SUNDAY 27TH SEPTEMBER LIVE FROM THE ROSE BOWL IN PASADENA, CALIFORNIA
DAY 3 HOSTED BY: ATTICUS WHITE AND THEO PRYCE
PRE SHOW MATCH
AMERICAN GLADIATOR GAUNTLET
TELL US HOW EASILY YOU COULD FIGHT THE CLASSIC 90s AMERICAN GLADIATOR STARS
So straight up when everyone saw John Black show up on the scene ready to dominate they all just ran and hid like scared little biatches thus making JOHN BLACK THE ULTIMATE GLADIATOR!!!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Six months ago Vita Valenteen was terminated from the XWF after she was charged with murder. Before she defeated Ruby to claim the Anarchy championship, Miss Fury admitted that she had in fact framed Vita for the crime! Now Vita’s back in the XWF and tonight she challenges the woman who framed her all those months ago in a bid to capture the Anarchy Championship from Miss Fury! Let’s head to ringside where Tig O'Bitties is about to introduce the challenger!”
Tig O'Bitties: “The following contest is for the Anarchy Championship and is scheduled for one fall! Coming to the ring first, the challenger, hailing from Toronto Canada, “VIIIIIIIICIOUS!” VITA VALENTEEEEEN!”
Pink and white lazers panned the stag. Vita charged out to the stage to a HUGE POP! The fans enthusiasm seemed to pump VV up as she stomped to the ring, leading the fans on in their chants!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Welcome back Vita Valenteen!
Vita continues to lead the fans on until her music cuts out.
Tig O'Bitties: “She is the leader of the criminal supergroup known as BOB and hails from parts unknown. Introducing the defending Anarchy Champion, MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIISS FUUUUURY!!”
FUUUUUUURY!
Miss Fury storms out to the stage followed by Micheal Graves and Money Oswald! The crowd jumps to their feet throwing trash and drowning out the audio with their boos! Fury stops at the top of the stage and raises The Anarchy championship almost mockingly as she talks trash to Vita in the ring. Fury passes the championship off to Graves who drapes it over his shoulder as the three make their way down the stage, stopping every so often to screw with fans against the rails.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Miss Fury sure is taking her sweet time getting to the ring!”
Finally, Oswald ascends the stairs and holds the ropes for Miss Fury as she climbs into the ring. Oswald starts to get off the ropes, but Graves looks at him like, know your place! And Oswald reluctantly holds the ropes for Graves as well.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Even if you ignore all of his major issues, at the end of the day, Micheal Graves is a flipping asshole! How anyone can stand to be in his company for more than a few seconds is beyond me!”
Tig O’Bitties: “The official for tonight, Ari Silverstein!”
To the shock of pretty much everyone, Ari Silverstein comes trotting down the stage looking super serious in his new BOB branded black and white stripes!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Wait a minute! Who signed off on this!”
Graves and Oswald exit the ring as Vita and Fury prepare to face off. Ari Silverstein holds up the Anarchy championship for the crowd before handing it off to Tig’s. Tig’s exits the ring as Ari checks Miss Fury for foreign objects.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Hey! Something just fell out of Miss Fury’s boot!”
Sure enough while Ari was checking Fury for weapons something did indeed fall out of her boot. Ari does a good job keeping Vita from noticing, but the camera’s get full view of Ari stuffing the knuckles BACK into Fury’s boot!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “No Ari, you’re not supposed to give the contraband back when you find it!”
Ari then insists on checking Vita for weapons. Vita lifts her foot up for him to check under her boots, but Ari instead gives VV a full police pat down. Not finding anything suspicious.
Vita and Fury stand face to face. Fury is full of confidence and laughing in Vita’s face. Ari calls for the bell!
MATCH #1
ANARCHY TITLE MATCH
*DING DING!*
At the sound of the bell, Vita springs into action, locking Fury up in a collar and elbow before transitioning to a side headlock! Fury tries to work herself free, but Vita wrenches in, making that impossible! Fury doesn’t give up though, and wraps her arms around Vitas waist before dropping her to the canvas with a backdrop! Both women are quick to their feet. Vita rushes over to Fury, but Fury quickly dips out of the ring and behind her BOB cronies Graves and Oswald.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Miss Fury knows that Vita isn't going to go out there with Graves and Oswald on the prowl!”
Vinnie spoke too soon though, and just as he utters those words, Vita flies through the ropes with a suiside dive that takes out all three like some bowling pins!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “I take it back, Vita Valenteen is here to fight, and it doesn’t look like anybody is going to stand between her and Miss Fury!”
Vita’s up and is dragging Fury up by her mask. Vita whips her into the ring post where Fury’s face and shoulder absorb most of the blow from the unforgiving steel! Ari warns Vita to get back into the ring, but Vita ignores him and pulls Fury up just to throw her into the barricade! Ari starts to count real fast in an effort to get Vita to lay off Miss Fury!
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Vita backs off Fury and rolls under the bottom rope and back out to break the count. Ari starts over, but just as quick!
1.
2.
3.
4.
Vita looks at him like WTF!
5.
6.
Vita quickly rolls into the ring and right back out again to break the count once more. Vita then quickly makes her way to Fury and grabs her by the mask. Ari is already back up to 5 on his count, but Fury manages a thumb to the eye, forcing Vita to back off! Suddenly Ari just stops counting now that Fury is out of danger.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Not suspicious at all Ari…”
Fury grabs Vita and runs her face first into the ringpost! Vita collapses against the post before Fury throws her back into the ring and follows in herself. Vita is up to all fours as she struggles to get to her feet. Fury, noticing this, runs over and leaps into the air, dropping her knees down across Vita’s back! Vita in turn drops to the mat and reaches for her lower back. Fury’s up fast, and quickly lines up and executes a jumping elbow drop to Vita’s lower back! Fury then turns her back to Vita as she taunts the crowd!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Miss Fury seems to enjoy having her way with her former friend, but she’d do well not to turn her back on Vita!”
Sure enough Vita springs up like nothing ever happened! Fury turns around to see Vita lunging at her, but doesn’t have time to block the knife edge chop that echoes through the arena! Miss Fury fires back with a right hook, but Vita dodges under it, slipping to the side in the process and catches Fury with another knife edge chop that backs Fury right into the corner where she leans against the ropes. Vita takes a few steps back to gain a head of steam, and rushes into the corner with a running double knee splash, but Fury moves at the last possible moment, leaving VV to hit the turnbuckle instead! Fury escapes the ring again as Graves and Oswald tend to her. Ari doesn’t think to count. Vita’s back up and calls for Fury to get back into the ring, but Fury ignores her as she is apparently giving instructions to Graves and Oswald.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Continuing this match seems to be the last thing of the mind of Miss Fury right now!”
Graves jumps up on the apron and whispers something to Ari. Suddenly Ari begins to count!
1!
2!
3!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Not this again!”
Vita launches herself over the top rope with a springboard moonsault to Oswald and Fury on the outside!
4!
5!
6!
Vita rushes to her feet and breaks the count by sliding in and out of the ring! Ari looks frustrated as he restarts the count!
1!
2!
Vita pulls Fury to her feet and drags her to the apron!
3!
4!
Suddenly Graves blast Vita in the face with a big boot from outta nowhere!
5!
6!
Graves yells at Ari to stop counting, which he does!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “So now XWF officials are taking orders from Micheal Graves!?”
Graves helps Fury to her feet. Fury gives some more instructions to Graves before entering the ring. Shouts at Oswald to grab Vita, which he does and holds her up in a full nelson. Graves spits a huge ball of fire into Vita’s face!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Oh my god!”
But Vita ducked it, leaving Oswald to catch the full blast of flame with HIS face! Oswald drops to the ground kicking his feet and covering his face. Graves tries to think on his feet and charges Vita, but thinking on his feet isn’t Graves strong suit, and Vita easily dodges his clumsy attack and catches him with a drop toe hold that causes his face to collide with the ring steps!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Holy shit, Vita just single handedly took out BOB!”
Fury is all over Ari, ordering him to count her out, but it’s too late, Vita is back in the ring!
Fury rushes her, but Vita catches her with an arm drag that tosses her across the ring. Fury pounds the mat in frustration and rushes in again, this time with a closeline that Vita ducks before catching Fury with a rollup from behind!
..
..
..
KICKOUT!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Ari Silverstein isn’t even trying to put on the illusion that this is a fair fight! Vita totally just pinned the champ!”
Vita jumps to her feet and argues with Ari. Of course he warns her that he’ll DQ her if she touches him!
Fury’s back up and uses the distraction to slip the brass knuckles out of her boot and onto her hand. Fury waits for Vita to turn around before…
*BLAM!*
Wait no! Vita ducked the loaded fist and fires back with an unloaded fist of her own! Fury is stunned as the brass knuckles fly off of her hand! Vita whips her into the corner, and rushes in with a double knee smash! Fury stumbles out of the corner where Vita catches her in the Rings of Saturn!
Miss Fury taps!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “FURY TAPS, WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!”
Except, Ari doesn’t call it, even when Fury is begging for the submission! Why? Because he decided to slip on his Beats Studio 3 Wireless headphones that may have been a gift from BOB for the fantastic job he did last Anarchy. So while Fury is begging for an end, Ari is jamming out to his newest mixtape!
Vita releases the hold and gets in Ari’s face. Ari just smiles and points to his shirt, reminding Vita that he has all the power here.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “As long as Ari Silverstein is officiating this match, there’s no way Vita’s going to get a fair shake!”
Graves rushes in from behind, but Vita almost seems to have a sixth sense as she ducks out of the way, Graves collides with Ari Silverstein, leveling him with a vicious clothesline! Graves, confused, turns looking for Vita just in time to catch her feet!
EAT DEFEAT!
Graves is rocked across and out of the ring by the powerful shotgun dropkick! Suddenly Oswald slides in. Vita has plenty of time to see him coming, but what she doesn’t see coming is double knees from the top rope by Thunder Knuckles! Vita crashes to the mat as Oswald laughs.
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Not that the previous one was very good, but now that there’s no official, anything goes!”
TK grabs Vita’s right foot and plants it into the canvas with an impactful DDT!
THUNDER STRIKE!
Finally, Mika Hunt slides into the ring to install order. The first thing she does is eject Graves, Oswald, and TK! Graves and the gang reluctantly back up the stage as Fury and Vita both struggle to get back to their feet. Fury’s first, and she stomps over to Vita, grabbing her by the hair and leading her back to a vertical base. Mika warns her to release the hair, but Fury ignores her and slings Vita into the corner chest first! Fury blacks off to get a running start, then rushes in with double knees to the lower back! Vita slinks down in the corner, holding her back. Fury props her back up and delivers a couple of forearms to the back of the head to keep her in place before lining up and hitting the double knees again!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Vita’s in a bad way and I’m not too sure that she can come back from all of this!”
Setting her up in the ropes, Fury locks in the Fury’s Gate (Rope Hung Boston Crab)! Mika warns her to get off the ropes before starting a 5 count!
1!
2!
3!
4!
5!
Mika calls for the bell!
Winner via DQ - Vita Valenteen… And STILL champion MISS FURY!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “She got herself disqualified on purpose so that she wouldn’t lose the belt! Even after all the interference from BOB, Miss Fury STILL took the easiest way out!”
Fury collects her belt and quickly exits up the stage as the fans shit all over her for the shitty ending to this match! Fury revels in their dissatisfaction as Vita fumes in the ring!
BUT LANE HAS A MICROPHONE!
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "Not so fast Miss Fury! The show may be called Anarchy, but I'm not letting this brand or that championship be represented here at Relentless by such a cheap ending!"
Miss Fury and her BOBs start spazing!
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "This match is restarting, and if ANY of your goons get involved, you lose that championship!"
Various officials, most of them unfamiliar faces, rush out to escort the members of BOB to the back. Graves starts to put up a fight, but Fury motions for him to leave, and he does along with BOB.
Fury heads back down to the ring, an angry scowl showing through her cowl. She climbs up the steps, hesitant to reenter the ring where VV is pacing like a mag dog.
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "Miss Fury's demeanor has done a complete 180 now that she can't rely on her BOB goons!"
Fury hands the belt to Mika who holds it up for the cameras before passing it off to Tig’s.
*Ding Ding!*
Vita charges straight in, pancaking Miss Fury with a cross body! Vita quickly transitions into a mounted position and begins unloading right hands to Fury's skull!
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "Vita Valenteen is like a woman possessed and Miss Fury doesn't know what to do in this situation!"
Vita hops up, pumped, and jumps to the apron! Miss Fury is dazed and struggles back to her feet. As Fury stands, Vita springs off the ropes!
EAT DEFEAT!
Fury bounces up quick, but it's obvious that she's out of it! Vita moves in with a front kick that doubles her over!
CANADIAN DESTROYER!
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane: "This could be it, all she needs to do is make the cover!"
But Vita doesn't attempt the pin as she normally would after that combination. Instead she drops down on top of Miss Fury and locks in the RINGS OF SATURN!
Miss Fury is only in the hold for mere seconds before she begins to feverishly tap out!
Winner and NEW Anarchy Champion - Vita Valenteen!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane: “Congratulations to out NEW Anarchy champion Vita Valenteen! She over came the odds and prison!"
Steve Sayors is standing backstage, his microphone in hand as Thaddeus Duke’s entourage walks by. By entourage, we mean his family, followed by Thaddeus himself walking by on a pair of crutches. Paul Heyman stops by Steve.
”Hello again, Steven,” Heyman greets Sayors with a smile.
”Mr. Heyman, just how bad is Thaddeus Duke’s knee?”
”The crutches are precautionary, Mr. Sayors.”
”So you’re prepared to say that the planned match between your client and Chris Chaos will go down as scheduled?”
Heyman smiles a little.
”Absolutely,” he says with conviction.
”Did you advise him to go through with this match?”
”Oh Steven! Did you finally get your journalism degree in the mail from Trump University?” he quips. ”I’m not his client. He’s mine, Steven. I follow his lead, and I do what he asks of me. The knee has been checked by qualified physicians and while they do not recommend him competing, he’s not in danger of permanent injury at this time.”
”So it is injured then. How severe is it sir?”
”We’ll know more in a few days.”
”If it WAS up to you… would Thaddeus Duke be competing tonight?”
”If it was up to me, Thaddeus wouldn’t have competed LAST night, Steven. But he’s young. He’s hungry. He made promises to his fans that he has every intention of keeping those promises.”
”Has Theo Pryce or Vinnie Lane given him the okay to go tonight?”
”Our camp has been in constant contact with Pryce, Lane and Raven, and they with us. The liability waiver is signed, sealed, delivered and Thaddeus Duke versus Chris Chaos is a guarantee.”
”Thank you, Paul.”
”No Steven, please. The pleasure is all yours.” Heyman slaps Sayors in the shoulder and walks up the hallway.
”Heather, Pip, back to you.”
Perfection rolls across the tron as "Gunfight" by sick puppies begins to play. Ares Creed steps out from the back and begins his walk down the ramp toward the ring. Once he's reached the bottom of the ramp he stops, smirks, and flexes his arms before jumping onto the apron on the ring. Sparks fly from all four corners of the ring as Are's steps in through the middle ropes making his way to the middle of the ring. Once reaching the middle of the ring he once again smirks before hitting his chest then raising his fist in the air.
The entire stadium goes black as the song begins. Slowly, the X-Tron begins to show scarce, glowing embers, the light of each one illuminating smoke growing at the entrance of the ramp. As the song continues, more embers are seen until a large fire is displayed on the screen. The ramp then glows Ned's famous blue, revealing a silhouette in the smoke. Slowly stepping from the fog is none other then Notorious Ned Kaye. He stops for a moment, calming himself in front of the clamoring crowd. He lifts an arm, eyeing the stands to watch the many audience members who follow suit. With a single smile, he drops his arm and rushes towards the ring, slipping in from under the bottom rope, picking himself up immediately.
MATCH #2
The two men stare off at each other, Referee Lawanda Sass standing between them. Ned's fists are clenched tight, a look of pure focus glued upon his face as Ares's smug grin gazes back at him.
HHL: After the weeks of torment by Chaotic Inc, Ned finally has a chance to take him on. He's got a lot to prove here.
PC: I think it's even worse than that Heather. Ares is making his singles debut in the XWF tonight. This match mean a lot to him and you can only imagine how much it would please Chris Chaos to know that Ned's first real match against one of his people ends in complete failure.
Sass calls for the bell.
*DING, DING*
With a sudden burst of explosive energy, Ned takes two long strides and hits Creed with a standing dropkick, staggering the big man slightly while Kaye sprints towards the ropes, bouncing off them to land a spinning heel kick straight to the jaw of Ares Creed! But Ares is still standing! Not giving his a opponent a chance to respond, The Notorious One connects with a huge superkick, the thunderous clap reverberating through the arena! Ares drops to one knee, favoring his jaw and Ned backs up to the opposite side of the ring and rushes forward, landing The Notorious Knee!
PC: "Ned is trying to end this match before it even has a chance to start!"
HHL: "And it's looking like he might actually get away with it!"
Ares gets up easily, never dropping from his knee as Ned gets to the top turnbuckle, the crowd cheering him on as he does! He points at Ares and leaps to the now standing Creed!
PC: "He's got Ares set up for The Ego Crusher!"
But as Ned leaps to try hit the hurricanrana, Creed twists around and counter with a flapjack. As Kaye holds his face, preparing to get up, Ares walks towards his prey easily, showing no damage from Ned's all out assault.
PC: "Ned put such a good foot forward for his returning match, but none of that seems to have meant more than a light sweat to Creed!"
HHL: "As despicable as he and Chaotic Inc. are, there's a reason they call the man a perfectionist. He's in perfect shape, perfect condition, and he's perfectly fine taking whatever Ned's got!"
PC: "And Kaye's relatively poor upper strength does him no favors if Creed is as adverse to weakness as he seems."
Creed intercepts the recovering Kaye and wraps an arm around his neck, punishing him with a snap DDT! As the perfectionist rises to his feet, he looks down at his opponent, fighting to get back up, only to stomp on his neck and send his face right back into the mat. Seeing an opportunity to make Ned suffer, he locks in a sharpshooter, smiling out at the crowd and the sea of boos. Ned winces through the pain, doing everything he can to get closer to the ropes, using all of his strength to pull himself within range, Creed preparing to drag him back to center ring, but Ned gets a hand on the ropes! Ref Sass yells at Ares to break the hold, although Creed takes his time in doing so.
As Kaye tries to regain some focus, slumped against the middle rope, Ares whips himself into the opposite ropes and then hits Ned with a leapfrog body guillotine! He takes one step back and drives his knee into Ned's neck, further choking him with the ropes! Sass calls for the break!
"ONE!"
"TWO!"
"THREE!"
The referee pushes Creed back, who begins to backpedal willingly, ignoring the admonishing. Meanwhile, Ned catches his breath, gasping and coughing as he stands up, rushing towards Ares and locking up! Unfortunately for Ned, Ares easily overpowers him and throws him to the side, allowing Ned to scramble to his feet only to hit him with his signature move: Pressure!
HHL: "Ned's gotta know he can't beat this guy through sheer strength. He's getting sloppy and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it'll cost him..."
Ned writhes on the ground, his adversary lifting him up with one arm and hitting a destructive swinging neckbreaker on him! Creed grapples Ned's limp body and brings him to the turnbuckles, positioning Ned for a superplex and preforming it flawlessly, the arena going silent as the violent crash of Ned's body hits the ringmat.
Ares pins Ned, looking out at the crowd proudly. Sass begins the count...
ONE!
...KICKOUT!
Ned's arm shoots up, the crowd going insane at the man's spirit!
HHL: "How the hell did Kaye manage that?!"
PC: "Ares might have the physical advantage, but he's not fighting for people! He's not fighting for family! This is the man who helped abduct his mother, the man who bludgeoned him with his father's ashes! You're goddamn right he'd kickout at one of anything short of getting hit by a train!"
Ares smirks, picking Ned up once again and lifting him for a spinebuster, as Ned manages to lift his legs up and over Creed's shoulders, flipping him with a textbook hurricanrana, managing to secure a pin!
ONE!
KICKOUT!
Ares pushes Ned into the air, The Notorious One landing on his feet as Ares begins to get up! Kaye runs towards him and manages to get an arm around Creed's neck, leaping over him and hitting a standing sitout shiranui! Creed is finally down on the mat for once, prone for only a few seconds! Ned sees his chance and lands a standing shooting star press on him. As Ares starts to get back up, ready to give dish out more pain to Ned, Ned gets to the top turnbuckle, hops around and hits The Ego Crusher!
Ned pins Ares, ready to put an end to this match!
ONE!
TWO!
...KICKOUT!
PC: "Are you kidding me?"
HHL: "A definitive kickout from Ned's finisher at two. If Ned even wants a chance at winning, he needs to adapt."
Ned catches his breath as Creed rises, trying to surprise Creed with a double knee only for Ares to catch Ned, tossing him to the outside! Kaye crashes to the ground with a rough landing while Creed slips out of the ring. He walks over to the prone Kaye, grabbing him by his hair and whipping him into the steel barriers at ringside! Ned's back connects as he yelps in pain. Referee Sass begins to count them out!
"ONE!"
Creed repositions Ned's body on the barrier, steps a few paces back and leapfrog body guillotine onto the steel barrier!
"TWO!"
Ned clutches his throat, walking up the ramp to get some space in between Creed and himself.
"THREE!"
Ares, seeing an opportunity to capitalize on Ned's vulnerability on the outside of the ring, slides back into the ring for only a moment before going back out. Sass begins to restart the count while Ares persues Ned like a shark to a bleeding fish.
"ONE!"
Ares grabs Ned by his hair only to be met by a punch straight to his jaw! It hardly phases him, but it certainly amuses the perfectionist. He tosses Ned further up the ramp as Kaye collapses.
"TWO!"
Ares clutches onto Kaye's hair again, getting him in position for a swinging neckbreaker, but Ned breaks free, countering with a step-up enzuigiri! Ares definitely feels the kick, staggering a bit as Ned climbs up a bit of the stage props and lands a kneedrop, crashing Ares into the ramp!
"THREE!"
Ned breathes heavily and looks at his opponent, realizing he won't stay down for long. Ned looks up to the X-Tron as the crowd cheers, overcoming his fear of heights to climb upward!
"FOUR!"
Ned pulls himself up, bit by bit to get closer to the top! Ares slowly comes to his feet, Ned's attacks finally showing visible pain to him.
"FIVE!"
Ned makes it to the top of the X-Tron surrounded by the torrent of cheers! He takes a deep breath and jumps...!
MOONSAULT FROM THE X-TRON!!!
IT CONNECTS WITH ARES, DROPPING HIM HARD ONTO THE RAMP!
"SIX!"
Ned limps to the ring, breathing heavy, hoping this might have ended it!
"SEVEN!"
Kaye gets closer, hallway down the ramp as Ares gets up, noticeably fatigued, fighting through that huge move as best he can!
"EIGHT!"
NED MAKES IT TO THE RING! He rolls in, laying flat on his back as his opponent approaches still! Ares is halfway down the ramp!
"NINE!"
Ares stumbles, clutching his side as he tries to speed up and make it in...!
...
BUT HE JUST CAN'T MAKE IT IN TIME!
"TEN!"
Ares slides into the ring, exhausted as he makes it in at the eleven count!
WINNER BY COUNTOUT
"NOTORIOUS" NED KAYE
PC: "It might not have been the prettiest victory, but you know Ned has to be happy with getting a even one receipt versus Chaotic Inc!"
The crowd cheers Ned on as he raises his fist, lying on his back and seeing his fans do the same. And as he sees them follow suit, he smiles, happy to be home.
HHL: Well, Universe, this match came together a bit last minute. Paul Heyman stopped Chris Chaos in the hallway Friday Night in Santa Monica and laid down a challenge on behalf of his client and Chaos accepted!
PIP: Thaddeus Duke promised he’d have a match tonight and the kid delivered!
HHL: Chris Chaos is the new number one contender to the Universal Championship, Pip!
PIP: He is and it seems as though, Chris Chaos has righted the ship and is getting back on track!
The bell rings and all eyes are on the ring announcer in the center of the ring.
RA: The following contest…. Is a Xtreme Rules match, set for one fall!
RA: Introducing first… from Clearwater, Florida… weighing in at 2 hundred 40 pounds…. CHRRRRRRRIS!
CHAAAAAAAOOOOOOS!
The words "FOLLOW ME" show up on the X-Tron screen as smoke billows at the entrance. Blue and white lights flicker. At the 10 second mark, he steps through the smoke wearing his jacket (Rated R Edge trench coat). Looking to both sides of the crowd. He walks slowly to the ring until he gets about 3/4 of the way down, then jogs and slides into the ring (edge style)...When he gets into the ring he gets up on the far turnbuckle and gets up on it, throwing both arms up.
HHL: Chris Chaos, Pip, as mentioned, will go on to face the winner of tonights Universal title match at the next pay per view!
PIP: He earned that right, one way or another!
RA: Annnd his opponent...
The X-Tron lights up with Duke’s Lionheart logo causing the fans to cheer, hoot, holler, do all the thngs.
HHL: It remains to be seen, Pip, if Thaddeus Duke is really even in any condition to go tonight!
PIP: His knee was injured at the hands of Chris Page and Robert Main Friday night in that instant classic match, then he had a House of Horrors match last night, Heather, he can’t be in good physical shape!
HHL: What else remains to be seen is Thaddeus Duke, Pip. Where the hell is he?
MATCH #3
CUT!
THE MUSIC!
Paul Heyman emerges from backstage, uncharacteristically cutting off the entrance of Thaddeus Duke.
Chris Chaos!
Look at me!
Heyman saunters down the ramp, stopping about half way.
Chris, you have no one behind you in this company. You have no one in your ear telling you the things you need to hear.
HHL: What’s going on here?
I know you and my client aren’t friends. I know there’s no love at all between the two of you, but allow me the opportunity to… make a proposal of sorts.
PIP: Uhhhhhhhh?
HHL: A what?
Don’t talk, Chris, just listen.
Chris leans on the ropes, not taking his eyes off of Paul Heyman.
As Leap of Faith came to a close, Chris. My client was riding high into August. Then he ran into a rather large roadblock named Robbie Bourbon. Despite standing up and going toe to toe with Bourbon, my client failed. Then he did it again, and failed. Then lost his TV title to a pair of handcuffs.
Then…
Then Chris, he called me. He called me and what happened, Chris? He destroyed Mastermind on Warfare, he defeated you, he beat Chris Page, he stopped short of setting Mastermind on fire just last night before beating him despite a serious knee injury and he’s been like a brand new man, Chris.
Suddenly and quietly, Thaddeus Duke hops the fan barricade dressed in his ring gear wielding a kendo stick to the delight of the crowd.
PIP: I think it’s a setup!
HHL: Pip Collins, ladies and gentlemen!
It’s not a secret, Chris. Thaddeus has had your number for three years. THREE! YEARS! Yeah, we know. You don’t care about Thaddeus Duke. But listen… he’s had your number and even you can agree with that.
Imagine for a second...
Thad slides in the ring quickly, but quiet as a mouse. He doesn’t even shake the ring. He stands, twirling the kendo stick like a baseball bat.
Imagine the two of you on the SAME side! With his newfound… chaotic nature… no pun intended. And your… what is it you have, actually Chris?
Nevermind, it’s not important.
Heyman makes his way to the ring steps and climbs up to the apron.
What would you say, Chris, if Paul Heyman was standing in the corner and Thaddeus Duke was standing behind you?
No really.
Heyman points behind Chaos, Chris turns and…
WHACK!
Thad swings the kendo stick overhand, nailing Chaos in the head. Chaos falls to the mat, clutching his head and kicking his feet as the referee signals for the bell.
Heyman turns to the crowd: Ladies and gentlemen!
The SULTAN!
OF SWING!
Chaos goes to get up, but Thad hits him again. And again. And again. And again. Like a man possessed. Thad backs off, the kendo stick splintering already from the vicious swings he’s taken at Chaos. Chaos is reeling and getting to his feet, and Thad pounces into action. From behind, he places the kendo stick against Chaos’s throat and delivers a side Russian legsweep.
Thad rolls over and gets back to his feet, the kendo stick still in hand, he snaps it in half across his knee and throws the broken halves out of the ring. Thad reaches down and grabs Chaos by his hair and pulls him to his feet. He pulls him over near the ropes and nonchalantly tosses him through the ropes and out of the ring. Duke follows him out.
HHL: Not content to keep it in the ring tonight, Pip!
PIP: I think he likes playing a little dirty.
Chaos gets to his feet on the outside and turns around into a knife edge chop from Duke. Then a second. The chops leave a red welt on Chaos’s chest as he’s sent reeling away from Duke. Chaos turns to find Thad again, but takes a roundhouse kick to the side of the head sending him stumbling backward and into the corner of the barricade to the right of the entrance ramp.
Thad charges after Chaos, but at the last second, Chaos ducks down and sends Thad high into the air over his head. Agile and nimble, Thad lands on his feet on the barricade but Chaos thinks quickly, delivering a hard shot to Thad’s injured right knee. Duke falls off the barricade to the ringside area. He shakes off the knee strike as he gets to his feet…
HHL: SPEAR FROM CHAOS!
The spear into Thad sends him crashing hard in the corner of the barricade and the barricade gives way allowing both Duke and Chaos to spill into the ringside seating area. Chaos gets to his feet as Thad stays sprawled out on his back. Chaos pushes a young fan out of their chair and takes said chair. Thad rolls over to his hands and knees and Chaos swings and slams the chair against his back, collapsing him in the process. Chaos swings and hits him again, and then a third time. He goes to hit him a fourth but a member of Duke Nation grabs the chair, stopping him.
Chaos turns his attention to the fan with a crazed look in his eyes. The guy shoves Chaos and Chaos staggers backward only to charge forward and spear the fan to the floor causing the fans to boo him more than ever. Chaos gets to his feet and lays in a few stomps to the fallen fan.
Chris turns around to find Thaddeus, but Duke has crawled several feet away, heading toward the entrance staging. Chaos gives chase and grabs a metal trash can en route. Because metal trash cans are all the rage these days. As Thad reaches the staging area, Chaos drives the trash can down across his back, causing him to fall flat on the floor all over again.
Chaos reaches down and grabs Thad by his hair and lifts him to his feet. Chaos goes to whip him into the barricade next to the stage, but Thad reverses, sending Chaos crashing into the barricade instead. Thad then climbs up onto the stage and lies there, trying to regain his wind and trying to shake the cobwebs.
Meanwhile, Chaos recovers somewhat quickly, still on the floor below the staging. He finds a table set up near by and clears it before folding it up and sliding it up on the stage. Chaos then climbs up on the stage himself. Once up on stage, Chris takes some time to set up the legs of the table as Thad starts to get to his feet. Chaos though thinks quickly and grabs Duke in a front face lock before sending him head first into the steel stage surface with a DDT.
Momentum clearly in his favor, Chaos doesn’t want to relent. He gets back to his feet quickly and eyeballs the table, then back at Thad. He lifts Thad to his feet but Thad leaps into the air and lands a dropkick to the chin of Chris Chaos sending him crashing to the stage.
HHL: There’s that famous Thad Duke quickness!
PIP: There are very few competitors that can match his speed!
As Duke wills his way to his feet, Chaos is getting to his as well. Thad grabs Chaos in a front face lock but receives a knee to his midsection in response. Still in the face lock, Chaos goes to lift Duke in the air for a vertical suplex but eats a stiff European uppercut to his jaw, staggering him backwards. Thad returns the midsection kick from earlier, doubling Chaos over.
Once again, a front face lock is applied and Thad lands a snap suplex sending both of their bodies into the steel grating. Thad though, hangs on and floats over, lifting Chaos up with him before delivering a second snap suplex. He hangs on again and brings Chaos to his feet before sending him down a third time with the snap suplex completing the Three Amigo’s.
Both men lie on the grating for several moments, trying to regain their wind. Both men begin to stir at the same time. Both men get to their hands and knees at the same time. Both men reach their feet at the same time. Thad tries to charge forward but his ailing knee gives out on him, causing him to fall to both knees on the grating. Chaos acts quickly to the development and grabs Thad by his hair and pulls him back to his feet only for him to send Thad into the framing below the X-Tron.
Thad leans against the framing as an incensed Chaos charges at him for a spear. Thad though, rolls his body to his right as Chaos goes in for the kill. Thad is cleared and Chaos drives himself headfirst into the steel X-Tron framing. Chaos falls to the stage floor and Thad grabs a handful of his hair. Tired and winded, he pulls Chaos over to the table Chris set up several minutes ago and lifts him onto it.
Duke looks around for something to climb on but finds nothing, before turning around behind him and looks up at the X-Tron. Thad steps forward and starts to climb the X-Tron.
HHL: Where the hell is he going?
PIP: Up.
HHL: Up the X-Tron he goes, folks! It appears Thaddeus Duke is ready to air it out!
Thad reaches the bottom of the X-Tron screen framing and walks across, then leaps…
CRASH!
HHL: Jesus Christ!
PIP: Wow!
HHL: He just hit the Mother Of All Bombs off the X-Tron!
Thaddeus Duke puts his body on the line as he hits the shooting star press on Chaos, sending them both through the table. On the landing though, Thad’s bad knee strikes the grating and he’s in obvious pain. Heyman rushes to him as quick as he can, which isn’t that quick. As Thad writhes in pain on the grating, Heyman runs to the back.
Duke now, tries to get to his feet, but the searing pain in his knee won’t let him support his own weight. He crawls toward the X-Tron and uses the framing to climb to one foot. He limps around, trying to shake the pain.
HHL: A lot of people say he has more balls than brains and I think this is proof.
Moments later, Heyman re-emerges from backstage and approaches his client. Out of his pocket, he pulls a syringe. Paul rips the cap off and tosses it, then stabs the needle into the side of Thad’s knee. Duke squints, the pain nearly unbearable. Soon, he starts to work the knee a bit. The painkiller working enough that Thad can continue on.
Finally, he limps toward Chaos who hasn’t moved since the shooting star press. He reaches down and grabs Chaos by his hair, helping him to his feet. He limps toward the ring with Chaos’s hair still in his hands taking Chris with him. As they reach the ring area, Thad rolls Chaos into the ring and then rolls himself in and makes the cover.
1!
2!
HHL: Chaos gets a shoulder up!
PIP: This has been one hell of a matchup and until two days ago, wasn’t even scheduled!
HHL: It’ll be interesting to see how Duke’s injury will come into play now. He can’t fly and he can’t use his speed!
Thad gets to his feet slowly. He limps to the corner as Chaos starts to get up. Thad starts to rev up for his big kick and as Chaos turns to find him, Duke bursts from the corner with the Better Than You. Chaos ducks it though and Thad misses and loses his footing causing him to stumble. Chaos lunges for Thad nailing him with the spear as he turns around and goes for the cover.
1!
2!
HHL: And this time its Thaddeus Duke that survives!
Chaos is enraged that he didn’t get the three count and is up and in the referees face. Meanwhile Thaddeus Duke isn’t exactly staying down and has made it to his hands and knees. He clutches his right knee for several seconds as Chaos continues to teach the referee how to count to three. Duke gets to his feet and Chaos turns to find him.
SMACK!
HHL: BETTER THAN YOU! IT’S OVER!
PIP: I’m not sure he can make the cover!
After the superkick, Chaos is out and flat on his back but Thaddeus collapses to the mat. Winded, injured, beaten and battered by the events of Relentless, both men are down and not moving. After several seconds, Duke manages to crawl over to Chaos and drape an arm across his chest.
1!
2!
3!????????????????????????
HHL: CHAOS KICKED OUT!
PIP: I can’t believe it!
Both men are down and Thad lifts his head up, somewhat in shock that his big kick didn’t work. Slowly he gets to his hands and knees and crawls gingerly toward the corner, using the ropes and turnbuckles to aid him to his feet. He urges Chaos to get up and the crowd is on their feet. Thad starts to rev up as Chaos is beginning to make it to his feet. As Chaos makes it to an upright position, Thad bursts from the corner again with the Better Than You.
HHL: CHAOS WITH THE COUNTER!
As Thad bursts out of the corner, Chaos rushes toward him and catches him off guard, lifting him in a fireman’s carry, then send him to the mat with the Equalizer!!
HHL: This could be it! Thad's impressive PPV could end on a sour note!
Chaos falls over Thad for the cover....
1
2
REVERSED BY THAD!!!
HHL: Thaddeus Duke reversed the cover into the Hell's Gate submission hold!
PIP: Veteran move there by the young fella.
Thad has yanks bank using any and all leverage he can to really lock the hold in. Chaos is trying to fight it with everything he has but with every flailing of the arms Thad just locks it in harder....harder....HARDER....
HHL: This isn't looking good for Chaos.
The ref slides down and checks on Chaos, he lifts the arm once.....
IT FALLS!!!!
He lifts it a second time...
IT FALLS!!!!
Once more....
IT FALLS!!!! And the ref immediately signals for the bell.
Winner - THADDEUS DUKE
HHL: A hell of a match by both competitors. Neither of them should walk out of here disappointed with their efforts this weekend.
The lights are Caribbean colors! It's a party in Pasadena!
Hanari walks out onto the ramp, Dominican flag draped over his shoulder and around his neck. As he is introduced her walks down to the ring, stopping every so often to salsa.
[Pip]: For such a mean and nasty dude, he sure likes to have fun! [/white]
Heather: If he wasn't in Chaotic Inc, I may actually like him!
He steps into the ring and takes off the flag, handing it to the ring officials.
The beat kicks in and I Invented Sex echoes through the arena, the crowd cheers and parties! Balloons and streamers fall from the ceiling as Dick Powers saunters onto the ramp with a rose between his teeth and bounces his head smiling followed by his manager Riley Reed who smiles nodding his head to the rhythm. Dick drops to his knees and opens his arms wide, flaunting what he's got to the crowd as his pyro goes off behind him. He hops to his feet clapping, dancing and high fiving fans on his way to the ring. He jogs up the steps and climbs the top turnbuckle singing along to his theme as he poses to his adoring fans.
MATCH #4
Before he can get into the ring however, Hanari is on him. Clubbing blows takes Powers off balance as the lights come back on. Hanari kicks him a few times and elbows him in the back on the head.
He tries to crawl away but Hanari is on him. The Dominican has a snarl on his face. Picking Powers up as he gets to the corner, he stands him up against the post. Hanari begins to rain in body shots like a boxer. Powers tries to cover up. Hanari kicks at the upper thigh, making him buckle, and when his hands come down he begins to fire at the face again.
Powers is in a tough spot, but he is able to temporarily stop the onslaught he pokes at the eyes. Hanari holds his eye and steps back. Dick is able to kick Hanari in the leg this time to back him off even more, then climb the ropes and jump off, hitting a bulldog.
Dick Powers shakes off the initial attack, and picks up Hanari. He chops him once in the chest and whips him into the ropes. Hanari comes off the ropes, Powers goes for a clothesline, Hanari ducks and comes off the other way, going for his own clothesline, this time Powers ducks, and Hanari comes off the ropes again only to be hit by a standing dropkick by Powers. Hanari rolls under the ropes and out of the ring. Power gives the crotch chop to the crowd, then climbs the top rope. Hanari is up and Dick Powers comes off the top rope with a missle dropkick, sending Hanari back first into the barricade!
Pip: Powers knows he is going to have to get physical here. He has to keep Hanari off his feet, and use his athleticism and quickness before the weapons come out. Once the weapons come out, Hanari has the advantage.
Powers picks Hanari up and throws him head first into the ring post. The Dominican bounces off and Powers crotch chops him. He then positions himself a few feet from Hanari, signaling for him to get up. Hanari wobbles to his feet. Dick Powers runs, going for the running high knee but Hanari thinks quick on his feet, grabbing him and slamming him onto the steel steps outside. Powers tumbles off and immediately grabs at his back. Hanari stumbles away, using the apron to hold himself up.
Heather: Desperation move there from Hanari. Quick thinking but boy both of these men have taken bumps early. I guess it's extreme rules, you'd expect that.
Pip: I did expect some more technical, traditional wresting with an extreme finish but you never know whats in the XWF grab bag!
Hanari goes under the ring and pulls out a stop sign. He sets it up between two of the ring ropes, propped against the turnbuckle. Hanari walks over to Powers, picking him up by the head. He goes to walk towards the stop sign he placed, but Powers is trying to punch out of it. Hanari lets go, and Powers knees him in the gut. He climbs the apron, holding onto the ropes.
Springboard Plancha
He takes Hanari down again. Powers crawls under the ring. He pulls out a small bag that was hidden under the ropes. He throws the bag into the ring.
Hanari is back up and lunges, but Powers hits a drop toe hold and Hanari's face slams into the stop sign that he placed.
Dick walks Hanari around the outside of the ring, bouncing him off of various objects outside the ring. Hanari rolls back into the ring, and Dick is right on him.
Pip: Shockingly here, after the fast start by Carnes, its been all Powers here early on.
Hanari was able to buy himself a little time though by rolling into the ring. He knees Dick in the gut. Another club on the back of the neck and Powers goes to one knee. Hanari drives his knee up into the face of Powers, putting him on his back. Picking up his legs, he kicks to the lower solar plexus/groin area. Powers rolls over, covering up. Hanari see's the bag. He walks over to grab the bag.
Heather: I wonder what's in there?
Hanari is untying it, but Powers is back up and a pele kick drives Hanari back into the corner again. Powers sits him on the middle rope, and goes to lock him into a suplex. Hanari blocks it. Again. Blocks. A third time, blocks but Hanari this time is able to shift position. He is now standing with his back to the ring. He goes for the suplex and this time Powers blocks it. Again. Blocked. A third time, blocked but a frustrated Hanari punches Powers in the face and shoves him.
Off the top rope.
Pip: Look out!
Powers flies off the top and onto the announce table but it didn't break. Hanari jumps down and grabs the bag. Finally getting it untied he pulls out what's inside.
Instantly he flinches and drops it.
Pip: Dildo! It's a dildo! And by the thud it made when he dropped it, it may be a weighted dildo!
Powers has rolled off the table and is making his way towards the ring. Hanari baseball slides and sends Powers back towards the table again, causing some mic static as he goes flying into it.
Hanari is on the outside now too. He yells at the ring announcer to give him the ring bell. He does.
Powers is back up.
HANARI LEVELS HIM WITH THE RING BELL.
Pip: My god! He damn near took Dick Power's head off! He is busted open!
Powers is out. Hanari takes minute to showboat, then locks in Viva La Republic.
Heather: The arm bar here but the point might be moot. Powers is unconcious.
Hanari wrenches the arm but no response from Powers, who was knocked out cold from the ring bell shot. The ref signals towards the timekeeper.......
But there is no bell.
Hanari sees this, however, and lets go, holding his arms up. He thinks he is victorious.
Pip: Carnes thinks he won this thing, but there was no bell rung. The ref was signaling towards the time keeper. The time keeper shrugs. The ref taps Hanari to tell him that there was never an official call. Just as Hanari is realizing, Powers rolls him up.
Small package, and a pin on the outside is legal in X-Treme Rules matches.
The ref gets down and counts.
1
2
Hanari pops out.
He looks furious, but a bloody Powers rolls into the ring as Hanari yells at the ref. Powers stumbles to his feet. Hanari flips off the ref and rolls into the ring, popping up and leveling Powers with a clothesline.
He sets him up right in the middle of the ring, and yells at the ref. "THIS TIME PAY ATTENTION!"
He locks in Viva La Republic again, this time on a concious Powers. Powers yells out and grabs at his arm but Hanari has it on tight in the center of the ring.
Pip: He's got him here, dead center in the middle of the ring. Nowhere for Powers to go! This is what he talked about...either tap out or he'll break your arm. It's his MO!
Heather: Wait a second......Powers is reaching.......
He reaches towards the ropes but he is too far away. Then, it becomes clear. He is reaching for the weighted dildo.
Reaching............
Reaching............
Almost...........
He gets it.
Swinging his arm around, he whaps Hanari on the head with it and he breaks the hold. Powers rolls over, tucking his arm under himself and gasping.
Heather: That was a dick move.
Pip: Clever
Hanari rolls out of the ring. Powers is on his feet, favoring his arm. He rolls out of the ring. He meets Hanari at the end of the ramp. Hanari punches Powers in the arm, and then grabs it and whips him into the barricade, back first. He walks him up the ramp, bouncing him off the barricade by his head every couple of feet. When they get to the X-Tron, Powers ducks a haymaker from Hanari and tackles him, driving him back first into the barricade. Powers lifts Hanari....but he can't get him up for the suplex with his bad arm. He tries to lift him but can't. Hanari blocks the suplex and shoves him off. He goes to clothesline Powers, but he ducks with the drop toe hold, planting Hanari's face onto the steel.
Powers, realizing his arm is going to jeapordize him, begins to climb the X-Tron.
Pip: Where does he think he's going?!
Heather: He knows that arm is useless. Hanari did what he needed to do to neutralize that arm and Powers has to improvise.
He slowly climbs to the top.
Hanari is up and gives chase.
Pip: And Hanari is going to join the party.
Hanari, with two good arms, is climbing much faster.
Both men are on top of the X-Tron.
Pip: BOTH MEN ARE UP THERE! HIGH ABOVE THE ROSE BOWL! THIS IS A DANGEROUS SITUATION!
Hanari punches Dick twice. Dick uses his good arm, which is not his strong arm, to fire back. Hanari kicks at the leg, and Dick almost slips. Hanari goes for a high kick, but Powers catches his leg with his off arm. Hanari is now trying to balance on one leg.
Enziguri!!!!!!
Hanari stumbles.
Powers grabs him by the neck and..........
TOSSES HIM OFF THE TOP OF THE X-TRON!!!!!!!
HANARI FALLS, LANDING ON THE SIDE OF THE STAGE WITH A CRASH!!!!!!! SPARKS FLY FROM THE ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT!!!
Powers goes to one knee holding his arm.
He looks down at the carnage below as EMT's and medical teams run out. The crowd is silent.
Pip: OH MY GOD! HANARI MAY BE DEAD! WE MAY HAVE JUST WITNESSED A MAN DIE LIVE ON PAY PER VIEW!
The ref looks around not really sure how to proceed when Dick yells to him to count it...
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10!!
The ref calls for the bell due to failure to answer the ten count.
WINNER - DICK POWERS
Pip: We need to cut to the break. Can we go to commercial? Do we have commercials on a Pay Per View?
The shot goes to the interior of Vincent Lane's office for the Relentless PPV. Vinnie's on the phone with an unknown party, and we can only hear his end of the conversation. But based on his expression, it doesn't seem like this is idle chit chat.
Uh huh.
…...
And you're sure....?
…...
Yikes.
…...
No, no, we'll cut to it right now. And I'll definitely let you know if I think of anything.
Lane hangs up the phone and looks to his right, where Roxy is pouring herself a drink. She's not looking at Vinnie as she does so. So, let me guess, she's scared to show her.... Roxy looks up and finally catches sight of Vinnie's expression, which is shot through with concern. Oh, that bad?
The shit's gonna hit the fan.
Quite abruptly, the shot cuts to....Key West, Florida? We see what looks to be a sheriff standing at a podium, ready to make some sort of announcement. Members of the local media are present, chattering amongst themselves and seemingly having no idea what this is about. Finally, the sheriff adjusts his mic and starts to speak.
Hello, my name is Sheriff Dan Southern from the Monroe County Sheriff's Department. At 2:30 PM this afternoon, at the request of the management of the Extreme Wrestling Federation and the campaign of Joe Biden, we conducted a welfare check at the estate of Madison Dyson. I am sorry to announce that upon completion of this check, two deceased individuals were found, and they have been positively identified as Daniel “Tekashi 69” Hernandez and Madison Dyson.
The press is suddenly buzzing with activity. The sheriff holds up his hands. Please...please, we will answer select questions at the end. Now, it was evident from the manner of death that some sort of foul play was involved. Due to the nature of the crime and the victims, this investigation will be carried out jointly with the FBI. Now, I turn your attention to the man who will be heading up this investigation, Special Agent Shaft Blackman.
The Sheriff steps aside and a guy who looks like this takes the podium.
Special Agent Blackman, who emphatically does NOT remove his sunglasses, simply stands there silently for a moment. The press corps waits with baited breath for him to speak. And they're jolted from their seats when he does.
DAYUM! He claps a hand down on top of the podium thunderously. Scowling, he looks out at the masses. It figures we lose another beautiful Nubian Goddess to some senseless ass shit! He shakes his head slowly. Oh, we gonna get straight to the bottom of this shit, you can belie' 'dat! He runs a hand down the bottom half of his face in exasperation. What a waste of some sweet caramel milkers. God dammit!
Some of the members of the press corps look at each other in befuddlement.
But yeah, Madison Dyson and Tekashi 69 were shot. And it definitely wasn't no murder suicide bullshit neither. Somebody done got to 'em. I'll take some questions from ya'all muthafuckas. You there. He points to a member of the press corps who had been raising his hand tentatively.
So, do you already have some potential suspects in mind?
Special Agent Blackman sucks his teeth in annoyance. Damn son, you a puddin' head. 'Course we do! 'Course we do! And I'mma start with those crazy ass muthafuckas in the XWF! He stabs a finger in the direction of the camera. I'mma get to interviewin' some a them in the weeks to come. Yeah, you! He points to another reporter.
Could it also be possible this was gang related? Tekashi 69 had a lot of enemies.
Oh he sure did! And we followin' those leads too. Gonna get those niggas sorted if they had somethin' to do with the death of this divine Chocolate Goddess. He gestures to another reporter. It better not be stupid!
Oh...uh, uh....well, I was just going to ask if there was a possibility this was all some sort of hoax or wrestling storyline. Madison Dyson was known to play tricks on people to try to “work” them, as they say in the industry.
Shaft Blackman's sunglasses come OFF! His nose flares, his eyes shooting daggers at the impertinence of this reporter!
Tell me you didn't....! He bristles. Listen you glue sniffer, I was in the room having to look at that beautiful curvacious African Queen's body! I saw it for myself! I saw the indignity of that Mocha Madonna's post mortem bowel evacuation! You ever seen a dead beautiful woman push poop out of her pert little fudge button?! GODAMMIT! He slams his fist down on the podium. NEXT QUESTION YOU FUCKSTICKS!
Another reporter looks nervous but raises her hand anyway. Um...what was the status of Madison's bodyguard Mercy? Was she accounted for?
Hell naw she wasn't! That bitch was nowhere to be found so you best believe we lookin' for her ass! Now I'm done with all these dumbass questions. As for the XWF, yo asses better strap in for some serious questionin'! And anybody that DON'T comply gonna have to deal with me!
Special Agent Blackman puts his shades back on and steps away from the podium. The shot cuts back to the arena, and a shocked announce team.
PC: Wow! Shocking news here on the final day of Relentless. XWF star Madison Dyson has been found DEAD! What a loss.
HHL: …..is it though?
PC: Have some respect for the dead! Hey, do you think we're going to be questioned?
HHL: Well, I didn't have anything to do with her death!
PC: Sounds like something somebody would say if they're guilty of murder!
HHL: Oh please! Madison's list of enemies is miles long, I wouldn't even make it in the top 200!
PC: But somebody in the XWF might know something. Wow. Well, it's a tough transition but we need to plunge ahead with the show, folks.
HHL: Are you ready for this?
PC: I think I am, Heather. It's been a long time since these two have met face to face.
HHL: Well, aside from a heated game of checkers.
PC: True that, but I have a question.
HHL: Shoot, Pip.
PC: Where's all the barbed wire?
The following contest is a barbed wire deathmatch!
I WANNA ROCK!!
XWF Owner Vincent Lane strolls out from the back and stops at the top of the stage. He looks behind him and waits for someone.
HHL: Oh, here comes Vincent Lane!
PC: Hey, is that?
HHL: That's LH Harrison!
Former XWF superstar LH Harrison makes his way out behind Lane and the two of them make their way down to the ring.
HHL: Fans this is something here. It was these two and the two XWF superstars waiting to enter that battled five years ago at Relentless for the Universal Championship. LH Harrison could not participate due to injury, but Gator, Vincent Lane, and Doctor Louis D'Ville got. It. On.
PC: I wonder what they're up to?
Lane and Harrison both hop into the ring. Producing a pink microphone out of nowhere, the XWF Owner smiles and winks to the crowd.
Vinnie: So, have I got a surprise for you guys! Actually, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would ya'll prefer to hear first?
Vincent holds the microphone out towards the crowd and paces a couple steps back and forth.
Vinnie: The good news? Well! Obviously one part of it is, that's right there's two parts to the good news, the man standing next to me RIGHT NOW. LH Harrison, ladies and gentlemen!
The crowd absolutely erupts at the announcement of the former XWF champion.
Vinnie: I know right? This guy rocks! He'll be joining me, as I'll be joining YOU, out here tonight to not only observe but provide LIVE commentary for this match this evening, You're welcome!
HHL: Uh oh.
Vinnie: You guys don't gotta go home, but you can't stay here! H and I have this one!
HHL: Well, I guess we'll see you folks again in a bit.
Vincent remains in the ring with a pouty look on his face.
Vinnie: And now for the bad news....
BOOOOOOOOOOOOO...........
Vinnie: I know, I know. Unfortunately, tonight ya'll are not going to see a Barbed Wire Deathmatch between Doctor Louis D'Ville and Gator.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Vinnie: I KNOW. Now, don't get me wrong. The match is still happening, dudes, but we weren't allowed all of that barbed wire in the Rose Bowl. That's what our Financial Superintentdant claims.... Everything like this has to go through him. And me. But him, too. It's outta my hands, man!
Vinnie: Eh? Eh? C'mon! As last minute as this was and the Prison matches... Ya know what? Did ya'll forget who are about to come out? I doubt you'll be disappointed.
Vincent polishes off his microphone and stuffs it back wherever he got it and the two guest commentators take their place at ringside!
Vinnie: What up, y'all! Former XWF Universal Champion, XWF Owner, XWF Legend, and MEGASTAR Vincent Lane here to bring you some of the raddest commentary you could ask for. What do you say, H?
It's wild that these two, so many years after meeting for the first time, are battling once again where Relentless has meant so much.
Vinnie: You know, Relentless five years ago, I beat---
LH: I was there, Vin. Remember?
Vinnie: Oh yeah.
Just then the arena goes dark.
LH: Oh boy.
A bright red fog sweeps the Rose Bowl and creeps into the ring. A giant shadow appears in the entrance way while two giant bonfires burn on each side of it.
Vinnie: I don't remember signing off on that.
The shadow becomes smaller and smaller until a white flash blinds your eyes and Doctor Louis D'Ville appears.
Vinnie: You cool, bro?
LH: Yeah, sure. It's just been awhile.
The doctor slowly makes his way out to the top of the ramp and edge of the stage where he stands and takes in the XWF Universe for the first time in a year. He takes a deep breath of the red smoke and puffs it out like a dragon. Before beginning down the ramp, he gives us a little vintage "Deadman arm raise", but very mockingly as the flames in the background play to his motions.
He takes his time coming down the ramp, reaches the ring, but makes the same turn that the guest commentators did. Doc makes his way over to the commentator's table and stares a hole through Vincent Lane as he passes, but completely changes once he sees LH Harrison. Like a snake just warming up to it's prey. Doc's concentration on Harrison breaks and he quickly turns and grabs the bottom rope. He looks back at Lane confused and tugs on the bottom rope.
Vinnie: Look up!
The doctor looks up, gives Lane a cross look and slithers into the ring. With his hands bound in one another he takes a quick circle around the inside of the ring before standing in the middle and once again taking into the universe that he's been away from for so long. He sulks in the center of the ring before the lights appear back on and Doc's gloomy atmosphere vanishes.
Vinnie: Be hard for Gates to top that.
The low, droning rhythm of Gardenia rumbles throughout the arena drowning out the roar of the crowd as the lights go dark. In the low light, smoke bellows from the ramp and a dim red hue lights the fog where we see dozens of figures wearing Gator's attire empty out onto ramp and make their way down to the ring, surrounding it as D'Ville watches curiously with a raised eyebrow. The Gator clones stand staring at the doctor on the inside and as the drums kick in the lights shine brightly covering the arena in a white light as the clones begin roaring and moshing around the ring and on the ramp, throwing beer into the air along with streamers. The crowd go wild as Gator walks down the ramp, shoving his clones out of the way as they brawl with one another. Gator's eyes don't leave the ring as he marches forward through the mess of bodies.
LH: "Man, feels like I'm at a concert. You enjoying this Vinnie?"
Vinnie doesn't answer as he leaps from the commentary table and stage dives into the Gator clones and makes a circle around the ring. Gator climbs onto the apron and scales the turnbuckle raising both hands as he is showered in multi-colored streamers and booze. The crowd and clones going wild giving him a hero's welcome. Vinnie returns to the booth looking a little out of breath.
Vinnie: Dude! That was so awesome! Man, it feels great to see these two again.
MATCH #5
As officials clear the ring. The two stand in their separate corners... Doc nestled back in the turnbuckles, stomping his hooves like a raging bull getting ready to charge. Gator cracks his neck and both knuckles as the bell rings and the two charge the middle of the ring.
Doc with a crazed look in his eye leaps into the air and swings a fist wildly at Gator who easily evades and catches Doc with a kick to the back of the head. Stumbling forward, Doc catches himself and attempts to lay into Gator with a lariat, but Gator ducks under that one bounces off the ropes and hits Doc with his own clothesline that sends the doctor slamming to his back.
Vinnie: Gator getting a quick start here!
LH: Yeah and Doc's waiting for his moment to strike.
Vinnie: Should be the other way around, alligators lay in the water while doctors are usually the strike first type of predator.
Gator looks down at Doctor who stays on the ground for a moment, Gator reaches a hand down to help him up with D'Ville gingerly accepts. Gator lifts D'Ville to his feet and immediately blindsides him with a forearm to the nose, Doc reels back as Gator rushes in with a heavy body blow which knocks Doc against the ropes, D'Ville's eyes widen and he bears his teeth. Gator rushes in for a high knee which D'Ville dodges under and Gator lands precariously on the apron, he spins around but D'Ville is literally in his face delivering a nasty headbutt. Gator is dazed, his hand clinging onto the top rope as he dangles drunkenly on the apron; D'Ville grabs Gator's neck and pulls him close to his face. With a smile D'Ville delicately and playfully begins to lift Gator's mask.
Vinnie: Oh my god! They're finally gonna kiss!
Gator's muscles tenses as he throws a nasty right hook into D'Ville's temple and knocks him away, Gator hops onto the top rope with a wobble and leaps off towards Doc who turns quickly and swats Gator from mid-air with a body slam. The wind leaves Gator's lungs as he crashes into the canvas; D'Ville gets to his knees and picks up Gator's head along with him and delivering a brutal knee to the face that knocks Gator away once again. Doctor cracks his neck and prods his boot at Gator before stomping on the back of his neck and in between his shoulder blades.
LH: Devilish placement of those stomps, wearing The Walking Disaster down so when Doc delivers his final move he'll be out for good.
Vinnie: D'Ville's swinging brainbuster is something nobody wants to take, trust me. Plus I can count the number of people who escaped his kata-ha-jime on one hand over his entire career. Both deadly, both focused around the neck.
Gator lays still on the ground from brutal stomps and D'Ville steps back with a slight stumble to inspect the kill. He turns to his corner and eyes the baseball bat.
"Hey! You docile old prick!"
Gator screams, upturning his mask to spit a mouthful of blood onto the canvas. D'Ville turns to him quizzically as Gator tries to gather the strength to stand.
"You need a weapon to beat me you giant pussy!? Fucking fight me cunt."
Gator pushes himself to his feet, almost falling over in the process and gets into a boxer's stance. D'Ville laughs heartily and returns to Gator with a low stance. The crowd cheer the two on as they size one another up; Gator darts forward and tackles D'Ville's legs picking him up and slamming him into the ground and quickly getting into a full mount, D'Ville is shocked and Gator releases a furious overhand into the bridge of D'Ville's nose which busts open immediatly. Gator rolls forward and kicks D'Ville's head away, grabbing his arm and locking in Choke Sermon! The crowd go ballistic!
LH: "Head Scissors locked in! Gator tying up D'Ville's arm in the process and pushing the elbow against his knee hoping for it to break or for Doc to pass out."
Vinnie gives a raspy cough.
Vinnie: Oh man, I didn't think this match would give me PTSD.
D'Ville tries to grab as Gator's legs with his free arm but Gator scrapes the heel of his boot over D'Ville's eyes and kicks the hand away. The ref gets in close looking to see if D'Ville will tap but it's way too early for that weak shit, D'Ville roaring as he powers through and turns his body to face Gator!
Elbow to the jaw!
And another!
Gator's hold loosens but sticks.
D'Ville's face turns a bright red as veins pop from his temples and he splutters a cough and spittle over Gator. Doc uses his free hand to cradle Gator's neck and with a huge amount of strength lifts Gator in the air and sprints to the turnbuckle with a grotesque thud. Gator drops to the floor crushed between an immovable object and an unstoppable force. D'Ville falls back wrapping a hand around his throat to clear his airways as he catches his breath. Gator tries to pick himself up but falls each time; Doctor grimaces and forces himself back to his corner and taking the bat, admiring it as the crowd cheer him on.
Vinnie: It's been a pretty close match so far but Doc just picked up an Ace.
D'Ville drags the barbwire bat behind him as he makes his way slowly to Gator who sits himself up in the corner and removes his masks to looks D'Ville in the eyes.
LH: Oh wow, never seen Gator without his mask.
Vinnie: He's ugly as sin, right? So pale and British looking.
Louis D'Ville chuckles as Gator lazily eggs D'Ville on to strike. Doc raises the bat up high and throws it down but Gator quickly moves his head and kicks up, hitting D'Ville with a low blow! Gator hastily gets up and grabs the cricket bat, swinging wide and missing D'Ville who returns with a homerun, batting Gator's ribs and tearing the bat away taking Gator's suit with him. D'Ville goes for another strike to the head as Gator drops to his knees but his attempt is blocked by the cricket bat and Gator jabs D'Ville's gut with the bat. Doc stumbles back and Gator rolls his wrist uppercutting Doc off his feet with an almighty swing!
Doc stares at the lights as blood oozes from his chin, Gator rushes in and grabs the head and base of the bat and using it like a cheese grater as he swipes the barbwire back and forth across D'Ville's forehead. A cry of agony from D'Ville as his face is covered in a deep red. D'Ville flails his arms until his nails find Gator's eyes and he begins to dig his thumbs in. Gator screams in pain as he releases the cricket bat and falls onto his back, his arm stuck frozen in agonizing terror as D'Ville mounts, his face twisted into a demonic rage. He picks Gator's head up before slamming it back down into the mat; Gator cradles his face, shaking in pain as D'Ville stands to his feet and grabs his bat and begins to bash Gator's prone body into the canvas until he's still.
Vinnie: This is getting painful to watch.
LH: Even the crowd is going quiet, dammit D'Ville just end the thing!
D'Ville pants heavily and allows the bat to leave his hand and topple onto the mat. Doc slowly drops to his knees and pushes the bloody pulp that was Gator over onto his back for the cover.
1
...
2
...
THRE-KICKOUT!!!!
Gator barely getting a shoulder up a millisecond before the three!
LH: That idiot... D'Ville hasn't missed a beat since we last saw him, he's still one of the best and most dangerous wrestlers we've ever seen but Gator can still take a punch and more.
D'Ville watches in awe as Gator crawls to the ropes and picks himself up, leaning his beaten back against them as blood trickles down to the floor. D'Ville raises slowly not breaking eye contact, his hand reaching for the bat and his grip tightening. The two stand off like two outlaws looking to duel. They roar as they charge and D'Ville digs the bat deep into Gator's shoulder who take the pain and uses Doc's momentum against him!
LH: GATOR THROW!!!
Gator grabs the bat and D'Ville's arm throwing him over his head and far away. D'Ville crashes to the mat as Gator passes out and slam his carcass on the canvas.
Doc and Gator now lie miles apart in the ring on the blood-covered canvas with the two bats lying just a few feet apart in the center of the ring. Doc motionless, lying face down, while Gator sits with the back of his head against the bottom turnbuckle on the opposite side of the ring. Doc slowly rolls over to his back and takes a hand to wipe the blood away from his forehead and eyes. He looks at it and grins before looking over to his opponent across the ring. Gator starts to stir, as well, and sees Doc staring at him.
Vinnie: Man, these two are putting each other through hell, dude.
LH: Is it any less that what you expected, Vinnie? These two are insane and you agreed to put them in a match together?
Vinnie: They were pretty demanding.
Gator’s eyes narrow as he winces pulling himself up to his feet. Doc turns towards the center of the ring and begins to crawl.
LH: If Gator gets to one of those first, it’s going to be real bad news for, Doc….
Vinnie: Same if Doc gets there first, dude!
Gator takes a couple steps forward, a couple steps back. Doc, on his stomach, slowly pulls himself along with his forearms. Gator takes a dive and the two of them reach the center of the ring simultaneously. Doc grabs the cricket bat! Gator grabs the baseball bat! The two begin bashing each other on the ground with each of their weapons over and over again! Blood splurts and squirts from Doc’s face, peppering more on the mat while he rips fabric and flesh from Gator’s! They roll away from each other and to the outside of the ring to come up for air.
Vinnie: Ya know, I can’t really tell that this is NOT a barbed wire deathmatch at this point…
LH: A bloodbath is what it is….
Doc and Gator make eye contact once again and begin to circle the ring towards each other. They meet by the ramp and attempt to lock horns once again! Doc swings the barbed wire cricket bat, but Gator rolls under it! Back to his feet, Gator sees Doc’s back is exposed and takes a whack at it! The barbed wire around the bat sticks to Doc and Gator attempts to pull it away with no such luck! Doc screams in painful pleasure as he accompanies each shriek with a cackle.
Vinnie: Oh. Oh shit.
LH: That… That bat is stuck in Doc’s back.
Gator stops and stares at the situation for a second, give a couple of more pulls to the same Doc reaction, then just lets go. The baseball bat hangs off of Doc’s back as the barbs from the barbed wire remain sunk into the flesh of his back. It bounces around like a spring as Doc drunkenly stumbles up the ramp. Gator follows the bat with his head and nods to each bounce as he watches Doc drop the cricket bat and continue up towards the stage.
Gator shakes his head and comes back to Earth and starts to follow Doc up the ramp, picking up the cricket bat along the way. He takes a running start and catches Doc at the top of the ramp. When he catches him, he swings the cricket bat and hits Doc in the back sending him face first down on the stage. Gator pulls the cricket bat up but it’s stuck to the barbed wire that’s stuck to the baseball bat that’s stuck to the barbed wire in Doc’s back.
Gator pulls a couple of times but can’t get the cricket bat out. Frustrated, he throws it down and kicks Doc in the head.
LH: It looks like your barbed wire bat substitute is kind of…
Vinnie: Yeah… Turned out great!
Gator stares down at a lifeless, barbed wire mangled Doc and scratches the back of his head. He realizes the only thing that he can do is get this stuff off of him. Gator grabs the cricket bat and takes off down the ramp with it, which eventually begins dragging the doctor down with it all. After just a couple of feet, the barbs pull out of Doc’s skin and Gator falls to the ground and takes a roll down the ramp. The two bats remain between them tangled within one another in the barbed wire.
Vinnie: Ha! That had to hurt. Gator, I mean.
Doc coughs up some blood and looks behind to Gator who’s getting up to his feet. Doc springs up and drops into a prowling stance. Gator looks at Doc, looks down at the bats, looks at Doc, looks down at the bats. They both spring ahead and each take one. Gator with the cricket bat and Doc with the baseball bat and both of them tangled in the barbed wire. They each pull their separate direction like a tug-of-war until the barbed wire finally breaks free and they’re both sent flailing backwards. Quickly back to their feet, they meet at the top of the stage and stand apart with their tattered weapons. Doc looks back to the bonfire behind him and back to Gator with a sinister smile. He slowly creeps backwards and sticks the end of the bat in the fire engulfing it into flames. Doc holds it up in the air like a flaming sword as the flame slowly crawls down until it reaches his hand. The flame then curls around and shapes itself around Doc’s hand for a perfect fit.
Vinnie: Oh you gotta be kidding me….
Gator narrows his eyes and peers back to the bonfire behind him. He creeps back as well and hesitantly points the end of the cricket bat into the fire, except it doesn’t engulf into a glorious flaming sword like the good doctor’s did. Doc begins approaching Gator with his flaming bat sword and Gator begins to get impatient. He dances around for a moment waiting, until the cricket bat gets hot enough to burn him! He shrieks and drops the bat! With Doc closing in, Gator grabs an already flaming tree limb with enough sticking out of the fire to grab. It was hot, but bearable…. He swings it out and the two flaming swords clash together! The limb somehow holds up to the downward swing of the baseball bat and the two stand in a burst of flaming stale-mate!
Ohhhhhh….. There was a fire fight!!!
They push away from each other and clash again! And again! And again! This time the limb that Gator used as a weapon snapped in half! Doc stands and laughs with his flaming sword as the fire now begins crawling up his arm.
Gator stands motionless for a moment before bolting down towards he ring away from his fiery opponent. Doc slowly stalks him down the ramp like a monster from a slasher movie. Gator does a baseball slide into the timekeeper’s booth, grabs a fire extinguisher, and catches Doc as he comes around the corner. He blasts him until all of the pressure left the canister and Doc stood frozen in place like a snowman. Gator throws the expired extinguisher at Doc’s head, but the doctor, in a blink, zips behind Gator and leans into his ear…
You’ve been wonderful.
Gator whips around with a fist but not before Doc pulls the same trick and appears standing in the center of the ring.
And in the blink of an eye.
LOBOTOMY
D'Ville nails Gator with the swinging brainbuster and transitions into a cover!
1
...
2
...
3!!!!!
Winner - Doctor Louis D'Ville!
The crowd go wild as the two lay motionless in the ring, House of 1000 Corpses plays through the PA as Vinnie and Harrison find there words.
LH: What a fight! But once again, Doc proves to be the better man.
Vinnie: Dude's another level, always has been and always will be. These two pushed each other to their limits tonight, no matter what every single person has to give them props.
Meanwhile in the ring, D'Ville slowly gets to his feet and looks down at Gator. Louis ushers away medical personnel trying to treat the two and instead rouses Gator with a few slaps to the cheek. D'Ville picks up a broken Gator and holds him steady, the two looking at one another through blood and marked flesh. They exchange words before shaking hands and coming into to an embrace as the crowd cheer on the hugging pair. Gator grabs D'Ville's wrist and raises it high into the air before leaving, yet D'Ville follows, sitting on the middle apron for Gator to leave.
With one final look, the two part ways.
HEATHER: "That was a match for the ages."
PIP: "It did certainly live up to the hype."
Suddenly the lights go out.
PIP: "Now what?"
Suddenly the lights come back on, and the camera focuses on hooded men grabbing Gator, and taking him to the back whike the Doctor watches on.
HEATHER: "What is that about? Hang on isn't that Melanie 'Crayzee' Childs?
It was indeed Melanie 'Crayzee' Childs, as she was in the ring, right behind the Doctor. She taps the Doctor on his shoulders, and he spins arounds.
She stands there smiling at him, and he is looking at her weirdly. He begins to smile, when suddenly Melanie slaps him. He feels his cheek and takes a step towards Melanie, and she takes a step back.
Suddenly Kris The Hammer Von Bonn, slides through the bottom of the ropes, and quickly stands up and throws his hammer. Without any time for reacting, the hammer hits the good Doctor on his shoulder, and he turns to Kris.
Suddenly Scarlet The Hunteress Donaldson can be seen jumping up on the top turnbuckle in the corner behind the Doctor, and she takes a leap off and throws herself on to the back of the good Doctor. He starts struggling.
Kris walks up to the Doctor while he is struggling with Scarlet on his back, and he knees him in the stomach. The Doc bends over, Scarlet slips down, and is able to execute a Double ARM DDT. As the Doctor hits the ground the rest of the Misfits start attacking him.
PIP: "Why are the Misfits attacking the great Doctor D'Auville?"
Suddenly the lights go out again.
HEATHER: "This is classic Mastermind trickery,"
When the lights come back on Mastermind is seen sitting on top of the corner post looking at the Misfits handywork.
The Misfits have the struggling Doctor up on his feet, and they have him facing Mastermind.
Mastermind looks down at the Misfits manager Antony the Jerk, who is outside the ring, and hands him up a microphone.
Mastermind jumps off the corner post, and starts walking slowly towards the Doctor.
"You may not know this, or you may not care, but last night I had an epic battle with Thaddeus Duke. I'm now over Thaddeus and looking to move on. But in order to move on, I need to look back and explore something that I haven't fully recovered from in my past. That would be you. I have faced you once in twice in the past and never been able to beat you. So I feel I have a mighty chance to beat you, the great Doctor Louis D'Ville.
"You were a once great Universal Champion at the top of his game, and I say WERE. Lately you have been a shell of your former self, and I find that means you are right for the picking. So here's what is going to happen Doc. This coming Warfare, me and you are going to meet in a match. You have no choice but to meet me there, because I will hound you until you say yes. So the best bet will meet me there.
"Oh and one more thing."
Mastermind drops the microphone, and hits the Doctor with an uppercut and follows up with a knee to the gut. The Doctor goes down. Mastermind yells at Kris to finish him off.
Heather: "The Master of Minds definitely had a message to send to Doctor Louis D'Ville tonight. He's at the absolutely mercy of him and his Misfits right now."
Melanie and Scarlet pulls the Doctor to his feet, and Kris grabs him, and pulls him into his finisher move HAMMER TIME a.k.a Pedigree, and executes it.
The doctor's body bounces off the mat and explodes into dust!
What?! Did you see that?!
Did the doctor just.... blow up?
Kris looks around at his colleagues, whom look just as surprised as he does, and then all turn to Mastermind. Their leader stands, arms folded, with a satisfied smirk on his face. He looks behind him and sees the doc perched up on the top turnbuckle grinning ear to ear.
How'd he get up there?!
The doctor leaps off with a flaming, flying double axe handle! Mastermind steps aside leaving Doc to land on his feet and straight into a TRIPLE DROPKICK from the Misfits! They all begin to lay the boots to him heavily in the middle of the ring. Kris "the Hammer" slides under the bottom rope and slaps both hands on the ring apron as Melanie and Scarlet continue to pound what looks like a lifeless Doctor Louis D'Ville into the mat. Kris lifts the curtain and pulls out a sledgehammer! He slides back into the ring and directs the two other Misfits to hold the doctor up. He looks back at leader for approval who participates in a staring contest with the doctor as he's held in place. Mastermind narrows his eyes and gives a slow nod. Doc smiles at the head of the sledgehammer and it slams into the side of his head with such force it knocks him out of the clutches of Melanie and Scarlet and to the mat. Kris takes another full swing from over his head and slams it down onto the doctor's chest which causes blood to come splurting out of his mouth.
Pip: "Awk. I think Doc just puked up AWK... blood."
Pip can barely spit it out without it being joined with his own vomit.
Kris stands over the doctor, kicks him in the ribs once more, then begins slamming the top of the hammer with over head, stabbing motions until the Doc's face is completely basically mud.
Mastermind starts laughing and all 4 Misfits look down over the crumbled mess that Doctor D'Ville, and places their fists in the middle and fist bumps one another for the famous Misfit congratulatory fist bump.
Then the lights go out, and a few seconds later, they come back on, and the Misfits are nowhere to be seen. Just the crumbled mess of Doctor Louis D'Ville.
Heather: "I don't know whether we should call paramedics out here or a clean-up crew..."
The ring quickly fills with a red mist and as quickly as it appears it sweeps away and takes the pile of Doctor Louis D'Ville with it.
Heather: "Never mind."
The entire arena slowly fades to black as the audience excitedly awaits the entrance of "The Peoples GOAT". The drum beat and guitar solo start and a series of white and blue spotlights come up and pan the crowd. Mike Shinodas voice is heard on the speakers singing.
“Now here we go for the hundredth time, hand grenade pins in every line, throw ‘em up and let something shine, going out of my fucking mind… filthy mouth, no excuse, find a new place to hang this noose, string me up from atop these roofs, high and tight so I wont get loose.”
By now the fans are going wild and cheering as the spotlights slowly make their way to the top of the entrance ramp where a dim fog begins to form.
“Truth is you can stop and stare, rub myself out and no one cares, dug the trench out and lay down there with a shovel up, out of reach somewhere… yeah, someone pouring in, make it a dirt glass floor again, say your prayers and stomp it out when they bring that chorus in.”
The spotlights come together as one, and the fog fills the top of the ramp until the downbeat hits and a major blue and silver pyrotechnic display goes off and the rest of the arena lights turn up to full. When the smoke clears James Raven is seen on top of the ramp, his hands thrown up over his head and a huge smile on his face.
“I BLEED IT OUT!!! Diggin’ deeper just to throw it away, I BLEED IT OUT!!!”
James makes his way down the ramp, high fiving fans and posing for pictures with several of them until he reaches the base of the ramp. Then, he pauses for a few seconds and sprints for the ring, diving in under the bottom rope and sliding in to the center of the mat on his hands and knees. He poses for a second, then gets up and runs for the turnbuckle, climbing up and posing yet again for the fans before doing a 360 degree spin off and doing the same on the opposite turnbuckle. As his music fades out he stretches in his corner, and then waits for his opponent.
HHL: This one is going to get ugly.
PC: You're right, Heather. James Raven does not like Robbie Bourbon. Robbie Bourbon does not like James Raven. These two men have a history with each other, tonight there are no rules, no regulations, no stoppage of the match until one of the men either submits or is pinned. The referee is really only here to count a fall, not enforce any rules!
HHL: Pip, thanks for recapping all of that for us.
PC: That's my job, Heather.
Onto the stage, we see Cyberjaw, the man with the cybernetic jaw, and Diamondback, the man who can blend into any crowd. The fans in attendance give a slight cheer as they come out. Raven puts his arms up in frustration.
HHL: What is this?
Cyberjaw: Los Angelinos, this is Relentless!
Diamondback: Yeah, Robbie wanted us to come out to apologize. Here, just roll the footage.
On the Xtron, we see Coolio standing backstage, speaking with officials.
Coolio: LA, I came to Relentless to do a performance for all of y'all, but unfortunately, I have been diagnosed with CoVid-19, and am not cleared to perform.
The crowd boos mightily. Raven starts to laugh. The Xtron goes back to showcasing the logo for night 3 of Relentless.
Cyberjaw: So, we had to call an audible.
Diamondback: Robbie had to call on some old friends of his.
Raven stands in the ring, his hands on his hips. He then gestures for this all of this to get going.
Cyberjaw and Diamondback: Los Angeles, coming to you live tonight, as special deputy Bourbon Men, you know them, they're your hometown boys, give some love to...
Two men walk out on stage wearing Robbie Bourbon masks.
Cyberjaw and Diamondback: SEN DOG!
B REAL!
CY...
PRESS...
HILL!!!
The men remove their masks, revealing themselves to be none other than members of Cypress Hill, Sen Dog and B Real. The fans in LA go absolutely crazy.
"Who you tryin' to get crazy with esse? Don't you know I'm loco?"
The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad. Sen Dog and B Real start performing Insane in the Brain live, and the crowd is going absolutely ballistic.
With a distinct fervor, walking out onto the entrance ramp is Robbie Bourbon. He stops, surveys the whole of the arena, which gets even louder. He raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring. Cypress Hill continues to perform behind him, Cyberjaw and Diamondback playing it up as they do, making Robbie look all the more like a monolithic figure comparably considering how resolute his pace is. Robbie gets to the floor near the ring, and Raven beckons for him to come in. Robbie points up at him, and without hesitation grabs the top rope. He steps up onto the ring apron using the top rope as aide, and stands on the apron glaring at Raven. The performance of Cypress Hill concludes, and the crowd is deafening.
Robbie explosively raises his arms at 45 degree angles, and the crowd roars.
MATCH #6
DING DING DING!
The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway! Raven charges the ropes but Robbie lifts a knee, catching him!
HHL: Hey, what is this?
PC: Oh, come on!
Suddenly, from the crowd, we see Shawn Warstein and Noah Jackson hop the barrier. The crowd turns and boos profusely, and Robbie hops back off the ring apron. Raven climbs through the ropes slowly, and along with Warstein and Jackson, the three men begin stalking Robbie back up the elongated entrance ramp. Robbie's head swivels, keeping eyes on all three men, his fists ready, but they continue their slow advance on Robbie Bourbon. At the top of the ramp, Robbie glances back and sees he's out of room. Raven, Warstein, and Jackson close in on him, ready to pounce. Suddenly, B Real and Sen Dog are standing beside Robbie! Pier Six brawl errupts! B Real and Sen Dog begin to exchange fists with Warstein and Jackson! Robbie and Raven grab each other by the neck and start raining blows down rapidfire blows on each other! Cypress Hill and the Sick Cunts brawl into the back!
HHL: Oh my god, Cypress Hill and the Sick Cunts are duking it out!
PC: That's fucking rad!
HHL: That's an insurance liability!
Both Robbie and Raven release each other and back away, simultaneously shaking the cobwebs out. They turn and glare at each other. Both men get in each other's face, and forehead to forehead they snarl and exchange words. Soon enough, both men are again raining blows down on each other with sheer rage and the utmost intensity! They break away again, shaking the cobwebs off. Robbie turns to Raven, and Raven waves for him to bring it! Robbie rushes Raven, but is canny enough to nail him with the Divebomb! He goes for the cover, hooking both legs!
1...
2...
Robbie kicks out! Raven rolls off, gets to his feet and drops an elbow! He gets up again and looks to drop another, but Robbie rolls out of the way! Robbie scrambles to his feet, and Raven is to his! Raven with a back chop! Robbie with a back chop! Raven hits another chop in retaliation! He hits another successive chop, staggering Robbie backward to the edge of the entrance stage itself! Raven charges and leaps, throwing a dropkick, knocking Robbie off the edge of the stage! Robbie careens through the air...
...into the crowd...
Who catches him!
Raven stands at the edge of the stage and looks down in disbelief.
HHL: The people just saved Robbie Bourbon!
PC: This is unreal!
Robbie looks around him, almost as shocked as Raven, and looks back up at the dumbfounded People's G.O.A.T. Robbie sticks a hand up and throws the bird at Raven! Raven is fuming at Robbie's insolence! The crowd puts Robbie down gently on his feet, and he climbs over the barricade to the front of the stage, his hand still raised, middle finger flying at Raven. He stops at a covered part of the set. Raven is hollering at Robbie, beckoning him to come back up! Robbie sneers, and pulls away the covering.
HHL: Oh no.
PC: Jesus, Robbie, not this!
Underneath the draped cloth, a glass table is revealed.
HHL: How did that get there?
PC: We've seen this before, Heather! Robbie Bourbon is known to throw people through glass tables, it looks like he set one up here tonight just in case!
Robbie rolls onto the ramp, and Raven marches towards him. As James Raven approaches Bourbon, Robbie scrambles to his feet! Both men are exchanging blows! Robbie hooks Raven into a headlock, and is just nailing him in the top of the skull. Raven gets a hold and hoists Robbie up for a belly to back suplex! No! Robbie maneuvers out of the attempt and is behind Raven! Robbie gets Raven up in a torture rack, and hits the Flatiron! Robbie leans back, setting in a pin!
1...
2...
Raven kicks out! Robbie sits up and looks at the referee, who flashes his hand with two fingers raised at Robbie. Robbie apes the gesture, nodding, understanding it was only a two count. Robbie slowly gets up, and picks Raven up with a headhold! Raven bats Robbie's hands off of him, and throws a nasty right! Robbie retaliates with a right of his own! No! Raven grabs the arm and whips Robbie up the ramp towards the entrance itself! Robbie collides with the side of the entry way, causing the whole stage to tremble, and collapses to a knee. Raven stalks towards Robbie, and throws a kick to his back! Another boot to Robbie's back. Raven grabs a hold of Robbie, and delivers a swinging neckbreaker! He then rolls over and starts to bring the hammer down, throwing fists into Robbie's head! Robbie scrambles out, and sets in a reverse chinlock, and slowly gets to his feet! Raven is still throwing shots to Robbie's massive belly, and Robbie throws a huge shot downward onto Raven's back. Another shot to Raven's back! Raven drops to a knee! Robbie hoists Raven up, looking to throw a Robbiebomb! Raven sinches in the Ravenlock! The crowd can't get enough! Robbie struggles, and the referee looks for a submission!
Robbie's free arm is flailing, he looks in agony!
Raven grits his teeth, getting as much leverage as he can with the devastating hold in place!
But Robbie puts his arm back up, and brings Raven crashing down with a Robbiebomb onto the stage itself! He rears back, rubbing his neck, before making a cover!
Robbie flops off of Raven, still on his back, catching his breath. He looks anguished that the Robbiebomb didn't finish the job. Raven slowly rolls over onto his side. Robbie staggers to his feet, looking down at Raven, shaking his head. He pulls Raven up to his feet, and sets him between his legs at the edge of the stage beside the glass table below. Robbie looks around at the entire crowd in the Rose Bowl, and raises his arms at 45 degrees.
HHL: This is catastrophic!
PC: THIS IS RELENTLESS!
Robbie hoists Raven up into position to drop another Robbiebomb...
...but Raven hits Robbie on the head!
Another shot to the masked skull of Bourbon!
Raven throws a Hurricanrana!
CRASH
BOTH MEN COME DOWN OFF THE STAGE AND THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE!
HHL: OH MY GOD!
PC: JAMES RAVEN HAS JUST MANAGED TO PUT ROBBIE THROUGH THE GLASS TABLE!
The fans are rabid!
*HOLY SHIT*
*HOLY SHIT* *HOLY SHIT* *HOLY SHIT*
The referee is absolutely stunned, both his hands on his head! He looks around, uncertain of what to do! Both Robbie and Raven are completely wiped out from the impact of what just happened! Then, at that very moment...
KRA-KOOOM
The sound of thunder tears the air. The referee looks up, and the fans in attendence all react in awe.
HHL: Oh no!
PC: We are outdoors, Heather!
The first drops of rain patter to the ground, and the referee climbs down the stage to check on both Robbie and Raven to see if they can continue the match. The rain continues to pick up, but the fans aren't leaving their seats. Big fat drops of rain start to come down at a consistent pace as lightning flashes, illuminating the entire Rose Bowl. Raven slowly drapes an arm over Robbie!
1...
2...
ROBBIE GETS A SHOULDER UP!
HHL: HOW!
PC: ROBBIE BOURBON HAS THE HEART OF A HUNDRED MEN! THERE IS KNOW WAY HE EVEN KNEW HE WAS BEING PINNED!
The crowd goes absolutely batshit at this point as the skies truly open up. Raven slowly gets to his feet, staggering against the entrance ramp, gashes and cuts across his body from the broken glass streaking red as the rain washes him. He looks down at Robbie's near lifeless body, waves it off, and starts to stagger towards the ring itself. He stops, running his hands through his hair, letting the deluge from above rinse him and rejuvenate him. A team of medics is now near the wreckage of the glass table, attending to Robbie.
HHL: This one looks like a no contest, folks.
PC: Or James Raven won! He's walking, Robbie isn't.
Raven looks back at the medics and shakes his head. He starts towards the ring, raising his hands. As he does, the medics suddenly back off.
HHL: NO WAY!!
Robbie slowly lurches up. A portion of his mask is completely shredded off, a massive gash over his now swollen right eye streaming blood onto his singlet. Robbie looks up toward Raven, and snarling, slowly gets to his feet. Raven looks back, and in dismay, takes a deep breath. Robbie starts picking shards of glass out of his body as he leans against the entrance ramp. Raven slowly heads towards the ring. Robbie looks up at the sky, his chest heaving as he breathes in the moist air, the rain soaking him. Another bolt of lightning arcs across the heavens.
KRAKA-THOOM
As thunder pierces the air, Raven finally gets to the ring apron, and supports himself against it. Robbie, the utmost rage in his face, a grimace where his mouth once smiled, begins to plod towards James Raven.
Raven reaches under the ring, pulling out a sledge hammer!
HHL: HE'S GOING TO KILL HIM!
PC: HE MIGHT HAVE TO!
Raven waits with the sledge held tightly in both hands. Robbie continues his pace towards him, but falls to a knee at the base of the ramp. Raven looks around, and in the falling rain slowly walks towards Robbie. Raven holds the head of the hammer out, and raises Robbie's chin, making eye contact. Raven then pulls the hammer back, raising it with both hands, and brings it down! Robbie catches the haft of the hammer! Robbie stands up, and both men are gripping the hammer! Robbie kicks Raven in the stomach, and Raven releases the hammer! Robbie snaps it in half over his knee, but immediately after is hit with the F.Y.S.!
NO!
Robbie catches Raven's foot, and hits the Dinosaur Extinctor!
NO!
Raven adjusts midair onto Robbie's shoulder, and plants him with a DDT on the outside! As he does, lightning strikes again, so brightly that all we see is the silhouette of Robbie getting DDT'd to the ringside mats! The thunderclap that follows echoes throughout the Rose Bowl as James Raven is laid out next to Robbie. Raven turns his head while laying on his back, glaring at Robbie. Robbie blinks his one good eye left, and turns his head towards Raven.
HHL: This has been a massacre!
PC: THIS IS THE XWF, HEATHER! We knew going in these men weren't going to hold anything back. We knew they hated each other, but when does it stop?
The camera cuts backstage, and we see that almost the entire locker room is watching this on a huge monitor, including those who had matches already. Each XWF superstar looks completely taken aback by what they are witnessing. Ringside, Raven has gotten to a knee, trembling, his hand posted on the ring apron, looking at Robbie as the rain drops accrue and cascade from his eyebrows. Robbie slowly comes to the same position, and both men press their foreheads to each other in exhaustion, using each other to rest. They both look up. Robbie smacks Raven across the face.
Raven smacks Robbie across the face.
Both men look away and take a deep breath, and slowly pull themselves to their feet.
Robbie with another slap to Raven's face.
Raven with another slap to Robbie.
Robbie grabs Raven by the throat! Earth's Mightiest Chokeslam to James Raven! Robbie didn't get a ton of height with the lift due to the beating he has sustained so far! Raven lies on the ground, motionless, his eyes wide open. Robbie's expression is exactly the same as both men has sustained so much pain that nothing hurts anymore. The fans in attendance are cheering, but also several faces look concerned, hoping that mercifully, this will be overwith soon. The rain slows down considerably, almost to a drizzle, but stays consistent.
HHL: This is a career defining match for both of these men!
PC: Neither of these men can consider what their careers would be after losing tonight!
Robbie beckons for Raven to stand as he leans against the ring apron. Raven slowly gets up to his feet, and both men, staggering towards each other, start to brawl again. Slowly. Agonizingly.
Raven pushes Robbie back and goes for the FLIGHT OF THE RAVEN but Robbie counters with a ROBBIE BOMBBBBBBB that shakes the entire ring.
Raven is down and he may not be getting up. Robbie looks down at his opponent and grins before kneeling down for the cover....
HHL: Holy Hell I thought Robbie had him there but Raven kicked out the last possible second.
PIP: A second too late if you ask me.
HHL: Robbie Bourbon seems to agree with you as he is up and yelling in the refs face.
A costly move as while Robbie is arguing Raven reaches up, hooks Robbie by the inner thigh and pulls the behemoth down to the ring for a small package roll up!!!
1
2
3!!!!!!
HHL: He's done it!! James Raven has avenged his earlier loss to Robbie Bourbon!!!
PIP: Robbie got screwed!
[red]HHL: Oh quiet down you grump.
WINNER - JAMES RAVEN
The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the XWF TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP!”
There’s a pop from ,the massive crowd.
”It’s scheduled for a 15 minute Time Limit and is a Pure Wrestling Rules Match in which the loser will have his head shaved bald…”
” Introducing first, the challenger… Representing BOB, he is THUNDER KNUCKLES!
Twenty midgets with sparkers in both hands held as high as their little arms can reach, line both sides of the entrance ramp. The sparkers ignite as Thunder Knuckles walks past them. Once Thunder Knuckles is down to the ring he rolls under the bottom rope and in one movement he pops up to his feet. With his back turned towards the camera, he raises his right fist in defiance. As soon as his fist goes up, counterfeit xbux with Thunder Knuckles' face on them fall onto the crowd.
” And his opponent…..”
” About to make his way to the ring, he is one half of the XWF World Tag Team Champions and is the XWF Television Champion… “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE!”
Chris Page saunters out to the top of the ramp with his tag title over his right shoulder and the Television Championship strapped around his waist as he starts to make the walk towards the ring.
” Page put on a classic Friday Night opposite Thad, he successfully retained the Tag Titles last night against the darlings Ruby and Centurion and now tonight he looks to continue the momentum as he defends against Thunder Knuckles.”
Page reaches ringside where he rolls into the ring and gets back to his feet. He hands over his tag title before unstrapping the TV Title and handing it over as well.
MATCH #7
DING…. DING…. DING…..
” Not only does the Television Title in the balance but so are the luscious locks of either Chris Page or Thunder Knuckles.”
Page and Knuckles reach center ring where the lock up center ring, Page quickly takes a back waist lock before hoisting Thunder Knuckles up in the air and driving him chest first into the mat, Page floats over into a front face lock before paintbrush slapping the mullet of Thunder Knuckles as he quickly gets to his feet and backs up into a neutral corner where he sits on the top turnbuckle before laying across the ropes as Thunder Knuckles reaches his knees seeing Page calling for him to get up.
” Cocky little bastard.”
” Dude Page has been here over a year and if you’re just now figuring that out God help you.”
TK gets back to a vertical base and as he does Page gets off the ropes and is back technically in the ring. Page walks out towards the center of the ring where he and TK circle each other, they look to lock up only to see TK thumb Page in the eye! TK hammers away with right hands backing the Champion up into the ropes, TK fires Page across the ring, Page bounces off the nearside ropes and into the XBUX DREAM!
” Holy hell this one could end now!!”
TK locks in his sleeper hold in the center of the ring as Page struggles for a moment before countering with a sit down jaw breaker which breaks the hold and sends TK back into the ropes. Page is to his feet where he charges towards looking to send TK out to the floor with a clothesline only to see TK counter sending Page sailing over the top rope with a back body drop!
” Hard landing for Page on the floor!
TK sizes up Page on the floor as we see Chris working his way to a vertical base. TK bounces off the far side gaining a full head of steam where he delivers a Tope Suicida!!! TK pops back up to his feet as he reaches down picking the Champion up off the floor throwing him back into the ring where he follows after making a cover hooking the near leg.
1!!!
2!!!!!
THR….
Page kicks out of the near fall.
” Thunder Knuckles is really cooking in the opening minutes of this contest.”
TK gets back to his feet where he picks Page up and drives him back into a neutral corner, he fires Page across the ring and into the opposite buckles before charging in after him with a running double knee to the sternum! TK locks a Full Nelson on Page before bringing him out of the corner before driving him down into the mat with a thunderous Full Nelson Slam! TK drops down into another cover.
1!!!!
2!!!!
THR….
Page kicks out once again…
[wevet]11:05[/wevent]
“Thunder Knuckles needs has to keep a full court press because time is not on his side.”
TK reaches down picking Page up off the mat taking him back into the ropes where he sends him across the ring with an Irish Whip, Page bounce off he near side as we see TK set for a back body drop on to have Page counter with a swinging neck breaker! Page takes a couple of seconds before starting to get back to his feet as he shakes off the damage done by the challenger. TK is getting back to his feet when Page comes up from behind latching on to a back waist lock before delivering a German Suplex! Page rolls through picking both himself and TK back up off the mat where a second German Suplex is delivered! He once again rolls through picking himself and TK up off the mat where a Third German Suplex is delivered! Page rolls through again delivering a fourth German Suplex!
” Suplex Party!”
Page rolls through picking himself and TK up off the mat where he delivers a fifth and final release German Suplex! Chris works his way back to a vertical base where he looks down at TK who is motionless. Page runs his thumb across his throat before making his way towards the ropes where he steps out to the ring apron and starts scaling the nearest set of turnbuckles. He reaches the top rope where he sets sail delivering a Diving Headbut to TK!! Page executes the cover hooking the leg.
1!!!!!
2!!!!!!
THRE….
TK escapes with a kick out!!
” Page questioning the count of the official already…”
Chris works his way back to his feet where he shakes his head at the official before reaching down to pick TK up off the mat, TK counters the pickup attempt with an Inside Cradle!
1!!!!
2!!!!
THRE…
Page narrowly escapes the near fall as he beats TK to his feet and as TK is getting up Page runs towards the ropes where he looks to deliver a Sprinboard Cutter! TK counters with a Back Stabber! Both Page and TK lay on the mat as the referee starts to exercise his standing ten count on both Champion and Challenger.
” First person to their feet can take control of this contest!
At the referee’s five count both Page and TK start to make a move to get to a vertical base and at the eight count both are up and it’s TK who lands a stiff right hand to the jaw of Page causing Page to retaliate with a stiff knife edge chop across the chest. TK counters with another hard right hand as Page comes back with a harder knife edge chop!
7:40
TK comes back with a boot to the midsection that doubles Page over where he delivers a Sit Out Powerbomb to the Champion! TK quickly into a cover hooking he near leg.
1!!!
2!!!!
THRE….
Page escapes the near fall popping his left shoulder up off the mat. TK now cuts his eyes towards the referee who shows him two fingers as he steps back up to his feet. TK reaches down picking Page up off the mat
” Thunder Knuckles can’t get caught up with the referee, he’s got to stay on top of Chris Page.”
It’s as if TK hears her as he reaches down picking Page back up off the mat. He sets him up in position for an Alabama Slam before turning around in fast circles before coming to a stop and completing the Alabama Slam driving Page down into the mat! TK a little dizzy gathers himself before making his way to the ropes where he steps out to the ring apron.
[white[“ Thunder Knuckles is about to take a chance of his own!”[/white]
TK starts to climb the turnbuckles to reach the top rope. He stands up high looking down at Page before he crotch chops him and then leaps off the top rope looking to deliver a Flying Elbow Drop! The Champion evades rolling out of the way at the very last second sending the challenger crashing and burning into the canvass!
” A calculated risk that did not pay off as Thunder Knuckles eats canvass!”
5:00
Chris and TK lay on the mat as the referee starts laying the count to them again only this time both men start to stir at the four count and are back to a vertical base at the six count with TK charging forward looking for a clothesline, Page ducks and it sends TK bouncing off the far side and into an awaiting Spinbuster Slam by Page! The crowd is very split as Chris gets back to his feet looking down at TK with sheer distain in his eyes before he picking him up off the mat and delivers the PAGE PLANT!
Chris gets back to his feet where he turns his attention towards the top of the ramp as Jenny Myst leads out Oswald, Graves and Robbie Bourbon out to the top of the ramp and starts to dispatch them towards the ring. The referee steps out to the ring apron to cut off the members of BOB only to see MISS FURY comes over the barricade where she snatches the Television title and slides it into the ring. Thunder Knuckles crawls towards the Television title and takes it in his grasp.
Page spins around and makes his way towards Thunder Knuckles where he reaches down picking him up off the mat only to see Thunder Knuckles shove himself away and blast Page in the face with the TV title! Knuckles quickly slides the title back to Miss Fury as he hits the THUNDER STRIKE on Page! Thunder Knuckles makes the cover! The referee turns around at the behest of Miss Fury to see the cover. He dives back into the ring to make the count.
1!!!
2!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!
DING… DING… DING….
WINNER AND NEW XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION
THUNDER KNUCKLES
” Thunder Knuckles defeats Chris Page!
” Who hasn’t at this point?”
The members of BoB reach ringside as Graves slides a chair into the ring while Bourbon gets a bag from the time keeper and rolls into the ring.
Page gets to his knees realizing what’s about to happen. He picks up the chair before opening it up and setting it in the middle of the ring where he takes a seat like a fucking stallion owning the price of failure. This shocks the members of Bob as they expected a fight from Page. Thunder Knuckles takes the bag from Bourbon and removes clippers from it!
Thunder Knuckles starts to shave the head of Chris Page!
Chris doesn’t flinch as Thunder Knuckles shaves a straight line down the center of Page’s head. Nearly five minutes later Chris Page has had his head shaved bald when suddenly the lights do dark. The black out last several seconds before coming back up to reveal…
THE MONSTER!
The lights go dark once again before coming back up revealing the members of Bob in the ring by themselves.
[/relevent]
Arena goes dark. Silence. Fans are curious. POOF. Big puff of smoke. The WIZARD is in the ring...Guile's Theme hits.
Shaman’s harvest begins blaring throughout the arena. Robert walks through the curtains after the instrumental “I make them for you”! He then looks to the crowd to his left and then right rolling his shoulders. He smiles shaking his head and slowly walks down the ramp. He stops at the ring steps looking to the crowd once more before slamming his hands on the ring steps entering the ring.
MATCH #8
XTREME TITLE MATCH
*DING, DING*
Robert lunges towards The Wizard as soon as the bell rings, locking up and whipping him into the opposite ropes and hitting him with a heavy clothesline on the way back, flipping The Wizard as it connects, nearly knocking him ourmt of his boots!
PC: "My God! He nearly took his neck off!"
HHL: "The past few months of defending that X-Title have allowed a viciousness to rise in Robert! We're used to his clothesline looking brutal, but he's almost feral in a sense."
PC: "Guy needs to get laid."
HHL: "Riiiight."
The Wizard scrambles up, pushing himself from the mat, only for Robert to lift him higher and powerbomb into the turnbuckles, leaving Wizard slumped slightly, his arms draped over the ropes. Robert runs over to strike him with a closed fist, as Wizard ducks under him, himself and his robe majestically escaping as Robert clutches his hand!
HHL: "The Omega's hand is bleeding! What happened?!"
PC: "It looks like the turnbuckle was exposed, but... how?"
The Wizard lifts up an arm, his robed sleeve falling to his elbow revealing the turnbuckle pad!
PC: "He got it that quickly?!"
HHL: "It's that craftiness, Pip! The Wizard is a lot more prepared for Robert than he might seem! He might even have the X-Treme title up his other sleeve by the end of this match!"
The Wizard taunts Robert with the turnbuckle pad, Main turning to continue his assault on his magical adversary. He goes for a superkick to The Wizard, who swiftly dodges and shoves the pad into Main's face, somehow connecting it and leaving The Omega sightless! Seeing his chance, The Wizard lifts Robert into the air and chokeslams him before scurrying out of the ring! Robert tries to rip the pad off of his head, but his bleeding right hand isn't getting a solid grip fast enough!
Wizard reaches underneath the ring and pulls out his staff, rushing back just in time for Rob to be getting the pad off of his face! Wizard tees up and smashes Roberts face with his staff like a golf club! Wizard goes for the pin!
ONE!
KICKOUT!
Robert kicks out powerfully, standing up as the blood drips from his hand and brow, approaching Wizard like a true force of nature. Wizard tries to slip away, but Main grabs him and delivers a spinebuster that lays out the Wizard! He drags Wizard by the hood and slams his face repeatedly into the exposed steel, the crowd counting along!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EIGHT!
NINE!
TEN!
The Omega flings the robed man across the ring before picking up his opponent's staff and pulling it against his neck!
HHL: "Robert knows anything goes in these matches and he is going to do anything to win."
PC: "It's almost chilling when you say it like that, Heather."
Wizard struggles his way out of Robert improvised guillotine and headbutts Main to get some space, The Omega's blood lightly coating some of his hood. Robert goes up to him, grabbing The Wizard's neck and yanking him closer to the corner of the ring! In a merciless moment, Rob hits an exploder suplex into the exposed turnbuckle! Wizard drops to the mat as Rob gets out of the ring, clearing some of the ringside staff to grab a chair, tossing it into the ring where it lands near The Wizard!
Main jumps back into the ring, preparing to lift Wizard up when all of a sudden, Wizard takes the chair, giving it a bit of room to open and slams it closed on Robert's bleeding hand! As Robert forces his hand free, Wizard shoulder tackles him backwards, causing Robert to stumble somewhat! Wizard runs back into the ropes, catapulting off them to collide into Main with a big boot, but Robert grabs his leg and pulls Wizard towards him, who looks as terrified as a cloaked man can!
DDT ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!
Robert goes for the pin, blood seeping down his maw!
1
2
...
KICKOUT!
Wizard digs deep, his arm shooting up prompting Robert to lift him up on his shoulders!
PC: "He's going for the Dead Man's Hand! Wiz is finished!"
The Wizard struggles out of Robert's grasp using his large cloak to help wiggle his way out! Seeing his opportunity, Wizard connects a claw to bloody face of Main! IT'S THE SPELLCAST!
Main tries to break free, but Wizard has a taight grasp on Rob's head! The more Robert fights, the more Wizard's spellcast binds him! As Robert falls, kneeling at the pressure of Wizard's claw, he releases the hold, opting to hit a devastating sounding knee lift to Rob's jaw!
Wizard watches as Robert is on his knees in agony before running forth and striking him with a big boot that reverberates throughout the arena. Main slumps over, doing all he can to try and get up. To harness that killer instinct, but the crowd's focus is all upon the Wizard. As Robert struggles to recover, Wizard oddly begins to pantomime for the crowd.
HHL: "What is this guy doing?"
Wizard shows off his arms, pulling his sleeves up to reveal nothing hidden beneath. He allows his sleeves to drop back around to his hands and snaps his fingers. All of a sudden, to the delight of the crowd, thumbtacks begin pouring from his sleeves!
As Rob gets up, Wizard goads him over towards the thumbtacks. Wizard locks his hand around Robert's neck, lifting him up for a chokeslam! But Robert forces himself free! He twists Wizard around getting him in position for a dragon suplex! But Wizard slips out, falling back into the ropes and clotheslining Main!
Robert stumbles, but he manages to keep his balance! He runs to the ropes and hits Wizard with a clothesline of his own, sounding out like a gunshot throughout the arena! But Wizard is able to keep standing! They stare each other down before both flinging themselves into the ropes and hitting a double clothesline, both falling upon the bed of thumbtacks beneath them! Both men squirm and writhe in agony, feeling each puncture as they have to push themselves up with their hands pressing into yet more tacks! Wizard manages to get up first, anticipating Robert as he fights through all the cuts and wounds he's accumulated! Wizard grabs his neck and picks Rob up for the chokeslam!
EXORCISED ON THE TACKS!
Wizard pins him, lifting Rob's leg!
1
2
...
KICKOUT!
Wizard shakes his cloaked head, slapping the canvas in frustration! He gets up, pulling Rob to his feet and backing up, waiting for the perfect moment to strike! Robert stands up all the way, causing Wizard to rush towards him incredible grace for a codebreaker!
HOCUS FOCUS!!!
...
NO! ROBERT DUCKS AND CATCHES WIZARD, HE'S GOT HIM IN A BACK BREAKER RACK!
DEAD MAN'S HAND ONTO THE THUMBTACKS!!!
1..
2...
...
WAIT!
Robert uncloaks the figure he's pinning and finds a mannequin! At some point Wizard, made the switch and snuck out! Robert breaks the mannequin in his hands, lifting a leg as he surveys the ring to the find his crafty opposition!
Slipping out from underneath the ring, The Wizard pulls one final item from underneath the ring! It's his staff, wrapped in barbed wire! Robert tosses the steel chair at him, though Wizard dodges it narrowly! He slips back into the ring with his staff as they begin to strike each other's weapons against one another! However, with each blow, the mannequin leg gets more and more destroyed until Wizard destroys it with a final strike and wallops Main on the back with the barned wire staff, The Omega falling to his knees in pain! The Wizard swings again!
Again he hits Robert's back! Robert falls to the canvas, turning over to face up, blood covering a ridiculous portion of his body!
PC: "Robert has taken punishment most men end up getting hospitalized over, let alone getting pinned! How does he do it?"
HHL: "It's that instinct, Pip. You don't become the second longest reigning Universal Champion because you're like other men! You do it because you're Relentless!"
PC: "Nice title drop!"
HHL: "Thanks!"
Wizard goes to strike a third time, aiming for Rob's chest, but Robert grabs the barbed wire with his hands, growling and screaming in anger and pain and ripping it out of The Wizard's grasp! He tosses the staff to the side and slams his crimson fists against his legs, rising to his feet!
The Wizard runs in, trying to hit the Codebreaker again, only to see The Omega's instinct coming through and countering him once more!
HHL: "He's going for it! Can he land it this time?"
DEAD MAN'S HAND ONTO THE BARBED WIRE STAFF! ROBERT PINS
1...
2...
3!!!!
WINNER AND STILL XWF XTREME CHAMPION - ROBERT "THE OMEGA" MAIN
HHL: It's that time again!
A solitary spotlight beams down, bringing to life a beautifully hand crafted podium, looking and smelling of the finest oak in all the land. The front of it is engraved with: "Hall Of Legends"! The man standing behind it is none other than Theo Pryce. He holds his finger to his ear as he listens to the fans before nodding.
Pryce: I know, I know, you all were hoping it would be me to induct yet another member into the Hall of Legends but tonight we have something a little different for you. This is an exciting moment in a lot of ways because this is something we all knew had to happen one day. We've seen some of the greatest known warriors enter the Hall, but there is only one……
The fans lose their shit!
Pryce: And that's about where my enthusiasm stops because now things are about to take a turn for the worst, but it's Soldier's day, so...
He lets out a deep sigh and rolls his eyes. With his tone flatlining, he announces.
Pryce: Here to induct Unknown Soldier into the XWF Hall of Legends is apparently Shane The Flying Dildo.
And with that, Theo flicks his note card away and immediately makes his exit.
Pip: What the heck?
HHL: Well he sure got out of here fast!
Pip: Maybe he doesn't want to be seen in a segment with a flying dildo.
HHL: Oh come on, a flying dildo isn't really going to-- oh my goodness.
Everyone's attention is drawn to the entrance way, where a FLYING DILDO emerges! It's about the size of a grown man's full forearm.
Pip: It's him! It's Shane!
Pip ducks as Shane zips right over his head, almost clipping his headset off! HHL feels the breeze of Shane too as he zooms past!
HHL: Wow that's powerful! What was that smell?
Shane The Flying Dildo crash lands into the podium and knocks it over. There's a low rumble already brewing in the audience as fans look around, confused.
The lights go out!
…
When the lights return, the podium is standing back up and Shane The Flying Dildo is standing on top of it.
HHL: Is that a hand coming up from behind the podium?
Pip: Maybe Shane needs help STANDING on things since, well, he's just a FLYING dildo and all.
Shane The Flying Dildo : Silence!
A hush falls over the Rose Bowl. Shane just gets right to it, as if there’s nothing unusual going on at all.
STFDC: My name is Shane , and I am honored to stand before you tonight as we celebrate the career and legacy of the one legendary name that would happily allow ME to induct him into the Hall of Fame even in my hardened state! I may have lost my original body when I died, but at least I’ve been able to resurrect myself into this honking hunk of soaring love muscle!
Shane honks once, then begins to vibrate.
STFDC: And now I can pleasure myself in a plethora of new ways! Uh, uh, oh, OH! Oh god that feels good! Woah woah woah woooaahhhzzzZZZzzZzZZzZzZzZzz.
Shane starts gliding around all over the top of the podium as he vibrates even harder and the hand reaching up from below is slapping around on the surface trying to catch hold of him. With each miss, the fans go "OH!" as they start to really get into this bit.
Fans: OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!
After some time, the hand finally clutches the veiny, turgid shaft of STFDC and the fans explode with a loud roar!!!! What a pop!
HHL: This place is going nuts!
Pip: And Shane just emptied his!
Indeed, a thick stream of a yellowish brownish, creamy, chunky love-paste suddenly sharts out of the tip of STFDC’s head! It hits a fan in the face and the fan dabs her finger in the substance, tasting it with a curious expression followed by a beaming smile.
Female Fan: It’s mayo!
Some of the fans laugh, some cheer, and some go "ewwww!" but at this point it’s clear everyone in attendance is having a genuinely good time and really loosening up. Smiles are on faces, beers are in hands, masks are coming off and people are high fiving.
HHL: Wow, Shane really has a way of getting people to have fun.
Pip: Who would have thought all it would take is squirting them in the face with what I’m sorry was definitely NOT just mayonnaise? I mean did you see the brown shade it had... and the CHUNKS?
HHL: Trying to forget, Pip! Trying to forget!
STFDC: Everyone SHUT THE FFFFUCK UP!
…
STFDC: Thank you………… and now that everyone’s calmed their filthy assholes, let’s continue! CHEER mother fuckerrrrrs!!!!! YAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Unknown Soldier… Unknown Soldier… Unknown Soldier… Unknown Soldier!
Entire Rose Bowl: UN-KNOWN SOL-DIER *clap clap clapclapclap* UN-KNOWN SOL-DIER
A backdrop is lowered behind STFDC that shows a picture of Unknown Soldier from the very first time he was seen on XWF programming with GOAT METH! The fans let out a huge ovation.
STFDC: I remember it like it was yesterday. I’d been in this carny act called the wrestling business for a dozen years already and had never seen anything quite like him. Anyone that’s been in this business, especially during the so called "golden years" or pro wrestling, knows just how common it was to see some worthless sack of fucking SHIT spill through the curtains, trying to act like they’re the next coming of… well I don’t even know who sometimes. Someone SCARY as fuck! They try acting all big, bad, evil, and shitty… and then guess what? Go ahead and gu-OH WAIT YOU DON’T HAVE TO! You already KNOW damn well they all FAIL! They either get sent to the bottom of the barrel where they rot and eventually disappear after a long series of pathetic losses, or they VANISH after their first crushing defeat which of course is always tasted in their first match. This business is known for attracting WANNABES…
And there we have it. The pop from the older fans that remember the huge fan favorite himself, "WANNABE".
STFDC laughs and continues: And we had already long since found and lost the only good WANNABE in wrestling, so that wasn’t about to ever repeat. Thank SATAN! for the night Unknown Soldier came to know of the XWF’s existence; for it would mark the impregnation of the long unloved womb of the DARK SIDE of the XWF’s corridors. Not since the great Cyren had the XWF’s loins produced something sickenly sinister that people just COULD NOT overcome and could not keep down! The wrestling industry had once again been BLESSED with a truly powerful standout from the usual revolving door of XWF failures and shitheads. Unknown Soldier was the answer for everyone that was tired of waiting! No more of the usual old crap where you'd see a match with some badass, sinister, imposing looking specimen LOSING to some assembly line, bland as fuck, goofy ass looking bum! We wanted a monster that would fucking rape all the charisma vacuums! AND WE GOT HIM!
The fans cheer!
STFDC: So right off the bat from day one when Unknown Soldier debuted, we established he was the guy to rip the throats from the BLAND, boring ass "wrestlers" nobody gave a crap about. That part was EASY, but you know what REALLY popped me?
A hush falls over the Rose Bowl.
STFDC: When we found out Soldier was also the ANTI-shitty evil wannabe! When a certain ever-so-"satanic" Sebastian Duke decided to enter the fed like all the typical evildoers do, talking with his doom and gloom and ending up being fist fucked by Unknown Soldier so hard that he gained a few feet in height and his hair grew about ten years worth over night! If I remember right, it ALSO caused Duke to somehow look a little younger! I guess that Soldier Semen really does have wrinkle reducing qualities. Oh how I cherish those memories.
The low murmur of the crowd suggests much intrigue among them.
STFDC: Now fast forward some time and what did we end up finding out about Soldier? That first impressions are EVERYTHING. For years now, the master of these dark halls has simply done as he pleased; it doesn’t matter when, what, or to whom… He can be at the peak of his reign or he can seemingly be "gone" but at the snap of SATAN!’s finger, Soldier is thrusting his will into whoever’s asshole he pleases.
STFDC throbs and shakes a little.
STFDC: But on a much more personal level, at the end of the night after everything’s been snorted, smoked and injected; I FOUND A FRIEND IN UNKNOWN SOLDIER!
The fans let out a mild "Awwww."
STFDC: We’ve raped hookers together. We’ve killed hookers together. We’ve done it ALL, and that’s not even counting the goats! We’ve had some great times with other good friends such as Mr. SUPERDICK himself, Peter F’n Gilmour! And that worthless sack of cum laced sex-shit, GREGGO!
The crowd boos heavily at the mention of the manager, insurance policy, hypeboi, marketing mentor, and personal masseuse of the reigning Universal Champion.
STFDC: Damn right! He’s a back stabbing turncoat who didn’t even have the common decency to give me or Soldier a damn reach around when he fucked us!
HHL: ...What’s he talking about?
Pip: Well I know Greggo and Shane haven’t been getting along ever since around the time Shane died and his body went on a mysterious, invincible, mindless killing spree before going M.I.A…. but I’m not entirely sure what started their issues. Certainly Greggo taking on the managerial duties of Sarah Lacklan hasn’t helped matters, though. Sometime last year, when Shane was still "alive" and in control of his faculties, he said he wasn’t really a fan of the way things appear to be handed to her for free.
Shane The Flying Dildo has excellent hearing, and has no problem responding to what HHL and Pip are saying over on commentary.
STFDC: And Heather and PC on commentary, you can tell everyone at home all about how Greggo’s forever on my SHIT list because he’s helping some , slack jawed little martian bitch continue her free ride!
The fans rise to their feet as Shane is suddenly interrupted…
"EYES"
"ON"
"HER!"
The fans boo as we see none other than GREGGO walk out from the back. He's got a SHIT TON of makeup on to try and cover up all his bruising and swelling from night 1 of Relentless. Beautiful makeup, complete with red eye liner to distract from his horribly bloodshot eyes, and a red heart on his cheek.
HHL: I thought he tested positive for Covid-19 and C.Diff? Why does he keep showing up? Why do they keep letting him in the building?
Pip: Well on day one of relentless he was booked, and lost. Then later that night he tried to launch his pre-announced attack on Charlie but it got countered, which may be the only successful XWF counter attack in the last decade! It was awesome, Heather! Finally, tonight, his client is defending her Universal Championship so of course he's here to help her prepare backstage. All those things are more important than your health, or your Grandma's health.
HHL: If you say so!
The boos are resounding at this point as Greggo rubs himself provocatively. He’s wearing a form fitted peach dress with black spider web lacing over the left breast, right ass cheek, and crotch. Sitting atop Greggo’s head is a rather tiny top hat, hot pink in color with a big black rose protruding out from it. The rose is top heavy, dangling a bit ahead of Greggo’s face as he walks toward the podium.
Greggo: Howdeh Shane. How’d ya like to get to…….steppin? You n’ yer stupid lil’ friend who ain’t even really here anywayz. Soldier’s dead and I don’t care what nobody says nowhere. There ain’t no comin’ back. Yer stupid friend is forbidden from this place! Uahmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………..
Greggo’s lips vibrate as he hums, then claps his hands high above his head and brings his arms out to his sides as green smoke rises from his palms. He rolls his eyes into the back of his head and begins to chant something under his breath.
STFDC: Are you kidding me right now?!? YOU CAN’T EVEN CAST A DAMN YOUTUBE VIDEO FROM YER SHITTY PHONE! But you’re going to cast spells to keep Unknown Soldier away? HA!
STFDC slaps Greggo across the face, leaving a big red mark on his cheek that looks like a dick. Greggo stumbles back and his watch falls off. He scrambles to pick it back up, spilling some green sand from his hands.
STFDC: Oh yeah get your watch, you little BITCH! What; you have to go change your fuck bag of a client’s diaper in a minute? Are you on an extra tight schedule to make up for the looseness of your wart ridden asshole?
Greggo picks up his watch and wipes off the face. Its large digital display reads: 237
STFDC: What’s that number mean, you ?
Greggo: Ohhh nuthin, just means I got time is all. Tiiiii'iii'ii'iiime, is on my side, yes it is.
STFDC: Time for what? To dream about all the ways Unknown Soldier is going to sodomize you when he returns?
Shane and Greggo both notice the count go up to 238. The fans are cheering and a small chant for Soldier is picking up in the first several rows, which seems to concern Greggo. He checks his watch again and now it’s at 250, 251, 252… climbing rapidly as the fans continue to chant!
STFDC: Why the FFFFUCK does that number go up each time Soldier’s name is said?
The fans are picking up pace and the chants for Soldier are really speeding up. Greggo starts to break a sweat and appears to be shaking. His tiny top hat falls off. Greggo swallows that lump in his throat as hard as he can, forcing out an attempt at a classic Greggo line.
He starts hacking up a lung! Greggo’s throat was too parched to make his weirdo Greggo noises!!!!!!!!! The fans are eating it up and roaring like crazy as STFDC laughs his fake rubber balls off! But the chants for Soldier continue, and so does that count.
Suddenly, it hits Shane.
STFDC: That’s IT! That’s your early warning system, you big ass pussy!
STFDC takes flight and flies around over the fans, yelling down at them.
STFDC: That coward is just like his shit head client! Keeping track of when it’s SAFE to say somebody’s name! I bet that watch is synchronized with how many times Unknown Soldier’s name has been said today at the Rose Bowl! AND I CAN TELL YOU RIGHT NOW WHICH NUMBER WE WANT TO SHOOT FOR!
The fans all start chanting "666" and at first Shane seems upset that they’ve changed their chant but when he notices how freaked out Greggo still looks, he flies overhead and sees the display on Greggo’s watch rapidly increasing now! It’s skyrocketing while people chant for 666.
Pip: Ok, Heather? What in the hell is happening right now?
HHL: I think it’s pretty obvious Greggo figured out exactly when to run away if he wants to avoid Unknown Soldier after freely talking trash about him. I imagine when his watch hits the 600’s, he’ll bolt out of here.
Pip: Well we just got there!
Greggo is losing his shit as half of the arena is chanting 666 and the other half is chanting Unknown Soldier’s name RELENTLESSLY!
Greggo looks down at his watch and his eyes BUG THE FUCK OUT! A dark spot slowly grows around the crotchal area of his tight dress!
Greggo starts to retreat! His watch is now flashing bright red and has the sound of a train horn bLaStInG from it!
The roar here at the Rose Bowl is more powerful than any before today!
~~~~~ Suddenly the camera feed fizzles and statics out. ~~~~~~
When it comes back we are suddenly in a gloomy and dusty graveyard with dancing ghouls in the background and raising their fists and shaking them in the air. It appears they have gathered around in a circle around a specific grave and are chanting and hooting and hollering as a crowd surrounds a single grave that is unable to be witnessed at the moment. As the camera feed zooms in closer we begin to hear the crowd of freaks and zombies counting upwards screaming at the top of their lungs and freaking the fuck out like a pack of wild mongrels.
"660-661-662..."
It appears this crowd surrounding this particular grave is counting just the same as the XWF crowd back at Relentless as if they were on the exact same pace and didn't skip a beat from the chants from the XWF fans in Pasadena. Eventually the camera pushes its way through the crowd until finally it arives at the center of the crowd that has gathered around a singular gravestone to cheer on what appears to be Peter Gilmour banging virgins one by one as quickly as the crowd is counting and literally just flinging them over his shoulder into the crowd behind him. Every one of them busting their cherry as a trail of blood runs between their legs and hits the soil beneath him as Peter's SUPER DICK is pretty much tearing a hole right through these virgin slits love valleys. Atop that soil is the gravestone of XWF's own... UNKNOWN SOLDIER!!! The gravestone simply reads...
"SMOKE METH AND HAIL SATAN!"
As the blood drips onto the soil with each passing drop, the ground begins to shake a little bit more beneath Peter's legs. It also begins to glow a bright green hue with each passing virgin slut that Peter bangs. Suddenly, over his shoulder appears yet another familiar face.
Doctor Louis D'Ville
He's standing over Peter's shoulder and he's chanting and cheering him on like the rest of the crowd. Sir Super Dick himelf continues thrusting but it's obvious he is slowing down and starting to struggle with a giant flop sweat pouring off his entire face and body. Dripping almost as much sweat as the blood into the ground from the first time female fun zone with each passing woman. Even for Peter over 660 virgins simultanouesly in a row is not an easy task.
663--664---665
Peter looks as if he's about to collapse as his left hand hits the ground and he starts to keel over in pain with what appears like it could be a cramp. The crowd goes completely silent after a large gasp echoes throughout the XWF crowd in both the stadium and in the graveyard.
What's this???
Doc is pulling him back up and shoving him back on top of the final virgin He's helping Peter make that final thrust, not in any kind of sexual way though, this is by far the least homosexual thing anyone has ever witnessed and although both men do love Unknown Soldier, not in that way, but in a sacrifice anything to bring him back to life type thing together....
Doc with the major assist here folks!!!!! Doc is pretty much the John Stockton of tossing virgins at Peter's super dick as his giant member collapses in and out of the final virgin hole...
666!!!!!
The crowd proclaims by screaming at the top of their lungs. Some of them begin to faint as others scream so loud their heads explode while some others shit their pants so hard and with such vigor that they literally empty their entire insides and organs out through their atomic assholes.
But to their surprise and to everyone's shock by their sudden prolonged silence when nothing happens. Those still alive and those that can still see without bits and pieces of scat covered organs in their eyes, look at one another in a sad state of wonder and bewilderment.
When deviously up over the hill on the other side of the graveyard walks Greggo laughing hysterically in that borderline evil / gay / creepy voice of his at the top of his lungs. He's standing next to a dump truck that has just emptied it's contents of crystal methamphetamine into a 666' X 666"?? Deep hole with a pit of fire burning deep in the ground beneath it.
Greggo: "The spell callzethz for 666 tonz of meth! Not 666 poundzZzZz!!! HaHAHaHAHAHHAHA!!!1!!!1!!! LOLZ! Pluck this friggin stupid RPM (recorded promo magicks) in teh anusway! AAAUUUMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMmmmmm mmmmm, PETERRR HASSS A SMALLLL DIIIIICK!"
That singing and prancing fucking fagget is ruining the seance! How dare he! Damnit it looks like now we've all been manplated by Greggo! He's flipped the switch on us!!
Wait a minute, what's this?? A giant airplane the size of fucking Texas is now barreling at the gravestone in an incredibly fast manner like a meteorite traveling through the air. Inside the airplane is once again, Doctor Louis D'ville!!! A stream of crystal methamphetamine is trailing behind the plane and leaving a yellowish gold stain in the air like those military jets do when traveling through the air. Peter and the crowd begin to run away as the airplane full of meth comes barreling down like a ball of fire directly at the gravestone of Unknown Soldier. Peter and the crowd begin to run for their lives as if a tidal wave was about to engulf them to sea. Just before it crashes into the gravestone Doc leaps out of the airplane, does 666 backward somersaults, and then lands on the ground perfectly like a trained diver. He dusts off his shoulders a little bit before turning around and watching the huge airplane full of meth crash directly into Unknown Soldier's gravestone.
Doc with another assist!!!
The fire explodes and a giant sonic boom sends out from the gravestone as if a nuclear bomb just went off sending most of the crowd including Peter into shell shock covering their ears and cowering to the ground. From out of the ground exploding from what seems like the center of the earth in a stream of fire and like some type of Dragonball Z fight scene is none other than the Demon Dicked Defiler himself, the Midnight Murder Machine. The Epitome of Evil!!!
UNKNOWN SOLDIER!
Covered in dirt, piss, and shit since his gravestone was placed in the middle of a cow farm he soars upwards into the air. Completely naked and with a raging boner with deep purple veins bulging from his demonic ding dong!
Doctor Louis D'ville: "I didn't exactly weigh it, but it must have been at least 666 tons... eh Greggo?"
Greggo scowls like Smegol and scampers away like a stray dog on all fours. It's important to note the large quantity of fecal matter sputtering out of his asshole and speckling the ground behind him as he retreats.
Unknown Soldier flies through the air for 666 minutes with flames and fire and all kinds of fucked up shit and colors flying past him while he is laughing more wickedly then every single Peter Gilmour promo in the history of ever combined. That's a lot of fucking promos and a lot of wicked laughing fuckers!
HHL: Incoming!!!!!!
He finally lands directly in the middle of the ring in Pasadena California at Relentless where the beginning of this flying dildo and insanity started with a lava meteor crashing into the fans and killing a small portion of the crowd.
Pip: What the fuck!!!!!
Those struck are now running away and screaming while fire melts their fucking faces off!
HHL: Run for your lives!!!!
Soldier lands in the middle of the ring with a massive thud that splits the ground in two like an earthquake shaking the entire arena. A microphone floats down to the ring miraculously as if it was meant to be there and slowly finds it's way into his right hand. Women are frightened as they cover their children's eyes to shun them from Soldier's exposed privates. Men are puking at the site of his gross gonads. Gorgeous Gays and all the Valley starstruck carpet lint licking lesbians are masturbating at their first immediate glimpse.
Unknown Soldier: "I live!!!!! I liiiiiive!!!! I FUCKING L-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IVE!!!! Thanks to Peter and DOC and Shane the flying dildo!! But of course I’ve been living in the hearts and minds of all these current XWF feggers who keep spouting my name off left and right in every other promo like I’m god damn beetlejuice or dare I say it?? I’m more popular than Jesus fuckin’ Christ around here. My name is going around and flying off peoples lips more than Greggos lips are off the edge of Lacklan’s taint! Robert Main is having nightmares about me. The current universal champion basically admitting I’d still be the champion and bowing to me if it weren’t for her imaginary love affair with the departed Corey that stopped me and ended my life almost a year ago at Lethal Lottery. When it comes to the XWF, we all know I’m worshipping SATAN! but I might as well be fucking God around here! Right Peter?
Peter Gilmour is somehow miraculously standing next to him after Soldier snaps his fingers with his shirt off breathing heavily with his massive muscles bulging and sweat pouring off his pectoral muscles and forehead.
Peter Gilmour: “Soldier was my best friend and a great partner. He truly is a legend.. just like me. HAIL SATAN!”
Peter attempts to ramble on but Soldier quickly interrupts.
Unknown Soldier: “As far as the ‘hall of legends’ goes.... I think it’s pretty obvious they should just label me the god damn messiah of this mother fucking place as much as you all worship me. There should be a statue of me on the cross in those halls with blood pouring out my wrists, ankles, anus, and my dick hole.”
Soldier points at his flaccid cock, that jumps immediately back to erect when he points to it, in case you forgot it was still there.
Unknown Soldier: “I’m resurrected just like that father loving Fegger on Easter!! Love me or hate me, you all know that I’m the greatest thing that’s ever came out of this place since the beginning of its existence in 1999! I’ve humiliated them all from Steve Jason to Robert Main to Sebastian Duke to drezdin! I’m the greatest wrestler in XWF history and although I’ve already proved it, there’s still more to be done! Quick Peter! Snap your fingers!”
Peter looks confused but Soldier keeps nodding his head at him and pointing his finger and licking his lips in his direction and eventually Peter obliges and snaps his fingers. Suddenly Doctor Louis D’ville appears on the other side of Soldier he doesn’t seem quite so surprised as Peter was with his sudden miraculous appearance as if it happens often.
Unknown Soldier: “For the love of SATAN! Doc we’ve been bubs forever and the greatest tag team champions in history. We’ve been through everything together! You helped bring me back to life. I love you man! I fucking love you man!”
Soldier goes in for a huge Joe Biden-esque type hug with his still naked boner stretching outwardly exactly 6.66 inches and as Doc normally does when Soldier does this borderline homosexual type stuff to him backs away and looks at Peter in disbelief.
Peter Gilmour: “It’s his hall of legends moment Doc? Have a heart!”
Doc still looks skeptical, especially since Soldier is still buck naked with an erection, but eventually stretches out his arms reluctantly and Soldier runs in for a hug like Chris Farley would yo his brother. They embrace for 666 seconds with Doc really not hugging back and Soldier with a giant sinister look on his face as he grins maniacally. He whispers in Docs ear.
Unknown Soldier: “I will always love you!”
Soldier slowly reaches back with his right hand pulling away from the monstrous squeezing bear hug he was giving Doc and pulls a giant katana sword from literally out of his still naked asshole. He raises it up high above Docs head and literally stabs Doc in the back!! He literally stabs him in the back!! Holy shit!! He slides the giant sword in as deep as possible right into the back of his former friend and tag team partner!!! What in the ultimate fucks of all fucks in fucktown!! Doc falls to the ground bleeding profusely as the crowd gasps as screaming and crying break out everywhere. Peter pukes and shakes his head confused as all hell. Soldier walks up to Peter and puts his arms around him. Peter drastically tries to escape probably expecting a similar fate to happen to him. Soldier pulls him in closely but no sword appears.
Unknown Soldier: “Come on Peter, laugh wickedly with me like you always do! You’re the best at it and do it all the time. Laugh wickedly with me as as the scene fades out and we watch Doc bleed out!”
Complete pandemonium breaks out among the crowd as nobody could have seen this insanity coming. Soldier pulls Peter in closely as he laughs wickedly as fuck while Peter somewhat tries to join in but kind of holds back tears fearing for his life as the scene fades out to medical personnel attending to Doc.
Forgive her, for she knows not what she does
The Rose Bowl goes dark as an unfamiliar audio blasts through the speakers.
A cross upon her bedroom wall
From grace she will fall
An image burning in her mind
And between her thighs
Charlie Nickles pops out of the entrance way looking like his signature self. A spotlight shines down upon the number one contender allowing the audience to see with perfect clarity his loose fitting jeans, black t-shirt, and sleeveless plaid jacket. The Heavymetalweight championship belt is wrapped around the man's waist. He is holding lit roman candles in both of his hands! Charlie cackles as the fireworks start blasting off! Flaming red and blue balls from the roman candles shoot out towards, up, and over the ring! They start popping off and exploding into multicolor crucifixes as the gunpowder ignites! The area around the championship belt shines brightly from the blasts of light and sound.
A dying God-man full of pain
When will you cum again ? PEEEWWWW POP POP PEW PEW PEWWWWWW Before him beg to serve or please
On your back or knees POP POP PEW PEW PEWWWWW POP POP There's no forgiveness for her sins
Prefers punishment ? PEWWWW PEWWWW POP POP POP Would you suffer eternally
Or internally ?
The drums sounds off as Charlie drops the now empty roman candles on the ground and walks down the entrance ramp. He walks past the front-row fans with confidence and swagger. The crowd seems divided on him. Some of the women and more liberal men boo and jeer as Charlie passes, but the chads and fedora-tippers shower him with praise and adulation.
For her lust
She'll burn in hell
Her soul done medium well
All through mass manual stimulation
Charlie slides into the ring under the bottom rope, rolling his fat body over and pushing himself up to his feet. He unclips his championship belt as he stands tall in the center of the ring. He looks directly up at the Universal championship hanging high above the ring.
Salvation
Body of Christ
She needs
The body of Christ
Charlie turns his attention back to the roaring audience. He walks over to a turnbuckle, stepping on the second rope as he peers out into the audience. He raises the Heavymetalweight championship belt proudly. The crowd is going crazy, the boos and cheers forming an indistinguishable block of mind-shattering noise. Charlie jumps backwards off the ropes, landing on his feet with ease. He turns to face the referee. He hands them his championship belt and instructs them to 'Be Careful with it, you son of a bitch!'.
She'd like to know God
Ooh love God
Feel her God
Inside of here - deep inside of her
Jesus Christ looks like me
Charlie stands in the center of the ring facing the entrance ramp as the lights go back to normal. He's rolling his fists and shoulders as he loosens up for the fight of his life.
Ring Announcer: Introducing first, the CHALLLEEEENGGEERRRRRR. He weighed in at two hundred and seventy-eight pounds! He stands six feet, three inches tall! He is the two-time reigning Heavymetalweight champion. He is the NUMBER ONE CONTENDER for the Universal championship. HE IS........CHAAAAAARRRRRLLLLIIIEEEEEE "THE FAMILY MAAAAAAAAAAN" NIIIIIIIIICKKKKKLEEEEESSSSSSSS.
A roaring mixture of boos and cheers floods the Rose Bowl as Charlie waits in the center of the ring. Once his music cuts off the referee walks over to him, informing him that he must now exit the ring so that his opponent may enter. After some back and forth, which mostly included Charlie screaming obscenities at the referee, Charlie pushes the pinstriped goon away from him. He proceeds to exit the ring by climbing over the second rope and hopping down to the mats laid around the arena. He pulls one of those small shot bottles of fireball out of his pocket, taking a swig of the cinnamon spiced liquor as he waits for his opponent's theme music to hit.
EYES
ON
ME!
And his opponent… She IS the XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION…. SARAH LACKLAN!!
The lights go out as a red spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp as a metal version of the Moonlight Sonata plays. Sarah calmly walks out onto the ramp and stops, taking the time to look at the crowd. As the guitars play, she slowly walks down the ramp, careful to avoid the touch of any fans, with an arrogant sneer on her face. As she approaches the ring steps, she carefully climbs them before entering the ring. She then climbs onto the closest turnbuckle and sits on top of it before jumping back down to the mat where she hands over the Universal Title to the referee. The official hoists the Universal Title up in the air for the audience to see in all directions before showing the belt to Charlie. He then takes the title overs to a ring that hangs shoulder level in the center of the ring. He attaches the Universal Title to the ring and it then rises some 20 feet above the ring, all that’s left if for the bell to ring.
MATCH #9
DING… DING… DING…
” And now we cap off the Relentless weekend with Universal Title hanging in the balance…”
” Literally!”
The official exits the ring as Charlie and Lackaln stare across the ring from each other before we see Charlie spouting off at Sarah as he points up towards the Universal Title that hangs high in the air.
” Sarah is no stranger to walking into a match at a size and strength disadvantage, but perhaps where this favors the challenger rests with the rules being thrown out the window.”
Lacklan simply shakes her head towards Charlie as they come out towards the center of the ring with a stare down. Charlie looks down at Sarah while still talking shit before shoving the Champion back several feet.
” The challenger already trying to throw some weight around and establish some dominance over the smaller champion.”
” Sarah isn’t going to take that.”
Sure enough she doesn’t as she comes right back slapping the shit out of Charlie to roar from the crowd! Charlie holds the side of his face before he charges forward towards Sarah, the champion drops down to the mat, Charlie jumps over Sarah and bounces off the near side, Sarah pops back up to her feet where she’s ran the fuck over with a running shoulder block from Nickels! The crowd boo’s as Charlie struts around the ring while the champion is shown getting to one knee.
” Nickels thinks the world of himself in the opening moments of this Ladder Match.”
Sarah steps back up to her feet where he smirks at Charlie as they circle each other before looking to lock up only to see Charlie kick Lacklan in the midsection before opening up with right hands as he backs Lacklan up against the ropes. Nickels takes several steps backwards before running forward with a clothesline attempt that’s countered by Lacklan with a back body drop out to the ring apron. Lacklan turns around ducking under a right hand from the challenger while then connecting with a kick to the temple knocking Charlie off the apron to the floor! Lacklan rolls out to the floor and uses the opportunity to go ahead and pull a Ladder out from under the ring and slides it into the ring before turning his attention to Charlie who is back to his feet and gouges Sarah in the eyes! Nickels takes Sarah and bounces her head first off the steel steps!
” We knew it wouldn’t be long before Charlie exploited no disqualifications.”
Charlie goes under the ring pulling out a steel chair and as Sarah stands back up she’s jabbed in the ribs with a shot from Nickels that doubles her over for him to waffle her across the back with a vicious chair shot dropping the champion to the floor! There’s a split reaction as Charlie holds the chair up with his right hand before he lowers it and slides it into the ring. The challenger stomps down on the Champion’s body before reaching down picking Sarah up with a handful of hair.
Charlie scoops the champion up and slams her down on the floor!
He climbs up on the ring apron where he backs up against a set of buckles before running the apron where he leaps off looking to drive an elbow into the heart of the champion! Lacklan rolls out of the way sending Nickels crashing and burning as he lands on the padding surrounding the ring with a splat!
” I can’t wait to see Sarah snap and resort to Garbage wrestling!”
Sarah starts to pull herself back up to her feet as she shakes off the attack from Nickels. She comes forward picking him up off the padding and hurls him back into the ring.
” Looks like you’re going to have to wait a little longer.”
Sarah climbs back up on the ring apron before stepping through the ropes. She picks Thunder Knuckles up off the mat before taking Muay Tia clinch and proceeds to drive knees into the gut of Nickels! Lacklan continues with a snap mare take over before delivering a snap kick to the spine and immediately follows with a snap kick to the sternum knocking Charlie down to the mat.
The crowd roars as Sarah goes AROUND THE WORLD with stomps starting at the head of Charlie and then the right shoulder, right elbow, right wrist, right fingers, right side of the ribs, all the way around the body of the challenger! When complete we see Charlie roll towards the ropes and out to the floor. The crowd roars with approval as Sarah points down at the Ladder.
” Sarah’s going to make an attempt for the title!”
Sarah reaches down picking up the Ladder and she positions it under the Universal Championship. The crowd gets louder and louder as Sarah starts to make the climb up the Ladder towards the Championship! Charlie rolls back into the ring with something in his hand held tight against his body and as he stands he swings the TUBE LIGHT breaking it across the back of Lacklan and sending her falling backwards off the Ladder to the mat below!
” Dear God!”
Charlie folds up the Ladder and takes it towards the ropes where he hoists it over the top rope and drops it down to the floor!
” Nickels doesn’t care about a Ladder! He wants to hurt Lacklan!
Charlie directs his attention towards the Steel Chair that lays in the ring to a mixed reception from the massive crowd. He walks over picking the chair up off the mat where he measures Sarah who starts to push herself up off the mat and to a vertical base where Charlie comes forward cracking her in the skull with a vile chair shot that busts open Lacklan as it sends her to the mat hard!
” We knew this wasn’t going to be for the weakened hearts as the Universal Champion has been busted wide open by Charlie Nickels!”
Charlie hurls the chair to the mat.
Lacklan, bleeding rolls under the bottom rope and out to the floor. Charlie waits as Lacklan starts to push herself up to her feet before running across the ring where he baseball slides out to the floor and delivers a swinging neck breaker!
” The challenger is taking the fight to the champion! Nickels has something to prove and by god he’s not holding anything back!”
Charlie gets back to his feet as he tosses the ring apron back. He pulls out a Table! He reaches back under the ring and pulls out a second table! He reaches under the ring where he pulls out a THIRD table! Charlie picks up a table and sets it up at the foot of the entrance ramp. He takes a second table and sets it up next to the first before turning and picking up the third table where he comes around the ring and sets it up isolated.
Charlie turns his attention back towards Lacklan who lays near the entrance ramp. He comes over picking her up off the protective mat and brings her around the ring where he drives her head first into the table before rolling her on top of it. Nickels climbs back up on the ring apron where he steps up on the bottom turnbuckle, he steps up to the middle turnbuckle as he sizes Lacklan up who is prone on the table. He lets out a “BANG! BANG!” before leaping off the middle turnbuckles with an elbow drop and again Lacklan rolls off the table towards the ring sending Nickels crashing through the table and rolling into the security railings.
” Nickels might be broken in half!”
Sarah pulls herself up to her feet before turning her attention towards Nickels whose arm is under the barrier. She staggers around the debris of the table where she reaches through the security barrier taking the wrist, she pulls it back through before stomping down on the wrist! Nickels screams out in pain as he untangles his hand from the barrier pulling his right hand towards his body! The bloody Lacklan picks Charlie up by the hair and sends him back into the ring under the bottom ropes. Lacklan rolls back into the ring herself and begins to get back to a vertical base. She falls back into a neutral corner before she turns around and removes the top turnbuckle pad from the turnbuckle! Sarah turns around where Charlie reaches one knee. Lacklan runs forward gaining a full head of steam delivering a Shining Wizard Knee strike to the face of Nickels!
” The Mark of Cain!”
Lacklan gets back to a vertical base where she immediately picks Nickels up by the hair and runs him across the ring and drives him head first into the exposed turnbuckle! She drives him head first into the exposed turnbuckle a second time! Then a third time that busts Charlie wide open!
” Lacklan is using her surroundings as a weapon!”
Lacklan brings Charlie out towards the center of the ring where she locks a front face lock before snapping off a suplex! Sarah rolls out to the floor where he picks up the Ladder and slides it back into the ring. Sarah slides into the ring where she gets to her feet and picks up the Ladder. Sarah sets the Ladder up under the Universal Championship where she starts to climb up towards the gold.
Nickels starts to stir as he rolls over to his chest and pushes himself up out of a pool of his own blood using the Ladder to pull himself up as we see Sarah as climbed half way up the Ladder just as Charlie starts to climb up. The crowd gets louder and louder the closer Sarah gets to the Championship! Sarah reaches the top of the Ladder where she reaches up and touches the gold before being met right a right hand to the midsection from Nickels! Charlie climbs up several more rungs of the ladder where he swings at Lacklan who catches the right arm of Nickels and locks in a reverse cross arm breaker using the ladder for more torque on the hold as the crowd roars in approval!
” Lacklan continues to showcase innovative offense while not catering to the garbage wrestling, I still think she’s going to break.”
Lacklan continues to crank on the right arm of Nickels and the only way Charlie can save himself and his arm is pull his arm up with Lacklan and counter by coming off the Ladder with a modified sit out powerbomb driving both champion and challenger into the mat below! They’re both laid out!
” Both are down!”
Nickels is the first to stir as he rolls out to the floor, his face a crimson mask. Nickels drops to one knee where he reaches under the ring apron and retrieves a large sack.
Nickels rolls back into the ring with the massive sack and gets to his feet. He opens the sack and pours THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of thumbtacks in the ring! Charlie empties the entire bag into the ring before he turns his attention towards Lacklan. Nickels comes towards Sarah kicking her in the gut! He under hooks both of the arms before yanking her backwards towards the thumbtacks where he pants her into the thumbtacks with a Double Arm DDT!
” DEVIL HOOK DROP INTO THE THUMBTACKS!”
“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT” echoes out from all over the Stadium! Thumbtacks are all over the back of Nickels and the forehead and body of Lacklan! Nickels sits up off the mat and starts to work his way back to a vertical base! Nickels starts to climb the Ladder!!
” Charlie’s got his shot!”
Charlie, slowly climbs up the Ladder reaching the halfway point. He continues to climb while we see the Universal Champion starts to push herself up and out of the thumbtacks. She’s got thumbtacks all over her forehead and throughout her face as she starts to pick them out once she gets to one knee. Charlie nears the top of the Ladder as he reaches up towards the Universal Title, finger tips away! He steps up to the second to top rung of the Ladder where he takes a hold of the Universal Title with one hand before the Ladder is taken out from under him by Lacklan! Nickels has a hold of the rung as he sways back and forth over the ring while Sarah picks up the Ladder and folds it up. She uses it as a javelin jabbing it into the ribs of Charlie causing him to lose his grip on the ring and free fall down into the THUMBTACKS!
“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” once again is heard echoing throughout the Stadium as Nickels wreathing in pain as Sarah falls backwards into the ropes as she continues to pick thumbtacks off her body.
” The pain and suffering their putting their bodies through is completely insane, and all to be called Universal Champion!”
Sarah staggers forward as the pain surges through the body of Nickels where he takes a mount position and starts hammering down with elbow strikes to the bloody forehead of Nickels! Strike after strike after strike to the unprotected head of the challenger! After the sixth strike Sarah gets up off Charlie and stands back to her feet. The crowd roars in approval as Sarah lays the ladder straight on the mat before she goes back to Charlie where she rolls his plumpness on to the Ladder. Lacklan makes her way towards the ropes where she steps out to the ring apron before making her way towards the nearest set of buckles. Sarah starts to scale the turnbuckles reaching the top turnbuckle as the blood continues to flow down her face. She stands up on the top turnbuckle before leaping off with a back senton crashing down on top of Charlie Nickels whilst driving him into the Ladder!
” GARBAGE WRESTLING!”
” Not hardly Pip, using the environment is hardly garbage wrestling; swinging light tubes, thumbtacks on the other hand… garbage.”
Sarah lays on the mat shaking off the pain before rolling over where she pushes herself up off the mat and back to her feet. She reaches down picking Charlie up off the mat where he lands an open handed strike to the right cheek followed by an open handed chop to the left cheek and follows up with a spinning back elbow similar to a Judas Effect to the jaw that crumbles the challenger where he stands! Sarah shifts attention towards the Ladder as Nickels rolls towards the ropes.
Sarah grabs the Ladder and sets it up under the Universal Title. She starts to make the climb up the Ladder and towards the title.
” Lacklan’s going after the gold!”
Charlie uses the ropes to pull himself up to a vertical base as Sarah reaches the middle of the Ladder on the climb to the Universal Championship, Nickels staggers forward towards the Ladder as Sarah starts to reach up towards the title. Charlie grabs the Ladder and starts shaking it before reaching up and grabbing the right ankle of the Champion and pulls her down several rungs. Charlie starts climbing up the opposite side of the Ladder as Lacklan starts climbing back up towards her Championship. Nickels is close behind as Sarah reaches up grabbing the title before being met by Charlie who reaches the top of the ladder thumbing Lacklan in the eyes! The challenger takes the Champion and bounces her head off the top of the Ladder!
Nickels bounces Lacklan’s head off the top of the Ladder a second time!
He takes a front face lock on the Universal Champion and delivers a SUPER PLEX off the Ladder!
The crowd erupts upon impact as both champion and challenger land hard after a 15 foot free fall!
” How much more can either of them take?!?!?!”
” It’s any one’s ballgame!”
Both Champion and Challenger lay motionless on the mat for several seconds, both bloody and bodies in agony with the brawl that has unfolded in front of our eyes. Charlie raises his right arm up off the mat and starts circling with it as he the rolls towards the ropes and under the bottom rope at the foot of the ramp where the two tables are still set up side by side.
Nickels reaches under the ring where he pulls out a small zip lock bag.
He opens the zip lock back pulling out a small bottle of something before spraying them on the tables!
Charlie squeezes the substance on the tables before throwing the bottle to the ground. The then pulls a second item out of the bag and it’s a book of matches! Nickels takes a match and strikes it before tossing it on to the tables setting them on FIRE!
” This can’t be good!”
Charlie looks at the tables on fire before he turns and climbs up on to the ring apron and as he climbs up he’s lost track of Sarah who bounces off the far side ropes and…
The crowd erupts into a thunderous ovation as Lacklan spears Nickels through the ropes and sends him crashing through the burning tables!
Lacklan rolls to the safety as referee’s bombard the area with fire extinguishers putting the blaze out while Sarah pulls herself back to her feet where she rolls under the bottom rope! She pulls herself back to her feet where she makes her way over to the Ladder and starts to make the climb while out of the floor Charlie Nickels hasn’t moved. Sarah reaches the midway point of the Ladder before continuing the climb and as she reaches the top of the Ladder she reaches up taking a hold of the Universal Title and pulls it down from the ring it’s clasped…
DING… DING… DING…
WINNER AND STILL XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION
SARAH LACKLAN
The crowd erupts as Sarah sits on top of the Ladder and hoists the Universal Championship high in the air!
” Lacklan has retained the title! What an effort by Charlie Nickels but tonight is Sarah’s night.”
Suddenly the lights in the Stadium go completely dark….
The lights come up revealing standing at the foot of the Ladder looking up at Sarah…
The lights go dark in the Stadium a second time and when they come back up standing on the Ladder behind Sarah……
” CATACLYSM!”
The lights suddenly go dark a third time for several more seconds only to draw back up and reveal Cataclysm is gone as Sarah sits on the top of the Ladder with the Universal Title not really knowing what to think as Relentless Night 3 leaves the air.
JOIN US ON SUNDAY NOVEMBER 29TH
LIVE FROM TOMBSTONE, ARIZONA...
FOR............
Special Thanks To:
Atticus White
Smokin Bob Williams
Robbie Bourbon
CCP
Ned Kaye
Thaddeus Duke
Chris Chaos
Doctor D'Ville
Vita Valenteen
Shane
Unknown Soldier
Peter Gilmour
Madison Dyson
And of course all of you wonderful RPers out there. That's a wrap on Relentless 2020!
"HA! Take that Hanari you dumb bitch! See you in the near future Main! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~"
Then and Forever
The following 3 users Like Dick Powers's post:3 users Like Dick Powers's post (09-27-2020), "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (09-28-2020), Chris Page (09-28-2020)
I should have kept Chaos in that fuckin' hold awhile longer. You know, to save the XWF of the embarrassment of having him compete for the Universal title on a pay per view.
Seriously, just bump that shit to Warfare.
74-31-1
Semi-Retired
1x XWF Universal Champion || 3x XWF Xtreme Champion || 1x XWF Supercontinental Champion (First)
1x XWF Hart Champion (Last) || 2x XWF Television Champion || 1x XWF Tag Team Champion
1x OCW Savage Champion || 1x IIW Tag Team Champion || 2x SOTM (9/20, 7/21)
2021 Male Wrestler of the Year (shared w/ Alias) || XWF Hall of Legends
The following 1 user Likes Thaddeus Duke's post:1 user Likes Thaddeus Duke's post "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (09-28-2020)
Shut the fuck up Chaos. She's gonna eat you alive.
74-31-1
Semi-Retired
1x XWF Universal Champion || 3x XWF Xtreme Champion || 1x XWF Supercontinental Champion (First)
1x XWF Hart Champion (Last) || 2x XWF Television Champion || 1x XWF Tag Team Champion
1x OCW Savage Champion || 1x IIW Tag Team Champion || 2x SOTM (9/20, 7/21)
2021 Male Wrestler of the Year (shared w/ Alias) || XWF Hall of Legends
that soldier segment scared the fuck out of me.... but glad he's in the Hall of Legends.. I will join him.. someday..
a great 3 days and congrats to everyone.. now let's take this momentum all the way to HIGH STAKES!!
Believe me.. I will main event that event and I.. WILL.. WIN!
SUCK... MY... DICK!
3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
The following 2 users Like Peter Fn Gilmour's post:2 users Like Peter Fn Gilmour's post Theo Pryce (09-28-2020), Unknown Soldier (09-28-2020)
Great show all around for all three days!! I couldn't have predicted how sweet that ending ended up being. On to the next which I'm sure will be ffreakin awesome too
(09-28-2020, 05:28 AM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said:
(09-27-2020, 08:40 PM)Chris Chaos Said: a consulate professional.............a
Technically I do think Lacklanland has an embassy... so this is true!
"Mmmmm, mmmmm baby boi u know dang well it has EVERYTHANG! We all know how much time you logged there when u weren't on Epenstein's island pedodise. Come back soon."
"I don't get what yer comment has 2 do with the werd Chris said tho. What am missing? Did yer advanced wit go over me head? Seems like a joke was had? At Chris's's's expense? Was it good joke? Super cleverer? Made a totes ass outta Chris I bet? Probably! Still not as good as my client would'a done tho. Get ready Chris har har harrrr! By the time my Sar is done w/you, chrissypoo, yer gonna be seen as being stupider den Charlie who can't math! And stupider den Gage Gannon, who my client made cry and run away from the fed because she called him out on his inability to spell the word 'YER' correctly when he speakings!!!! AND THEN STILL BEAT HIM IN A MATCH HAHAHA!!!!"
"Get red e, chris chaos! Study HARD boi! Yer in fer a fun semenester!"
"Great next challenge fer my client. (I am sarcasming)!"
The following 1 user Likes "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post:1 user Likes "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane's post Unknown Soldier (09-28-2020)
(09-27-2020, 07:33 PM)Dick Powers Said: "HA! Take that Hanari you dumb bitch! See you in the near future Main! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~"
OOC- Dibs on writing this match!
- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former
With Robert "The Omega" Main
XWF World Heavyweight Champion
![[-]](https://xwf99.com/images/portal2/collapse.gif)
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