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Kenzi Grey · (09-08-2020)

The scene opened with a shaky hidden camera video from inside the Federal Bureau of Prisons in Fort Worth, Texas. The rattling of chains could be heard along with the shuffle of feet and the camera tilted slightly as an emaciated figure with a bleached blonde mullet appeared, flanked by a large corrections officer. The officer pointed towards the camera, or rather the person behind it and the skeletal figure cocked his head to the side, then shuffled over. As he came closer, it was apparent that the man in question was none other than Joe Exotic, the infamous Tiger King.

Joe’s face was worn and gaunt, but he managed a look of annoyance and confusion as he spoke in a high southern tone, “I don’t know who you are, but you aint my fuckin’ lawyer! If you tryin’ to get a free interview, then you’d better just fuck right off! I aint got time for-“

“You have time for me Joe. I can get you the thing you want the most…and it will only cost you a few minutes of your time.”

Joe narrowed his eye, still not sure of what was going on. “You don’t know shit about what th’ fuck I want!”

The camera seemed to move in closer as the person behind it whispered. “…have you ever heard of The Slav…”

Joe paused as the wheels seemed to turn behind glassy eyes, that suddenly widened in recognition. “…you know The Slav…the one they call Baba Yaga…”

“…yeah, and I’m going to see him Thursday night in Wynnewood. I’m going to fac-“

Before they could finish, Joe plopped down in the seat, his weathered face now beaming as the handcuffs he wore rattled against the steel table he sat behind. “…goddamn it! You DO know what th’ fuck I want!” He paused, looking over his shoulder at the guard that stood by the door watching him, just out of earshot. He turned back, leaning in close, “…what’s it going to cost me to get this shit done?”

“Just a little information Joe. All I need to know is how do I get the Tigers to keep from eating me! Tell me how I can be like ‘The Tiger King’ Joe!”

Joe sat back and grinned. “It’s not about keeping from being ate…it’s about being th’ one who says who gets ate and who don’t!” He pointed to his head. “It’s all about knowing you’re th’ King, and making them tigers know it too!”

“How long does that take to learn?

Joe gave his thin shoulders another shrug. “Years.”

A hand slapped down on the table between them. ”I DON’T HAVE YEARS! I HAVE UNTIL THURSDAY NIGHT!”

Joe paused, nodding slowly as he looked around, then leaned in close again. “You say you going to Wynnewood, then I might have a shortcut for you…but you can’t be no pussy! Tigers can smell that shit a mile away!”

“I’m not a pussy…I just need an edge with the Slav!”

Joe nodded, “…then I guess we have a deal.” Joe picked up a pen and scribbled down directions on a note pad and slid it across the table. The guard watched him closely, but seemed to relax when he put the pen down. Hands reached out, taking the note and scanning it closely, then it disappeared behind the camera. “Go there…find th’ locker, and that might be enough to get you through in a pinch.”

There was a long pause, then the voice behind the camera chimed back in. “Thank you Joe. You have no idea what this means to me.”

Joe sat back and shrugged. “No…but I don’t really care. We got us a deal…and that’s all I give a fuck about!”

The officer watched as Joe leaned in really close this time, whispering so low that his voice could barely be made out. When he leaned back, he gave a sadistic chuckle then got up and gave a tip of an imaginary cap. He danced a bit of a jig as his departure was accompanied by the clink and clangs of his leg irons and handcuffs…

_________________________________

A few minutes later the scene turned to Kenzi Grey pacing nervously outside the gates of the prison. She glanced at the camera, then looked away.

“Sooooo…Boris…I have good news and bad news. First, the good news!” She looked into the camera, “On Thursday Night, only one of us is going to end up getting eaten by tigers in our Tiger King Match. You and I are kinda friends, so I know that you’ll be happy knowing that it’s not going to be me…so…THAT’S GREAT!”

Kenzi groaned as she cut her eyes away from the camera. She resumed her pacing. “Now the bad news…” She took a deep breath, but didn’t look into the camera as she spoke. “It looks like you’re probably gonna get eaten by tigers on Anarchy…unless…” Kenzi removed the slip of paper that Joe had given her and held it up. “…unless, I share this secret with you. This is directly from The Tiger King himself…the secret to not getting eaten and I’m willing to share it with you…but…there’s a bit of a catch here…”

Kenzi looked around nervously and wrung her hands. “Hummm…the only way that I can share the secret with you is if you…” She cleared her throat and did her best to imitate the voice of Joe Exotic himself, stating word for word what ‘The Tiger King’ had told her; “I’ma need you to put that Baskin bitch in th’ ground…” Kenzi shrugged, and added, just as Joe had told her moments ago, “…take yer time and make that fuckin’ pig squeal…okay?”

Kenzi gave a shake of her head and a shrug. “Crazy, RIGHT?! So weird, he thinks you’re a hitman called The Slav…no idea where he got that!” Kenzi gave a nervous giggle. “Soooooo…yeah…I’ll see you at Wynnewood on Thursday. Just try not to disappoint Joe…okay?”

The image faded to black...

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