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X-treme Wrestling Federation » Anarchy Boards » Anarchy RP Board
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The fifth wheel
Author Message
Ruby Offline
The Super Dear'o



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#1
02-26-2020, 11:14 AM

From Ruby’s Go-Pro…

Ruby: “And THAT, my guy, is why you ALWAYS put the toilet seat back down!”

At the bottom end of the body Ruby is holding upside down, is a twenty-something guy’s head, bubbles bursting from his mouth as he garbles in the toilet water. His hands are on the edge, trying to lift himself out, but Ruby’s grip is firm and his upper body strength severely lacking. The banana-lime blur rolls her eyes as she finally lifts him out, water splashing all over the bathroom floor, and dripping from his soaked hair down his shirt, into his pants and down to his socks. She puts him back upright, and places one of her hands on her hip, and extends the other to point a wagging finger at him.

Ruby: “It’s 2020, kid! The patriarchy is coming to an end, did you not get the memo? We live in a time of wokeness. How can a woman feel free if she’s constantly being reminded of being oppressed every time she goes to visit the little girls’ room?”

The guy gasps for air, shaking his head in disbelief.

“But… but this is the MEN’s bathroom!”

Ruby gives him a soft smack on the head.

Ruby: “Don’t assume the gender of everybody who comes in here! Now go home, rethink your life and write a letter to Anita Sarkeesian telling her you’re sorry! Do I make myself clear?”

“Crystal!”

Ruby: “Splendid. Off you go, then…”

The guy runs away as fast as his legs can carry him, and Ruby sighs, taking the GoPro from her head and points it at herself.

Ruby: “And people say gender inequality is a myth! I think you’ve all just witnessed that it’s very much still alive. It starts with the little things, you know? First they leave the toilet seat up, then they think it’s okay to pinch a woman’s backside, and before you know it, we have a Harvey Weinstein 2.0 on our hands. Or a Noah Jackson, who thinks it’s okay to steal and use a woman’s private parts as an insult and call it ‘clever’ and ‘funny’. To this day, even, Hindu leaders say that a woman can’t cook for her husband whilst menstruating, or she’ll be reborn as a dog. Which is offensive on many levels, because dogs are lovely, and secondly, let the guy make his own flippin’ meals! If not, he can go order a pizza. If he can even find the phone.”

Ruby shakes her head, and walks out of the toilet, looking for a change of scenery. And smell.

Ruby: “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind doing stuff for others, but it always has to be out of own volition, never because it is expected of us because we were born with a certain set of reproductive organs. That’s why I RESPECT Vinnie Lane’s decision not to have a rectal exam on live TV in spite of the massive draw it’d be and the positive message it would send. If he doesn’t feel comfortable doing it, then we have to respect that. And I kinda feel sorry for him now that he has to wear a wig. I say ‘has’, but I mean ‘chooses to’, of course. I thought the bald look was pretty nifty, dude!”

Ruby pushes open the doors of the public toilet and emerges in the daylight of Coral Gables. Ruby squinted at the bright sunlight, with the GoPro’s lens closing its shutter to compensate for the extra exposure. The screen went dark, before quickly readjusting itself.

Ruby: “Ah,, yes. Coral Gables. The site of our next Anarchy show. Not the WORST place in the world, but I’m sure Vinnie will get us there eventually. It is here, where I, Ruby, will team up with my guy, Fuzz, to take on The Pink Mist, Vita Valenteen, and that other one, whose name now escapes me. Let’s not beat around George W. Bush here. Because if anyone deserves an elbow to the nose, it’s that dude! I know I’m both the 4th person in this match and the fifth wheel on the wagon. I’m not sure what the point of this booking is, but if you want to try and tear apart Fuzz and his son, I think you’re gonna have a hard time, because that’s a bigger dadmance than early season 4 Rick and Carl in the Walking Dead. Thing is? I trust Fuzz. To do his job, if nothing else, even though I’m well aware of his undoubted reluctance. I also trust Vita to do what she does best: not live up to her potential because of who she’s allying herself with. And I also trust the other dude to be the most overhyped product since Tik-Tok. Lots of presence. No content. Extremely superficial. It’s a pretty accurate analogy, which, by the way, is the only way the letter combination ‘anal’ should ever feature in a wrestling promo. But fear not! If you like profanity, I’m sure that the other guy’s promo will feature a certain word at least 30 times, and people will fawn over it because they don’t know any better. Because they like predictability. It’s like those sitcoms, where the laughing tape already starts playing when the person hasn’t even said ‘the catchphrase’ yet. It’s like that Simpsons episode where people are already laughing when they scream ‘Say the Phrase, Bart!’ That, my peeps, is what you can expect out of the opponent alongside Vita.”

She shrugs, and continues further down the lovely streets of Coral Gables.

Ruby: “Order is creeping closer to Anarchy, friendos. We are on the cusp of accomplishing our mission. It won’t be easy, but I’m proud to have all of you accompany me on this journey. Together, we will make it. One match at a time.”

Ruby salutes, and turns off the GoPro.

[Image: dY7KZz4.png]
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Atara Raven (02-26-2020), Centurion (02-26-2020), Shawn Warstein (02-26-2020)




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