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The Paulie Report: Relentless - Night Three
Author Message
Paul Heyman Offline
Business Manager to Thaddeus Duke



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#1
09-23-2020, 07:35 PM

[Image: u9ETfEz.png]





Okay, okay. I’ll admit, last nights edition of the Paulie Report was a little lackluster. In fairness to myself, except for the House of Horrors match, the entire night two card felt a bit empty. I still maintain that Thaddeus Duke and Mastermind should have been the night two main event, but I digress. So night three of Relentless, the largest event in the entire business, in contrast to night two, is NOT lackluster. It doesn’t leave me feeling empty. Nine matches. NINE!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking: but Paul, there’s only eight matches booked. While that’s true, I’ll refer to my statements in my night one post- either Thaddeus Duke WILL have a match on night three, or I’m being way overpaid. Mark my words, buy your tickets if there’s any left, buy the pay per view or subscribe to the XWF Network because your Lionheart WILL be on that card come hell or high water.

Night three emanates live from the famed Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California and it is jam packed with the very best this company has to offer (see statements regarding my client.) So let’s get right to it shall we?


MATCH ONE: The Anarchy Championship is on the line as Miss Fury defends against the lovely and talented young warrior Vita Valenteen. I’m still not brushed up on Anarchy and let’s face the facts that I likely never will be. It’s nothing against the show or anyone that competes regularly there, it’s just a conflict in scheduling and I’m usually busy on Thursday nights.

bOb may play a factor here but it should be a great match overall with these two talent competitors leaving it all in the ring.


PREDICTION: Vita Valenteen showcases her championship ability and dethrones the current reigning, defending She-King of Anarchy

MATCH TWO:
Ares Creed takes on Notorious Ned Kaye. Now, Ned Kaye is a fucking anomaly in every sense of the word. He came into the company being that fresh faced, flavor of the month and went on a bit of a hot streak, then crashed back to reality. So who’s the real Ned Kaye? The guy that came in like a wrecking ball (he’s no white John Samuels though) or the guy that’s crashed and burned since?

And what about Ares Creed?

He’s a total shit sandwich so the prediction is easy.


PREDICTION: The REAL Ned Kaye stands up and reminds the XWF that he’s far better than his record indicates

MATCH THREE:
Dick Powers takes on Hanari Carnes for a shot at the Xtreme Championship. This one interests me a great deal. Dick is hilariously entertaining but seldom seen. Hanari, despite being Mexican is rather vanilla yet somehow also successful.

I didn’t say entertaining.


PREDICTION: Dick Powers sends Carnes to one of Donald Trump’s border concentration camps

MATCH FOUR:
This match is gonna go down like its 2014. While not necessarily a legend, Gator is one of the most well known and most popular competitors to ever grace the squared circle and he takes on a man that honestly, needs no fucking introduction. A man that sends shivers down the spines of those he faces. A man with sheer intelligence alone, can make you feel like a complete piece of shit for even trying to talk shit on him and that man is the legendary Doctor. Louis. D’Ville. There are legends, and then there’s Mount Rushmore of the XWF and you can argue that Doctor D’Ville wouldn’t be on our Mount Rushmore but you’d also be wrong. The man is fascinating and simultaneously terrifying. I’ve been a huge fan since the day he stepped foot in the XWF all those years ago and again, I do have an eye for talent. He was a bit rough at first, like most are, but he GOT IT. And he got it quickly.

For any fan of professional wrestling this is a dream match of epic proportions. I may be a business manager to someone else, but I’m a fan first. If I wasn’t already going to be in the building, I’d be buying tickets.


PREDICTION: The Doctor Will See You Now

MATCH FIVE:
In maybe the biggest glaring piece of evidence of why James Raven elects to compete elsewhere on a regular basis and not at home here in the XWF, he takes on Robbie Bourbon in a street fight which in all honesty should be part of a double main event along with the Universal title match later on. Raven isn’t shown the respect he so richly and rightly deserves by many and it sickens my client and I both that James doesn’t play ball here in the XWF anymore.

Sooner or later, he’ll find his way home again and he damn sure better get a ticker tape parade when he does because you know that Mount Rushmore thing I just mentioned? Steve Jason, John Madison, Doctor D’Ville and James fucking Raven. THAT’S Mount Rushmore.

About the match itself: I know Robbie Bourbon once upon a time defeated James Raven for the Universal title but its rare to catch Raven on a bad day once, let alone twice. Robbie, I think, his bitten off a bit more than he can chew this time around and he’s facing a renewed, reinvigorated, world renowned first class talent in James Raven and that, my friends, spells it out clearly.


PREDICTION: James Raven reminds the Xtreme Wrestling Federation of what it’s missing

MATCH SIX:
Chris Page defends his asterisk championship against Thunder Knuckles. I love Thunder Knuckles. I…. see Chris Page. Don’t misunderstand me, I think Page is a top flight talent in the ring but there’s something about him that just turns me off as a fan and I really can’t quite put my finger on exactly what that is. That’s an unbiased opinion, by the way. It has nothing to do with the fact that my client will defeat him on Friday night.

Moving on… we haven’t seen Thunder Knuckles in action since Leap of Faith where he… lost to Thaddeus Duke. There’s a possibility here that ring rust on his part may come into play but one must also consider that Chris Page will have already competed in two other matches over the course of the event and if there’s any rust from TK, I think that kind of puts them on an even playing field. Possibly too even.

TK is entertaining as anyone in the business but that doesn’t necessarily translate to wins and losses. He had a hell of a run as the TV champion for quite awhile so it will be interesting to me to see if his loss to Thad at Leap of Faith burst his bubble and brought him down to Earth or if the lengthy TV title reign version of TK is the real TK.


PREDICTION: Probably a closer match than some might anticipate just by looking at the card on paper, so I’m saying it goes to a time limit draw

MATCH SEVEN:
The Xtreme title is on the line as Robert Main defends against the Wizard. This has all the makings of an upset special but in which direction? Is Main the favorite because of his longevity and history of picking up victories? Is Wizard just another flavor of the month or is he the real deal?

What if Wizard isn’t actually Wizard? What if he’s just manifested in the image we see but really he’s Jim Caedus under there? Wait, no. Scratch that. Wizard has been around a little while now and hasn’t gone off on the deep end on some conspiracy theory laden tirade. Definitely isn’t Caedus.

What if Wizard is really Cadryn Tiberius?

I mean, I doubt it but he COULD be. If he was and morphed into Cadryn at bell time would Main suffer some sort of PTSD from their Hart title match all those years ago and history repeat itself?

Okay I’m kidding. Wizard isn’t Tiberius. Wiz is far too talented.


PREDICTION: Main hangs onto the title by an eyelash

UNIVERSAL TITLE MATCH:
Sarah Lachlan defends her Universal title against XWF newcomer Charlie Nickles. I hate to use the phrase again, but is Nickles the real deal or is he yet another flavor of the month? If you don’t know, the flavor of the month is someone new and fresh to XWF viewers that quickly gains a following with their entertaining nature, but fizzles out before long because they don’t evolve fast enough to gain true notoriety among the roster. I’ll admit I am a big fan of Charlie’s but at the same time, I think he’s taken too big a bite too soon.

There’s a reason Sarah is the Universal Champion and that’s because she’s that fucking good. She is a fucking workhorse when she chooses to be and so far as we’re just days away now from Relentless she has been entirely Relentless in her pursuit of remaining champion. Charlie jumped right into the deep end and while I do admire that, sometimes, they figure out they can’t even swim.


PREDICTION: Sarah drowns Charlie and retains. Charlie might slow down a little after Relentless, but I have all the confidence in the world that he can become a perennial main event talent for years to come.

BONUS ROUND:
The, so far, unbooked Thaddeus Duke match will go down as follows: He will enter the Rose Bowl accompanied by yours truly. He will step onto his canvass and he will paint another masterpiece. He will reign supreme at Relentless and walk out Three and Oh on the weekend simply because he fucking can.

That’s not a prediction, it’s a spoiler.

[Image: WIsC18y.png]
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Charlie Nickles (09-23-2020)
Charlie Nickles Offline
The Nickleman



XWF FanBase:
Drug addicts, rebels, weirdos

(the villain you love to hate; has cult following; may deal drugs on side)


#2
09-23-2020, 08:23 PM

"Suck my smelly dick, piss ant. Why not head over to the casino and put your money where your cum guzzling gullet is? What's the matter? Did you lose your fortune when ECW failed? Is the Duke family only paying you with backshots and handie js?"

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Chris Page (09-24-2020), Doctor Louis D'Ville (09-24-2020), Unknown Soldier (09-23-2020)
Thaddeus Duke Offline
Lionhearted
Management Lv. 2


WWW

XWF FanBase:
Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#3
09-24-2020, 07:26 AM

Charlie, Paul is a Jew. Do you really think he takes payment in any form other than cold hard cash? If Paulie's predictions offend you, go prove him wrong.

[Image: wgqr9W2.png]
74-31-1
Semi-Retired


1x  XWF Universal Champion || 3x  XWF Xtreme Champion || 1x  XWF Supercontinental Champion (First)
1x  XWF Hart Champion (Last) || 2x  XWF Television Champion || 1x  XWF Tag Team Champion
1x  OCW Savage Champion || 1x IIW Tag Team Champion  || 2x  SOTM (9/20, 7/21)
2021 Male Wrestler of the Year (shared w/ Alias) || XWF Hall of Legends
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Prof. Bobby Bourbon Offline
Mad Scientist



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#4
09-24-2020, 07:29 AM

First class? I was good in first class all the way through to seventh period in the school of hard knocks.

Also, kinda antisemitic Thaddeus. Not a good look.

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Ash Quinn
Guest



XWF FanBase:
(.Awaiting user update)


#5
09-24-2020, 07:51 AM

(09-23-2020, 08:23 PM)Charlie Nickles Said: "Suck my smelly dick, piss ant. Why not head over to the casino and put your money where your cum guzzling gullet is? What's the matter? Did you lose your fortune when ECW failed? Is the Duke family only paying you with backshots and handie js?"


To quote you earlier "if he can find it"!!!
Paul Heyman Offline
Business Manager to Thaddeus Duke



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#6
09-24-2020, 08:01 AM

(09-24-2020, 07:29 AM)Robbie Bourbon Said: First class? I was good in first class all the way through to seventh period in the school of hard knocks.

Also, kinda antisemitic Thaddeus. Not a good look.

He's Jewish and loves money, Robbie. It may seem anti-semitic on the surface but in this case, its actually just truth.

[Image: WIsC18y.png]
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Paul Heyman Offline
Business Manager to Thaddeus Duke



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#7
09-24-2020, 08:02 AM

Ooc: stupid phone

[Image: WIsC18y.png]
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