Oh, hello there! Most people these days know me as being a pedophile, though really, that's only speculation. The truth is, nobody knows what I really do with those children, but it's arguably far worse than they think! Anyway, because of my wildly outlandish look and personality, not too many people take me very seriously, but that's their mistake, because now that I have the power of the Golden Potato, I am nearly unstoppable! My name is…

"Robert Main is such a bitch, let me tell you how big of a bitch he is. He walks around with the Xtreme and Tag titles talking about how he’s a fighting champion, how he doesn’t skirt a challenge, then turns right around and skirts challenges from myself, Madison Dyson, and Thunder Knuckles. Oh but wait, he finally agreed to face one of us. Turns out the almighty "Omega" has agreed to face TK on the first Anarchy after Relentless, and all it took was for TK to say that he didn’t want a title shot. Once the title was off the table, Robert Main was all about that “yeah, let me get my honor back” bullshit, like we all can’t see right through it! Of course ole walnut brain must have forgotten that the Xtreme title is ALWAYS defended in every match, even tag matches. Heh, dummy!"

"No jumping in line. Earn your shot. Earn it like CCP earned his shot at Main when he challenged for the Uni. By that I mean, be perceived to be a non threat, like Chris Page. Bonus points if after getting your ass handed to you, you fall right in line as one of Main’s mindless bitch boys, only there to stand behind him and give him positive reinforcement when all the mean people try to shit on his cowardly ways, oh and don’t forget that as his flunky you will also be responsible for helping Main game the system in order to hold on to that Xtreme Title for as long as he possibly can!"

"YEAH!"

"OH, and it's not just Robert Main ducking challenges either. After he bitched out for the hundredth time,, I took it upon myself to find the biggest and baddest this shit show has to offer. I issued an open challenge towards the entire Savage roster! Guess what? No one had the sack to step up! Two years ago I was forced out of this company, a laughing stock and a failure! Underachiever is a word some use, talentless jackass is another. I did get forced out of this company after losing to BX3 (offensive jobbers ~ BOB) but let me ask you this, if Micheal Graves is such a pushover, such a joke, such a non threat, then why am I fighting some random idiot named Njal? He didn't answer the challenge. As a matter of fact he's shaking in his boots at the thought of what the most ultraviolet fucker in the XWF has in store for him. Or, he should be. Make no mistake, if management wants to keep feeding me job boys, then I'll continue to eat them alive until somebody on this bitch made roster steps the fuck up!"

New York - The Home City of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants Baddies.

Dusk is falling over the city, but the city is not the location of our story. On this fine evening, as the sky grows ever darker, we open to a suburban neighborhood. Perfectly trimmed lawns, children playing in the streets, the street lights lining the roads begin to flicker on. One by one, parents begin to call out from their kids to come home before the sun sets.

Unlike most of the kids here, little Billy doesn’t have a strict curfew. Billy’s parents as it turns out, are perfectly naive to the dangers of the modern world. They feel safe in their suburban bubble, and because of this, nobody calls for Billy to come home. Instead, Billy decides to wander the neighborhood and rub it in the other kids' faces that his parents are “cool”.

Little did Billy know that waiting, watching, stalking like a predator to its prey was Micheal Graves. Micheal kept his distance, sticking to the shadows just like all of the best horror villains. He watched as Billy wondered further and further away from home. Further and further away from the safety of his parents, his friends, his neighbors. The further Billy roamed, the darker the sky became, until finally, the sun had set, and the shadows engulfed everything around him, leaving Graves to move freely.

”Hello!”

Graves voice called from behind. Billy wasn’t sure what to think when he turned around to see a man standing behind him with a skull for a face, but he wasn’t afraid in the slightest. Instead, he thought Graves looked pretty comical out in the real world dressed the way that he was.

”What are you supposed to be?” Billy asked with a snarky tone.

”I’m a Ninja Turtle.”

Billy didn’t watch the XWF, or wrestling at all for that matter. Wrestling in 2020 is pretty lame, but Billy didn’t believe for a second that Graves was a Ninja Turtle. Realizing the danger that he was in, Billy cautiously stepped back away from Graves as he asked his next question.

”What are you doing out here?”

Billy was trying to hide his fear as he widened the gap between them. Graves just smiled before a thick purple fog engulfed him. Shocked by Graves sudden disappearance, Billy turned to run, but ran right smack into a brick wall!

Or at least it felt like a brick wall. Billy fell to the ground ass first. Fear had fully taken away his ability to reason when he realized that the wall that he had ran into was in fact Graves.

How did he get behind me so fast? He wondered

Graves was still smiling as he reached down and grabbed Billy firmly by the arm.

”COWABUNGA DUDE!”

Later - Undisclosed location

Billy awoke in a dark room. He questioned what had happened, how did he end up here? He remembered the freaky man in the skull mask and as he did, the full gravity of his situation hit him.

”HELP!”

He cried out as he felt around in the darkness. A cage? Yes, Billy was locked in a cage. There was no escape. He began to cry and whimper as he begged for his parents to save him, but those cool parents weren’t here. Nobody was here. Nobody except for…

”Hey, shut up down there!”

A source of light emitted from the top of the stairs as Graves voice echoed down to him. Billy continued to cry because who wouldn’t in this situation? Frustrated, Graves stomped down the stairs and flicked on the lights.

Suddenly Billy could see his surroundings. Cages everywhere, only big enough for a child or small animal. All of them empty.

”Listen here you little shit, nobody’s coming to save you, and nobody wants to listen to you whine like a bitch while you’re here, so shut the fuck up, alright!?”

Through whimpering and tears Billy managed to get the words out.

”Why are you doing this?”

Graves just smiled.

”Hey kid, there’s no rhyme or reason to this. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Now shut up before you find yourself in a much worse situation than this one!”

The shock of Graves words really fucked Billy up for a second, but a swift kick to his cage from Graves and Billy was choking on those tears as he desperately tried to not make a sound.

”Better…”

PUSSIES EVERYWHERE I LOOK

”All of ya! Years ago when I was running with AX3 a little group called The Kings showed up and shit all over not only us, but the rest of the roster. They were shocked at just how far the talent levels had dropped. At the time, I thought they were just being cocky shits, but after two years away from this company, I look around and see the most pussified bunch of sissy’s to ever grace the halls of the XWF! Since I’ve returned to this company, I’ve watched as champions and challengers alike all clear the fuck out whenever there's an opportunity to fight me. Shawn Warstein, the disgraced former Universal Champion who had his balls handed to him on a silver platter by Sarah Lachlan on his way out the door, he accepted my challenge. Of course, I had to face him and his girlfriend Atara Themis on the same night to get the opportunity, and then somehow the matches never ended up being booked, even after all parties agreed, but he still accepted it God Damnit! That’s more than I can say for this bunch of fucking pantywaists twats!”

“Not one of you had the nuts to stand face to face with me. Not one! Instead, as soon as you all heard the familiar sound of the Gravy Train pulling into the station, you all magically disappeared! On account of all you being some bitch asses. Now the poor Viking king is going to find himself on the receiving end of a beating the likes of which he nor his ancestors have never seen before! I know it, you all know it, and about the only person on this whole fucking planet that might be ignorant to that fact is the man that was unfortunate enough to end up booked opposite of me this Savage! We’ll find out for sure if he shows up, because if he does actually decide to walk down to that ring Saturday night, they’ll be no denying that it’s because the guy’s too brain dead to realize that he’s walking into his own funeral!”

“I’m out for blood! I want the best of the best! I want to make all of you stuck up, nose in the air cowards really sit down and wonder if this is the right profession for you. Are you crazy enough to try and hang with the author of the “Pyschopedia Brotannica”? Don’t bother answering, I know the answer already, it's rhetorical! Because if even a single one of you fucks where half as confident in yourselves as the shit you talk, I wouldn’t have to murder this poor poor rook!”

“Oh, and it’s my understanding that this Njal guy has a disability. It seems that he’s too stupid to make his own words and form them into sentences. We’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel for talent around here these days huh? Well to Frode, all I have to say is this. Be careful what you say about me. I’m sensitive after all, and if you upset me, you may find your head introduced to your clients anal cavity!”

Graves giggles maniacally as he desperately scratches away at some wicked jock itch!