Mark Flynn Fighting System Tip #39: Assault people who can’t speak English. They can’t call for help and it’s great cardio.

Oh ho.

You just pissed me right the f(RENCH) off, son

Do you really want to tangle? Did you really just try to f(LIP) me over?

Did you really think you could just wish me luck, then drop another turd in the punch bowl?

Pick up an easy win just by scoring one promo to two, then strolling off like a big man?

Child, I am about to annihilate your punk ass(COTT).

Roll the clips and watch literally the only guy in XWF who’s good at trash talk set this dead moron’s carcass on fire.

And welcome to another episode of…

MARK FLYNN SCIENCE THEATRE 3000

Quote:Steve Davids
“Get off of me! I can walk proudly without you grappling onto me.”

Seriously, can you speak English? No one talks like this. You’re like a Martian in a business suit trying desperately to not get noticed while sticking a probe up your boss’s ass.

In this metaphor, I am your boss. Because watching you deliver a promo is like being violated anally.

Quote:Steve Davids
“It’s ironic that you are in fact not CM Punk. You speaking is having the same effect as his finisher after all. Making me go to sleep.”

Did that one work at the Asylum’s talent show, Stevie? Did you write that one out the night before then nod to yourself knowing how brilliant it was?

You disgust me.

Quote:Steve Davids
“It seems like it’s too late to pretend that I am anything else. There is no way of winning. You people have plotted against me, and I will never know the reason why. You have my loved ones, so I cannot fight back. Why would you hurt them? Those three people have never done anything to you.”

I seriously can’t get over how poor your English is. John Black has a more complete mastery of the English language than you do.

I used to think no matter what, everyone who makes it to the XWF has some inherent skill or ability at speaking. Thank you for proving me wrong.

A parrot who had watched 45 consecutive hours of Randy Savage promos would have more ability speaking than you do.

A monkey flinging feces and screaming would be putting up more of a fair fight.

Quote:“Well you are wrong. God is false. Satan is false. Your reborn Satan may be an evil man. Yet he is not truly Satan. No one is. Cut your crap, and face the truth. You are all deluded men who need false hope to lead the way or what would be worth fighting for? You enjoy watching me suffer. You enjoy the theory behind this man’s motives. You enjoy pain. You enjoy anguish. Maybe it is true after all. You are the seven deadly sins. Surely if that were true though, Greed would have taken all of the glory by now? He’s greedy after all. You can all claim to represent what you want. The truth is that you are 6 men who are looking to make a difference through this because you have failed in whatever trade you were in beforehand.

What are you talking about? They’re truly the seven deadly sins but that’s not true, the truth actually being…

Wait, no, you’re the truth, truthfully false while God is false…

Wait, hang on… Sheesh... I’m not sure even you know what you mean in this abortion of a monologue…

OH!

Okay, wait, are you giving me the answers to a test next period? Let me copy them down. False, false, false, true, not true, face the truth, false hope, enjoying anguish is true, they are truly the seven deadly sins but if that were true, greed would truly take the truth from your falsehood and falsely truth you right down your false hole.

Seriously. A thesaurus can be very helpful in these situations. To sum up this point:

[img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OIBPDuqwies/UGVMv5_ydSI/AAAAAAAAHQU/23T73hi3dMc/s640/You+can't+handle+the+truth.jpg[/img]

Quote:You float around on cloud 9 in glee. Not a care in the world right now for you is there? Well things always turn to dark in the end. One moment you are walking up the stairway to heaven, the next you are falling to the pits of hell. One second you will be riding Neptune’s horses gallantly, the next… his warriors have struck you down so that the blue torture can suffocate you. Falling from the top is something that is inevitable. So Mark Flynn….

Why do you keep bringing up Neptune’s Horses? You keep bringing up Neptune’s Horses in your ridiculous blathering promos. What do Neptune’s horses have to do with anything?

Quote:You sit there on top of your crazy high horse,

Seriously, knock it off with the horses.

Quote:claiming that you are just oh so good at talking and that I stole your ‘crazy man who’s good at talking’ persona. I stole nothing. I am me. You are you.

Yeah, I feel like if you did actually steal my persona, you’d be a lot more comfortable with the English language.

Quote:Unfortunately, despite your deluded murmurs, I am much more entertaining than you.

You proved in that Chris Legend promo you like definitions... Maybe a definition would help you in this situation.

Quote:You believe I do not thrive on chaos? Oh your insanity is now a lack of intelligence.You have not been watching have you Mark? You have seemingly been under a rock for way too long to understand that I realise what chaos is. Chaos is an opportunity for those who enjoy it to become great. Chaos is for people like me. Chaos is the mountain that we all climb, yet some people know how to climb much faster than others.

Whoa, I'm really sorry I brought up the definitions thing, stop doing that, please I beg you oh god.

Did you look up chaos in the dictionary? Is that how you know all these apparent definitions of chaos? Are you proudly showing the other children that you can read? If I can give you credit for one thing, it’s that you surprised me by being a devious snake in the grass and trying to steal one off of me.

Unfortunately, you actually have to be able to follow through beyond the first strike.

Which you’ve proven twice this week that you don’t really have the stones to pull that off, do you?

Quote:The shortcuts. The ways to survive. Whilst others…. Don’t. Oh the irony. Your false beliefs that I am nothing but a worthless copy of you really is pathetic. As well as… Just that. False. There is no truth in it. Who in their right mind would want to be anything like you? Of course I might not be in my right mind. Neither would you be though if you had been what I have been through. You would be much worse off than me. You would be a bloody mess helpless in a hospital somewhere. That’s the truth.

How long is this true/false test? Could you just e-mail the answers instead of sending this code? I appreciate you’re being sneaky but honestly, you’re not making a lot of sense.

I’d enjoy what you were saying a lot more if it was just ‘TTFTFFTFTT’ until you were done.

Because then I wouldn’t have to take fifteen minutes out of my day listening to it.

Quote:The seven deadly sins continue to torment me. There is nothing I want more than to be rid of them. Yet they have been kind enough to bring me to Michigan to send this message to you. Before our match. The first kind thing they have done other than allowing me to beat Chris Legend to a pulp on Monday. This though, this is beyond that. They’re allowing me the golden chance to compete against the oh so highly regarded Mark Flynn in a match that will see me soar to glory like the Man of Steel himself.

Superman reference? Okay. Sure. Is that what you kids do now to act crazy? You say things kids are into? Do you pick up comic books on the way to the Asylum after the arena so you can read up on Deadpool, She-Hulk and Squirrel Girl?

Seriously, kid. You are not helping your argument that you’re actually crazy. You seem more just like Ben Crane, Dexter Bale, Neil Capra, Anthony Douglas, Tyler Decker…

You know, everyone else who’s tried to steal my act.

Quote:I need this victory though Mark Flynn. Do you understand what they would do to my family? What they would do to my beloved ones if I were to lose this match? They would destroy everything. They would inflict new pain to them. Pains that are not legal. Suffering that no human being should suffer.

Yeah. I’m fine with that.

Like… WAY too fine with that.

I don’t know if you know this, but I’m a legitimately crazy person.

And subsequently incapable of human empathy.

Which is why I’ve taken your cry for help and attempts to save your family and added funny pictures and silly comments to it.

Because I’m incapable of caring about your kidnapped family.

Quote:You have the desire to win. I have the need. Adrenaline is flying through my body already whilst you try to freshen your torn mind. My blood is pumping. My heart is hot.

I’d recommend Pepto Bismol. Proud Sponsor of the Mark Flynn Fighting System Volume 1.

Quote:My eyes are fiery.

I’d recommend Clear Eyes. A proud sponsor of the Mark Fl- Wait, they don't sponsor me? Then, f(LICK) 'em

Quote:And my emotions are flying all over the place like a Pidgey on speed.

…Did… did you just drop a Pokemon reference on me?

Quote:If you think I am bad at speaking then perhaps you need to see another doctor. The fire in my voice is something that no one has said they regret listening to.

I assume that’s because it’s hard to get criticism from a sleeping audience. Or more likely, one that thinks you have no potential to improve.

Quote:Yet the self-proclaimed glory that lies with you Mark Flynn… I am not so sure about. There must be a reason why it has only recently came about of your recognition.

Meh. I guess it was about eight months ago? You know, when I stole the top title in this company? And after I held it, it was deemed unclean by Shane and cast away forever?

Or I don’t know, when I won the European Title from a man who went undefeated for five months?

Or when I won four matches in one night to become US Champion?

I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. Maybe people started recognizing how good I am just this week. Maybe people think I’m the best just because I’m next to you right now and it’s hard not to look absolutely glorious.

Quote:It is up to me to put an end to that though. For victory has simply got to belong to Steve Davids.

Also, as a crazy person, I should warn you I have OCD.

And violent tendencies.

Which means after I carefully diagram and grammatically correct that sentence.

I’m going to twist your leg at the ankle until your foot faces the opposite direction.

Which is 'Victory must belong to Steve Davids' or 'Victory has to belong...'

Sorry, you hurt me so much with that sentence, it's going to take some time, fixing it.

It'll be ready by tonight, though.

Quote:I am sorry. I will not be going to sleep though Mark Flynn. Not for a long time yet… Torment, and torture keep me awake at night. Day light is no time for sleeping.

I know.

But it is the time for a funeral…

I say once more…

Nighty night, Steve Davids.