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Shawn Warstein · (02-24-2020)

“Oh you’ve got to be kidding me….”

I flip closed my laptop, and toss it aside. Visibly frustrated I flop down next to Noah on the couch.

“What’s up?”

I turn to Noah, and just shake my head and curl my bottom lip.

“Just has to get engaged huh?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Just check the schedule…. go ahead…”

Noah pulls out his phone and opens up the weekly link that is sent to us.

“That stupid, bald fucking cunt cuck!”

“Yeah. Now you see why I’m not in the best of moods right now.”

“Obviously, plus it’s even worse he couldn’t even book the match properly. I mean Ruby? I saw Atty on the card. One simple switch and the match isn’t half bad.”

I nod in agreement.

“I mean the match basically booked itself, yet he couldn’t be bothered to actually make something even better than it already is. I mean it just sucks that you two are going to have to eat a loss….”

“Tha Fuh?”

“What? It’s simple math. Three titles is better than two. I don’t get what you’re not understanding.”

Noah begins to rub the bridge of his nose, and takes a deep breath.

“You’re about to cut a promo on us right now aren’t you?”

“Yup.”

“Earmuffs?”

“Earmuffs.”

Noah reluctantly places his hands over his ears and begins to hum a song. I’m pretty sure it’s his own entrance song, but he’s way off of key. I lean towards the random go pro in the room and speak softly.

“Ok, I’ve got to make sure he can’t hear me.”

I back away from the camera.

“Man I can’t believe that Noah is my son. I just love him so much.”

“Love you too cunt.”

“Dammit Noah!”

Noah lifts his head up quickly and shrugs.

“You gotta go man. This isn’t going to work with you right there.”

“Yeah you’re right.”

Noah and I do our secret handshake. He walks out of the room and a loud thud can be heard when the door closes.

“Okay let’s get one thing out first for everyone thinking that I’m not going to tear both of them apart. That’s just not my style. Instead I’m going to just say what I’m thinking about everything going on right now.”

I pull out a blunt. In the flick of my wrist my lighter was up and burning the end. I take a large drag. A cloud of smoke covers the camera and quickly disperses.

“Okay, first of all, I haven’t been this happy in a long time. I see both of you, and I just can’t help but smile. The thought of the two of you finding each other just makes me have hope.”

“It gives me the hope that this run wasn’t for nothing. Yet now look at us. Both double champs. Both showing everyone that one word towards us is a recipe for disaster. I mean Lane said it and what happened? Now we need a fucking wagon to carry everything we’ve earned together. Then you go on and wife up Vita.”

“I’m sorry that my and Noah’s partnership hasn’t been as fruitful for you. I know you had your eyes set on the Anarchy title. I tried my best to make that happen for you. I stood behind you on that quest, but it’s not my fault that Vin is a fucking moron. I’m sorry that he doesn’t see what both Noah and I see in you. I promise you this, I’ll get you some gold around your waist all you have to do is be patient.”

“Then there was the current Anarchy Champion. My partner. I don’t want you to think that I would prefer someone else in your spot… but I do. It had nothing to do with you at all. You are without a doubt the fourth biggest star on Anarchy, and I am honored to be teaming with you, but it’s just I’d prefer someone else in your spot.”

“I can’t wait for the day Noah and Vita are standing up there at the altar. I know that I’ve missed a lot in Noah’s life but if he thinks I’m going to miss then maybe he doesn’t know me as well as he thinks…. wait what’s my role in this wedding going to be?”

“I mean naturally I’d be the Best Man, but he hasn’t asked me yet. I’m sure he’s going to, or maybe not. I’ve not seen a Dad be the best man. It would be weird wouldn’t it? I mean we aren’t from Alabama. Either way I’m going to be there front and center. Even though I had to drag Noah from the depths of Vinny’s horrible booking, to where we are now. Even though Vita broke my trust when she tried pinning me inside of my own home. Even after all the bad stuff her and Ruby said about me during the Lethal Lottery. I am still happy for both of them, and also for Ruby’s successes.”

“I know that wasn’t what y’all were expecting. I’m sure you wanted me to tell Noah he isn’t as good as I am, or to tell Vita that her hypothetical dick is bigger than Noah’s, but not this time. Nope. I am actually happy, and have nothing to complain about other than booking. Things are looking up.”

I slowly begin to walk away from the camera, but quickly turn around back to the camera.

“I’ll give you one punchline…”

“Noah….”

“I Fucked your mum.”

I flick the switch on the go pro as the feed cuts abruptly.

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