A pale hand slides a VHS tape across Vinnie Lane’s desk at XWF HQ. There is a yellow sticky note attached atop the tape, with entirely too much writing on it, that reads:

“Hey Vinnie! I hope we lived up to all your expectations with this one. I know how much you absolutely despise that Lacklan girl, I mean damn, she goes on and on about it in every other promo! I think this tape you commissioned will really get under her skin, shake her mind up so bad that even the fat boy can sneak out the underdog upset! Speaking of which, we were able to get him out of the hospital but he wouldn’t change into the clothes our costume designer made. Don’t blame me! Also, he demanded to wear his backpack throughout the taping…..don’t blame me! I honestly think he may not have understood that this whole thing was a work to promote the fight and piss off that blonde girl….but the bit with the historian went well! Thanks for the $150,000! I know it’s only a drop in the bucket compared to what you had to pay all those game shows and talk shows to bring Lacklan on and pretend like she’s some kind of big deal outside of the wrestling business, but we still appreciate your support for Rodrigo’s Video Production Services LLC!

-Rodrigo”



Sayors: Hey folks! Steve Sayors here, and we’re talking about some saucy, saucy drama. My guest today is Nissara Yafat. She is a critically acclaimed historian specializing in the history of European colonization. She is an associate professor of colonial studies at Thomas College in Waterville, Maine. How are you, Nissara?

Nissara: I am good, I am good. How are you, Steve?

Sayors: I’m doing great! So, your new book, ‘Slavery and Genocide: The Story of Maine’s Industry”....what’s it about?

Nissara: It is about slavery and genocide and the role these systems played in the development and growth of industry in Maine, most prominently the fishing industry and the lumber industry. Those are what concern me in this book most. It’s an examination of the 1600s and early 1700s New England.

Sayors: And what inspired you to write this book, in particular? You’ve written about colonialism in Africa and Asia before. What made you want to branch out to discuss colonialism in Maine?

Nissara: It’s simple, really. I’m sick and tired of my colleagues at Thomas College, and white people across New England really, playing revisionist history and pretending that the wealth and prosperity their ancestors supposedly “created” was anything besides the direct result of indigenous dispossession and racialized slavery.

Steve: Really? Hmm. Let me think, do we have anyone like that here in the X-treme Wrestling Federation? Wealthy white New Englanders whose families came to prominence in the 1600s….hmmm….

Steve ironically stroked his chin as if he were deep in thought, in what is clearly a scripted moment written for him by Vinnie Lane, who I guess hates Sarah Lacklan or something, I don’t know that’s just the vibe you get if you watch her promotional materials. Nissara isn’t in on the joke and just looked confused.

Sayors: Oh yes, everyone’s favorite champion, Sarah Lacklan! Do you know of the Lacklan family? Do they make an appearance in your book?

Nissara shakes her hijabed head from side to side to indicate ‘no’.

Nissara: I’m not familiar with that name. I suspect that family was likely not that important or influential to the economic growth or political development of New England. All the prominent families in the region are heavily discussed in the book.

Sayors: So your book....I was told discusses mostly the lumber and fishing industry? Can you tell us a bit about canning and preserving fish? How important was that to New England back in the old days? Especially in Maine.

Nissara: Oh it was certainly important, but the fishing industry was way less profitable than lumber mills, especially in Maine. Important families in Maine rose to prominence generally through owning lumber mills. Some modest wealth, however, did come from fish canning.

The rapid development of the fishing industry and lumber industry wain Maine was only possible through the genocide of the indigenous inhabitants. The Native Americans wished to share the streams, the ocean, the forests: but the wealthy families from Europe wanted none of that. They wanted property rights, specifically, they wanted the right to all the property in Maine that was held in common by indigenous tribes. I can not stand when the offspring of genocidal slave owners claim their family merely ‘acquired’ land in the ‘new world’. In reality, Europeans murdered Native Americans, intentionally spread diseases to them, and destroyed their villages in order to force tribes to leave the land they had lived on for centuries. Only then were European families able to settle near the fishing holes and the forests and claim monopoly on the resources.

By 1650 more than 75% of the Native Americans who had lived in what is now referred to as ‘Maine’ had been slaughtered by European settlers. This actually created a bit of an issue for the fishing industry in Maine, because many natives had actually been enslaved by wealthy European families and forced to do the labor. But as the natives ran away, rebelled, and, ultimately, died, a new laboring population needed to be brought in. The ruling classes, the wealthy Europeans- they didn’t do the work themselves. English families were not canning fish, they were not out on those boats under the heat of the sun sweating their days away….that’s what they had slaves for. But when the native slave population dwindled, the English brought in new populations. In Maine, of course there was some African slavery, but in the fishing industry?

The most common slave demographic after 1650 was Scottish slaves. Scottish slaves, funny sounding, right? They called them ‘indentured servants’, but that’s just slavery with extra steps. After the war between England and Scotland, most of Scotland’s army was rounded up and shipped to New England to labor for wealthy English families. Many Scots were sold to fishing companies and canneries.


Sayors: Very interesting, very interesting. And what part did fish canneries play in this whole schema, at the macro-level?

Nissara: Without canned and preserved fish, slavery would not have been able to continue in the Caribbean, full stop. Unquestionably. Canned and preserved fish were of low grade and were shipped to slave plantations in Cuba, Haiti, Jamaica, and the Dominican Republic to keep the slaves fed just enough so that they could work 18 hour days until they met their untimely deaths. This is especially true for fish preservatives and canneries in Maine during the 1600s. Keep in mind that lobster did not become a part of Maine’s fishing industry until the 1700s, when smacks were invented.

Sayors: What’s a smack?

Nissara: A smack is a specially built fishing craft that has compartments containing seawater. The smacks were crucial for lobster fishing, because lobsters must be transported alive, or else the meat would go bad. There was no way to preserve lobsters, so fishing for them was a waste of time because they would die before you reached shore and become valueless. As such, fishing in Maine in the 1600s was based almost exclusively around cod. These cod canneries had an incredibly important relationship with the slave plantations in the Caribbean, and as such, many families that owned cod canneries have remained wealthy to this day based upon their trading relationships with slavers in the Caribbean. The most commonly preserved fish in Maine was known as the “West India cure”. It was absolutely garbage fish, disgusting, but deemed good enough for slaves. It was actually ideal for the slave masters. The “West India cure” provided just enough nutrition to slaves to keep them working for a few years, while simultaneously providing so little nutrition that slaves would constantly feel tired, groggy, weak, and physically ill.

Sayors: And how important was this canned fish to the sustainability of slavery in the Caribbean?


Nissara: Absolutely pivotal. Without the “West India cure” cod, the plantation owners in the Caribbean would have been overthrown hundreds of years sooner than they did. Without the power to withhold food and use food as a bargaining chip to force subservience, the slave masters would have never been able to maintain control of the islands. The slaves would have revolted within decades, instead of centuries. The wealthy families that to this day own canneries in Maine have blood on their hands, undoubtedly.


Steve Sayors brings his hands up to his face to demonstrate shock.

Sayors: Wow, that's depressing. Luckily no one in our federation has such a long history of profiting off of genocide and slavery!

Nissara again just looks absolutely confused as Steve winks to the camera and the screen transitions to a new scene.


Charlie is seen walking up a cobblestone path towards a medieval looking village. The green grass around him looks to be made of plastic. His beard appears recently trimmed, but his hairy thighs seem to be as bushy as ever. He is still dressed in his much too short hospital gown and wearing those socks you get from the hospital with the sticky bottoms. A black backpack bounces up and down with every step he takes, a slightly clanking sound becoming audible with each and every movement of the bag. As he walks into the village he sees a crowd gathered in town square. He walks past the buildings, which seem flat and one-dimensional, but Charlie doesn’t seem to notice. He hears shouting, hollering, and bickering as he walks up on the dozen or so people gathered in the center of the ‘town’.

Eleven people are dressed in torn up rags made from brown sacks. For some reason, their faces seem very clean and their hair seems professionally styled. There are ten white boys, who look much more Irish than Scottish, and one black woman. One man, the only man of color, is wearing a native american headdress and nothing but a loin cloth. He isn’t wearing makeup, and he seems a lot less interested in the going ons than the rest of the actors, er...I mean slaves. Wait...is that Little Feather in the loin cloth? The tallest man in the group, with orange hair and green eyes, turns to the camera as he speaks. The bickering around him dies down, as if it was all scripted to lead to this moment.

Tall Man: We have been slaving away for years! Working day and night, canning the fish for the Lacklan family.

The only woman in the group is the next to speak.

Woman: That Jean-Paul…..he is a monster.

Charlie closes his eyes as he shakes his head from side to side. The cast share confused glances with each other. Charlie begins to pound his fists against his head as he keeps his eyes sealed shut.

Tall Man: Uhh….the Lacklans have been exploiting our labor for years. Forcing us to can the fish they send out to the sugar plantations. We ask for shelter, we ask for food, we ask for water, we ask for freedom….and we are always denied.

Woman: The Lacklans are monsters….

Charlie opens his eyes and stands tall. His gaze drifts across the gathered crowd.

Charlie: I know the Lacklans. They are a Godly family.

Everyone except Little Feather shakes their head from side to side. Little Feather sighs in exasperation, tiredness, and likely genuine sadness as he takes center stage.

Little Feather: The Lacklans stole my land. Slaughtered my people. Raped the women, killed the children. They are pure satan spawn.

Charlie eyed Little Feather questioningly. Before he could respond, the only woman in the group spoke up once more.

Woman: Jean-Paul Lacklan is a monster. Every night...he takes me for his own...I fight….but it’s no use.

The woman breaks into what are obviously fake tears, bringing her hands up to her eyes while pretending to sob. All the men, besides Little Feather (who just looks disgusted) comfort the woman before turning to Charlie.

Tall Man: The Lacklans have been destroying us, Charlie. Day by day they slaughter another slave, pack him up like a fish and send him off in a can. We can’t take it anymore….they are not Godly, they are liars. Slavemasters.

Charlie: It...can’t be….Jean-Paul...a monster? The Lacklans….are slave drivers?

The group nods their heads in unison, apart from Little Feather. Charlie’s jaw drops, and it seems as if his whole world has been questioned. He pauses for a few moments. Then a few more minutes. He brings his hand up to his chin in quiet contemplation.

Charlie: This….this is not right. This….is not just. It reminds me oh so much of the globalist plot to control the common man. Are the Lacklans….globalists?

The group looks very confused, but after some off camera direction they slowly nod their heads. Charlie looks upset, disappointed, frustrated. He sighs deeply.

Charlie: I was saving these for someone else...but you may need them more than me. GO! Liberate yourselves! Let the slave masters taste your steel!

Charlie pulls his backpack around his shoulders and unzips it. He dumps out the contents of the bag.

BANG BANG BANG BANG

A dozen or so nine millimeter pistols fall out of the bag, four of them going off and releasing shots as they slam against the ground. The shots ring out in multiple directions and the cast immediately scatters. All, that is, except for Little Feather. Just before the camera fades to black you see Little Feather tackle Charlie to the ground.