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B.O.B. D · (10-08-2020)

A little birdie told me some information about Isabella Ravenwolf, which is good because it's more than she's told me about herself. Apparently she's a witch......... a witch who eats BABIES!!! Like, I know I'm not the biggest fan of children but, GODDAMN, you don't see me eatin' 'em up like a bowl of Frosted Flakes!

This revelation disturbed me for a few days and I honestly didn't know why; compared to some of the stuff I've seen in an XWF ring, that shit's pretty tame. Injecting opponents with drugs, literal shit matches.................. hell, there's even been a murder or two; yet NONE of that bothered me as much as facing a woman who makes breakfast burritos out of babies. Maybe it had something to do with the fact this was the first time any of that affected me, personally. By the time I faced Fuzz, he'd dropped the whole Bill Cosby routine and was simply Shawn. Up to this point, the most messed up thing I'd ever had to deal with was competing on Anarchy!

In order to prepare myself, I binge watched episodes of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, but it didn't really seem like enough. There was a huge difference between a teenage girl using her powers to fuck with her classmates, and a grown ass woman using her's to capture little kids for human meat pies! Alas, no work of fiction was going to be enough to get inside the mind of Isabella Ravenwolf; if I REALLY wanted to get the scoop on my opponent, I was gonna have to find some real life witches!

I'd heard, through the grapevine, about a potential gathering on the outskirts of town, one with allegedly evil intentions. That could only mean one of two things: either the President was having a campaign rally, or a group of witches were getting together for some late night mischief. Considering the supposed meet up time was 12 o'clock midnight, it seemed safe to assume it'd be the latter.

After taking a cab to the middle of bumfuck nowhere, I found myself walking along an old, dirt road in search of my destination. Considering everything I had to go off of was merely hearsay, I couldn't be sure there was even anything to find in the first place...............but I'd be damned if I didn't try!

Eventually, I stumbled across a large, radiant light in the distance, a good sign considering most mortals weren't having bonfires at this time of night. The glow grew brighter with every step I took, slowly revealing a decent sized crowd gathered around it. As I trudged along, I could finally see the source of illumination, a burning cross, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"They must be performing some sort of ceremony!" I inferred, hurrying towards them in order to get a closer look. "Perhaps a seance or human sacrifice!"

I snuck my way down a hill, towards the open field they were performing their ritual in, taking cover behind a random tree. There was about forty of them gathered around a wooden stage, on of which rested a podium where a man addressed the crowd, presumably the leader. Everyone, including him, was deck out in all white, from their feet all the way up to their heads. Their robes blew in the wind, but the masks held tight in order to ensure no-one knew who they were.

"Since when do witches wear white?" I pondered, trying my best to make out what the man on stage was saying. Throughout the crowd, all I could hear were male voices, throwing me off a bit. Sabrina taught me that guy's COULD be witches, just look at Penn & Teller, but I didn't expect there to be SO many, let alone, the head witch.

"Whatcha doin' there, brother?"

A voice from directly behind me nearly caused me to jump, face first, into the tree. I turned around and before me stood one of them, leaning forward to inspect me.

"Me.......... MeFisto???"

"Ma-whos-a-whats-a?" the man, who I now realized was half the size of my rival, questioned. "Are you a new member?"

"M..... M....... Member???" I asked, my voice shaking with fear. While I was confident in my ability to defeat Isabella Ravenwolf as I was, the same could not be said if I was turned into, say, a frog. I don't even think I could beat Jim Jimson in THAT form!

"No need to be ashamed, brother!" the costumed figure insisted, causing me to wonder if he was a younger brother of MeFisto. "The outside world looks down upon us, but we know the truth, brother! Please, join us!"

I was a bit hesitant, afterall, I associated the words 'JOIN US' with BOB. But these people were quite obviously witches, afraid of the Christian mortals who'd likely damn them at a burning stake for their beliefs and practices. As afraid as I was, I decided the best way to learn about them WAS to join them.

"You're right," I falsely admitted. "Nobody supports me and my endeavors.......... not my coworkers, not my friends, no even my family can back me and what I believe is right........."

The man shook his covered head. "This is exactly what we're trying to fight!" he exclaimed, offended by my fake story. "Why don't you come with me and we can get you a hood & robe?"

I was a little fearful, but obliged nonetheless. At this point, if these witches had any sort of way to see right through me, there'd be nothing I could do about it, anyway. As we walked out from behind the tree and over towards the stage, the man who led me called out to one of his fellow brethren.

"Brother Donald!" he proclaimed to a random hooded figure. "We've got ourselves a brand new member!"

"Oh, wow, this is yuge!" a somewhat familiar voice shouted back from under their garments. "You're gonna love it, these are some fine people! They're the best this country has to offer, maybe even the world!" The man began to cough heavily, causing a few of his peers to back away, abruptly. "It's okay, I'm wearing a mask!"

We made our way over to the side of the stage, where an old, brown trunk rested. My guide knelt down and opened it up, revealing a stack of robes and hoods, each of which he grabbed and handed over to me. "One size fits all, brother!"

Being a bigger man, I wasn't so sure of his claim but, to my surprise, everything fit perfectly. I was now an official witch, decked head to toe in their garb, ready to listen to the word of their leader. Surely I was getting closer to attaining the information necessary to exploit Isabella's weaknesses.

"Come on!" the man beckoned, grabbing the sleeve of my robe and pulling me towards the crowd. "The Grand Wizard has alot to say tonight!"

Grand Wizard??? Was it possible I was at the wrong gathering? Were Wizards simply the male counterpart of witches? Was the guy who showed me around some sort of relative of MeFisto? I'd hoped coming here would give me some sort of clarity, but it'd only left me with more questions than answers. I prayed this "Grand Wizard" could shed some light upon the pieces I was missing.

"It's great to see such an enormous turnout!" their leader spoke into the microphone set up on the podium. "Rumor has it there's a new member amongst us!"

The Grand Wizard gestured in my direction, causing me to blush underneath my hood and awkwardly wave, receiving a round of applause for my trouble.

"New brother or not, we all have a mission to carry out," the wizard(not XWF's, though; at least to MY knowledge) continued, grabbing my attention. "And that mission is to rid the world of the darkness!"

"Amen! Yeah!" the crowd cheered.

If I wasn't confused before, I certainly was NOW. Everything about these alleged witches(or wizards, whatever the fuck they wanted to call themselves) was wrong. They were all men, wore white, AND had a mission to FIGHT the darkness................. I thought they WERE the darkness???

"Now, you may find yourself asking 'Brother Kramer, what exactly IS the darkness?'" he went on, practically reading my mind. "It's the radical left! It's all the ath-e-letes who wanna take a knee to old glory, and the race traitors who support 'em!"

"Wait a minute........" I whispered to myself, as the pieces FINALLY started to come together.

"Mexicans, Jews, Gypsies, Gays, Transgender Benders, every single kind of Chinese, whether they be from Japan OR Vietnam.........."

"But NOT the Russians!" Brother Donald was quick to point out, before breaking out into another coughing attack.

"Oh no, we LOVE the Russians!" the Grand Wizard agreed, before pointing to some tables behind everyone. "They were kind enough to provide us with the milk and Caucasian Oreo's!"

Everyone around me murmured with appreciation, as the truth finally hit me: this wasn't a group of witches, it was the Ku Klux Klan!!!! Being from Iowa, I'd been pretty ignorant to these types of people, but apparently there were alot of them in cousin fucker territory! This was bad, I couldn't be seen with the likes of these fools. Without thinking, I turned and began to make my way back towards the way I came.................only to get called out by the Grand Wizard.

"WOAH, where you headin' off to, brother?!" he asked, doing a spot on impression of the Internet Champion.

I froze in place, shaking underneath my robe. Slowly, I turned to face the man on stage, trying my best to come up with some sort of excuse to get out of there.

"I.............. uuuuum............." I hesitated, racking my brain for something clever. "Just remembered I left my headlights on!"

Brother Kramer, as well as the rest of his Klan, stared at me for what felt like an eternity, before finally giving a response. "Good Lord, we wouldn't want that! By all means, we'll be sure to save you some refreshments!"

"................thanks," I replied, before turning back to leave. As I walked past one of the Klansmen, an idea popped into my head that was too good to pass up. "Black Lives Matter!" I shouted in a low pitched voice before grabbing hold of the random racist. "Did y'all hear what this traitor said?!?! He's not one of us, get him!"

I then proceeded to chuck him into the crowd, where an all out brawl broke out. One of them went to punch the guy I framed, only for him to duck, causing his fist to hit someone behind him. This caused a chain reaction, leaving them to rip each other to shreds as I casually trotted off into the distance.

Once I was far enough away, I ditched the hood and robes, laughing over the ridiculousness of the mistake I'd made. "I swear, sometimes my life IS just one big dick joke............

"Do you hear that, Isabella? It's the sound of silence. I can only imagine one of your black cat's has got your tongue, otherwise I feel like I would've heard from you by now! It's honestly no skin off MY back, though I gotta admit I was very curious to hear how someone who hasn't wrestled a match in over a year was going to beat a decorated Champion such as myself. Perhaps you were gonna cast a spell............ or maybe you were gonna rely on luck; whatever the case, it doesn't matter............... NOTHING you could possibly do will earn you the W."

"I've downed FARRRRR better men, and women, than you like it was nothing, why would it be any different come Savage? Do you think I've lost a step working as a GM? Is it possible competing on Anarchy against the worst XWF has to offer has caused me to come down to their level?................. HELL NO! Make no mistake about it, my loss at Relentless was a mere fluke and I'll prove it when I get my rematch! Maybe once I win my belt back, I'll let you hold it like Oswald did for Kenzi, then you'd know what it feels like to be a winner for once in your life!...............only to have it snatched away in a matter of seconds................three to be exact."

"People always refer to me as the walking dick joke, but I think the REAL joke is people like you! The Zane Norrison's, the Brother's Blackwater's.......... all the nut jobs who believe they have some sort of mystical powers that'll helped them inside of a wrestling ring. This isn't a comic book, and it certainly isn't an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch! Your delusions will only get you so far and, come Saturday night, you're gonna find that out the hard way! You may be one hell of a D&D player, but when you step inside the ring with me, you're gonna find out I don't play games.............. I WIN them!!!!! And that ain't no story, it's the Cold Big D Truth!!!!!"

I could've said more, but there was no need to waste anymore breath on someone so menial. Isabella Ravenwolf wasn't worthy of competing for the Heavymetalweight Championship, let alone facing me. Talk was cheap, I could only hope she knew that, hence the silence on her part. It didn't matter, though, this was one match I had in the bag. I knew it, the fans knew it, and I'm sure even Isabella herself knew it.

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