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Shawn Warstein · (07-26-2020)

Dallas, TX
8:39pm
July 17, 2020

“Owwww”

Every inhale hurts.

“Owwww”

Every exhale hurts worse.

“Owww”

I stumbled in a hallway in the back of the GCWA Arena in Dallas, Texas. The taste of blood coating my mouth as I spit crimson soaked liquid on the ground and turned the handle on the door to my locker room. Noah is sitting there feet up on a chair across from him messing around with his phone, and before I can close the door Atara is around my shoulders squeezing the life out of me.

“Easy there…” I wince in pain for a moment as she releases her hold. “I know I made it look easy, but that announcers table did a number on my back.”

It really did. Feeling my spine crash and that table not give way, brought to light so many different thoughts in my head. If someone like Noah Hanson could do that to me, what is Centurion capable of? I know that I don’t give him enough credit, but that son of a bitch is as tough as they come.

“Are you going to be okay for….” I hold up my hand and try to control my labored breathing.

“Yeah I’ll be fine. You know me, I’m basically Superman.” I lean over and slowly sit down on the closest chair and attempt to stretch my back. What felt like a shot of lightning makes it way down my back as I jump forward in pain.

“Yeah Superman really has back issues.” Noah said while rolling his eyes while also not taking his eyes off of his phone. “Maybe Batman would be more appropriate… you know with the whole broken back thing.”

“Shut it Noah.”

[i]The kid isn’t wrong. It probably is more appropriate that I’m compared to Batman rather than Superman. We are both fragile in a world filled with violence and anger. We both fight for what we think is right. And above all else we always fight for what we want.

Atara walks behind me and begins jamming her elbow in the middle of my back. In a circular motion. Around and around each time hitting a certain spot that makes me groan in pain.

“Hush, you baby. This will help.” A stern warning if there ever was one.

“No you know what would help?” Noah looks at me with a side eye, while Atara stops. I can feel the judgement from the both of them. “What?”

“Don’t even talk like that!” They said in unison as if they had practiced it, or have thought it numerous times and finally they were getting their wish.

“Jesus, I’m not allowed to crack jokes?” Atara smacks me lightly in the back of the head, and sits down next to me.

“Not about that.”

Okay, so maybe in this one instance it wasn’t a joke. It’s just even after everything I’ve been through, it would help. I know that it’s a dangerous game to play but the pain right now is unbearable. Yet I know with both of them keeping an eye on me I’ll be fine. I won’t have to go back to self medicating.

“Point taken.” I place my hands on my knees and push myself to stand. Clearly in agony Atara helps me to my feet. “I’m just gonna go take a quick shower and then we can get out of here.”

I slowly walk towards the back of the room where the bathroom is and shut the door behind me. Now I wasn’t in the room with them at this point but I can assume this is what their conversation was about.

“Atty can I ask you something?” Noah pondered out loud before setting his phone to the side and turning his attention to the now sitting Atara.

“Of course.” She smiles and places a hand under her chin, awaiting his question.

“Why’d you come back?” A look of pure shock comes across Atara’s face. Quickly followed by a look of disappointment. “Don’t get me wrong, I love that you’re around. I love the way Dad is when you’re with him. So the question needs to be asked, why did you leave in the first place and why’d you come back?”

“It’s complicated Noah.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “I know what I did hurt him, but it had nothing to do with him.”

“Ahh the old ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ routine. Gotcha.” Noah smiles and picks up his phone.

“It’s not like that Noah! And you know it!” The frustration on her face isn’t hidden in the slightest.

“Sure. Well just know he was trying to build something.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“Hindsight.”

“You know what Noah, I’m here now. If you’ve got an issue with that then we need to resolve this now.” Atara gets out from her seat and snatches Noah’s phone and tosses it to the side. “So what’s your issue?”

“Atty, like I said. I’m happy that Dad’s happy.” One arrogant smile from Noah. Frustrated Atara walks over to the door.

“I’m going to make sure the car is ready when we need to leave. Tell Shawn that’s where I went.” Noah gives her a thumbs up and half smile. Atara slams the door behind her.

———-Meanwhile In the Bathroom———

As I slowly shut the door behind me and flip the lights on I take a deep breath. I slowly take my shirt off and toss it to the side. I run my hand over the bruises that are beginning to form on my rib cage. I turn sideways and try to see the damage on my back.

Right down the center is a long red mark, slightly raised from the rest of the skin. The throbbing on my spine is almost unbearable. I reach over and turn the shower on. I’ll save you the details. I step into the shower as the steam pours out. I stand in the warm water running down my back, relaxing my spine. I turn around and allow the water to run over my head, as the blood turns the water a slight pink hue.

“What the fuck am I doing?” I once again spit on the ground. “Why am I torturing myself? For what? To prove something I already know?”

“Sometimes I can't just allow my ego to take a backseat. Yet that’s what has allowed me to get to this point. There is something to be said about just jumping head first and not having a worry in the world. Just go with the flow of everything, and before you know it it’s all down the drain.”

“You’re washed up!”

“You’re never going to live up to the Hype!”

“Legend or not, you don’t have it anymore!”

“Words we have both heard numerous times. Anyone and everyone has always had an opinion on the two of us. Whether they said it directly to us, or cowered behind their keyboard on twitter. There’s only been a few people to stand right in my face and say what they feel.”

“Most people use their better judgement and just quietly walk away. You are one of the few exceptions to that rule.”

I shut the water off in the shower and stepped out. As I grab a towel and dry off. Once again I’ll spare you the details. Fully dressed I sit on a bench with my head in my hands.

“That’s just it, Centurion, you don’t fear the end. You don’t think this is the end, but it is. The words have been put into the ether. The final chapter. If he loses this is the last time. I never thought you would go this far to claim something you have coveted. I never wanted you to put your livelihood on the line. I never wanted you to become a shell of your former self. I never wanted to take food out of your family’s mouth.”

“Yet here we are.”

“Days away from the reality of the situation. Counting down the seconds and hours until you can no longer challenge for MY TITLE.”

“That’s just it. You want it because it’s mine. You want it because I set out to get it. When you came back I don’t know what your goals were, but they weren’t the same. My eyes have always been on this title. The rest of the accolades were all just a means to an end.”

“The entire second half of 2019 was the year of the Cunts. Were you nominated for Wrestler of the Year? Were you nominated based off of a singular six month run or pure domination? Where were you when Noah and I were headlining show after show, Pay per view after Pay Per View?”

“The same place you’ve always been, chugging along in my shadow. Now you’ve upgraded from my shadow to my coattails.”

“Climb aboard Centy.”

“I’ll take you to the top.”

“I’ll be your huckleberry…. Damn if that isn’t overused these days. I just want to know that I’m getting the best that Centurion has to offer. I want to know that the fight I’m about to get into is going to be worthy of my time and effort.”

“Surely you won’t falter under the big lights…”

“It’s not like you haven’t done it before. Over and Over. Time and time again. Congratulations you’re second best. Here’s your participation trophy.”

“You’re good, but you’re not this good.”

“Have fun with your 100th Canadian Title reign. The title has long been retired and you bring it up like it’s an accomplishment. The title might as well be the Federweight title or the HeavyMetal title. Useless. Garbage, and only people without true me merits claim them as anything other than what they are. A waste of space and time.”

“So stop relying on the thoughts of you being great. The past is just that. Past. When you are constantly clinging to it, you are destined to repeat it, and trust me when I say this…”

“You of all people don’t want that.”

“All the past does for you is bring up memories of what should’ve been done. What should’ve happened. Constantly going over in your own head. What you would’ve done differently. How things might have changed. How you might’ve been perceived differently.”

“Always in the conversation, but never fully allowed to express yourself. One of the two elder statesmen on the roster, and they invalidate you without blinking any eye. I know it must hurt. Deep down when you get all of this praise, only for them to turn around and disregard your opinions. Disregard your thoughts on this place. Disregard...you.”

“You should be carrying a big chip on your shoulder, but you’re not. You’ve resigned yourself to defeat already. Why else would you put so much pressure on yourself? Why else would you want to crush your future, for just one bite at the apple?”

“Do you really think people care that you won’t be able to challenge again? No all their going to say is ‘I told you he wasn’t good enough. Just sometimes people don’t have IT’, there will be no riots in the streets demanding justice. When all you know is falling around you maybe you’ll see life with brand new eyes. Then you’ll realize how pathetic you really were in your quest and after the laughter of your failures subside.”

“Centurion. Go home. Walk away. Spend time with your paramore... forgive my midwestern dialect, paramour. Go home to her and rest easy knowing that…”

“Unlike you.”

“I’m capable of carrying the torch for an entire generation.”

I stand up from the bench and stretch my back. I walk back out into the locker room just as Atara has slammed the door. Noah looks up at me and shrugs.

“Okay, what happened?” As I shake my head in disbelief.

“Nothing. She’s just going to get the car pulled up.” Noah said matter of factly and went back to his phone.

“Noah, come on just tell me what happened.” The timbre of my tone changed as he looked up from his phone at me.

“Fine you want to know what happened?”

“Yeah. It would be nice to know why all of a sudden you two are… what’s the word… oh I don’t know angry at each other?”I throw my hands up in the air.

“Fine. She left Dad. She left you high and dry. She fucking broke you cunt. And all of a sudden she bats her eyelashes and you come running back to her in an instant.” Noah stands up and there’s a look in his eye of defiance. “Who was there when she left? Who? And you keep me in the fucking dark…”

“Who was there Noah? Where were you after March Madness? When everyone was gunning for me? Huh? Yeah that’s right you were at home for four months! Not a fucking call, not a text, not even a fucking email. She was there Noah! You weren’t!” My voice drops an octave.“When I needed someone the most, she was there. I’m a callous egomaniac…. it’s just a matter of time before she fully realizes it and leaves me. So excuse me for wanting to hold onto it for as long as I can.”

“Yeah it is just a matter of time, so why are you holding on?”

“Come on Noah…. you know why.”

“No cunt I want to hear you say it! Say it!”

“I fucking love her! Okay? I haven’t felt like this in a long god damn time, so I’m sorry if it’s inconvenienced you and your feelings.”

“No you don’t! The only person you’ve ever loved is yourself! Not me! Not Jacob! Not Jules! And sure as hell not Atara! The only thing you covet is yourself!” Noah exclaimed as he jams his finger in the middle of my chest, as I quickly knock it away.

“You don’t get to assume you know anything about what’s going on inside of my head!” I forcefully jam my index finger into my temple. “Everything I’ve done. All the accolades, all the wins. They were all meaningless..”I stop and compose myself for a second. “Until you came into the picture. Until Atty made it official with us. Everything since then has been for us collectively. Everything was to make all of us better, and if you can’t see that… then I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Get fucked! None of this was for US. Coming here to GCWA? How is that for us? Huh?”

“Noah, you’re not going to understand everything right now. Sometimes you have to let them play out.”

“Typical…. Keep Noah in the dark. Noah can’t handle the truth.” Noah turns to begin packing his bag and mumbles under his breath. “You know maybe Vita was right about you.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” As I grabbed him by the shoulder and spin him around.

“That you’ll only ever care about yourself.”

“Wow. Okay then. I guess everything I did for the four of us means nothing? The selflessness? Everything means nothing? The trying doesn’t count for anything?”

“Whatever Cunt. You act like I wasn’t there.”

“Yeah I know. Why do you think I was always putting the three of you ahead of myself? When I told you you’re better than me, I meant it. When I backed Vita in her ridiculous quest, I did that. When Atty needed someone by her side, I did that!” Noah scoffed and began heading towards the door. Then he stops and it looks like he has an epiphany. He smiles and holds the door open

“Come on cunt.” With a cocky grin he extends a hand towards the hallway. “Your lady awaits.”

I pick up my bag and toss it over my shoulder as we walk out into the hallway.

“You’re not mad at Atty are you? Because you shouldn’t be.”

“Nah cunt.” I can't be positive that he’s telling me the truth, but that’s really it. He can be mad all he wants but it isn’t going to do any good for any of us.

“Me?”

“Nope. My dad wasn’t there and you’re trying now. So we’re good pops.” That’s my move. Saying everything is all good. Somethings up.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Just don’t be stupid.”

“You know me…”

“That’s why I said it.”

One super secret Sick Cunt handshake later and we are walking up to the car. Noah hops in the back seat as I walk around to the driver seat, Atara smiles while I sit down. She leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you good to drive?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. The airport isn’t that far.”

We pull off into the barren streets. The street lights illuminating the road. After a few minutes I glance over to Atara who is fast asleep and curled up as best as she can. Then I check on Noah who likewise is sleeping across the entire back seat.

“Figures. The guy who just had a match is the one still awake. It must be all of the endorphins. It’ll be nice to sit here and clear my head.”

The lights begin to relax me and slowly my back is no longer throbbing. The monotony of driving on an open road is relaxing.

“It’s been a long time coming.” I crack a small smile, and glance over to Atara.

“Since the day I met her everyone has said one thing.”

“She’ll be a weakness.”

“She’ll distract you.”

“No one saw her for what she actually is… Someone to fight for. Someone that I don’t want to disappoint. You see I can live with my own demons and failures, there have been so many. There was once a time where I didn’t care about a single person in this world, myself included. I could take the business or leave it. It was always seen as a means to an end.”

“A dark end, yes.” I glance in the rear view mirror as Noah and then back to the road.

“But an end nonetheless.”

“The weakness that you perceive in me is you reaching for a flag that isn’t there. You want me to bring the monster out. You want me to uncage a part of me that I fought to push down and away. THAT is fear. THAT is knowing you’re beaten already. You would rather turn back the clock in hopes that the older, wiser you could beat the old me.”

“And that’s just what you want. You want to beat the old me, because your track record against the ‘new’ me isn’t all that great is it? You stand a chance against a moniker, against a gimmick, but face to face with the man behind it all…”

“You’re shook.”

“Why else would you want that? You see me standing here happy, ready to fight and a champion. All three things you currently are not. You can barely live with yourself, knowing all that’s on the line. You didn’t want this but you needed this. The mountain you want to climb but it’s always been just out of your reach. The longer it’s been the higher the peak has gotten. I’m sure over time you’ve said, it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh but it does.”

“It’s eaten away at you. At first it didn’t bother you, but slowly over time it ate away at you. Slowly at first, and then quicker and quicker. Until the only thing that was left of your soul was the gnawing doubts. The insecurities. The inability to break through.”

“Why else would you think you’re the catalyst to my climb to the top? All you did was delay the inevitable. If I was to beat you last year, what would’ve happened? I would’ve been catapulted to the front of the line. I would’ve made sure Chris Page never got another shot at the title. Soldier wouldn’t have been brave enough to cash in. The only major difference would’ve been you wouldn’t have had to wear a dress in January.”

“Nothing YOU did changed anything. You were a delay in the system.”

“And what did you do after that fateful day? For those wondering at home, you did nothing. You didn't stake your claim to this title. You didn’t brag about it. You decided to let things play out. Shame. All that did was lead you right back to the middle of the pack. Where you belong.”

“Now after all this time watching ME be better. Watching ME dominate. Watching ME take the mantle for our generation, it kills you inside knowing that you’ll never be in the talks of GOAT’s. My track record speaks for itself. Everything I’ve done..”

“I’ve earned my spot.”

“You know you’re right, it is fitting that I have to be the one to end your hopes to attain the greatest prize in this company. Me… a man willing to lay the title on the ground for anyone. Seemingly spitting in the face of everyone that’s ever held it. And for what? Shock value? For the boys and gals in the back? No. I did it to get your attention.”

“But Shawn I Already said you’re not that smart and there’s no way you thought that far ahead.”

“Okay, you caught me there. What really happened was I didn’t expect you to answer the call so quickly. I tried getting your attention. I had Steve Jason call you. I had Raven call you, all so I could be the one to give you a shot at what you deserved this entire time. Yet you still didn’t take the offer. So I had to switch my game plan and you bit like a hungry fish in Patagonia.”

“I never needed the hype. I never needed the titles. I wanted them. I craved them. They are as essential to me, and much like being a failure is to you. All of your goals that you’ve set, you just so happen to always come up short. Longest title reign of all time? Short. Multiple title shots? Short. Stepping up to me at Leap of Faith? Short. Centurion I don’t envy you one bit. The position you’ve put yourself in isn’t one of a coward. You’ve stood your ground and made it known that you won’t go out like a bitch, but I will make you sleep at the foot of the bed like a dog… no better yet. You can sleep on the floor.”

“Because you need to know this: a man who sleeps on the floor, never falls out of bed. I’m not sure how you’d respond with winning this title, only to lose it. Would it be your breaking point? Would it finally be the straw that breaks the camel’s back? I know what it’s like, I can survive, regroup and thrive. I’m not so sure that you have that in you. Sure you’ve won and lost titles, but this one carries a different weight to it. This one is the biggest we know. We’ve both seen it crush lesser men. We have seen people think this is where they want to be only to find out it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. The long hours, the constant targeting, and above all else the aura that comes along with it. Holding this title causes addiction to form. Once you have it, it never goes away. It’s constantly picking at your brain. You’ll step over everyone and anyone to get it back. I think it’s best for you, Centurion, to just keep sleeping on the floor, that way you don’t fall back to reality. Just stay where you’re at and you won’t have to worry about breaking. I’ll shoulder that load for you. I’ve already fallen.”

“I’m not afraid of falling again...”

“Are you?”

The airport comes into focus on the horizon as I pull into the hangar. I lightly shake Atara awake, and reach back to get Noah. We all grab our bags and begin to walk towards the jet. Atara and myself holding hands, while Noah is leading the pack. I jostle my bag over my shoulder and something falls onto the ground. No one heard it hit the pavement because of the noise from the jet. The camera zooms in on a singular hypodermic needle on the runway as the camera fades to black.

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