Russian Rose & Boris
- vs -
Jamaican Jimmy & Mini Morbid Biscuits and Gravy Match!
Losers will be rolled in gravy, then covered in biscuit flour!
Mastermind, Zane Norrison, Tula Keali'i, and Raphael Blackwater
- vs -
B.O.B.
("Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves, Miss Direction, Tommy Wish, and John Black) Survivor Series Elimination Match!
INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH! "Big Beautiful" Bobbi London
- vs -
Atara Themis Internet Rules!
Bucket of Chicken Challenge!
There will be buckets of chicken held by fans at ringside - some may hold surprises to be used in the match!
ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Ruby
- vs -
Osira Themis Special Guest Referee - ROXY COTTON!
Holy crap there’s chicken EVERYWHERE!!!
The fireworks are replaced with popcorn chicken blasters and the crowd is LOSING ITS MIND over all the eleven herbs and spices falling from the rafters like confetti!
“Loverboy” Vinnie Lane sits at his white and red striped announce booth at ringside dressed up as Colonel Sanders and with three half eaten buckets of extra crispy in front of him. Also biscuits. God damn those biscuits are good.
The audience continues to go ballistic as Anarchy’s new mascot, a giant chicken named the Cockledybooger, wrestles an impromptu match against Louisville local mascot the Big Black Cock.
‘Boog is dominated and we never see him again.
Vinnie Lane: “WHOA! Welcome back to another JAM PACKED and SUPER GREASY edition of XWF ANARCHY! I’m ready as heck to see these dudes make a big mess here tonight, because we’ve got BOTH titles on the line! Bobbi London is here to defend her second Internet Title reign against Atara Themis… and Atara’s sister is in the main event taking on Ruby for the Anarchy Championship!”
Someone is seen being escorted from the arena by XWF security personnel (it’s Drezdin, that’s his job now) wearing nothing but a handmade bikini of mashed potatoes. It’s a man.
Vinnie Lane: “Oh, and did I mention that my RED HOT smokeshow of a fiance is the special guest referee? Yeah, I’m gonna be watching this match REAL close! But for now… let’s head to the ring for a BISCUITS AND GRAVY match!”
Russian Rose & Boris
- vs -
Jamaican Jimmy & Mini Morbid Biscuits and Gravy Match!
Losers will be rolled in gravy, then covered in biscuit flour!
In the ring, Jamaican Jimmy and Mini Morbid are already in the ring, but nowhere near on the same page. Jimmy seems angry that Mini’s mask isn’t Hawaiian print, and Mini is just angry all the time.
Vinnie Lane: “One of these days Mini Morbid will make a friend, and all of this ugliness will be behind him… but it isn’t today. Gosh, who wouldn’t like Jimmy, though? The guy is all positivity!”
The crowd lights up like a cross in a South Louisville front yard as Boris slav squats his way out from behind the curtain and makes his way to the ring. A small number of Roma women wearing traditional gypsy garb are inexplicably at ringside, and they all nearly faint with pure excitement at the sight of Boris. Luckily they all have monkey’s paws and wish themselves well again. I’m sure those paws aren’t cursed.
Boris gets in the ring and waits.
Vinnie Lane: “Okay, it’s FESS UP time for yours truly… for the last couple weeks, myself and Alexei Medved have been in the midst of some tumultuous contract negotiations! He was negotiating by being like ‘I quit Anarchy’ and I counter-offered with ‘nuh uh!’ but I’m pretty sure he won. I MAY have forgotten to inform Boris. Maybe. But… I mean.. He’s BORIS, right? And Mini Morbid is like literally only half a person! Let’s get things going!”
Russian Rose & Boris
- vs -
Jamaican Jimmy & Mini Morbid 1 vs. 1.5 HANDICAP biscuits and gravy match!
DING! BLIN! DING!
The bell rings with Boris alone in his corner and the slav shoots an angry look at Lane through his balaclava.
Vinnie Lane: “My bad!”
Right away Jimmy and Mini both run across the ring and tackle Boris, though Boris does a good job of continually kicking them away until Mini bites him right in the crotch of his track suit.
That gets the momentum firmly in the favor of Mini and Jimmy, who take turns ounting Boris and slamming fists into his fuzzy Russian hat.
Mini shouts at Jimmy to do something, and then Jimmy picks Mini up and climbs the top rope, standing high on the corner buckles with Mini Morbid on his back like a papoose. Jimmy then gorilla presses Mini and throws him straight up in the air, letting Mini fall in a double rotation helicopter splash onto Boris’ chest cavity from fifteen feet high.
Vinnie Lane: “OH! Even though Mini only weighs like 27 pounds, that has just GOT to hurt from that height!”
Jimmy follows up with a diving headbutt, then hooks a leg on Boris!
1!
2!!
Boris kicks out!
Before Boris can try to roll away, though, Mini Morbid barrels into his belly with a fast-crawling battering ram headbutt. Jimmy drops a knee on the back of Boris’ head and the two start pummeling Boris until all he can do is turtle up and cover his face and genitals. Mostly his genitals.
Vinnie Lane: “This isn’t good, dude! Poor Boris is a fighter but he can’t handle two guys at once… only chicks like Scully’s old lady can do that!”
All seems lost… until…
Vinnie Lane: “What the heck?”
Vinnie Lane: “Holy cow! That’s Minka Arzegotti! We saw her recently looking for her brother with Alexei Medved, who is apparently NOT Russian Rose, which might be why my contract offer was ignored!”
Minka timidly emerges, but then gets a head of steam and runs to the ring sliding in under the bottom rope and soccer kicking Mini Morbid out to the floor.
Jimmy stands up and is in shock, and Minka sends a knee into his nethers, then bends forward and scoops the Reggae enthusiast up by his scrawny legs and drapes him down her back.
Vinnie Lane: “A PAT OF BUTTER ON THE TOAST OF EXISTENCE!!! Jimmy is OUT! He might be DEAD!”
Boris crawls on top of Jimmy and drapes an arm over him for a pinfall!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall - Boris
Vinnie Lane: “WOW! What an unexpected thing to happen! Most matches in the XWF are so free of any sort of bizarre weirdness, who would have ever thought there would be shenanigans in this BISCUITS AND GRAVY match, you know? Speaking of… it looks like the crowd has handled the gravy and flour for Jimmy and Mini... “
We see Jimmy covered in flour, sticking to him in a white paste like some sort of gooey mummy. Boris is at ringside rolling Mini Morbid in the flour like a rolling pin, and then someone produces a deep fryer!
Boris grabs Mini by the feet and dips him in the fryer! The crowd is aghast but then breaks into applause when Boris pulls out what’s left… a giant drumstick with a red lucha mask on it!
Vinnie Lane: “RIP little dude. I bet you were delicious.”
And then, in the crowd, a woman is spontaneously nine months pregnant. The Mini Morbid cycle begins anew.
Mastermind, Zane Norrison, Tula Keali'i, and Raphael Blackwater
- vs -
B.O.B.
("Dark Warrior" Micheal Graves, Miss Direction, Tommy Wish, and John Black) Survivor Series Elimination Match!
Tula Keali’i walks out to the top of the stage and pauses to raise her arms to the crowd's delight.
Vinnie Lane: Watch out!”
Unable to hear Lane’s warning, Graves steamrolls over Tula with a clobbering forearm to the back of the skull! The T.H.U.G.S. rush out behind him, and it’s a 3 on one mugging! Miss Fury casually walks out from the back and steps over the fallen Tula on her way down the stage. Suddenly Mastermind comes running out from the back!
Vinnie Lane: “Mastermind is here, and he’s a true social warrior! It is time for a change and MM is here to make it happen! #BLM!”
As Mastermind and Graves begin to brawl, neither man seems capable of gaining the upper hand until the Thugs jump MM from behind and beat him down as well! Graves drags MM over to the edge of the stage as MM tries to fight his way free. The Thugs lay the boots to him and make him far more compliant! Graves lifts MM into a crucifix bomb and slams OVER the stage and through a black platform down below!
Vinnie Lane: “Oh my God! Mastermind has just been broken in half by that Grave Consequences off of the stage!”
Miss Fury is sitting on the ropes watching this massacre play out to her delight. Tula begins to peel herself up from the stage and looks to Miss Fury with total disdain. Tula pushes up to her feet, but no sooner than she does, the Thugs get their hands on her and pummel her back down to the floor! John Black shouts instructions to Tommy Wish as Graves makes his way down the ramp. JB peels Tula off the ground and sets up for an assisted piledriver.
A Gangsta's Party!
Tula’s out cold JB and Wish make their way to the ring behind Graves.
Vinnie Lane: “The match hasn’t even started yet, and B.O.B. has already taken out half the opposing team!”
Miss Fury is in the middle of the ring, microphone in hand, and surrounded by her goons.
Miss Fury: “Are these the heroes you send to combat B.O.B.? You’re going to have to do better than that Lane. Where’s Blackwater? Where’s Zane?”
Graves forces his way onto the microphone.
Micheal Graves: “Zane was sucked into an alternate dimension before War Games! I saw the whole thing! Big pink tentacles ripped through the sky and began invading his every orifice before pulling him through the breach! On the plus side, he seemed happy!
Miss Fury gently pushes Graves back before continuing.
Miss Fury: “The point is, BOB has already won this match! Mastermind is dead and in serious need of a vacation! Tula might have a fractured neck after that devastating piledriver by the Thugs, and the rest of this so-called team is nowhere to be fou…
Suddenly the sky opens up, and a giant pink tentacle tosses Zane Norrison out of the breach where his slimy naked body crashes into the center of the ring.
”I’VE BEEN FUCKING TELLING YOU PEOPLE!”
The official looks confused, but decides that since one of the team members made it to the ring…
DING DING DING!
Vinnie Lane: “And this match now is underway, apparently as a 4 on 1!”
Graves and the Thugs waste little time jumping Zane and laying the boots to him! After a moment, Miss Fury walks over as her goons spread and make way for her to pin the slimy zombie who is covered in a foul-smelling substance.
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winners - BOB via Pinfall
Vinnie Lane: “These BOB people are out of control! We need law and order around here! Someone come help Mastermind and Tula, they didn’t deserve this!”
INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH! "Big Beautiful" Bobbi London
- vs -
Atara Themis Internet Rules!
Bucket of Chicken Challenge!
There will be buckets of chicken held by fans at ringside - some may hold surprises to be used in the match!
Vinnie Lane: “This should be a good one, folks! Former XWF X-Treme Champion Atara Themis taking on a woman who probably would be her twin sister if she had gotten stung by a thousand bees, Internet Champ Bobbi London!”
'Hello Doves' appears briefly on the X-tron in pink accompanied by Atara's voice saying the same over the arena PA right before Entrance "Blue Monday - Styzmask Remix" hits the speakers. The crowd pops like crazy. Arena lights start to pulse in time with the music and multiple vertical streams of pyro erupt across the front of stage as Atara appears from backstage in a full grunge walk to centerstage right before the ramp. Posing for the camera, she blows a kiss before throwing off a silk robe to reveal her attire for the night.
She full on grungewalks to the ring steps and stops at the top to posture once more for the fans before going to the middle of the apron where she blows yet another kiss to the camera before entering the ring very Stacy Keibler-ish, and awaits her opponent.
“The Sickest C*nt” by Enkay1er begins to play as the lights turn up all through the arena. Bobbi emerges through the crowd, microphone in hand as she sings along with the words to her rather obnoxious and crude theme song. She prompts the fans to sing along with her, to the delight of the young ones, and shock and embarrassment of the older people and parents, who attempt to cover their children’s ears. Bobbi slowly rolls over the barricade as she finally climbs into the ring, continuing to rap and dance terribly as the fans go wild.
Vinnie Lane: "As those of you at home can see, the fans at ringside have their own buckets of chicken. Some contain nothing more than the Colonel's secret recipe, while others have surprises either competitor can use."
Bobbi London shows off her Internet Championship before handing it to the ref, who shows it to Atara. She ignores it, focusing ahead on the task at hand. The referee then walks over and gives the belt to the time keeper, before calling for the bell.
DING! DING! DING!
Atara goes to lock up with the Internet Champion, who instantly overpowers her and shoves her, ass first, into the mat. Themis sits there for a moment, as Bobbi leans forward and spits some made rhymes her way.
Vinnie Lane: "I don't know if Bobbi's promoting her hit new single, or just being confident!
Atara nods her nod, knowing how its gonna be, before quickly popping to her feet. She ties up with London, again, locking in a quick Headlock. The Champion immediately drops back and uses the ropes to propel the challenger to the opposite side. Themis manages to catch herself on the ropes, stopping her momentum, which sends Bobbi London charging her way. At the last second, Atara drops down while holding the top rope, sending London toppling over to the outside. By some miracle, Bobbi does a full 360 roll forward, landing on her feet against the barricade to a roar from the crowd.
Vinnie Lane: "A perfect 10!..........the move, that is."
Bobbi London turns and reaches into a fan's bucket in the front row, pulling out a drum stick and taking a bite of it. As she does so, Atara Themis climbs to the outside and approaches her opponent, but is clubbed over the head with the chicken leg. Themis stumbles to the side, grabbing her head, as Bobbi looks through a variety of buckets, only finding chicken(which she happily enjoys bites of).
Vinnie Lane: "It looks like the only thing Bobbi's finding is breakfast, lunch, and dinner!""
The Internet Champion eventually finds a pair of brass knuckles in one of the buckets. She puts them on and turns around, only to be met with an Atara's Front Kick. The shot sends London staggering backwards, allowing her opponent the room to charge forward and hit a Judgement of Paris. Bobbi, again, manages to just barely stay on her feet, annoying the hell out of Atara. She takes a deep breath and runs at her opponent, who clocks her in the chin with the brass knuckles. Themis collapses to the floor, as London drops to a knee.
Vinnie Lane: "Wow! That right hook came out of nowhere!"
Bobbi London huffs and puffs, taking a moment to regain herself before standing up. She then heads for Atara, who still hasn't recovered, putting her onto her shoulders and heading for the ring post. Somehow, Atara slips behind London and shoves her forward. The Champion manages to stop herself from hitting the post, with her hands, looking pleased with her ability to do so. London then turns around and is immediately met with a Lament of Adonis that sends her face into the post.
Vinnie Lane: "Poor Bobbi; she's not gonna be much of a 'Big Beaut', after that one!"
The impact causes Atara to break the hold, causing both women to fall to the floor. She quickly pops back up and heads over to the crowd, searching the various buckets. As Themis looks for a weapon, the camera shows Bobbi London turn over onto her back, her face covered in blood.
Vinnie Lane: "I haven't seen that much blood since Roxy's last period!"
Atara finally finds a baseball, as Bobbi sits up and leans up against the steel steps. Themis turns around and chucks the ball as hard as she can, but London ducks(though it looks more like a fall) at the last second. The baseball crashes against the steps, sending a loud BANG through the arena.
Vinnie Lane: "That could've been Bobbi's head!"
The challenger, once again, turns her attention to the buckets in the crowd, finding a chain inside. She turns her attention back to her opponent, walking over and swinging the chain at Bobbi. The Champion manages to dive out of the way, causing Atara to smack the steps for a second time. London forces herself to her feet and charges at Themis, ramming her back against the ring. Bobbi then rolls Atara into the ring, sliding in after her before going for a cover.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!!!!!
Bobbi London picks Atara up and delivers a Sidewalk Slam, hooking the leg upon impact.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!
Vinnie Lane: "It looks like Bobbi's trying to end this quick before she loses too much blood."
Bobbi London gets up and runs to the ropes before executing a snazzy dance. She then goes for a Leg Drop, but Atara rolls out of the way, causing Bobbi to land on her ass, HARD. Themis quickly gets up and delivers a devastating Judgment of Paris that knocks London, violently, to the mat. Atara falls onto her opponent for a cover.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bobbi tosses Atara off of her, but she manages to land on her hands and feet. As soon as London gets up, she gets met with a European Uppercut that sends her stumbling. Atara attempts to Irish Whip her opponent, but gets reversed into a Capture Suplex. London immediately gets back up, bringing Atara with her, before hitting a powerful Chokeslam. Bobbi leaves a hand on Themis' chest for a cover.
1!
2!!
THRE-KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!
Vinnie Lane: Atara gets a shoulder up JUST in time! You gotta wonder if a better cover would've finished the job?"
Bobbi London gets back up, immediately hoisting her opponent up for a Powerbomb. Before she can deliver it, however, Atara fights back with a flurry of punches, forcing Bobbi to let go. Themis lands on her feet and wraps her arms around London, attempting The Titanomachy. Unfortunately, Atara can't lift her opponent, who clobbers her with a Clothesline that flips her in mid-air.
Vinnie Lane: "Atara just got the soul knocked out of her!"
Bobbi drops to her knees, before rolling out of the ring. She makes her way over to a different section of the front row, searching for more weapons. A white man in a wheelchair, sunglasses, and Black Lives Matter hat motions for Bobbi to come over to him. The Champion does, looking down into his bucket and smiling. She tries to reach for it, but he yanks it away from her. The man stands up to the shock of the crowd, before decking London in the head, knocking her out cold.
Vinnie Lane: "It's a miracle!"
The fan yanks his hat off and tosses the sunglasses to the side, to a mixed reaction from the crowd.
Vinnie Lane: "That's no miracle, it's just Big D!"
The official sees Bobbi on the ground twitching like a Confederate statue had just landed on her! He calls for the bell!
Winner by DQ - Bobbi London
Big D pulls a bowling ball out from inside the bucket, followed by a Sharpie. He signs the ball and hands it to the fan standing next to him. D then hops the barricade and makes his way over to the timekeeper, stealing the Internet Championship from him.
Vinnie Lane: "It looks like Big D wants revenge for his loss to Bobbi London last year! Had he won, it would've made him a Double Champion................ which isn't allowed."
Big D heads back over to Bobbi London, who attempts to sit up. D puts her back down with a shot to the face from her own Title belt. He takes a moment to stand over her, holding the belt high above his head like it was his. As the London fans boo Big D, he slings the Championship over his shoulder and hops the barricade, back into the crowd.
Vinnie Lane: "Big D's leaving with the Internet Title!"
Big D walks up the steps, ignoring the mixed reaction from the crowd, before disappearing into the building lobby with the belt.
Vinnie Lane: “The main event is next but London needs medical attention… and we need a word from our sponsors!”
Vinnie Lane: “ … Guys are we sure that was the right commercial?”
ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Ruby
- vs -
Osira Themis Special Guest Referee - ROXY COTTON!
Vinnie Lane: “And now for the main event… which is gonna involve my FAVORITE entrance of the night!”
Purple strobes fill the arena as the voluptuous Roxy Cotton enters the view of the audience, clad in possibly the skimpiest referee outfit known to mankind.
Vinnie Lane: “WHOA! Dang baby! I appreciate the ratings spike, but leave a little for daddy, okay? Gosh, I don’t need everyone at home knowing every goose bump on your backside…”
Roxy does a lap around the ring, absorbing the cheers and wolf whistles. She makes a stop at the announce booth to grab Vin by the back of the head, plant a smooch on him, and then rub his face in her cleavage motorboat style.
Vinnie Lane: “PHBPHBPHBPHBPHBTTT!!!”
Roxy then gets in the ring and her music fades.
Vinnie Lane: “Osira Themis won this chance against Ruby not long ago when we held out ANARCHIC BATTLE ROYAL! She snuck away with a huge win after tricking Vita Valenteen, and now she’s here to cash in the biggest opportunity of her young career!”
Osira slinks to the ring as pink and purple strobe lights, ignite the arena. Prowling like a sexy kitten, she strolls down the ramp and climbs the steel steps. Ducking under the ropes she enters the squared circle and pops up into a standing position. Smirking seductively, she takes her place within the ring and awaits her opponent.
That's when this happens....
An explosion erupts and RUBY... launches out of a hole in the floor. Somersaulting mid-air, she plants a perfect landing (damn near pristine, high quality, super hero style stuff) and rushes towards the ring. Right before she reaches it, she vaults her body up and over the top rope and nabs yet another, hero pose when she lands with perfection. The fans are on their feet and screaming by this point. It is clear, everyone loves Ruby. Taking a moment to steal a bow, Ruby sends a kiss to the fans. Which is basically everyone. Then takes her place across from Osira. Sending a wink her way.
Vinnie Lane: “Rubyrubyruby ROOBAY!!!! Man, that sound is such an earworm! The champ’s here, folks, and we are ready to…”
This is not the only epic moment folks, there is more to come....
First the arena goes black.
Then a row of torches spark and fire upward, to the heavens.
This is closely corresponded, by an entire team of shirtless, oiled up, brazen, body builders that step out, carrying a golden throne, attached to long rods that are used for easy lifting and carrying. Sitting like a queen or some type of elaborate goddess atop it, is Roxy Cotton. The men carry her to the ring and set her throne to the floor but the spectacle does not end there, two of the men offer their hands outward and aid in arising her from her stylish station. Then two others, lift the ropes and allow her an easy passage into the ring. She walks over to Osira and hugs her, while Ruby shakes her head and sighs. What the flippity flip? Is this really necessary? From there, Roxy looks over to her man, gm of Anarchy and owner of the XWF and wordlessly mouths " I heart you!" Then signals to the official bell keeper and this fight BEGINS!
BUT WAIT! No it doesn't cause there's more!
Vinnie rolls his eyes...
Vinnie Lane: "Really? There's more?!?! What is one of my lady's obvious stripper friends, going to comment on the fight too? Cause I swear to god woman.. if that happens, Javier is out of the pool house!"
Roxy giggles and points
]
And Frankie-Styles Blackwater, emerges. Mohawk upright, fist held high, riot raising, punk rocking and boots tied tight - Frankie. Vinnie Lane, normally would be annoyed but it's Frankie and it's hard to find a person who hates her. Everyone loves Frankie. She settles herself into a chair next to Vinnie and he raises a brow.
Vinnie Lane: "This is highly unorthodox, you know that right?"
Frankie nods and smiles, reaching into a pocket she retrieves a pack of Zebra Fruit Stripe gum, which she then presents to Vinnie as an offering in good faith. Vinnie shrugs and accepts her gift, promptly unwrapping and popping a piece into his mouth. And if you guessed it was hot pink striped, you would be correct in that assumption.
Vinnie Lane: "You work here?"
[color=#DAA520Frankie: ]"Nope."
Vinnie Lane: "Probably because I’ve never heard of you. No one asked me about you being here. I wish I had time to edit you out."
Frankie nods and gives a thumbs up sign, in agreement and then the cameras turn back to the ring, showcasing Ruby catching Osira with a Spinning Backfist. Followed shortly with a Roundhouse Kick and to top it off, a Standing Senton. Osira is completely taken down in less then a minute and Ruby covers her instantly for a pin. Could this fight be over before it even begun folks? But wait a minute, where's Roxy? Why isn't she counting? Oh because she's reading a magazine. That's really productive... considering she's the ref!
Vinnie Lane: "Hey babe, I think you need to be counting or something."
Roxy yawns and turns a page. Then rolls her eyes, looking over at Ruby pinning Osira and tosses the magazine aside. Gradually, she takes her time and makes her way, over to the women.
1!
2!!
Kickout!
Osira kicks out but that was seriously, a really long three count.
Both women bound to their feet and Osira quickly drops down, delivering a Leg Sweep that plants Ruby, straight onto the canvas. After which, she leaps like a cat and mounts Ruby, immediately issuing a series of punches. Each blow harder than the last. Ruby attempts to ward off the punches but alas, she fails to shield herself from all of them. Only on occasion, warding off one or two hits. Roxy Cotton jumps for joy at the sight of the pure onslaught. Laughing and cheering while witnessing Ruby's devastation. Little does she know though, this fuels Ruby's aggression and the Super Dear-O suddenly surges upward and hits Osira with a Headbutt. Busting the beauty's nose wide open.
Blood spurts everywhere and Osira flops to the side, holding her now damaged nose. Ruby gets to her feet, stares down at the temptress and gives a few stomps to Osira's ribs and sides before running to the ropes. Ascending them with ease, Ruby perches herself atop the top turnbuckle. Gazing out momentarily, she seems to contemplate her next move. In an instant she soars, like a majestic bird of prey, into an extremely well executed Frog Splash. Woefully, this move connects with nothing... but pure canvas, when Osira rolls out of the way, mere seconds before impact. Ruby's body thunders against the mat and Osira smirks at the view of Ruby, rolling around on the canvas. In pain after her body smashed against it. Once again, Roxy Cotton hops in happiness and the camera cuts to Vinnie Lane and Frankie.
Frankie: "Daaaamn! That was brutal!"
Vinnie Lane: "Why are you here? Who approved this?"
Back in the ring, Osira spits at Ruby and then stomps on her head a few times. Promptly covering for the pin.
12- shoulder up!
Ruby gets her shoulder up!
Vinnie Lane: "Might have been a smidge of a fast count there…”
Annoyed, Roxy stops counting and frowns. Then smirks when she sees Osira pull something from her pocket that she slips over her knuckles.
Osira has a pair of brass knuckles!
Roxy pretends to not notice but we all saw that smirk. She even tries to distract the audience and Vinnie by flashing her boobs! Which admittedly works on everyone, even with the XWF logo pasties on underneath her top. No one in attendance of this event will remember anything beyond this point and every camera is now, solely filming Roxy. She is shirtless, after all. However, when Roxy's shirt is back in proper placement, everyone notices that Ruby is laying in the center of the ring, her face bloody and her eye clearly bruised. Almost like she was brutalized by a pair of brass knuckles. Hmmm... that's strange, there doesn't seem to be brass knuckles in the ring. Osira covers! Roxy fast counts! Right after she tosses something small and metal, out of the ring! Something brass knuckles shaped! A fan in the front row gets hit in the head by it and takes a nap! Lawsuit waiting to happen! Haha! Like that'll happen!
1!
2!!
Kickout! Ruby kicks the fudge out! Yes. Fudge. She kicks the fudge out! The fans rejoice, they are on their feet and hollering with excitement! Roxy is furious! She screams at Osira and stomps her feet in anger. Meanwhile, Ruby rises. Unbeknownst to Roxy and Osira, who literally start arguing with each other. First Ruby delivers a Ruby Cutter to Roxy and then, she gets up and executes a second to Osira. Quickly covering Osira for the pin! But Roxy, despite being conscious... flat out refuses to count! And after what seems like what virtually would be a ten count, Osira kicks out! Fans are now walking out of the arena in disgust at this injustice but Roxy just smiles and shrugs. Vinnie sighs and shakes his head. Women, am I right?
Vinnie Lane: "Gonne be a few letters from the FCC when I get back to the office, I think.”
Yet Ruby doesn't skip a beat. She jumps up, meets Osira in the center of the ring and starts trading blows with Osira. Both women equally exchanging rights and lefts, like this turned into a prize fight, boxing tournament. Neither yielding or showing the other, any leniency or mercy, whatsoever. Osira briefly gets the better of Ruby when she hits Ruby with a European Uppercut. Immediately followed up with a Forearm Smash that puts Ruby down to the canvas, where the Super Dear-O is greeted by a Leg Drop! Before Osira can do any more damage though, Ruby hits her with a Headbutt and leaps to her feet. Speeding off to the ropes she instantly executes Tope Con Hero and it is immaculately performed! Ruby covers for the pin and this time, Vinnie Lane runs to the ring and slides in for the count. Much to Roxy's fury.
1!
2!!
3!!!
The fans are on their feet and shrieking with happiness while Roxy scowls and crosses her arms.
Micheal Graves walks out onto the stage, a sick grin adorns his face as he stares down to Ruby in the ring, licking his teeth at the thought of getting his hands on her.
Then Tommy Wish and John Black are spotted coming in through the crowd. they jump the barricade and position themselves at either side of the ring as Graves begins to inch his way down the ramp.
Vinnie Lane: "BOB has Ruby pretty much surrounded, but I'm not going to sit here and let this happen this time! Especially not with my babe in there!"
Lane tosses the headset and slides into the ring. He fist-bumps Ruby and stands in front of Roxy, and the three of them prepare themselves for a potential fight as Graves closes in on the ring.
John Black jumps up onto the apron, but Lane quickly rushes over, missing with a forearm as Black hops back down to the floor in the nick of time.
Wish pulls the same stunt on the opposite side of the ring, causing Ruby to chase him off much like Lane did Black. Roxy takes advantage of the confusion and slides out of the ring, hopping a guard rail and rushing to safety through the crowd. I’m sure no one got a free handful. I’ll check YouTube later.
Graves slides into the middle of the ring, and both Ruby and Lane rush in to lay the boots to him. JB and Wish slide into the ring behind them, and a big brawl breaks out as Wish and Black clobber Lane and Ruby from behind! Graves pushes up to his feet, shaking the cobwebs, sick grin still there, but to his surprise, Ruby and Lane manage to fight off the T.H.U.G.S. and toss them out of the ring in unison! They turn their attention to Graves, who cracks his neck to the side, ready to fight. Suddenly a voice calls out over the PA system!
???: "Vincent 'MeekMahon On A 3 Week Cocaine Binge While Listening to Hair Metal' Lane!"
Lane's attention is drawn away from Graves as he scans his surroundings for that familiar voice that he just can't place!
"???: I shall descend upon you, much like the famous locks that once rested upon your calvaria, descended onto your shoulders, and reveal the visual treachery you have brought forth to the EX DUBBAYEW EFF! Yeeeesssssss"
Graves rushes in, attacking the distracted Vinnie Lane first with a swift sidekick that nearly decapitates Lane! As Lane hits the mat, Ruby rushes in on Graves, pounding away with various chops and strikes. Graves just laughs as he shakes off everything she throws. Ruby, now disheartened a little, takes a step back, wondering what it will take to put this monster down! Graves leans over, matching height with Ruby and begins pointing at his jaw.
Micheal Graves: Give me your best, bitch!"
RUBYCUTTER!!!
Graves is down! Ruby starts to check on Lane, just as the T.H.U.G.S. reenter the ring and jump her from behind beating her down to the mat 2 on 1 style! Lane, who's still a bit out of sorts from that kick, pushes up to his feet, but staggers a bit.
SUDD-EN-LY!
BROKEN OSWALD RAPPELS DOWN FROM THE RAFTERS WEARING A BOB SHIRT!!!
If Lane would have stayed at the announce desk where he belonged, he'd be going nuts right now over the revelation that the Broken One has joined BOB, but Lane doesn't care about you fans, so instead watch him get EXPOSED!
Broken Oswald drops right in front of Lane. Lane can't believe his eyes, and he thought Graves returning was bad, right?
Oswald punt kicks Lane square in the jewels and grabs a fist full of hair, he yanks, and reveals this to the world!!!
With Ruby down and out. The T.H.U.G.S. help Graves to his feet and the three of them kick Lane out under the ropes. Then the lights dim as Miss Fury's song plays over the X-Tron.
Miss Fury walks out to the top of the stage, microphone in hand.
Miss Fury:"Aw, sorry Vinnie, but that's what you get for trying to play hero. Speaking of play heroes, how's it going Rubes?" It must be tough finding out that the girl that you supported was the evil mastermind of B.O.B. all along, but just because she's gone, doesn't mean that we're done with you, not by a long shot, but seeing as I'm in a generous mood tonight, I'm going to give you an out. Give up the hero gig and #JoinBOB. You have 2 weeks to comply, or else B.O.B. wipes you off the playing field!"
The members of B.O.B. leave the ring and follow Miss Fury backstage as Ruby is left laying.
Vinnie slithers over to the booth and puts his headset back on, stammering to call for security, but then…
EYES
ON
ME
Vinnie Lane: “...fuck…”
A red spotlight shines down on the entrance ramp as Sarah Lacklan steps out.
Vinnie Lane: “I’M OUT OF HERE AND IF ANYONE ASKS NO I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT GIANT RED YACHT ON BLOCKS IN MY BACK YARD GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!”
As Vinnie bails from his booth and ninja’s his way into the crowd to avoid Sarah for some odd reason, the Firestarter stands at the ramp and looks over the crowd and soaks in the mixed reaction. She slowly walks her way down the ramp, the eyes behind her thick glasses locked on the downed Anarchy Champion, until she climbs into the ring. She motions for a microphone and one is tossed to her, which she catches with a flair before putting on her Billion $$$ Smile for the crowd. She opens her mouth to speak but then stops when her eyes lock onto the Anarchy Championship, still in a crumple in the ring. She looks to Ruby, who is beginning to stir, and smirks as she walks over to the title and picks it up. She looks at it, red eyes going over the golden plate, and then she gives an exaggerated wink to the crowd. She wraps the title around her waist, buttons it tight, and again flashes her Billion $$$ Smile.
Lacklan: HIIIIII-iiiiiiiii!
She pauses as the crowd gives her more of their mixed reaction.
Lacklan: Here I am, sitting in the back, visiting some of my Ex Dub Eff peeps. My Beloved and I have been having some KILLER food-related trips, which included getting a Hot brown RIGHT HERE in LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY!
Sarah pauses for the cheap pop, but it doesn’t come. She snarls for a moment but then smirks as she sees Ruby using the ropes to get to her feet.
Lacklan: And WHILE I was sitting back with my Beloved and eating some SWEET food with my peeps, I see that THIS stupid idiot just keeps getting her ass kicked by, like, literally every person who even THINKS about it. I see that THIS stupid idiot just keeps getting jumped by every mask-wearing dumbass...and Big D…’sup, D...and that just STEAMS me. Because if ANYONE is going to beat up this stupid idiot, it’s gonna be ME!
Sarah steps towards Ruby, and the Anarchy Champion immediately falls into a defensive posture when she gets fully to her feat, but then Sarah laughs. She unbuckles the Anarchy Championship from around her waist and hands it towards Ruby.
Lacklan: Rubes, I hate you. You know that. But, hot damnit, you are MY stupid idiot. And if ANYONE wants to try to get to you, they are gonna have to go through ME to do it.
Ruby blinks in surprise as she takes her championship, but then screams in shock as Sarah suddenly pulls her to her and
and
and
hugs her.
After a crushing bear hug, Sarah winks at Ruby, does one of those weirdo “double kiss on the cheeks” things that you just know the pretentious Lacklan family does, and leaves the ring. Ruby’s music hits and the crowd cheers for their champion, but the champ’s confusion doesn’t leave her face.
Anarchy fades out in silence, with a close up of a bruised, battered, and confused Ruby’s face.[/color]
SPECIAL THANKS:
Sarah Lacklan
Big D
Micheal Graves
Ghost Frikkin’ TANK
Raphael Blackwater
XWF FanBase: The IWC (gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)
The Seven Deities deemed me to reveal the Serpent's falsehoods! Soon the EX DUBBAYEW EFF! Shall know all of the dirty secrets within Vincent Lane's metaphorical closet!
All shall join B. O. B. or they shall kiss our backsides!"
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