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Tula Kealiʻi · (10-22-2020)

At what point is enough enough?

How long does someone have to hit their head against a wall before they come to the realization that things need to change? For months, I have been trying my hardest to fight the good fight, only to continuously be knocked back down week after week.

I have spent too much time thinking about others. I wanted to fight for them - for Ruby, for Boris, for everyone else - but this is not sustainable. There is only one person I can fight for that will give me the opportunity to succeed.

Me.

As I continue to look myself in the mirror, I can only think of how far I've come, and yet, I can't help but be disappointed to be where I am. Yes, I am still new. Yes, Rome wasn't built in a day. At a certain point, though, progress needs to be made. If all I'm doing every week is getting beat my the same four opponents, then what am I even doing here? What's the point?

I take off my black gloves and toss them onto the floor.

I've been in rough patches before in my fighting career, but I was always able to turn things around with a positive attitude. That positive attitude is gone now. I've let down too many people - I've let done MYSELF - too many times to keep "looking on the bright side". I need to stop smiling, and I need to start...

...getting angry.

I begin to apply my new face paint. My "warrior markings", as you will. I have a match for the Anarchy Title this week. Why? What have I done to even remotely deserve this shot? Is this supposed to be Vinnie Lane's way of giving Vita Valenteen an easy defense? Or is every member of the BOB so fixated on beating up Ruby that they don't even care about the belt anymore? It almost seems like a sick joke. I don't know if there is anyone out there who thinks I even remotely deserve this opportunity.

But I have it...and I'm not letting it go. And while I wish it was someone else who gets to see the new, mean side of Tula Keali'i, the universe works in strange ways. I have to do it against Vita. And I know I'm supposed to hesitate. I'm supposed to feel awful for what I'm about to do.

But I don't. I can't. The moment I start second guessing myself is the moment I lose this opportunity for good. So if it's Vita that needs to be destroyed, then its Vita that gets destroyed.

I finish painting my face and look at myself again. It is just makeup? Is this just paint I am using to hide the insecurities inside me? Or is this the symbolic destruction of the person that was weak - the person who couldn't get the job done. I guess only time will tell.

I slip on my new, dark green MMA gloves and stretch out my fingers in order to break them in a bit. As I look forward to my future, I think about the immortal words of Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley. "Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change." I have adapted my whole life, but that adaptation has been with the situations around me, not with my demeanor in general. I am entering uncharted territory. I am no longer a peace seeker, but rather a tribal warrior...or, if things get out of hand, a monster.

I leave the bathroom, and Boris is able to take his first look at me. He smiles - a smile so wide it is visible from underneath his mask. He sees what I have become. I am no longer the timid, relaxed Tula Keali'i, but something more - I am Tulastein, capable of immense destruction.

Boris: It's alive.....IT'S ALIVE!!!!!

Boris hits the light switch next to him, causing electricity to shoot throughout the hotel room, with the lights flickering on and off. He cackles, and I can not help but join him. BOB was hoping to destroy me. Instead, I have become their greatest nightmare. I have become unhinged. A beast inside me has risen from the dead, and after I take out Vita Valenteen and become Anarchy champion, I will be unleashed on the rest of BOB. They will see the end result of their foolishness. If I cannot inspire love, I will cause fear.

Tula: Boris...fetch me my weapon.

Boris: Yes, Tulip! Yes, Tulip!

Boris hobbles over to the bed and opens up the case that I have brought along specifically for this trip. Inside is my pride and joy - my black graphite pipe. I had it made years ago as a defense weapon in case I was jumped on the streets of some city I did not know. I never had to use it, fortunately...until now. If we're going to get extreme, then I need to become as extreme as possible.

Boris hands me the bat, and I stare at it. I stare at it for longer than I possibly should. I think of all the work I could do with this - taking out Vita and winning the belt. Clearing through BOB and extracting my revenge. Going through the Anarchy roster one by one until I'm finally sitting at the top where I belong. The bloodlust starts to get me. It isn't just enemies I see in my visions anymore. It's friends. It's Boris. It's Ruby. It's Centurion. All of them trying to knock me off the top, and all of them becoming victims to the new me.

I should stop. Is this truly worth it? Is becoming some sort of monster for the sake of my career worth potentially hurting everyone who ever believed in me? If I continue down this dark path, I may never return. I may hate the person that I become. I may become the very thing I have come here to destroy...

...but I also know I am not happy with what I am now. And perhaps, this is the only way. Perhaps becoming a feared monster is better than becoming a lovable pushover. I will know more after tomorrow night, when I face Vita Valenteen. If I lose, it's back to the beginning. Everything gets thrown away. But if I win...

...then this is just the beginning.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.
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