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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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“WHY IS THERE AN ALLIGATOR?!”
Author Message
Lacklan Offline
World's best at making murderhobos cry



XWF FanBase:
The 'cool' kliq fans

(booed by casual fans; opportunistic; often plays dirty while setting the trends)


#1
07-22-2020, 03:42 PM


“WATCH OUT RUBY”

“NO YOU”

“STAY AWAY FROM THE ALLIGATOR!”

“WHY IS THERE AN ALLIGATOR?!”

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!”

“HOLD ON I’M ABOUT TO SCORE!”

“YOU’VE NEVER SCORED IN YOUR LIFE!”

“YES I HAVE!”

“DRESSING UP YOUR VIBRATOR IN A SUIT DOESN’T COUNT WE’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS”

“BOOM! 1000 POINTS!”

“THAT’S NOT FAIR YOU CHEATED!”

Around and around Sarah Lacklan and Ruby Debuchy skate with swift movements down stretches and up the curve of a halfpipe. Sarah, dressed in red and black gear with pads and a helmet, swiftly moves past Ruby, dressed in green and yellow with twice the amount of pads and gear, because you can never be too safe, and crouches down as she slides up the halfpipe. Unfortunately, she is unable to quite get to the top lane marked “1000” and has to settle for the “800” lane.

“SEE! CHEATED!”

“HEROES DON’T CHEAT, BUD!”

“STOP CALLING ME ‘BUD!’”

“OKAY, PAL!”

Ruby is right behind Sarah, though she again gets all the way to the 1000 mark, and the two coming come to match one another stride for stride on the breakaway, deftly staying from the alligator’s clamping jaws.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

The two come to a skidding stop as the buzzer sounds and brings an end to the game. They both remove their helmets and look up at the scoreboard.

RD: 7500

SSGL: 7300


“Damnit!”

“Language!!”

Sarah scowls at Ruby for a moment and then gives one of her trademarked, copyrighted, and patented Eyes Rolls of Doom.

“Whatever. Next time, I’ll gonna-”

The chaotic sound of children yelping in glee cuts Sarah off from telling Ruby what she is going to do, and the two women quickly find themselves surrounded by children from small tykes to preteens. The girls laugh as the children begin to skate all around them on the track, and any argument is quickly lost in the joy. But as the Anarchy Champion is pulled away by a handful of the children, the inaugural Anarchy Champion (well, of THIS incarnation, anyway) pulls the pin out of her platinum hair to let if fly out of Helmet Head Mode, puts her hands on her hips, and flashes her Billion $$$ smile at the camera.

“HIIIII-iiiiiii! Sarah Lacklan here! As you all know by now, I am in the middle of throwing my beautiful wife Kenzi...she has the SWEETEST booty in ALL the land, in case you forgot...the BEST 23rd birthday party there has EVER been here at World of Wheels, and, wouldn’t you know it, they JUST SO HAPPEN to have a section dedicated to roller derby. How convenient of them! So, Dummy Ruby and I here decided to get a little prep work in for our matches tomorrow at Anarchy. Because Vinnie, in his ever-present NEED to come up with the DUMBEST stipulations possible, decided that, after the CRAZY scaffold match last time...wherein I showed that I am the BEST referee EVER...he needed to get us all in the mix again! So we have Team SarRuby...sorry, Cent, but ‘Sarby’ lost in the poll...facing off with Random B.O.B. members in a dual match in the middle of a roller derby game...because why the fuck not, I guess...and we BOTH plan on winning this co main-event!

“I don’t know about Jenny, but I have TONS of skating experience. Mind you, that was mostly in the realm of iceskating, but there’s enough crossover for me to still excel. Hey, want a flashback to show how great of a skater I am? Here, check THIS out:”


~~FLASHBACK TO: When Sarah Won the Lacklanland Figure Skating Championship the 3rd Year in a Row~~

12-year-old Sarah, looking even more pale than 22-year-old Sarah, wearing a one-piece covered in blue and green flowers, leaps into the air, rotating in tight spins, transitions into another tight leap as soon as she lands, and then does a backflip upon landing the second time.

That’s right, the world’s very first Triple Axel/Double Toe/Backflip Combination in competition

There was no applause

The crowd was too stunned


~~FLASHFORWARD TO: Kenzi’s Birthday party~~


Sarah chews her lips in thought.

“Sorry, I guess my flashbacks don’t have enough hardcore drug-cutting stripper rape in them for some of the tryhards out there.”

In the distance, a fat man wearing three fedoras stacked atop his head gives an anachronistic deep bow and tip of his hat as he says "M’Lady.”

Sarah winks at the camera.

“But, hey, that’s who Jenny is, right? Just a bunch of edgy nonsense for the sake of edgy nonsense? Seriously legitimate, she just says random things in hopes of popping the one or two people who still think saying ‘I’m going to win...because...because?’ qualifies as talent! I’m pretty sure she just looks up thingsmeangirlsmightsay.org and copy/pastes them into her phone for future use. Referring to Atty as Pissbaby’s cocksleave while she herself is FAR more known for doing the same for Chris during his Ultimate run than her Bombshell work? And calling Ruby fake? Seriously? You think she CHOSE Shit Brown as her hair color?! Literally NO ONE would do that! But, hey, it sounded ‘mean’ when she said it, right? Gotta keep up that bit of hers, I guess! Man, I can’t WAIT for a list of random insults that have no context or bearing followed up by her wondering how she lost in the main event of Anarchy...again...while thinking THAT was appropriate match preparation!

“Of course, she’s also the one who says ‘My record speaks for itself.’ Guess what? I looked it up! Because of course I did. She had a GREAT year in 2018! LOTS of wins against losers like the Sugays...and losses to them, too...Lord that’s pathetic...and she STILL has barely a coin flip of a record! Hell, she’s only won ONCE in XWF the last two years!

"Tomorrow, this TRUE wrestler and champion gets to expose Jenny for being the self-important shitposter she has always been before going on to snag that briefcase, but for now? It’s cake time!”


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[-] The following 2 users Like Lacklan's post:
"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane (07-23-2020), Atara Raven (07-22-2020)




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