Ruby: “Oh gosh this motherflippin’ eye gouging duck sucking motherflippin’ hay fever beeswax!”

Ruby inhaled deeply before covering her nose and mouth inside of her elbow, all in accordance with COVID-19 prevention measures, before letting loose.

Ruby: “*WASHAAAAAAA* *sniff*”

She retrieved a handkerchief from her utility belt, and blew her nose, before rubbing her stinging eyes with her yellow-sleeved forearm.

Ruby: “Urgh. Sorry about that my guys… Wait, we’re not recording yet? Sweet!”

Ruby retrieved some antihistamines from her belt, as well as a nasal spray and eye drops, which she carefully guided to her eyeballs. Quite easy: just aim in the middle of the eye holes!

Ruby: “That’s better… Now, where were we… Ah yes…”

༼つಠ益ಠ༽つ ─=≡ΣO))

From Ruby’s Go-Pro

As soon as the stream turned on, Ruby held up the peace sign with her gloved hand.

Ruby: “My flippies! Come one, come all, as long as you keep your social distance! You may notice something different about me this week, going by the red eyes. That’s right! It’s allergy season, so forgive me the occasional sniffles should you hear ‘em. In any case, this week should prove interesting. Because…

She added another finger to the peace sign. And another. And another.

Ruby: “Five. That’s how many people attacked me from behind on the last Anarchy. Geri Miller, John Black, Tommy Wish, Micheal Graves, and Ms. Direction. In that order! And I am just about as allergic to pollen as I am to cowardly attacks on someone who has his back turned to them. You know, I thought we were getting somewhere. Anarchy was reaching a nice, comfy status quo, making for EXCELLENT PG-13 and family viewing! Things were settling down and it looked like ORDER had finally been established. But then a couple of weirdo’s had to show up and here we are again… At least Geri had some kind of motivation, but…”

Ruby sighed and shook her head.

Ruby: “Some people will never learn, I know that from experience. But hey, if these guys wanna try and act all tough just to get stomped to the curb and forced to fall in line, I’ll gladly give them what they want. After all, that’s what champions do. And for Tommy Wish and John Black, that moment of reckoning will come sooner rather than later. And meanwhile, my girl Vita will take care of that Ms. Direction thing.”

Ruby frowned for a second.

Ruby: “Y’ano, I’ve heard the rumors…” ’Ruby, you can’t trust Vita, she’s playing you, she’s planning to stab you in the back!’ ”And hey, I get that, and I appreciate the concern. But I’ve turned my back on her once, and I never will again. She’s a girl in need of some love and appreciation, and I WILL give that to her. If I don’t trust her now, I’m not better than those I seek to vanquish. Call me naïve if you must. But I know she’ll prove me right.”

The banana-lime blur winked and moved on.

Ruby: “As for the… Are they the ‘Themes’ if they’re teaming together? My Latin isn’t what it used to be… Osira and Atara. One of them my very next real challenger, the other her very hyped-up sister. I just hope, for Atara, that you’ll be remembered for more than just being the love interest of Shawn Warstein. It’s an easy trap to fall into as a woman, or so I’ve noticed. Don’t let that happen to you, because, even though I have nothing against the old ex-Fuzz, being a champion’s concubine is not quite the talk of legend or myth, you know? You can do better, legacy-wise. And Osira? Keep doing what you’re doing. Just know I hope to catch you on off-days. You’ve been impressive.”

Ruby looks at her imaginary watch and pulls a face.

Ruby: “My, how time flies! Vinnie asked me to keep these things short and sweet. Speaking of which, short at least, Mini Morbid and Boris have always managed to entertain in some sort of way. And yeah, arrow fodder is entertaining! Y’all remember that Stormtrooper banging his head against the door in A New Hope!? Hilarious, right? That’s y’all down to a tee! But now I have to address probably the most important person in this match for me: Tula Keali’i. Just wanna say: massive respect for you, girlie. You were impressive at the Battle Royal, and the way you were quick to offer your service in the fight against these looneys speaks volumes about your sense of honor. As someone who’s seen real combat I’m sure that this must all seem like lower league stuff in comparison, so I’m genuinely grateful to have you by my side and couldn’t have wished for a better partner tonight. One small thing I wanna address: you said you could get to dress up and ‘play’ superhero on Anarchy? Well, here’s the thing… It’s not a game to me. I take this seriously. I know, it all seems like fun and games, but I adopted this persona to be a symbol to others. Something flashy and something vibrant, something that would catch their eye and make them realize that being good pays off in the end! I realize that it’s easy to make fun of me, for doing what I do, and looking like this… But here I am, Anarchy Champion for a 2nd time, having vanquished all of the show’s greatest threats. It’s fun, sure. But not a game. And this is no cosplay costume. It’s a symbol. I hope you’ll come to understand that. And I will catch you on the flip-side. Let’s make like a banana-lime lion, and meet up in Zion! Peace out!”

Adding the deed to the word, Ruby throws up another peace sign and shuts off the feed.