THE SCAM ARTIST

---

After her father fell victim to an advance-fee scam, Ruby and her tag partner Centurion travelled to Lagos, Nigeria in an effort to find the mastermind behind their operation and get the money back. After a lengthy search using old Star Wars toys upgraded by Ruby’s nerdy tech buddies, they finally managed to track down the hideout of their adversary.

However, things did not proceed as planned. After a failed infiltration attempt because of a loud Game Boy that turned out to NOT be high-tech spy gear, the pair were captured and left at the mercy of the man they only knew as ‘The Prince’. But as their captor started his interrogation, it started to feel like not everything was as it seemed…

---

Ruby and Centurion were still on their knees in front of their captor, but whose latest phrase had made both of them raise an eyebrow.

Quote: The Prince: “I, Prince Jones Dimka, son of a murdered father and rightful heir to the throne of Kaduna, will have his legacy… And nobody will stop me. Now… WHO sent you?”

Centurion: “Wait… We weren’t sent by anybody. She’s telling the truth!”

Ruby:”My mainest man nailed it, dude.”

Jones Dimka: “I’m afraid I don’t believe you. I recognize you, little masked girl dressed in yellow and green!”

Ruby:”Banana-lime, please and thank you…”

Jones Dimka: “You are the one who disturbed my operations in Quebec! Tracking me down like this is an impressive feat, but I shall no longer bow to the oppressors!”

Centurion: “Rubes, do you have any idea what he’s talking about?”

Ruby shook her head, even though she had an inkling, and they both looked up at Jones Dimka.

Jones Dimka: “I once had a dream that was Kabunda. But then that dream was taken from me. My father, the king, savagely murdered by the pretender Nwanko! That villain stole our crown, stole our legacy, stole our land and my people!”

Ruby:”…language… But wait… Are you telling me you’re an ACTUAL PRINCE??”

---

Quote:We see Ruby, Centurion and both of Ruby’s parents sitting in the same couch at Ruby’s house. Ruby and Cent are in the middle, with Nicholas sitting next to his daughter, and Olivia sitting next to her favorite wrestler.

Nicholas: “Told you SOOOOOOOOOOO!”

He grins as wide as he’s ever grinned in his life and looks over at the three others, who roll their eyes in concert.

---

Jones Dimka nodded.

Jones Dimka: “Yes. I was cast out, barely managed to escape with my life, and found myself penniless, save for my family’s properties in Lagos, Quebec and Brussels. My assets frozen, my whole family’s fortune locked in the vaults of the Nigerian government. I had to fight for my survival, but it seems like the enemy has finally tracked me down.”

Ruby:”Whoa whoa whoa, dude, we’re not the enemy!”

Jones Dimka: “Are you not? I find that hard to believe. The moment I have gathered the means to take back my country, you disrupt my operations in Quebec and force me to flee, even threatening my men with torture!”

Centurion: “Yeah, Family Matters is pretty bad, Rubes, he’s got a point there.”

Ruby:”But wait, this makes zero sense! What’s with the fake e-mails?”

Jones Dimka: “Fake e-mails?”

Ruby:”Yeah! You were trying to rip people off!”

Jones Dimka: “Not in the least.”

Ruby:”Oh come on! You’ve got a small army, how do you pay for them, eh? And what’s with all the fancy houses? How can you afford them?”

Centurion: “Well, they’re his family’s, I believe he said. Probably hidden from the records as some kind of safehouse for when things go wrong, like, say, a coup d’état. As for his mercenaries, they’re probably his countrymen who follow him out of loyalty rather than big paychecks. Like you once said, Rubes, not everybody needs the incentive of monetary reward to do the right thing.”

Ruby:”Wh-? How do you know all that?”

Centurion shrugged.

Centurion: “It all kind of clicked into place for me all of a sudden. I guess an outsider’s perspective helps in this case.”

Prince Dimka smiled.

Jones Dimka: “Your boyfriend is correct, girl in banana-lime.”

Ruby:”He’s not my boyf—Look, never mind. But if you’re so amazing and genuine, how come you stole thousands of dollars from my father, eh?”

She looked over at Centurion.

Ruby:”EH?”

He didn’t have an immediate answer for her.

Jones Dimka: “I have never taken someone’s money without their consent.”

Ruby:”Of course not! You prey on their kindness and gullibility! But I swear on my dead parakeet’s grave, as long as my name is Ruby Debuchy I shall get back my father’s mo--”

The Prince held up his hand to cut her off.

Jones Dimka: “Debuchy? Your name is Debuchy?”

Ruby:”Yes, what of it?”

Jones Dimka: “You are related to Nicholas Debuchy?”

Ruby:”I’d say so. He IS my father! I bet you know him, too!”

Jones Dimka: “Most certainly. I owe him a great debt.”

Ruby:”Wow, you’re not even denying it!”

Jones Dimka: “When I was at my lowest of lows, finally there he was… An enthusiastic guardian… A bright knight…”

Ruby:”…What?”

Jones Dimka motioned towards his men and they all lowered their weapons, making Ruby and Centurion feel a little bit more at ease.

Centurion: “Okay, I’m starting to get the feeling this is all one giant misunderstanding.”

Ruby:”But… the e-mails! You robbed my dad!”

Jones Dimka: “Robbed? No, I begged. Like I begged thousands of others. But only one man showed the kindness that he showed…”

---

Quote:Nicholas: “TOLD YOU SOOOOOOO!”

Olivia: “Nobody likes a braggart, dear…”

---

Jones Dimka: “Thanks to your father, I was able to regain my fortune. And I have not forgotten it. After his donation, I was finally able to free up my family’s fortunes… And the Dimka family can finally rebuild, and take back Kabunda.”

Ruby:”But… but… That makes no sense! Banks don’t hold your money unless you pay!”

Centurion: “Wellll, to be honest, Rubes, we had to pay to get our luggage back, remember? We had to pay to get through customs. Pay to even get off the plane! This honestly seems… not too far-fetched.”

Jones Dimka: “Exactly. This is the way. And it is corrupt. And change must come. But those in power want to keep these structures intact so they can step on the poor and downtrod.”

Ruby shook her head. For Centurion, the penny seemed to have dropped, but our heroine had some trouble wrapping her head around the subject.

Ruby:”Wait wait wait… So you’re telling me that my dad was the ONLY person to actually reply to your e-mail?”

Prince Dimka nodded.

Jones Dimka: “Yes, alas. For years we’ve tried. First, we fled to Europe. But our time in Brussels wasn’t very successful. Thousands of e-mails we sent, begging and pleading for help in our plight. But as it turns out, Belgians are either very stingy, very distrustful or a little bit of both.”

Ruby:”Oh… Yeah, and they have that weird blackface tradition too. Cringe.”

Jones Dimka: “Precisely. So my loyal subjects suggested we move our main base of operations to Canada. I was told the people there are nice and kind.”

Ruby:”I guess we are! Thanks, bud!”

Centurion: “Can’t argue with that!”

Jones Dimka: “But as it turned out, I wasn’t faring much better. We were sending thousands of mails daily, but without any success. Until one person e-mailed us back.”

Ruby:”My dad?”

Jones Dimka: “No, it was some guy called Kyle, who told me to get a real job. As if I wasn’t fighting to get my homeland back! But then I got a second e-mail!”

Centurion: “Ruby’s dad?”

Jones Dimka: “No, it was Kyle again, claiming he had sexual relations with my mother, may she rest in peace. But then I got a third mail!”

Ruby:”Let me guess, Kyle again?”

Jones Dimka: “Of course not, we blocked him after that! No, it was your father!”

Centurion: “Should’ve seen that one coming, Rubes.”

Ruby:”I really should have.”

---

Quote:
Nicholas: “See, when everyone was making fun of me, including my wife who called me every name in the book…”

Olivia: “I called you a doofus. ONCE!”

The four of them were sitting in the couch again. The addition of Centurion had made any kind of moving room scarce, but the only one who seemed discomforted by that was Centurion himself, who was wedged in between Ruby and her mother. Still, he tried to play it cool.

Centurion: “Well, Mrs. Debuchy, as your daughter once told me, we should not be judged by how low we’re willing to debase ourselves, we should be judged on how high we wanna lift ourselves up afterwards.”

Ruby:”Pretty sure I just said we shouldn’t judge people when they’re at their lowest, bud. But in the right kind of context, that’s actually a really nice thing to say. Someone should wrote that down!”

Nicholas quickly put away his pen and notebook, and then returned his attention to the camera.

Nicholas: “So as I was SUPER-SAIYAN…”

Ruby:”Hah! Classic!”

She elbowed Centurion in the tricep.

Ruby:”Dragon Ball Z reference…”

Centurion: “He used the word ‘super’, maybe it was a Banana-Lime Blur reference!”

Nicholas: “My guy! Up top!”

Ruby’s father went in for a high five. Cent wasn’t going to leave him hanging. He imagined Ruby would be devastated if he did.

Nicholas: “So anyway, I sent His Royal Highness Prince Dimka a VERY nice e-mail, detailing how I was willing to help. But APPARENTLY, that was a naïve thing of me to do, according to some people. One of which was my own daughter! Now what did I always tell you??”

Centurion: “You told her that naïve is just a word a pessimist uses to describe an optimist?”

Olivia: “Ooh, I like this one!”

Ruby’s mother was, obviously, referencing to Centurion. Nicholas beamed with pride while Ruby grinned.

Ruby:”Flip, how’d you know that??”

Centurion: “I watched your taxi promo. And after meeting your father, it’s… pretty apparent where you get a lot of your wisdom from.”

Nicholas: “And her good looks too, right??”

Centurion was taken aback by that particular response, as was Olivia, who was glaring holes through her husband, who immediately noticed.

Nicholas: “I err.. meant she gets her good looks from her mother, obviously!”

Olivia: “Yes. Obviously…”

Nicholas: “Anyway, this is the e-mail I sent HRH… His Royal Highness… soon after I received his cry for help.”

Nicholas took the family’s tablet and opened the Gmail app. He cleared his throat, wanted to start to read, but then looked over at Centurion.

Nicholas: “Actually! I will let our guest of honor have the honor!”

He handed the tablet over to Centurion, who hesitantly accepted it.

Ruby:”Ooh, family reading! Do some funny voices, bud.”

Centurion: “I…. don’t know any funny voices.”

Ruby:”I was just kidding.”

Centurion: “Right. I thought so.”

He didn’t.

Centurion started reading from the top.

Centurion: “To His Royal Highness, Prince Dimka of Kabunda… I was very touched by the tragedy that befell you and your family. If this were a Hollywood production, I’d drop the line ‘I know what it’s like to have everything taken away from you,’ but that would be a lie. I have the privilege and blessing of a wonderful family. An intelligent, beautiful wife I love very dearly, and a phenomenally talented daughter who has excelled above even my wildest imaginations. And what more does a man need in life than his family? But yours was taken from you, as well as your home and country. So it would be an honor and a privilege to help you regain what you have lost. I shall send the required money to you within the day, in hopes that it will aid you in your restoration efforts. Don’t sweat the return date. Yours sincerely, Nicholas Debuchy.”

Olivia: “Seriously, Nicholas? ‘Don’t sweat the return’??”

Centurion: “If I may, dear madam, he did call you intelligent and beautiful.”

Olivia put her hand on Centurion’s forearm and smiled.

Olivia: “Aww, that’s so sweet of you to say!”

Nicholas: “Errrr, I said that, remember?”

---

Jones Dimka: “When I received your father’s e-mail, I stood, as you say, flabbergasted. For a moment, I thought he was one of those mythical Scandinavian creatures, errr…”

Centurion: “A troll?”

Jones Dimka: “Precisely! But no, he came through. Unfortunately, I had to run in order to avoid getting captured. By you, as it turned out. But as I returned to Lagos, I was able to lay claim to my heritage. And right now, I have the means to go free Kabunda and rule over my people with the empathy and understanding any liege should have.”

Ruby cast her eyes downward. She had rarely been this disappointed in herself. She had scolded her father for his foolishness, and set out on a quest to try and deny an honest man what was his by right. A man who was on his own quest of justice and righteousness. She put her arms back down and sat cross-legged in the middle of the chamber. Centurion crept over towards her and put an arm over her shoulders.

Centurion: “Hey, it’s okay. You couldn’t have known, really.”

Ruby:”Couldn’t I? All this time I thought I was doing the right thing, but apparently all I did was act out of prejudice and bigotry.”

Centurion: “Hey, come on now. Those are the last words anyone would associate with you. You were merely trying to protect your family.”

Ruby:”Looks like they didn’t need protection… All I did was make them worry. And I endangered myself because of it. And even worse, you… I thought I was wearing a mask, but it acted like a blindfold. So focused on trying to do the right thing, the heroic thing, that I ended up fighting those who needed to be protected. I don’t deserve this.”


Her hand reached for the band that kept her mask in place, seeking to rip it off. But as much as Centurion wanted to stop her, Jones was ahead of him.

Jones Dimka: “The mere fact you think that, is proof that you do. I see a lot of your father in you. His words portrayed a man who realizes his privilege, but doesn’t consider himself superior because of it. He considers himself lucky. And his greatest privilege of all was having a child he could imprint his wisdom on. And when I look at you, I see that he has succeeded in doing that. Because wisdom can take many forms. But the rarest one of all is compassion. And you have that in bundles.”

Centurion: “The man’s right, Rubes. So yeah, turns out we were here for the wrong reason, but… we were here for the right REASON! The real reason, being that you wanted to protect the innocent, and bring justice for those that the system forgot. And don’t ever let me catch you apologize for that.”

Centurion stood up and reached his hand towards his tag partner.

Centurion: “Come on. Sisterhood of Besties forever! Name change pending…”

Ruby smiled, and grabbed his hand, pulling herself upright.

Ruby:”Forever!”

Centurion: “Just so we’re clear, it’s not the name that’s forever, right?”

Ruby:”Oh no, we’re definitely changing that one. At some point. Soon-ish.”

With all of that being said, Centurion seemed to be satisfied and looked just about ready to leave. Jones put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder a took her apart for a few fnal words.

Jones Dimka: “Are you sure he’s not your boyfriend? He looks totally into you.”

Ruby:”Who, Centy? Come on. What would he want with a girl like me! We’re… just buddies.”

Jones Dimka: “Fine. Listen, now that you found me, I’m afraid my hand has been forced. I will be looking to go and free Kabunda soon. I could use someone like you at my side.”

Ruby:”Ahhh. Well, see, I’m flattered, but I’m no soldier, your highness. I’m a vigilante. I keep a few city blocks safe, and when I’m not doing that, I fight people in a ring for entertainment.”

Jones Dimka: “I understand. It is regrettable, but you must do what you feel is right. Nevertheless, I would like to ask you for one final favor…”

Ruby:”Sure. Least I can do after putting you through all this trouble…”

---

Quote:We’re back to the Debuchy family and Centurion on their home couch back in Ottawa.

Ruby:”So hey, all’s well that ends well, right?”

Centurion: “Sure, Rubes. But our real test is just beginning. We still have Cataclysm waiting for us, and they won’t be easy pickings.”

Ruby:”Very true, my guy. But for tonight, let’s focus on the positives. My dad, through a random act of kindness, helped give a man the means to take back his country. How’s that for heroism?”

Olivia: “That reminds me… Did we ever even get our money back?”

Nicholas: “Oh come on, sweetheart! Who cares about money? We…”

Olivia: “I do! The guys who decide whether or not to cut off our water and electricity at the end of the month, do! We have bills that need paying, Nicholas! Vraiment, je te jure, il y a des temps que je…”

Ruby:”Guys guys, guuuuys! Stop it! Mom, dad, there’s someone I’d like for you to meet.”

Ruby got up, followed by Centurion.

Centurion: “He insisted. He wanted to meet his hero.”

Ruby helped her father up, and Centurion did the same for Ruby’s mother, much to her delight. They led them outside, where a gigantic white limousine was parked in front of their driveway. As the doors opened, a familiar face emerged… to Ruby and Centurion, at least. But it didn’t take Ruby’s parents long to figure out who it was.

Jones Dimka approached them, and Nicholas wanted to kneel, but Olivia slapped him on the shoulder and he quickly got back to his feet, but still kept his head down.

Nicholas: “Your Royal Highness! It is truly an honor to welcome you here.”

Olivia: “Yes, it’s not every day we’re met with royalty. Certainly not royalty that still owes us money.”

Nicholas: “Sweetheart, be nice!”

But the Prince merely smiled.

Jones Dimka: “I can see where your daughter gets her quick wit and audacity from. But you are right, Mrs. Debuchy. I have come here to return what is owed.”

One of his employees handed Olivia a briefcase. She opened it, and her mouth fell open.

Jones Dimka: “As I said in my e-mail. Those who help me, shall receive a small amount of my fortune. So there it is. Eight hundred thousand Canadian dollars!”

Centurion leaned into Ruby, whispering in her ear.

Centurion: “…is that a lot?”

Ruby:”I’ll say. Over half a flippin’ mill in Mickey Mouse money! Or… United States Dollars, as Americans call them.”

Centurion: “Wow. So, they’re semi-rich?”

Ruby:”Nah, no chance. They’ll keep enough to pay their bills, and the rest’ll have gone to charity before the week is through, mark my words.”

Jones Dimka: “But now, I’m afraid I must leave you. I have plans of my own I must tend to, and they can no longer wait. I bid you farewell, Debuchy family, and Centurion. And hope that you all find love and happiness for as long as you may live.”

The Prince got back in his limo, and Olivia closed the briefcase before handing it to her husband.

Olivia: “Best get that to the bank. And please don’t try and lose it.”

Centurion grinned, and then turned to Ruby.

Centurion: “Wel, Rubes, it’s certainly been fun. But I’m afraid I should go. I have some obligations I must fulfill.”

Ruby:”Oh, right. Angelica mentioned that in a text. Crazy how different she is from Sarah, right?”

Centurion: “Honestly, it boggles my mind.”

Olivia: “Ohh, won’t you stay for lunch at least, mister Centurion?”

Centurion: “Afraid not, ma’am. Duty calls. But hey, if you’re in the neighborhood during the rest of the week… I’d love to meet up with you, Rubes.”

Ruby:”Flip yeah, it’s a date! We’ll have lunch for real. I’ll text you when I’m around.”

And she saw Centurion walk off. Strange, she missed him already… His sudden departure had created a void that she needed to fill. Something to distract her for a bit…

Where was that Go-Pro of hers?

From Ruby’s Go-Pro…

We see everyone’s favorite (and only) Banana-Lime Blur sitting in the grass. She’s unmasked, wearing her street clothes, and winks at the camera.

Ruby:”My guys! Whassup, whassup! Ya girl Rubes here again, checking in one final time before Relentless. This week has already been crazy as flip, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to slow down soon. Because on Saturday, Centy and I will be locked inside a prison with Cataclysm. The big bad spoopy baddies for whom Halloween happens 365 days a year! Man, just think of the CANDY! I do hope they brush their teeth at least twice daily! Say NO to tooth decay, kids, and brush often and thoroughly!

Anyway, this week’s events, have made me realize something… Something that’s always sounded obvious to me, but something that I’ve never really said out loud before.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. It really is as simple as that. We’re all born as a tabula rasa. Sure, we’re genetically predisposed to have certain traits, but in the end, our choices are what define us. It can be as easy as lending someone a dollar. Or taking something off of a high shelf in the supermarket for their tinier fellow humans. Or just a simple thank you as a token of appreciation. It costs you nothing, and it makes the world so much more agreeable. But strangely enough, that seems to be a rarity in most of the wrestling business. Probably still a trending fad from the early nillies, like plateau shoes, centering all the text on your emo MySpace blog, CD’s of the Backstreet Boys past their prime, and other stuff like that.

It’s a lesson Cataclysm certainly hasn’t learned. And one I fear they never will. I guess… That makes them the bad guys? I mean, yeah, I can say that. I’m sure they wouldn’t even deny it. I’m sure they’d even take it as a compliment. They’ve certainly had plenty to say about Centy and I this week. And I noticed one thing… They’re clutching at the same old rhetoric as so many others before them. Dismissing me because I’m an Anarchy star.

Yay. Haven’t heard that one before, dudes.

Here’s a fun tidbit of info: Cataclysm has never won a match on Anarchy. Not because they don’t want to, or choose to. That’s what they’ll claim of course, but those are the excuses of cowards. No, it’s because they couldn’t, even if they tried. It’s because they haven’t mastered the art of the sprint. And here’s the thing, my flippies… Life ain’t a marathon. It’s a collection of track meets. Of showing up in the right place and the right time, and perform when and where it matters most. Win enough track meets, and you’re set for retirement, eventually. And you’ll be judged by your level of success.

Which, to be fair, they’ve won a fair amount of those. But at Relentless, we’re going to have to break out of a prison. And I’m very good at keeping guys locked up in prisons, believe it or not. I’m gonna have to do some things I will probably not be proud of, but I will do what must be done. Because Cataclysm’s reign has gone on long enough, and even the crickets have grown tired of chirping. So yes, the S.O.B. -oh flip, we forgot to think of a new name… well, name change still pending, I guess…- will do everything in its power to dethrone those monsters. Because let’s face it, the tumbleweeds have gathered all the hay they’re gonna find. Time for a change of scenery. And hey, if we win? They’re always welcome for a rematch on Anarchy and put my earlier statement to the test. Unless they’re scaredy-scared, of course.

Anyway, guys, the time for talk is over. I won’t bore you with an endless speech, because everything that needed to be said, has been said, and repetition is creativity’s worst enemy. Cataclysm will be Catacl’has’m before the week is through! Okay, that wasn’t a very good pun. See? Time for me to sign off. Toodles, my dearies. Brush your teeth. Wash your hands. Eat your veggies. Be nice, be kind, be beautiful on the inside. And you, too, can make all your dreams come true. Banana-Lime Blur OUT!”

---