxine cracks her knuckles and sneers.

Vinnie Lane: “Tula took a lick on that move as well, I think she rung her own bell almost as bad as she nailed Kenzi!”

Bobbi and Maxine get to the cage and begin screaming at Kenzi for her to get up. Both Kenzi and Tula begin to stir, and out from the back runs Ruby and Centurion.

Vinnie Lane: “And it looks like Tula has her own backup here tonight!”

Both Centurion and Ruby get to Bobbie and Maxine, and the four begin to scream at each other. A shoving match between the four begins to take place as Tula and Kenzi get to their feet...

SEEING STARS!!

Vinnie Lane: “That'll do it! Tula's out!”

Tula hits the mat as Kenzi leans up against the ropes. The shouting match on the outside continues, but Kenzi remains focused as she looks up at the top of the cage. Slowly, she inches her way to the cage, and begins to climb. She painstakingly takes climb after climb, slowly working her way up the side of the cage. She almost gets to the top...

And the lights cut. The place plummets into darkness. The crowd stirs in confusion.

Vinnie Lane: “What the hell is this now? Has Y2K hit 21 years too late?”

After a few seconds, the lights turn back on. Kenzi, almost to the top of the cage, looks up...

To see Lycana! With a bat!

Vinnie Lane: “Lycana? Here on Anarchy? How the heck did she get up there?!”

Lycana gives a gentle wave before smashing the bat over the head of Kenzi Grey, causing her to crash to the mat! Bobbi and Maxine see what's going on and instantly turn their attention back to the ring. Bobbi screams out and runs toward the cage door, but out from the crowd jumps Ash Quinn and Geri Vayden, with bats of their own! The two jump Bobbi and Maxine and lay them out!

Vinnie Lane: “That’s former Anarchy Champion Geri Vayden! And Ash Quinn! It's the Left Hand! These cultists have been everywhere and now they’re wreaking havoc on MY show!?!?”

Lycana climbs down the cage and into the ring, leaving her standing over the prone body of Kenzi. Tula slowly starts to get to her feet, and Lycana turns her attention towards her.

Vinnie Lane: “Looks like Tula's about to get her own beating!”

Centurion and Ruby look at each other, nod, and sprint toward the cage door. The two shoulder tackle Geri and Ash to the ground before quickly opening the cage door and sliding into the ring. They both stand between Tula and Lycana, goading Lycana to start a fight.

Vinnie Lane: “The Left Hand has turned my main event into complete chaos!”

Tula finally gets to her feet, and as she does, Ash and Geri climb into the ring through the cage door.

Vinnie Lane: “Three on three! Here we go!”

The crowd is at a fever pitch as the members of the Left Hand circle Tula, Centurion, and Ruby. Centurion gestures to all three of them to come fight, but they slowly back away and lower their bats. Centurion and Ruby both raise an eyebrow...

...AND TULA NAILS RUBY WITH A SPINNING BACK ELBOW! Ruby crumbles to the ground, and before Centurion can act, the Left Hand members immediately jump on him and begin beating him to the ground! The crowd begins to boo heavily as it dawns on them what just happened.

Vinnie Lane: “Tula knocked out Ruby! What the hell is going on here?!”

Bobbi and Maxine, looking worse for wear, roll into the ring, but they're both immediately jumped by Lycana, Ash, and Geri. Tula, meanwhile, walks over to Kenzi, who is barely moving, and helps her to her feet. This doesn't last long, however, as Tula instantly nails Kenzi with a spinning back elbow, knocking her back in conscience to the mat. Tula begins to point at Centurion, yelling at the Left Hand members. Lycana and Ash both grab Centurion and lift him to his feet as Tula grabs one of the bats. She takes the bat and raises Centurion's chin. She goes to hit him, but stops. She turns to Geri, and hands her the bat. Geri takes no time at all, grabbing the bat and nailing Centurion in the top of the skull with the bat! Centurion crumbles to the mat with blood running from the top of his head.

Vinnie Lane: "This is a mugging!"

Tula looks at the devastation around her and gets a giant smile on her face. The other members of the Left Hand climb out of the ring, and Ash Quinn grabs timekeeper Nipsy Russel, who is holding the Anarchy Title. She tosses the timekeeper to the ground and grabs the title.

Vinnie Lane: “Oh come on! Don't hurt Nip!”

Lycana, Ash, and Geri stand on the outside of the cage as Tula slowly walks over to the door. The crowd's boos reach a new volume as Tula gently walks out the door and down the steps as the bell rings.

Winner by Cage Escape and NEW Anarchy Champion - Tula Keali’i

Ash hands the title over to Tula, who gazes into it as if it was some unearthed treasure. Slowly, a smile creeps across her face. Then a slight laugh. Then an even louder laugh. As she does, the members of the Left Hand raise their left hands in the air as the crowd wildly boos. Tula begins to cackle as she takes the title with her left hand and raises it high in the air.

Vinnie Lane: “This is an abomination! An atrocity! I wanted a CLEAN match, dang it! That’s what Tula wanted… did she play me? Was this the plan all along? I can tell you one thing… Anarchy is going to determine who their REAL champion is at Snow Job… I’m putting the former champions in a four-way match as of right now! Tula, Kenzi, Ruby, and Vita Valenteen… in an elimination match! No way to shenanigan THAT one up!”

Vinnie angrily watches as the Left Hand make their exit and crewmembers assist the fallen.

Vinnie Lane: “That’s all we have time for here tonight… happy 2021, everybody!”

SPECIAL THANKS:

Marf
Centurion
Baphomet
Barney Green
Doc D’Ville
Tommy Wish

Marf · (01-03-2021)

Awesome ending! Great show!

nope · (01-03-2021)

Welcome to the Left Hand, Tula and ANARCHY CHAMP!!!

Tula Kealiʻi · (01-15-2021)

I have friends, as well. And now its MY show.

Raise the Left Hand.

Charlie Nickles · (01-15-2021)

I'm not done with you yet, Barney Green! As long as you're still breathing we still have a problem! Come Snow Job you're going to regret ever fucking with Charlie Nickles!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Anarchy - 12/31/20
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