A television screen lights up a once dark room. The light outlines a shadowy figure sitting in front of it. A recliner with a the fat and pathetic Johnny Legend, who fell asleep in it with their hand hanging over the armrest, along with a couple of empty beer cans littering the ground around him.

"You look amazing, my dear." A shovel-face blonde smiles, lips so full from injections that they are about to pop- on top of that... Huge chompers that she flashes at the camera, blinding your eyes for a second.

Johnny Legend walks into the scene, wearing a pair of Kermit the frog speedo- testing the strength of said speedo with his fat pouring out the sides.

A few ass scratches, "Hey, sweety. Do you happen to know where my swimming googles are at? I gotta get into that pool before those damn kids piss all in it."

Johnny lowers his chin and eyes the Dolly Parton lookalike, "Let us not forget the ""candy bar"" incident."

The laughs of dead people fill the scene as Johnny stands there, smiling at the wall behind the woman.

"Well.." Johnny sighs and picks up a pick-axe, "Time to start the day." He swings at the wall, each blow brings a part of it down; piece by piece. Behind the once clean and fancy wall... Now mold and unknown stains appear with every swing of the pick-axe by Johnny Legend.

The lady continues to sit there with the goofy smile, as if she is stuck in time, all the while Johnny pounds away at the wall until all that's left is a filthy and decaying wall behind it.

His eyes widen, he drops the pick-axe and steps back, "It... It's beautiful."

"I HATE RAIN!" The abomination of a lady jumps up and storms out of the room, leaving Johnny Legend there with his wall. The scene begins to shake and static slowly and softly comes into the picture.

"The wall... it speaks to me." Johnny raises his hands and starts caressing the filthy wall.

The slime and grime cake between his fingers, "What do you want?" Johnny asks the wall, slowly moving his head closer and closer towards it.

He rests his cheek against the wall, the sound of juices squeezing under skin goes off as Legend closes his eyes and sinks into the wall. First, his hands slide into the wall, following his head, until he finally passes all the way through the other side to find himself in clean suit jacket and jeans, standing in front of a microphone stand. A bright light beams down, forcing Johnny Legend to shut his eyelids a bit; as he steps forward to reach for the mic.

"Test."

"Testing."

"One. Two. Three."

"My mom touched me when I was a kid."

Johnny taps on the mic to check it.

"This thing on?"

A few laughs ring around Legend, as he stands in front of a dark room.

"What's the deal with Andrew Logan?"

"He's not an Andrew. And he's not a Logan... What is he?"

The noise of crickets chirping.. They churp, right? Crickets chirping at Johnny Legend.

Johnny Legend clears his throat and starts to sweat, "It's not a big deal."

"Heh."

"Plenty of people have whooped my ass. As if defeating me will bring you some kind of ""LEGENDARY"" status around here?"

BOOOOO!

"Come on, guys." Johnny wipes his forehead with a handkerchief he pulls out of the front pocket of his suit jacket.

"Andrew Logan, doesn't this guy know I already made fun of my name, and that it's a farce?"

"Just look at me!" Johnny poses for the dark room.

Out of nowhere, the sounds of hooting and hollering go off in the darkness, as Johnny continues to pose for whatever is in front of him.

"I'm overweight, over the hill, and over ever thinking I can compete against you."

Johnny points into the darkness, "You mock me, Andrew. Call me a mental case."

"Threatening my buns." Johnny gives a tasteful shot of his butt.

"Then claim yourself to be a Legend killer?!"

The crowd cheers Andrew Logan and Legend Killer together, which makes Johnny Legend spit on the ground.

"And quoting this Simon Cowell?"

A close-up shot of Johnny's disgusting face, blemishes, blackheads, and whatever pimple that's about to pop resting by his nostril, "Really?"

"You call me old?" Johnny chuckles to a silent crowd.

"At least stay somewhat relevant of these times, Logan. No one watches that shit. It's like watching a generic dingus talking to his wife in a hotel room. Maybe have you searching something on one of those spark boxes... What are they called? Ah, fuck it. It's where I go to check in on some hot porn about stuck daughters and such." Johnny takes the mic off the mic-stand and starts swing the microphone around by the cord.

He stops swinging and continues, "Anyways.. Yeah, you should use one of those in a promo and be like.." Johnny starts to mock Andrew Logan by pressing his flab up under his arms, "Look at me. I'm Andrew Logan. Water has more flavor than me. I'm here searching for this person that no one gives two shits about."

"What's going on?"

Johnny shrugs, "Who knows?"

"Check in next week where we find Andrew Logan and his wife.. Girlfriend? As they shop for groceries!" Johnny smiles into the darkness, but nothing... Silence.

"You know, at least other stars here are doing something special, Logan. Like that Boris guy. He seems like a nice chap."

Johnny leans into the screen, "Look.. Just between you and I. I'm gonna steal those fucking crates of vodka Boris has stashed somewhere. I'll find them, and I will take them. I know he's hiding a treasure trove full of vodka somewhere.. I KNOW IT!"

Static cuts in and out, covering Johnny Legend's whole body, "Wha... What was I talking about?"

Fighting it, Johnny regains himself as the static subsides.

"Oh yeah!" Johnny smiles.

"Andrew Gib..." Johnny shakes his head, trying to send the image of that piece of shit out of his head.

"Logan." His eyes look dead, staring deeper and deeper into the darkness before him.

Johnny shakes his head and continues, "The guy that's gonna kill me and get away with it. Well, before this match I'm gonna transfer all my debt to you, Logan. In my will, I shall bequeath all the debt I accumulated over the decades."




"All that debt is yours now, Logan."

"See.. Now you're second guessing killing me! It's that easy!"

"I'm the only kind of superstar here that can pull those mind tricks, Logan."

"I also know that I'm talking and stopping a ton."

"So I'll stop that now and start a rant where I'll get red in the face; you want that, Logan!?"

"You sick fuck."

"Fine. I'll do a quick one just for you, Logan. You piece of shit. DOES THIS GET YOUR JOLLIES OFF! ABUSING OLD PEOPLE!"

"Go..."

"Andrew Logan is a blockhead who threatens to beat up an elderly people while having boring conversations with his family who I'm pretty sure don't exist and are only in his mind where he thinks about touching kittens in inappropriate ways that would make Heinrich Himmler get a stiffy all the while acting like he's some kind of rage demon that will snap at the very start of our match WHICH will give him all he needs to defeat a pathetic loser like myself who eats waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too much and is getting so lazy that now sticks old newspapers up his ass instead of wiping properly."

"..."

"Humph." Johnny chokes up some spit, trying to recover some air.

"Errr."

*GURGLE*

"Sor... Sorry... I know that wasn't edgy enough for XWF. Considering you have that stupid bitch Madison Dyson around here and all." Johnny's face starts to regain it's original color.

*cough*

"Anyways, you can believe in all you want about me, Logan. I may be the least threatening wrestler here at XWF. However, for what I lack, I can make up in pure lard. You ever trying to get your hands around lard, Logan? Try to bodyslam me when this muffin top squeezes through every finger and slides down, giving you an unwanted erection and making you doubt your relationship with Grace. That bitch sure hates rain."

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!

A smile flashes across his face, "I kid. I kid. Andrew Logan is the future of this company, and who am I to stand in his way towards dominating this place? I'm just a loser." Johnny lowers his head in shame, "Just another old fart wanting to regain any little bit of fame he once had."

AWWWWWWWEEE

"When Savage comes and the two of us face off in that ring, or anywhere to be exact since it's a falls count anywhere match. Just remember that I have nothing to lose, while Andrew Logan..." Johnny Legend smiles with the mic close to his mouth, "You have everything to lose." Johnny cackles as the crowd chants his name.

The lights in the once dark room now shine, showing off a crowd of skeletons clapping for Johnny Legend, as he bows for them.

"Thank you. Thank you."

Quickly, a break of white light covers the screen. We cut to Johnny Legend still out of it while sitting in his recliner. The scene fades to black with a smile on his face. The bones clinking together ring through his head, while inside his mind he is still putting on a show for them.