*WARNING!*

*WARNING!*

Have you or a loved one been booked in a match against B.O.B.?

We see footage from Spooky Savage where Bobby Bourbon is cutting off Zane Norrison's foot with a chainsaw.

If so, you may be entitled to a cash settlement from a class action lawsuit!

We see footage of Bobby Bourbon sending Nate Idenhaus through the ring with a Bobbybomb.

Several Americans have suffered losses to B.O.B. in insanely violent ways.

Cut to Barney Green gorilla press slamming someone into the front row of an XWF show.

Congress has recently found victims of B.O.B. qualify for grants and money through FEMA.

Cut to the doorstep of an immaculate mansion. A delivery person leaves a package on the massive porch, marked by the tell-tale smirk of Amazon next day delivery. They ring the doorbell, and as they do they are immediately beset by thousands upon thousands of bees. Money Oswald opens the door, nonchalantly glancing at the panicked delivery driver being swarmed, as he stoops and sets the package on fire, burning it without even opening it.

Bobby Bourbon is seen in the shot now. He's wearing a suit, which is a first. Around his neck is a stethoscope. Around his waist is the Hart Championship. He's also holding a briefcase. He is also wearing a fake mustache, which he does a lot.

Hi, I'm Dr. Elroy Methusela VonBrocklinmeyer Hopscotch Halliburton Comanche, Esquire. Not only do I have a really cool name, but I represent the run down victims of B.O.B. everywhere. What makes me so qualified, you ask? Well, not only am I a doctor, but I'm a lawyer too.

Now, when I'm not performing simultaneous brain and heart surgery in the courtroom or defending innocent lives before the grand jury in a clinic, I'm consulting with many members of our society that have been out and out victimized by B.O.B. on a case by case basis, or as I like to call it, a case-by-casis.

Have you found yourself losing matches in the XWF, possibly even championship belts?

Robbie Dr. Comanche points at the Hart Championship around his waist and winks while clicking his tongue.

Are you a young woman between the ages of eighteen and thirty-five, weighing under a hundred and fifty pounds who performs on Anarchy getting nothing but nonstop matches against super-heavyweight men in some perverse loop that borders on some strange fetish?

Have you dismissed the offers to join B.O.B. and grasp at true opportunity?

Then you too, like dozens of others, may be a victim of B.O.B.

B.O.B. strikes in devastating and, frankly, heart wrenching ways.

We see the footage of Bourbon and Graves severing the foot of Zane again. The malice, the maddening cacophony of Norrison's screams and pleas, the splattering of blood, sinew, and gore as he literally has a forced amputation on TV is on display yet again.

Cut to see Anarchoween II, where Black sees an opportunity to finish off Broken Oswald for good, leaping over the vat and aiming a dropkick at Autem's head! But Oswald shifts his weight, leaving Black to collide with Tommy's leg, breaking his hold! Oswald jumps up, flinging Wish towards Green as he seemingly effortlessly picks John up for a powerbomb, only to transition into a DDT and landing The DELETION! (Slash quote.)

Bobby, as Dr. Comanche, Attorney at Law, is seen again.

The threat of B.O.B. is real, and you may be entitled to compensation. I don't just play a doctor on TV, but I play a lawyer as well. If you've experienced the following symptoms...

-Lacklan of sleep
-Omega complex
-Goosebumps
-Goosepimples
-Goose Gossage
-The Rockin' Pneumonia, but not necessarily the Boogie Woogie Blues (man, ever see an old guy drunk off of two beers and a white wine spritzer dance to that song? Just me? It's pure bliss. He even says he's dancing and doesn't care, and he sure looks like it, even though he's still being very conservative and only shaking his hips and knees but never his butt.)
-Low Sodium Levels
-Angry bees stinging you a lot.

Then you might be a victim of B.O.B.

Please, call today. Just set your phone to your head and start yelling, we'll pick up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We cut to right outside the Lincoln Memorial. Bobby Bourbon addresses the people directly.