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Boris · (08-13-2020)

Good evening, comrades! Boris is back, and this time...

"He is not alone."

THIS IS A JOINT PROMO, BLIN!

"And by "joint", he means he's going to say his usual nonsense in broken English and I am going to do my best to translate it."

Aye! Good friend Tulip is smart person blin!

This is big week, comrades! The Hawaiian-Slovakian Connection is having first match on Anchor, and we fight those vrods known as the Bob.

"The Brotherhood of Baddies. Also, we never agreed on that as a tag name. You just heard Big D say it once and you decided to run with it."

The D says smart things sometimes, even if he is debil.

These Bad Brothers, they mess with everyone on Anchor, and now, they want to finish off Good friend Tulip and Boris. But that is not going to happen blyat! We are worst nightmare for The Bob. We are reason the Tugs are no longer in group!

"Ask Tommy Wish and John Black why they're not in the B.O.B. anymore. Perhaps it's because they were tired of getting their asses handed to them by my and my friends week after week."

The Bob no longer has the Tugs. They no longer have Jen Mist. They lose friends over and over again. Their group is cracked worse than chicken produce at babushka's house for early meal.

"He's saying it's breaking faster than an egg at breakfast. And it's true. It's why Miss Fury and Michael Graves has to go out and try to recruit new members every week. They started out as this awesome band of bad guys that were going to eliminate Ruby and everyone that stood behind her. Now they're a group that's barely keeping their head above water."

CYKA BLYAT, THEY'RE DROWNING!!! Is because of the debils they have in their group. "Broken" Monkey Osmond and Miss Furry.

"Broken Money Oswalt and Miss Fury, but yes, that's 100% correct. Miss Fury has done absolutely nothing since she made her big debut. And Oswalt's return to the company was much hyped, but the moment he had the opportunity to step up against the likes of Sarah Lacklan and Ruby, he fell short."

He was a monkey on skates blin! Is one of the saddest things Boris ever saw. This is why Van Lake should have booked Boris in the main event for the Derby roll! A Slav on skates is most majestic sight in the world.

"The sad reality is that Oswalt and Fury were brought on by Michael Graves to do his bidding for him, since he couldn't get it done on his own anymore. But he's still an idiot. He still picks fights he can't win."

Like fighting a superhero, or a soldier, or a Slav Superstar! And you know what The Bob's biggest mistake was blin? They did not ask Boris to join! They ask Good friend Tulip. They ask Atari Teams. But they do not ask Boris? This was mistake!

"Would you have joined if they asked?"

Borsha, no! But Boris wanted the opportunity to tell them no. Maybe The Bob would not be on Boris' list of "debils I wish to smash in the face with sledgehammer."

"Nah, they still would be. Have you seen their faces? They're very punch able."

Aye blin, this is true. Especially Osmond. He has face of antelope that was run over by a Lada. He look like lumberjack from Chernobyl. Very ugly man. Boris can say the same for Miss Furry.

"Miss Fury is an ugly man?"

Prove she is not, devai! Maybe Miss Furry wear mask because underneath is face so ugly even her babushka could not love it.

"Maybe she's wearing a mask because she's secretly Vita Valenteen and does not want anyone to know?"

This is not Vegan Valentine, debil! Looks nothing like her. Nu, Miss Furry wears mask because she looks worse than Monkey Osmond. After Anchor, Furry will need new mask, because the Hawaiian-Slovakian Connection is going to punch her so hard her mask will be stuck to her face! She will need mask for her mask! A mask-mask!

"I don't know about a mask, but both Miss Fury and Broken Money Oswald are going to need to find a place to hide after the embarrassment they receive tomorrow night. The era of the Brotherhood Of Baddies is over before it even begins. This talk of a "crusade against all that is good" is just that...talk. It's another one of those lines someone says when they want to sound tough but have nothing in their pockets that will help them actually back up their shit talk. The XWF isn't the B.O.B's playground, and Anarchy is not their testing facility. While Ruby is off being the best damn wrestler on the roster, B.O.B will die by my hands."

And Boris will be there, drinking vodka and laughing as Marshal Gibs and rest of The Bob have to beg to be put back on television. "Oh, Van Lake, we so sorry. We know we don't sell merchandise like Boris, and we smell like goose poop, but we need the Euros! We will wash your car! Pick up laundry! Peel potato for babushka. Whatever it take blin!"

"I doubt they'd use those exact words."

Aye, but close! They cry because they see Boris and Good friend Tulip winning matches and becoming biggest superstars on Anchor, while they can not buy popcorn because they have no money.

"If this isn't clear enough of a statement to you, Miss Fury, allow me to respond more clearly - go fuck yourself. I'd rather die than be anywhere near you and your group of assholes. Boris is a weird ass dude whose heart is bigger than his brain..."

Thank you comrade.

"...but he is trustworthy and loyal. The world could use more Boris and less Fury and Oswalt. And I'm going to do my part to help the world by eliminating you both."

Stay cheeki breeki, comrades!

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