We open to darkness. Nothing can be seen but chants ring out nevertheless. Suddenly two candles are lit providing just enough light to reveal two men shrouded in black hooded robes. The camera zooms in, but not close enough to reveal the faces of the two men standing side by side. The man to the right speaks.
Your MissGuided Light >> JOHN AUSTIN
MY CHILDREN!!!! ...Give yourselves around of applause *John begins to clap and the sound echos loudly as the room seems almost empty.* I look out and behold a sea of my brothers and sisters and it has been a privilage getting to know you all BIBLICALLY! You have been a loyal bunch. Saturday on the beaten paths in Somalia I shall call on you again. I shall call on the youngest BOYS in the congregation to don the TIGHTEST, SHORTEST cut-off jeans they can find so that they might parade their smooth NUBILE bodies in front of the entire XWF! I COMMAND IT not for the sake of tempting the XWF or the Somalians in attendance. I COMMAND IT as it is the next step in my spiritual journey. If I am capable of controlling myself infront of such RIPE FLESHThen it will work as further proof that I am who I say I am. I AM YOUR SAVIOR!!! GLORY AND PRAISE AUSTIN!
We hear a big "AMEN" from the man to the left.
Your MissGuided Light >> JOHN AUSTIN
Believe in me my children. Trust in me. Your legs will grow weary from all the PRANCING and STRUTTING about, but your hard work will indeed be rewarded when we return stateside and I meet with EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU IN MY PRIVATE CHAMBERS! Then and ONLY then will you BEHOLD my HOLY GRAIL!!!!
The man to the left once again shouts "AMEN".
Your MissGuided Light >> JOHN AUSTIN
Yes my children you will see my Holy Grail. You will speak, nay, MOAN the word from the book in tongues and you will be unable to SIT for several days.....so you will have no choice but to stand UPRIGHT!!!!
once again we hear an "AMEN" from the man to the left who then continues.
John Austin's Concubine>> ANDY MORRISON
Thank you everyone and a special thank you to Mr. Austin for allowing me to become so familiar with the scent of his crotch......That is all.
Just then two men remove their hoods and the lights begin to flicker. The lights finally come up and we see that the two hooded men were actually Chris and Cade Legend.
They smile into the camera for a moment and then the shot zooms in on Cade Legend.
Cade: Oh don't mind us Johnny and Andy, we're only messin with ya...It must be nice playing dress-up, using all the little lighting affects the production truck has to offer and preaching nonsense to a the most inbred and illiterate group of hicks ever assembled. I imagine it feels something like the way my first beer felt.
But on a serious note...I assume by now you two have taken a few minutes out from acting like total lunatics in public to do some research on what you're facing Saturday Night. Ya know, turn on a little tape and see what a Legend really looks in the ring.
If you have done your homework then you already know that you're outclassed this time. Nothing you've done in the past matters, no one you've beaten matters because the bar just got raised around here....AND YOU'RE LOOKIN AT IT!
Your little circle jerk ministry might be for now....But Legends ARE FOREVER!
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