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Marf · (11-17-2020)

And here we are. A dark sky in North America at last. No more weird Germany. For now anyway. Marf is lost somewhere on a street in Arizona. It isn’t Tombstone, he hasn’t gotten there yet. He spots the camera and smiles that devilish smirk of a smile that hides all sorts of impolite thoughts.

Many things have been said in this past week, lots of poisonous threats, insults and supposed promises. Marf looks ready to give his current mood on everything. Or perhaps he is readying to reminisce about a love poem he wrote to a girl in grade four. The look in his beautiful blue eyes never truly hints at what’s going on in his mind. Tonight of course, is no different.

Marf: Another long week of all you lovely birds chirping. Singing your many choruses about how you’re going to win. To be honest, it’s really boring and flat. It’s like having a song stuck on loop that you at best didn’t mind at first. But now it’s just annoying to hear, over and over again. Almost all of you, spouting off the same shit.

I say almost, of course, because at least Alias is fun to listen to. In a sea of the entitled Alias seems ready to make some waves and I am so on board with that. I wish you luck in this good sir and truly hope you’re one of the last ones at the end. You’re one of the only two people i don’t want to go out of my way to eliminate. The other person of course is the lovely Ash Quinn.

Marf grins and waves excitedly, as if Ash is right there in front of him. What the, is he blushing!? No, must be a seasonal allergy or something.

Marf: Hiiiii Ashley! You’ve been quiet lately but don’t you worry I haven’t forgotten about you. I can’t wait to see you at High Stakes. Don’t fret, I’m not gunning to eliminate Lil ole you. I just want to get my hands on you again. Just for a little bit even. I need that thirst quenched my dear girl. Your soft and warm, trembling skin in my rough but strong hands. It just seems right, doesn’t it?

I’m sure you don’t want to admit it, not yet anyway, but we’re in very similar spots for this match. Oh yes, so many of these so-called top stars and legends just brushing us off. Like we don’t deserve to be a part of an open god damn invite!? We both have a lot to prove and I think we both will accomplish that in spades come High Stakes. And that’s why I have no interest in tossing you aside, my lovely Ash. I want to see you shut the mouths of these haters and big talkers.

If you want to eliminate me do as you please but just know, I’m kinda on your side in this one. My sun, my light, Ash...do whatever you need to do...

Marf sighs deeply and gives his head a slow shake. That seems to signal the end of happy praise time hour. Or at least we can hope it is.

Marf: What is there really left to say anymore with the rest...the sun the moon the earth and the stars conversed and agreed. Getting through an entire Witness promo is worse than going to the dentist. I don’t really care whether you think I’m relevant or not it please explain to me what exactly you’ve done that makes you so grand?

You’re trying to tear me down for a single loss against Atara Themis. A loss that came from falling through a fucking table, never pinned or submitted. You think this gives you power or positioning over me? Remind me about your big victories over her? Go ahead, I’ll wait!

Marf crosses his arms and we hope this doesn’t turn into a waiting game. We already know he can wait.

Marf: Ruckus, the second you opened your mouth and started speaking your credibility was destroyed. You sound like David Schwimmer with Down syndrome, you’re not doing shit. I’ll be shocked if you don’t self-eliminate. I’ve already wasted too much breath even bringing you up. I’d rather listen to Thad go on some more about blue chips.

Thad you zesty Dorito you. I see what you did, well played cheeky bugger. It’s still not going to stop me from watching you fall to the floor come the end of November. You can be the blue chip and I’ll go ahead and be the red one. Maybe the garbage man can be a green chip. Graves can be the white chip since his nonsense can be blinding. Poker is fun!

There is a very real possibility that Marf has never actually played a poker game in his life. Or any card game for that matter...

Marf: Champ Sportsman who exactly are you? A modern day Bo Jackson except with far less talent? How in the hell do you get looped in as a top 3 threat in this event? I can’t wait until I am the little asterisk beside your name at the end of the night. Champ Sportsboy...eliminated by Marf.

That’ll be a nice feeling. And the bonus is that it’ll completely ruin Chris’ cunt hair prediction. And this is exactly why I entered the match, there’s just such a high number of routes that will lead to ruining others’ plans. So many different names and faces to see fail. The time is running out, November 29th is almost upon us. That’s right, I remembered the date!

...remember...

No not again, we were doing so well this time! Wait, he’s clinging on, he’s still with us, phew!

Marf: Tombstone isn’t far...I think. I’ll be seeing so many of you so very soon. Go back to all your bickering and insisting of titles which supposedly belong to you. We now take you back to your regular scheduled broadcast...a fresh batch of entitled brat promos post haste!

Marf bows and backs away into the looming darkness. That’s the end for now as we fade to black.

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